Is Crossdressing an Insult to Women?

[Krisi]

I'm reading threads here and I see things like "It's hard being a woman" or "I enjoy being a girl". Talk about heels, girdles, makeup and such.

It seems to me that women are far more than makeup and heels, bras, girdles and such. We can dress as women, we can buy wigs, breast forms and padded panties. We can buy false fingernails, paint our toenails, etc. but that doesn't make us women. No matter what we do, we are still men dressed as women. As I have posted many times, strapping on a pair of boobs does not make one a woman.

I'm not suggesting that anyone stop crossdressing, but I am suggesting that people think about they are doing and what they are thinking and posting.

Being woman is much more than wearing wigs, breast forms and heels. Think about the real women in your life. Your mother, sisters, wife or girlfriend. Don't insult them.

Rant over, carry on.

[Dana44]

Well said Krisy, however, some of us do not strap forms on or pads or wigs, We just are and still we know, but it is nice to be both and I appreciate women more than me. However, that has gotten me into a lot of trouble. But we don't hold a candle to our women.

[NancySue]

Excellent 'rant'. I totally agree. I'm blessed with a very supportive wife and we've talked about exactly what you are also addressing. The difference is we 'need' to do what we do. They don't. She feels it's an invasion of her inherent genetic female persona, of which protection from 'invasion' is part of their life. This 'invasion ' could be viewed as an insult. Females are very private about many aspects of their lives of which their clothes, makeup, etc. is a large part. A 'no no' example is: most females, even the supportive ones resent a husband or SO wearing their clothes, especially their unmentionables. I have all my own things including things she's given me. It's called 'respect'. Anything less could be viewed as an insult.

[ellbee]

Get what you're saying & agree, but I suppose it also needs to be taken within context?


Anyway, maybe a better way to put it is, "It's hard being a CD'er" or "I enjoy being a CD'er".


Oh, and BTW, if done properly, CD'ing could also be viewed as some sort of respect, too. Paying homage, if you will.

[Alice Torn]

Some do think it is, and lump it with drag queens, insulting, condescending. I am sure my sister knew i wore her things, and ruined some, and to this day, decades later, i sense some hostility toward me, for that.

[Lana Mae]

Very good rant! I want to see my feminine side but I will never be a woman. I have the utmost respect for women and what they have to go through. For me, it is emulation not disrespect. Well said, Krisi! Hugs Lana Mae

[Dana44]

Nancy, you are so right. I have never worn any of my girls things in my life. I have always bought my own clothes.

[AlyssaJ]

Glad I'm not the only one that was feeling this way after reading some of those threads. After getting kind of blasted by someone who felt they new my wife's mind better than me in one of those discussions, I got really turned off to participation in this forum. As a gender-fluid person, I can tell you that when I'm feeling feminine, it's a lot more than just an urge to wear female clothing or prance around trying to act like a woman. There is a very real and very deep connection to a female identity that can take over completely at times. Even then, even when I feel most female and am presenting as female, I still don't claim to be a woman. I'm not a man either, I just am me.

I had to kind of laugh at some of those posts and I think your message here Krisi is spot on.

[Mayo]

In many cases, it seems like CDs have a sincere desire to express 'femininity', which is defined by our culture in specific ways, many of which are insulting and demeaning to women. I feel that occasionally CDs express (and even emphasize) the stereotype, rather than a more nuanced or appreciative understanding of what femininity is, and that's where it becomes problematic.

[Kendra Sue]

I have the utmost respect for women. I realize that dressing like a woman does not make me one. I am fufilling an emotional need. Women should always be admired and treated well.

[Lily Catherine]

I'd like to suppose that the threads would be better phrased as "It's hard looking like a woman" or something to that effect. Although it should just stop there: all that is discussed seems to be the image of a woman. I reckon this emphasis comes from shallowly adopting over(t)ly and stereotypically feminine mannerisms out of deliberate emphasis. Granted a good part of the crossdressing experience of an MtF CD is very likely to be the clothing, but that is the surface at best and warrants such acknowledgement.

Unless an MtF CD happened to be raised and socialised female, I doubt it's accurate to say that they would know What It Feels Like For A Girl - much as they might want to. Clothes here may well make the image of a woman. Ditto for silicone boobs and hips. But do they make the woman? No way in hell.

