So I traveled for the first time this past weekend as my real self ( a transgender woman ) but I will get back to that in a minute.
12 years ago I stood at a hotel room door for 30 minutes. My heart was pounding as I kept peeking out the window wondering if I should actually venture outside. What was the point in doing so I kept thinking. But there was something driving me to do it. Just staying at home or in the hotel room felt so fake and was beginning to mean nothing. So finally I mustered up the 'courage' and stepped outside - drove around for 10 minutes and scurried back to my hotel room.
Well in the years since the eventual evolution began - the wheels turned slowly. First a few more brief trips driving around - then a long weekend - a couple of makeovers - a trip to a trans-friendly bar and a visit to my brother's house. I really thought I had done something. For awhile.... then 6 months ago after going shopping at my favorite trans shop near Chicago - on the way home the light went on over my head - what am I doing? I have wanted to be a woman since I was 5 years old - why should I not be who I am? And so it began - Called a therapist at a trans-clinic - started electro - started voice lessons- had an FFS consultation. I saw the medical doctor at the clinic and start hrt in less than 2 weeks.
OK great - Time to start living this - I cant just go to the trans-clinic as myself - time to get out in the world. So the last few months I have pushed myself - first went to Starbucks with a friend - then shopping at mainstream places - the convenience store etc etc. Is it hard - hell yes. Does it feel good absolutely.
So this past weekend I flew from Mpls to San Francisco to meet some friends that I had never met in person. They have been great online friends but it was time to meet. So I put on my big girl panties (and almost wet them LOL ) and I traveled from start to finish as female - with my male ID.
Believe me I DO NOT pass. Am I the worst looking M to F ever? Probably not but I am 6' 2" 230. And not a feminine face. So how did it go? Not too bad. I was very nervous but most people were very nice and respectful. The airline agent when I checked in looked at my ID checked me in had a genuine smile - called me maam and sent me on my way. Did people stare ? Here and there - some didn't even notice me - others just took a second glance for a second - kind of like they were trying to figure it out "is that a guy?" But they looked for a second and went on their way. A very few gave me the obvious evil eye but only a few. The people on the plane were all very nice. Even the gift shop girl where I bought my water told me she really liked my nails. (which I spent 2 hours on the night before !! )
The only real jerk was one TSA guy. He kind of chuckled and said "well well, hello. And how are we today? " with a big smile on his face. Such an ass. Then after I went through the scanner ( the one that whirls around you ) a female agent did a pat down and asked me if I had anything in my right pocket. LOL ( figure it out - true story ) She patted me down and that was the end of it. She was nice.
But of the entire trip the first TSA guy was the worst. Most people were very nice and I saw A LOT. Both airports were packed and when I arrived we went out shopping and to restaurants. Was I nervous - yes. Did I survive? Absolutely. And remember I was that terrified person standing at the door afraid to go drive around for a few minutes in the middle of the night.
If you want to do this - you can. Is it hard - yes. But if you really want it and need it you can do it. We only have one life. Don't look back at the end and regret what you didn't do. I only wish I had started the hard part 12 years ago. Anyone that wants to PM me with questions that is struggling with wanting to do this but is afraid feel free to PM me.
