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Thread: Wonderful time laced with some guilt.

  1. #1
    Comedian Emma Beth's Avatar
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    Jan 2013
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    Southern Transplant in New York
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    568

    Wonderful time laced with some guilt.

    I figured it was time for a progress report.

    Each day more and more of my new normal expands and grows.

    I am definitely becoming the woman I was always meant to be. And amazingly more and more people are seeing it and responding appropriately.

    As I let me be me out in the public eye, and they respond like I feel like they should be responding to me, I begin to feel more and more like a person and not the creature I felt like most of my life.

    I fully appreciate the little victories that come my way each and every day. I would say that the percentages of incorrect vs correct gendering is improving day by day.

    Today for example, I took my youngest Nephew to the bank so he could help me out with something so I can take him up to Memphis on the back of my Motorcycle. While we were at the bank at the teller, we talked about how much he needed to take out in front of the teller.

    When she handed him the cash; she said, "I included two tens because she said you needed ten dollars for gas." Nodding in my direction. I love my Nephew to death. He didn't react to what she said and carried on like it was the most natural thing in the world. I did the same thing and when we got out in the car, we celebrated that tiny little victory.

    Now, I fully understand how people are and all; and I do live in a very conservative area. Central Mississippi to be exact. Yet, I seem to be having a very easy go of it at the moment.

    This does make me feel a little guilty about my Transition. Because I then think about how hard of a time a lot of us have had it and are having it while living in areas that are supposed to be a lot more accepting of us.

    Now please, do not get me wrong. I am not complaining about it in the least. I just can't help but to feel a little guilty because of how easy I seem to be having it at this time so far.

    I will admit, this guilt does keep me on my toes and my eyes pealed for my own safety and well being. But, I'm beginning to learn to what extent members of my Family are willing to go to watch out for me just because I'm Family.

    Back to my day with my youngest Nephew. We were talking about my Transition briefly in the car after the bank, and he told me that he has no problem with anyone as long as they do not have intent to do harm in any form. If they do try to hurt his Aunt, he will hunt them down and hurt them back.

    When I heard him say that, he gave me the warm fuzzies inside.

    That is just one part of what I'm learning about the people around me and how they see and view my Transition when it becomes required for them to learn of it and or I come out more and more.
    The source of fear is in the future
    And a person freed of the future
    Has nothing to fear

    "That's life. It's not always rainbows and farts. Sometimes the farts have a little something extra." -Emma

    Rock meet Hard Place.

  2. #2
    Madam Ambassador Heidi Stevens's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Central Arkansas, U.S
    Posts
    2,103
    The progress sounds wonderful, Emma! Your young nephew sounds like he has his priorities straight. I'm just to your west in Arkansas, so I am quite familiar with the attitude and demeanor of the locals of central Mississippi to folks of our ilk. I managed to get out today and got nothing but "ma'am" from everyone. It does feel good. Are you going up 55 or taking a back route? Either way, ride safe.
    Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

  3. #3
    Comedian Emma Beth's Avatar
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    Jan 2013
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    Southern Transplant in New York
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    568
    We're taking I 55 up and back. After my experience with my GPS for my trip to New Orleans last week, I'm a little nervous about this. But I will at least have my Nephew with me this time if we loose GPS like I did in New Orleans. Somehow I don't think that will happen.

    I had planned to do some shopping and have some Coffee and Beignets at one of the little cafe's on Bourbon Street.

    As soon as I pulled off of I 10 East, I loose GPS signal down on street level. As I looked around; I didn't feel right as I looked at all the Bridge people, a few tents, and parked cars. The street conditions didn't help matters, so I looped around and just headed back home.

    I was amazed at how much of the city you don't see unless you get down to street level. It was kind of sad to see that there are still people down there affected that badly by Katrina. And the way the interstate sits, It almost looks like the city has been effectively hiding what remains.

    On the way back I stopped at a friends house and spent time there and when I left late that evening, I had a bag of second hand clothes and my wardrobe had gotten a little more full. So it wasn't a totally wasted trip.
    The source of fear is in the future
    And a person freed of the future
    Has nothing to fear

    "That's life. It's not always rainbows and farts. Sometimes the farts have a little something extra." -Emma

    Rock meet Hard Place.

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