Deep thoughts on cross dressing.

[trisha_anne]

I have been reading some of the recent threads on the forum and a few thoughts came to my mind. I don't mean to step on any toes here but do you girls ever wonder if we are looking too deep for answers. That just maybe the answers to our questions are right there on the surface. That just maybe if we would stop digging so deep for the hard to define answers that maybe we would be happier. This is just a thought.

I have always asked myself the tough questions like "why do I cross dress?", or "What made me this way?" I was just thinking that the answer may in fact be "because". A childish answer to a tough question, but just maybe the right one. "I am a cross dresser because I am," no need to dig deeper just accept my self and move on. Some of you may be already at this point, but it has just dawned on me that I am who I am and I am happy. With this issue behind me I can now move on and better myself and use my mental energy on positive things rather then on the things that just can't be simply answered.

I hope I haven't bored you to tears with my thoughts but I have come to this realization and talking about it brings closure to the issue. I have you all to thank, because with out you (CD, TG, TS, and GG's) all sharing your thoughts and experiences, I would never have been able to have this experience.

[windycissy]

I agree that a certain serenity comes with acceptance of who we are. After all, the Serenity Prayer asks for the wisdom to know the difference between the things we can and can't change. Everything I've read says that if you have the crossdressing bug, no amount of therapy, hypnosis, etc. will shake it. If you can channel your dressing into positive experiences, and not allow it to wreck your relationships or self-esteem, you will have done more than cope: you will have added a new dimension to your life that few others can understand or share. Ask Windy

[CharleneCD]

Trisha I couldnt agree with you more. No one truely knows why we are the way we are. I leave the asking of that question to the psyches who need studies for their papers. For me I just simply look to the other people on this forum and know that I am not alone in my desires.

[AprilMae]

A good thought. I gave up figuring out why I do it. It feels good and I enjoy it. That's enough reason for me. To those who say it's strange, I say (Paraphrasing George Carlin), hitiing a little white ball, chasing after it, finding it, and hitting it away again...THAT'S strange.

[Cathy Anderson]

wonder if we are looking too deep for answers. That just maybe the answers to our questions are right there on the surface. That just maybe if we would stop digging so deep for the hard to define answers that maybe we would be happier. This is just a thought.

You make it sound like an either-or situation.
Can't a person look for deep answers sometimes, and other times just relax and go with the flow?

> rather then on the things that just can't be simply answered

That's a second issue. So there are two you've presented:
1. would we be happier if we stopped looking for answers
2. there are no answers

Why would one suppose there are no answers? If science finds a "TG gene", is that an answer, or part of one? If one studies transgenderism in other cultures or other even other species, does that contribute to our self-understanding? If not, who do we study other cultures and species concerning other behaviors? Is TGism the only area where we should not try to scientifically and philosophically understand ourselves?

Who's to say that the effort to "know thyself" is not some unique quality of human beings? After all, our species is termed "homo sapiens."

Cathy

[Cathy J]

I'm very much a senior citizen and have , of course, been a crossdresser most of my life. When I was a wee tad I was quite concerned I was a "queer" or worse and hadn't a clue of why I had these feelings. I didn't dare tell anyone about me either. So I went ahead and followed my heart.

I Married and helped rear a family and all the while kept my secret. I am now to the point where I've found (thanks to this forum and other sources) more or less what I'm all about. I can't stop. I don't want to stop. I enjoy it more everyday with less and less sexual emphasis.

My SO is still in the dark. She would come unglued if she knew that I had these tendencies as she considers me her male role model.

Stll, I dress almost every day, even if for a short while. I always get dressed totally fem and tuck for the best possible look and feel. It's wonderful. In fact I'm totally en-femme right now. WOW!!

Bottom line.....relax, enjoy and don't sweat why.

Lotsa Love,

[jill_4]

The sentiments expressed by Trisha anne are right but it is how we come to those sentiments,some of us agonise for years putting it away in the closet and pretending,'I don't do that',but it is like denying your birth or death,when you come to the realisation that it is part of you and learn to live your life to the full.you find that true contentment.I'm there at long last.
Best Wishes Jill

[Anita Mae GG]

I think you are who you are because you were destined to be that way. I don't see it any different then many things in life such as:

why is Venus Williams a natural talent at tennis and I am not?
why is my husband a man and I am a woman?
why do i enjoy working in the yard and building things and the neighbor hates it?

It is all relative here. We were all born with our own unique personailites. They make us who we are. So to say I am a crossdresser, transgender, transsexual just BECAUSE I am...is dead on correct. We each have our own traits for a reason...because we were born that way.

