Trisha Anne thank you your a class act and I'm sure that this thread will be a help to others as you hoped.
I too feel that it's time for me to stop with the questions and just be who I am and thats a big jump.
That sense of being has come with the acceptance of my wife and the peace of mind that nothing else matters.
I could go on and on about the road to this place of self-acceptance, but I won't I'm there and it's great!
Thanks Again Great Thread
Hugs All Around Rena
I am glad that I can help Rena. I hope other will find something of value in this and any other threads on this forum. I am glad I found it. Now I feel that I have to contribute to repay those who have come before me.
This is a wonderful site lets keep it going.
The key to my heart is a sexy pair of heels.
"She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable
Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason"...SlipKnot
Hi Trisha,
An interesting question and maybe in some cases it is true that we seek too many answers. For many others (myself included) the questions are more pertinent in discovering where on the spectrum we are and how we are going to go forward. We are a polymorphic lot.
I know I am a CD. I also know I am TG but to what extent? I have very strong TS identification but in that there is much confusion over values, lifestyle etc.
So, seeking answers should be an exercise in self discovery through the experiences of others. It is for me. In seeking answers we also gain more close contact with others either in the forums or through messaging.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
www.transgenderlondon.com
Venus and Mars are not aligned; Good thing.
Where are all the rumballs?
I may not soar with eagles, but then weasels dont get sucked into jet engines...
Originally Posted by Kimberley
I see your points. I believe you are right. Some questioning is needed. I was mearly suggetsting that maybe we get too obsessed with finding the answers to our questions to the point where we drag ourselves down. I myself was so focused on finding the answers for so long that I made myself misrable. I found myself asking over and over "why am I this way." It was when I finaly realized that by continuing to dig for the answers I was keeping myself from self acceptence. The relief I felt when I was finally able to say "I am the way I am because that's me, I am a crossdresser", was tremendous.
I can see the self questioning is important to discover the if you are just CD, or if you are TG or TS. But after finding the answer to this I found that I obbesed with the "Why." This tends to be the harder question to anwer. And like I stated above I found that continualy searching for the answer was tearing me apart and keeping me from accepting myslef. Often times, I have found, that defining who I am is easy; explaining why can be very difficult and to some extent there is no one easy answer.
The key to my heart is a sexy pair of heels.
"She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable
Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason"...SlipKnot
I understand. Maybe we've all gone through that.
But it doesn't have to be an either-or thing--perhaps one can accept where we are currently, yet still ask questions. One can ask without without doing so "continually."
Asking questions only becomes a problem if we put pressure on ourselves to find immediate answers.
Humility helps--to accept that, in a sense, one is *not responsible* for knowing what's going one with oneself. In other words, I think it is helpful to continue to try to understand oneself--the alternative is to be a slave to one's "unconscious". But one is not necessarily responsible for the results of those efforts.
Perhaps I am "supposed" to be a CD, or perhaps not. I try to keep my mind open to both possibilities--to be indifferent, as it were.
If answers are not forthcoming, I don't get frustrated, but accept that it's not for me to know right now.
But I have to ask, because there's a lot of ways to deceive ourselves.
Cathy
Last edited by Cathy Anderson; 03-04-2006 at 01:51 AM.
Here you make a good point. Actually a better point then you probably realized. Patience is not one of my good points. I have never been the type to just let things go undecided and leave them hanging. I am the type that always has to tie up loose ends. I know that learning patience sooner in life would have saved me some anguish.
You are right there as well. I have found that I will tell myself anything to make me happy or to forget about a problem. But I stand by what I have said.
The key to my heart is a sexy pair of heels.
"She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable
Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason"...SlipKnot
Trisha Anne,
Thanks for your reply and your honesty. I understand completely your desire to help, that's wonderful. That's what this forum is all about. But, I tend to agree with you when you say,"maybe i have been a little conflicting in my answers". When was your relevation? If it was just last week, I'd suggest giving your impatient brain a little time and maybe revisit this question at a later date. Maybe then you'll realize that road needed to be travelled to get to your destination, self acceptance.
[SIZE=4]Sophia[/SIZE]
In the forward to his book The Twilight of the Idols, Neitzsche makes the following observation:
War has always been the grand sagacity of every spirit which has grown too inward and too profound; its curative power lies even in the wounds one receives.And a maxim he shares with us:
increscunt animi, virescit volnere virtus.
which translates as "The spirit grows, strength is restored by wounding."
I share these because while our lives might have been happier sans all the angst, would they have been better? I don't know, but I do believe that we learn and gain strength through our conflicts.
You ask, do we all have to go through this? The answer is yes. Some more - some less - but we all have to. It's a learning process - and much like you can try and teach your children what to do and not to do, some things still need to be lived in order for them to become real to an individual. Being TG in society today is one of those things.
