Progress, in terms of going out in public
I asked for advice in a recent thread about going out in public. I have had a weird history of going out in public. In fact, the first time I ever went out in public dressed, I went out to a mall on Black Friday that was packed full of thousands of shoppers and had no trouble. However it was easy for me at the time because I was extremely naive and thought I passed. I actually had zero trouble going out in public for a couple months, with full confidence, until a group of teenagers humiliated me one night at a JC Penney that set me straight.
Ever since then its been a slow trek back to being able to go out in public, as I work to regain the confidence I once had. I have been able to go out in public, but I generally limit myself to easy places to go that are friendly(such as a makeup store like ULTA) or wide open and/or low in traffic(Kohl's is a good one since its big, generally not packed, with plenty of room and space). When it comes to going into places that are busy or have a lot of people I either don't bother or chicken out. For example, last weekend I went to a mall, and wanted to go to the Food Court but was too afraid to walk through the main corridor to get there as it was too crowded so I never got the courage to step out of the JC Penney, and the weekend before I chickened out going into an Old Navy because it was too busy.
Well, yesterday I feel like I took some steps in the right direction. There was a sale at Old Navy, 50% off jeans, and they have a caramel color jean that I really wanted. That meant having to go to Old Navy when it was busy. I decided to go dressed up. It was busier than the time before when I chickened out. I had to circle the parking lot for a while just to find a spot. I finally got a spot in the back of the lot, which meant I had to walk across the entire parking lot to get to the store, meaning walking by a lot of people and cars hunting for spots. I was pretty nervous, and sat in my car for a good 15 minutes working up the courage to step out. Finally, I got out of my car and began walking. I walked across the lot, and into the store. Once in the store, it was pretty busy. I found what I needed, and got into the long line of people. I probably had to wait 15 minutes in line. I paid at the register and walked out. It wasn't so bad. Did I get stared at by some people inside? Yes. But it wasn't anything major and no bad comments or laughs.
I wasn't done. There was a Target in the same mall. I could have either gone back to my car and driven to the other side to where the entrance was, or walk all the way through the busy mall to get to the Target instead. I decided to walk through the busy mall, something I wouldn't have done the week before. Of course, people stared at me, but I was becoming immune to it. As I walked through the mall, I would look through store windows and see reflections. People would assume I was looking inside, but I was actually looking at the reflections of people walking by me. Of course almost everyone would look/stare at me. Oh well.
I made it to Target which was so busy it was like a bottleneck traffic jam just to get inside. One Target employee actually had to ask people to clear the way so employees with a pallet could get through. It didn't phase me. I went to the women's clothing section and bought a couple of shirts to go with my new jeans as they were having a buy 2 get 1 25% off special. Once again I had to wait quite a long time to check out, but I didn't care. I left and had to walk back through the mall and back through the parking lot to get to my car. I then went to a Kohl's, and a grocery store after that with no trouble. I had planned on going to a Starbucks too, but my phone was out of battery.
Overall I'd say it was a success simply because I took the step of putting myself out there in busier, more crowded places. My presentation wasn't at the top of my game, my makeup wasn't among the best I have done, but the world didn't end and I didn't suffer any humiliation. At the same time, I would be lying if I said I completely owned it and was out there with total confidence. Though I had a smile on my face every second, I was still nervous, and did my best not to make eye contact with people who were staring at me. A lot of advice says not to shy away from eye contact and return eye contact to those who are staring - I am still trying to get there. I'll keep working on my confidence, but I am glad I was able to take that next step.
Originally Posted by AllieSF