If we weren't all different in our own special way this world would be boring. I don't see someone being a crossdresser,gay, lesbian, straight any different than I see somone who is a carpenter, pilot, bus driver....etc.....we ALL have uniqueness some is more excepted by society than others but we all have the special something that we enjoy and are good at and makes us feel good.......

[Alexandria]

Ever since I was really young, I had a taste for women's fashion. In fact, it wasn't until last year when I was introduced to the world of crossdressing by my GG friends. Before that I always had the impression that CDers were really just homosexuals in disguise (was brought up by a very conservative religious family) until I began asking questions.

The very first day I put on a dress (with help of my GG friends) I felt great. We went to a drag show late that night, and dressed entirely en-femme, I recieved many compliments of how I dressed. I felt accepted and comfortable. It was the start of a new life.

While I can't specifically say one person is "born" a CDer any much an artist is "born" artistic. I can say there are experiences throughout life that help shape the individual into who they are. To deny the new persona is like saying "I've spent years training to be a great artist, but my work isn't accepted and understood by the masses so I'll quit now and stick to my day job". Just do what you love .

[Sophia Rearen]

I have always asked myself the tough questions like "why do I cross dress?", or "What made me this way?" I was just thinking that the answer may in fact be "because". A childish answer to a tough question, but just maybe the right one. "I am a cross dresser because I am," no need to dig deeper just accept my self and move on. Some of you may be already at this point, but it has just dawned on me that I am who I am and I am happy. With this issue behind me I can now move on and better myself and use my mental energy on positive things rather then on the things that just can't be simply answered.

I hope I haven't bored you to tears with my thoughts but I have come to this realization and talking about it brings closure to the issue. I have you all to thank, because with out you (CD, TG, TS, and GG's) all sharing your thoughts and experiences, I would never have been able to have this experience.

Trisha Ann,
Conratulations, you have been down the road to self acceptance. Of course, it is easier for you to say, "because I am" because you have travelled the road. It's the journey, not the destination. Many, many cd's are not "there" yet. The road needs to be travelled by all of us. Some take the highway, some take the scenic, the long, the roundabout way. But, we all need the journey to accept ourselves for who we are. Yes, it's easy to say, " I am a crossdresser, because, I am" then again, it's not.

In regards to thanking us here, do we all realize that this forum is part of the journey? Without the deep thoughts and insightful threads, what would our road look like?

[kwebb]

Lord knows I must be the queen of deep introspection. Anytime someone says anything remotely resmebling TG or CD and I am within earshot I swear up-and-down its some deep message from the pit of the universe to either unnerve me or empower me.
I have often times in life thought it was the result of some evil demon, or sickness. And looked at trying to stop as some big cosmic battle between being a "good" man and an evil or bad/defective one. There are times when I still do.

If its one thing I've noticed of those who have been down the same road before, they did not accept it until they simply started to look at it from the perspective of ,"its simply something I like to do, nothing more , nothing less". I'm not quite there yet. I still let friends and people I know on a regular basis classify it as some sort of weirdness. Sometimes I think they are right and its me who's got the problem and need to change.

Still struggling.

[Miriannah]

Oh, I've come to this very realization long ago. I do it because I like how it feels, looks, and because I am simply bored of the simplicity and repetitive nature of manclothes. There's no deeper, hidden meaning to it. To me, it's just another part of what my personality enjoys, like video games, foul humor, and various other forms of artistic expression.

Yes, I just called crossdressing a form of artistic expression.

[Cathy Anderson]

I was introduced to the world of crossdressing by my GG friends...I put on a dress (with help of my GG friends) I felt great. We went to a drag show late that night, and dressed entirely en-femme, I recieved many compliments of how I dressed. I felt accepted and comfortable. It was the start of a new life.

Well, obviously enjoy your relationships with your GG friends. It's nice that you're in an artistic milieu where such experimentation is viewed positivey.

But a caution seems only fair to mention: it is not unheard of that too much of this sort of thing (GGs dressing and telling a male how good he looks) can tip a regular or psychologically androgynous guy too far feminine.

It is possible that many GGs have (due to all kinds of ways that masculine society exploits women, etc.) an unconscious urge to see men feminized and de-masculinized. It might not appy to your situation, but it's worth thinking about (though, in keeping with the thread, not to an excessive degree).