[Jodi]

I have been told by gg's that it's an insult when cd's go out in public and don't know how to act--

Such as-being loud and boisterous in a restaurant, acting like macho guys while dressed
dining with little or no table manners, very common
dressing like a hooker, and I've seen many of these

In general, not giving women a very good image.

jodi

[NicoleScott]

I crossdress because I am compelled by some mysterious unknown internal drive to fo so. Further, I'm driven to dress over-the-top. It's not intended to insult women (nobody crossdresses for that reason). It's about me, my clothes, my wigs, my shoes, makeup, jewellery.....and my mirror. I can't take responsibility for others' choice to be offended.
For some crossdressers, "feeling girly" and the like is their fulfillment of a fantasy. This is a give and get support site for all kinds of crossdressers. Blatant intentional insults of women (or anybody) shouldn't be tolerated, but honest expressions of a crossdresser's fantasies shouldn't be stifled in fear of the lowest threshold of insultees. I crossdress and a woman is insulted? Get over it.

[PeggyNell]

I believe I am MORE respectful of women because I am a Crossdresser. I am respectfully of the time it takes women to get "ready"!😊
More importantly keeping in mind that women have a lot more things "going on" in general than us men.
I am glad I have a really super female friend. She has helped me soooo much in my journey. We had a good laugh and I told her how much i respected her, when we helped each other tighten up our corsets one evening. At that moment I felt a deeper connection with her, and what women go trough to look sexy and feminine for us men.
I am a man, I will never known what it is like being a woman outside of the material things. But as a man, women appreciate me more. Mainly because I am more respectful to them than most typical males.

[Kate Simmons]

I personally think it would depend on the particular woman affected. Some are insulted, some are flattered, some don't give two flying walnuts. I don't feel I am a woman by any stretch. What others may think when they see me is up to them.

[Alice_2014_B]

I can see how some women could be offended, but I believe more are either flattered, don't care at all, or might be jealous. And I mean "jealous in a good way, not like a crossdresser tries to make women jealous. I mean it in a light way, like, "You look hot in those heels, wish I was able to walk in them."

I dress how I want to, knowing it doesn't make me a woman; at the same time I cannot help if women were to get offended.

[Rachael Leigh]

I don't believe it to be an insult at all I've always felt that emulating a women is really more of a complement to their bueaty, knowing I can never be as beautiful as one I enjoy the opportunity be myself but never do I consider it an insult
I fully respect women and who they are in our society

[Teresa]

Krisi,
I can only say that every GG I've talked to and shown pictures to and those who have seen me dressed have never taken it as an insult .

They may not understand why we do it but they don't see it as being disrespectful . It may be the way I come over to them, but they are very honest in their opinions and often enjoy talking about the clothes and other aspects of the things we share with them.

We should not stop CDing because of those feelings women are insulted far more by men who don't CD, more of them are abused and mistreated by so called normal men than members of the TG community.

My wife may not approve but she has never accused me of insulting her, my daughter is so supportive because she understands my needs but she certainly wouldn't if she felt insulted.

Sometimes I feel you carry a load of guilt with your dressing, you don't appear to be comfortable with it, I think you have your own problem to sort out with the need to dress.

[ReineD]

In many cases, it seems like CDs have a sincere desire to express 'femininity', which is defined by our culture in specific ways, many of which are insulting and demeaning to women.

I’m not insulted by the ways that members here choose to express femininity.

But, let’s get a bit more specific so we can have an understanding of what we’re talking about. I think that most CDers do choose to portray aspects of women they themselves admire, if they have the body for it. Right? No one would choose to wear something they feel looks unattractive on women. Popular are cute/coordinating outfits, or dresses or skirts that show off legs, or tops that show more shoulder or chest than men’s clothes whith some emphasizing cleavage, or pants/jeans that emphasize butt and thighs, using wigs with long hair and using other embellishments like jewelry, polished nails, fashionable shoes & hose, or choosing to wear pretty vs. basic-functional underthings.

As with everything, there are a number of ways to accomplish all of this depending on budget and the evolution of the CDer’s style, from the less refined (ultra short skirts and boobs that are way too big) to the more refined (designer clothing, more expensive forms, more natural looking wigs).

But, in just about all cases, from the pictures I’ve seen, the woman portrayed seems to be an object of admiration, which makes sense to me. I don’t know how many CDers would want to wear the things that GGs wear at the mall, whom CDers believe aren’t dressed well at all.

And so in my eyes, this isn’t insulting, it’s just rather old fashioned. It’s true there are GGs who also place in evidence their various physical assets, but the number has decreased considerably since the 1950s, if we simply look at the average GG we see walking on the street. We could discuss the many social forces that have contributed to the dressing-down of America in a separate thread, although IMO an important change is the way that women see their roles in society compared to the 1950s. We no longer need to depend on men for our financial survival and so there is less focus, with the advent of feminism, to dress in our day-to-day lives in ways that place our feminine assets in evidence. But CDers are still physically wired to find certain things about women attractive, and so they choose to wear these things things when they dress.