I was real close to suicide by the end of high school. Not that I was majorly depressed, but I just didn't see the point of living with the conflict and angst for some sixty-odd years longer. After 'rethinking' my position on suicide, it would take me some eighteen years before I got to the point of self acceptance. During this time, I rationalized, denied and whatnot in an attempt to 'understand' myself. In the end, however, I feel that I am in a better place because of it all.
There is no better 'therapy' for us that the exchange of experiences. We are such a diverse lot that we all can learn and grow by sharing with each other. I know that I would not have reached the place where I am had it not been for others sharing in their experiences - both good and bad.
Love & Stuff,
Donna
Last edited by Ms. Donna; 03-04-2006 at 11:29 AM.
Just your average transgender non-op transsexual
crossdressing genderqueer transgenderist geek.
[SIZE="1"]The obligatory blog: http://wanderingaloud.wordpress.com/[/SIZE]
[SIZE="5"]Donna,
One Word, Powerful.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Sophia[/SIZE]
I agree with Cathy J. I am in my mid fifties and never had the desire to crossdress until last summer. I have been dressing ever since. I am a closeted Cd but I'm at peace with it. I wear something feminine every day and dress up when the occasion permits. I dress because I love to. Enjoy it and have a good time.
Gennee
I'm getting better with age. I may have started late, but better late than never!
"Don't let anyone define who you are".
Hi Donna,
Thank you for your observations. And good, quotes, too!
Another possibly relevant idea of Nietzche is his distinction between the Appolonian and Dionysian elements of human nature: Dionysian = wild emotion or sensation, and Appolonian = calm reason.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Birth_of_Tragedy
American men seem extremely dominated by the Appolonian. But if Nietzche is correct, the Dionysian has to express itself somehow--maybe CDing is an outlet for that.
If so, this suggests, perhaps if ones dominant male personality can find more ways to express the Dionysian, there would be less need to crossdress.
Trisha, I know what you mean. I think a lot of us have this and similar issues. Maybe one reason we crossdress is to try to grow and learn concerning such things. Perhaps our female "alter ego" has, among other things, a compensatory, instructive function; it lets us experience, experiment with, and learn feelings, emotions, attitudes, etc., that, for whatever reason, we exclude (unnecessarily?) from our male personality.
Maybe others have also noticed how common is the "bad boy to good girl" motif in transgender fiction; perhaps this literary theme has a deeper meaning. This idea fits with the suggestion that sometimes it is the most masculine kinds of men--soldiers, policemen, etc.--who crossdress.
Cathy
Hi Cathy,
Good connection!
Neitzsche views the Appolonian as indicative of mankind in a declining state. By surrendering to 'reason at any cost' and a constructed arbitrary morality, mankind has become decadent, turning it's back on the very instincts which are the most strengthing and life affirming. The Dionysian, which on one level can be viewed as 'wild emotion', is more of an acknowledgement of and a return to those life affirming instincts which, in a 'reasonable' and 'moral' society are seen as wild and immoral.
To expand on the concept of the Dionysian - again from Twilight of the Idols:
For it is only in the Dionysian mysteries, in the psychology of the Dionysian condition, that the fundamental fact of the Hellenic instinct expresses itself - its 'will to life'.
...
In the teachings of the mysteries, pain is sanctified: the 'pains of childbirth' sanctify pain in general - all becoming and growing, all that guarantees the future, postulates pain... For the eternal joy in creating to exist, for the will to life eternally affirm itself, the 'torment of childbirth' must also exist eternally... All this is contained in the word Dionysos: I know of no more exalted symbolism than this Greek symbolism, the symbolism of the Dionysian.
...
Affirmation of life even in its strangest and strenest problems, the will to life rejoicing in its own inexhaustibility through the sacrifice of its highest types - that is what I call Dionysian, that is what I recognized as the bridge to the psychology of the tragic poet.
The tragic artist is not a pessimist - it is precisely he who affirms all that is questionable and terrible in existence, he is Dionysian..."
To tie this all in, we are raised in a society which by its very nature teaches us that those feelings and drives which are the more life affirming are to be surpressed. For us, the need, the drive, to be true to ourselves - to embrace that in us which is most life affirming - is so surpressed and oppressed that it reaches a point where it can no longer be contained. Our self realization and acceptance is for all intents and purposes a psychological childbirth and one can not experience it without the associated pain. "all becoming and growing, all that guarantees the future, postulates pain..."
It is the pain of our becoming that is the affirmation of our life.
Love & Stuff,
Donna
Just your average transgender non-op transsexual
crossdressing genderqueer transgenderist geek.
[SIZE="1"]The obligatory blog: http://wanderingaloud.wordpress.com/[/SIZE]
there are no answers,
only questions.
(all the rest is commentary, as they say)
hugs,
j-a
`Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.Alice replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'
This is so important!
I wish I could communicate it, first, to other CDs.
But also to wives. Wives can become so distraught. They wonder what is "wrong" with their husband. Or they blame themselves. But it might be closer to the truth to see the problem as being with modern society, and it's singular emphasis on the Appolonian.