Since you're new, you probably didn't see a post I made a few weeks ago mentioning the artist Marcel Duchamp and his crossdressing. The article can be found here:

http://www.toutfait.com/issues/volum...m/graham1.html

Cathy

[Raychel]

I think you are who you are because you were destined to be that way. I don't see it any different then many things in life such as:

why is Venus Williams a natural talent at tennis and I am not?
why is my husband a man and I am a woman?
why do i enjoy working in the yard and building things and the neighbor hates it?

It is all relative here. We were all born with our own unique personailites. They make us who we are. So to say I am a crossdresser, transgender, transsexual just BECAUSE I am...is dead on correct. We each have our own traits for a reason...because we were born that way.

If we weren't all different in our own special way this world would be boring. I don't see someone being a crossdresser,gay, lesbian, straight any different than I see somone who is a carpenter, pilot, bus driver....etc.....we ALL have uniqueness some is more excepted by society than others but we all have the special something that we enjoy and are good at and makes us feel good.......

Very well said. My thought exactly.

[Lilith Moon]

It is possible that many GGs have (due to all kinds of ways that masculine society exploits women, etc.) an unconscious urge to see men feminized and de-masculinized.

...or they may have a very conscious urge to do so, like certain GGs in here :cheeky: ..but, either way, so what ? Seems like fun to me. 0.02

[TGMarla]

If its one thing I've noticed of those who have been down the same road before, they did not accept it until they simply started to look at it from the perspective of ,"its simply something I like to do, nothing more , nothing less".

How true! It's much like Sophia said, it's part of the road to self-acceptance. Once you stop obsessing about it, things get much easier. I still have days when I'm a bit preoccupied by the thought of getting home in hopes of dressing for a while, but the consuming obsession over it is nearly gone.

I am a crossdresser because I really enjoy wearing women's clothing and emulating women. It's not because of some childhood trauma, or an overbearing parent. It's not because I feel inadequate as a man. It's not because there's a woman inside of me screaming to get out. (She doesn't scream...) It's because I like it.

[Cathy Anderson]

Seems like fun to me

I didn't mean to suggest not having fun. I just raised it as a possibility to consider.

> or they may have a very conscious urge to do so

21-year old women are in general not exacly renowned for having a high degree of conscious awareness of their motives.

>...but, either way, so what ?

Because one doesn't want to be socially reinforced and/or unconsciously manipulated by other people into potentially becoming a person other than who you are meant to be.

my .02

Cathy

[Emma Brownings]

I have always asked myself the tough questions like "why do I cross dress?", or "What made me this way?" I was just thinking that the answer may in fact be "because". A childish answer to a tough question, but just maybe the right one. "I am a cross dresser because I am," no need to dig deeper just accept my self and move on. Some of you may be already at this point, but it has just dawned on me that I am who I am and I am happy. With this issue behind me I can now move on and better myself and use my mental energy on positive things rather then on the things that just can't be simply answered.

[SIZE="2"]
Hi Trisha,

Having reached the ripe old age of 59, I can honestly say that I now accept myself for what I am. I still don't know why but what the hell, I am happy, I have a supportive wife and I have the money and time to indulge my femme side.

I must admit it hasn't always been that easy and without my wife's insistence that the reasons didn't matter, I may still be full of destructive doubts and questions. My wife's favourite phrase was 'it's not doing anybody any harm so why not enjoy?'

I doubt whether any of the theories put forward by 'deep thinking' and usually 'well meaning' analysts will provide satisfactory answers for all of us. After all we are all so different, both in the needs we have and the stage we have reached on our CD/TV/TGirl journey.[/SIZE]

[Cathy Anderson]

I doubt whether any of the theories put forward by 'deep thinking' and usually 'well meaning' analysts will provide satisfactory answers for all of us. After all we are all so different, both in the needs we have and the stage we have reached on our CD/TV/TGirl journey.

A rather unique appeal of the Jungian psychological framework is precisely it's emphasis on individuality. In fact, the desired state of psychological attainment is called "individuation."

It's not a one-size-fits-all approach. Rather, it's a framework which posits certain things (like anima, shadow, Self) which are helpful conceptual tools for each person to think about their own situation with.

The human race has reached a point were non-conscious living doesn't work. Islamic terrorists operate at that level. Bush and Cheney operate at that level. Jerry Falwell operates at that level. And so do we if we cannot ask "why do we do this?"

Am I saying anything especially controversial by merely suggesting a middle path between no introspection and excessive introspection?

Cathy

[ladyelaine]

Dear All. I liked the point about individuation, and the Jungian framework in there somewhere. I especially liked the first post about keeping it simple and framework is a pleasant enough word for simplicity.