I'm reading threads here and I see things like "It's hard being a woman" or "I enjoy being a girl". Talk about heels, girdles, makeup and such.

I agree that what we all choose to wear or how we choose to adorn ourselves is only a small part of who we are. This is true for both men and women. We are primarily wives, husbands, parents, contributing members of society, etc. So I don’t know why there is such a focus on presentation in this forum, and why so many people seem to think that dressing like a woman equates to being a woman … maybe it’s because most of the members here are birth males and the only real difference between men and women (other than their bodies) is the way they attire themselves. There is generally not much difference between men and women in terms of education, job choices, social roles, the ability to experience the full breadth of human emotion, etc. The major difference between us are our bodies and reproductive functions, but most members here do not want to transition, and so the only thing left is presentation?

I can see how some women could be offended, but I believe more are either flattered, don't care at all, or might be jealous.

The only time I've ever seen a GG say she was jealous of her husband (or husbands who say their wives are jealous of them), was when there was a difference in body mass index. I hope you can understand that many GGs who are overweight have negative body images, although thankfully this is beginning to change. But if you compare apples to apples, you'll seldom see a GG who likes her body, say that she is jealous of her husband when he is dressed. If she is jealous, it is at the attention she perceives her husband pays to the feminine persona, which the wife feels detracts from their relationship. One member in a current thread wrote that when GGs see a CDer out in public, they make a mental calculation and decide that CDers risk attracting these GGs' potential boyfriends to themselves, and so they are jealous. But, this is wishful thinking IMO.

[Sandra]

I'm not insulted by anyone crossdressing What does insult me is when some people say they look better than women, especially when they are talking about their wife/gf

[josrphine]

Krisi , I don't know about you, but you must feel you are insulting women. Can the question be made that the women that dress in mens cloths are insulting men. I have spoken at collages in different class's here in Florida out of 45 women almost all had mens boots on tank tops no make up no bra's heels all of the things that you mention. The line between men an women is what they pack. Cloths do not insult any one. What the person who wear the cloths, to make a point dose. Now a days every one wants to be there own person. We who wear women cloth have out own reasons. Josephine

[DIANEF]

Never considered myself anything other than a guy who wears womens clothes, and I have immense respect and admiration for women. I dont enjoy 'being' a girl but I do enjoy looking like one. What I do hate is seeing some CDers who look more like a parody of a woman than anything else (and they do exist). Emulation, not disrespect.

[ReineD]

Can the question be made that the women that dress in mens cloths are insulting men. I have spoken at collages in different class's here in Florida out of 45 women almost all had mens boots on tank tops no make up no bra's heels all of the things that you mention.

Josrphine, were you invited to speak to members of the LGBTQ community? It makes sense the audience would include many birth-females who blur their gender, some of whom might actually be transitioning and indeed wearing men's clothes. But, if you were speaking to the general public, for example a sociology class in gender studies, then I'm afraid that what you may have perceived as men's clothes, were actually items these GGs bought in women's stores. Also, fewer women are wearing makeup nowadays or at least this is true on our local campus, and certainly students don't go to college wearing heels anymore. Also, not wearing a bra is no longer seen as improper unless the GG really needs one for support .... but these fashion choices do not mean the GGs are attempting to present as men.

If we are to compare apples to apples though (FtMs vs MtFs), men's fashions don't tend to sexualize men's bodies like some women's fashions sexualize women's bodies (the body-hugging clothes, short skirts, low-cut blouses, stilleto heels, etc). And so FtM's choices are pretty much limited to presenting as regular guys. MtFs, however do have choices; they can present like regular GGs and not wear much makeup, jeans and casual tops, and sneakers, or they can choose to place the focus on a woman's physical assets, which some people might construe as overly sexualizing women.

[Tracii G]

I'm not insulted by anyone crossdressing What does insult me is when some people say they look better than women, especially when they are talking about their wife/gf

This exactly Sandra.
I'm a guy sadly I know it and so wish it wasn't that way.

[Helen_Highwater]

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Yes saying things like, "It's hard being a woman" when patently we're not could at face value be possibly viewed as demeaning. However it could just as easily be viewed as an acknowledgement of our understanding of just some of the trials and tribulations the females go through. We literally walk in their shoes and hence have an understanding of just what that takes. How many male SO's truly know what it's taken when the say to their female partners, "You look nice tonight". Have no understanding when they ask, "Aren't you ready yet, we'll be late".

I fully acknowledge that if a CD'er goes over the top in their behavior/dress then that's more caricaturing females and not something I find as a minimum to be in good taste, at the maximum showing any respect to the opposite sex. I thankfully see little evidence that those here exhibit such behaviors.