I suspect that nearly everybody in modern society suffers from this in some way. CDs merely have their variation.
Cathy
Hi Cathy,
Thank you so much for making this connection. I have been working on a manuscript and have been struggling with exactily how to tie in Neitzsche's views - which have become the basis for much of my own personal philosophy - with the whole transgender experience. I know the connection but have been unable to articulate it until now - this has helped with that greatly.
I'll say it again, we all learn and grow through sharing as a community. My thanks go out to all.
Love & Stuff,
Donna
Just your average transgender non-op transsexual
crossdressing genderqueer transgenderist geek.
[SIZE="1"]The obligatory blog: http://wanderingaloud.wordpress.com/[/SIZE]
Hi Trisha Anne,
This is a great thread....very thought provoking
I know for myself, I used to struggle with the "whys" and "wherefores" of my crossdressing. I don't know if it's just the nature of the individual (especially a logic driven male individual) or in my case, the engineer in me wanting to find the route cause, but until I met my wife Marla, I was always trying to analyze it and in fact I was on the verge of going to a councilor about it because I wanted to get to a place where I could live my life without crossdressing being some pleasurable sin. When I was dressing I was happy - afterwards I used to feel so guilty about it all.
Anyway, after many many long hours emailing and speaking on the phone with Marla (she lived in the US and I in the UK at the time) not only did I fall in love but I came to realize that it didn't matter "why" it only mattered "how" by that I mean how I feel about it and how I let it impact my life. Obviously having a wife who actually likes it and wants to participate in it goes a huge way to making it easier for me to accept my crossdressing and myself. I have a lot of empathy for girls who are having a hard time accepting this part of themselves.
If we can somehow stop feeling that we have to live up to the expectations of society, our friends, or family or anything else that says we should act (and dress) a certain way just because we are biologically male, then I believe this is the way forward. There have been a lot of good points raised here and I agree with all of them...TG Marla, Sophia, Cathy, to name just a few.
For me, when all is said and done, it's just a way of "being nice to myself". Some people like a long soak in the tub, others like to eat chocolate chip ice cream, me .... I prefer to wear something soft and feminine to make my day.
.
The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
I'm new to the forum so hi.
This thread has really grabbed my intention in that coming out to myself at the turn of the year I've been wondering why at 49 it's taken me so long to finally conclude that I am a crossdresser and happy to be so. Albeit, one who is in the closet; have a family I don't want to hurt.
But why do I need (and not want) to do it. I've concluded - or at least I think I have - that it's that I'm attracted to women who dress really well and stylishly that I want to emulate them. By doing so both comforts me and makes me feel good.
Strange no doubt to many people but something I feel comfortable with and as one subscribre to this thread has already mentioned the road is probably more important than the destination. Life is not a dress rehearsal! (Please pardon the pun).
I am a 60 year old crossdresser and have dressed most of my life......I used to sak myself WHY but now I just thank God that I DO. I can never explain to anyone who doesn't dress the feeling of being completely at ease when dressed. I have found no other way to leave the confusion and hassle of the world behind than to slip into fem clothing,sit back and breath deeply.
So don't ask WHY just enjoy..:cheeky:
This suggests two levels at which one can address the question "why do I crossdress?"
At one level, you crossdress to (1) be at ease, (2) leave confusion and hassle, and (3) sit back and breathe deeply. To some extent, that is an explanation itself.
At another level, we can ask why crossdressing has those effects.
Even if we cannot answer the second question, I think there is some value in exploring the first, more proximal one.
I don't know if I'm making a useful point here or not.
Cathy
Last edited by Cathy Anderson; 03-09-2006 at 03:50 AM.
Cathy you are sounding very professional! Keep it up!
I've been asking myself alot these days Why would a man want to wear a bra? I've nothing (unfortunally) to put in the cups.
My answer tonight anyway is because it makes me feel feminine and sexy.
Plus it's just plain fun!
I simply can only dream for Size C.
Thanks anyway
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIZE="3"]And I was thinkin' how the world shoulda cried
On the day Jack Kirby died[/SIZE]
Many times I have used that "because it's just the way it is" thought to get peace. The battles still return though.
I believe the why is simply that for much of our lives we have not been true to who we really are. We are caught up in and believe the artificial constructs called male and female, masculine and feminine. We are tricked into believing that there are two and only two states and that biology and gender are synonomous. They aren't.
What I believe we are really doing is trying to get back to our proper set point. We were born a certain way, our upbringing taught us to ignore how we really felt inside and comply with the artificial settings created by society and yet inside we knew something was not right and we have been spening the rest of our lives trying to get back to where we started.
That is why so many of us feel so good when we finally connect with our feminine side. It is not necessarily that we reject everything else, we just begin to understand that this is who we really are, this is who we have been all along.
When all of the theories and labels and postulations are thrown aside, it simply comes down to - be yourself - you already know what that is.
What stop do I get off at? Hmmm...
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