It's nice to have the reassurance of structure, and the common place is reassuring, but I think the need for communicating does get to the deeper meaning, even though that is not the end all and be all. Otherwise, we'd be dancing on the head of a pin with all the other Angels.

Elaine

[Amanda T]

Trisha Anne: I wish there was something I could do, or know, or take, that would eitherr let the genie out of the bottle, or exorcise her completely. This never-never world I presume most of us live in is for the birds --- all 57 years of them (well, only been dressing for 45). A simple or complicated answer would go a long way to greater understanding, by me and my beloved wife. She does not understand, hates the thought of my dressing, and refuses to deal with it or talk about it. So I am left sneaking around whenenever she is not home. So dearly wish I could come out to someone understanding, and interact in a "normal" way. Sometimes, I think if I could do that, and get used to it, it would all go away, or be so customary it would be unremarkable. No such luck on either count, so I just enjoy this community the best I can. Some (a lucky few), seem to have understanding (tolerant?) SOs. For the rest, instead of the Secret Garden we're the "secret burden." There is no health worker we can safely tell, and no medicine we can take -- unless we are willing to potentially be jettisoned by all we love.

[Sophia Rearen]

[SIZE="4"]Hello! Trisha Anne, are you there?
2 days and 21 replies and no follow up from you!
I for one would like to see your thoughts.[/SIZE]

[trisha_anne]

My apologies to you all who have posted here. I am a very busy individual so I don't get much time to check the forum. Didn't mean to make any one angry at me, I just work a lot.

First off I never meant that we would be happier if we stop looking for answers per say. It's just sometimes I think some people, including me, dig and dig and dig for an answer to the tough questions until we make ourselves miserable. To me it is not important to now why I am the way I am; it is important that I am happy the way I am. I came to a realization that I was happy and digging for answers wasn't making me happier; in fact it was down right depressing me. As far as the point of there are no answers, I don't believe that either. I may not have been clear on this point and for that I apologize, but I was saying that looking for those answers was no longer important to me. Quite possibly I am to the point were I wouldn't care to know why I am the way I am. Some have a "need to know" type personality, while I do not.

It was this point I was trying to convey, and share with the rest. I was merely thinking that sharing this might help some. I am not so naive as to think it was the beat all end all solution to anyone's problems.

[Sophia Rearen]

It's just sometimes I think some people, including me, dig and dig and dig for an answer to the tough questions until we make ourselves miserable. To me it is not important to now why I am the way I am; it is important that I am happy the way I am. I came to a realization that I was happy and digging for answers wasn't making me happier; in fact it was down right depressing me.

I may not have been clear on this point and for that I apologize, but I was saying that looking for those answers was no longer important to me. Quite possibly I am to the point were I wouldn't care to know why I am the way I am. Some have a "need to know" type personality, while I do not.

It was this point I was trying to convey, and share with the rest. I was merely thinking that sharing this might help some. I am not so naive as to think it was the beat all end all solution to anyone's problems.

Trisha Anne,

Thank you for your follow up. Having read this, I ask you, don't you feel that it was the process, the road, that you travelled that got you to this point? Had you not gone through that, to the point of depression, could you have come up with the same conclusion?

Myself, I went through years of what you described to come out with the same outcome.

[trisha_anne]

Trisha Anne,

Thank you for your follow up. Having read this, I ask you, don't you feel that it was the process, the road, that you travelled that got you to this point? Had you not gone through that, to the point of depression, could you have come up with the same conclusion?

Myself, I went through years of what you described to come out with the same outcome.

That is a good question Sophia. I must honestly answer you with "no", I believe it is my experiences in life and the trials and tribulations that I went through that made me, me. I have used my years of depression and learned from it. Plus this forum my wife and friends have all contributed. It is just that when I finally realized what I was doing to myself, I thought to myself, wouldn't have been great if I could have just accepted myself in the first place. Of course that answer is yes, it would have been much better then the depression and the questioning. I hoped that sharing my revelation with others might help some. I hoped that sharing my experience would save some people from so much depression. It is my biggest regret that I couldn't have figured this out earlier so as to better enjoy myself and my time enfemme.

As my father once told me, "It is the journey that makes a man." So yes I believe that the process was a big part of who I am. Maybe I have been a little conflicting with my answers. I have said, "wouldn't we be happier if we skipped the depression" and now I have told you that the depression and the hard ship made me a better person. But still maybe my experiences will some of those who haven't reached the point of acceptance that you experience and that I have just discovered. It is part of me, but does everyone have to suffer through this to make it here?