Regret

[Jessica1983]

Hi do any of you have regrets about what u leve behind

[jentay1367]

I kind of committed social suicide about 4 years prior to getting on this path, so I kind of actually threw it away, as opposed to losing it. Left behind would be an accurate description, though. I do miss people, but not the trappings of maledom, if that answers your question. But the reality is, it all had to be left behind. She simply couldn't live for him any longer. I've reconciled that divorce is always hard. So now, I try to look forward, not back. Life is a mixed bag, isn't it? The future looks bright!

[Jessica1983]

Thank you

[Jesse Six]

I feel a good deal of fear and uncertainty about the future. That's normal though, I think.

Regret for things I left behind? I never felt part of the "boys' club" anyway. Nothing to regret there...
Body parts? No, I'm ambivalent about that piece of me, at best.
My marriage is not ending because of my transition - it's the final nail. I'm sad it's ending, but I wouldn't have been able to save it by not transitioning.
I just hope that my children will always be close to me.

[Dutchess]

Uhm well I am a United States GG but have a friend in the UK who had it ALL done. Lots of FFS the works ,, and he would still swing back and forth very depressed . Until finally he DID tell me he missed his job , his work, his band ( who'd just been signed to a major label before he decided to transition) his jaguar ( because he could no longer get a job to pay for it ) and missed living in his own house . TRYING to remember what town he lived he was lonely and living with his parents . I know thats what no one hear wants to hear but it was one of 5 a couple of years back that I knew who detransitioned . He did tell me he regretted everything , I even kept his letter.

He DID detransition, I guess as much as you can in his surgical condition and now is back to living as a beautiful androgynous ( which he always was) bisexual man. He has his job and his own home again, back in a band etc ,, not sure about the rest . Thankfully he is so busy living life that we don't talk as much as we used too .

[Megan G]

No regrets here.....

Sure I am sad that a few very close friends chose to write me out of their life and that it put so much distance between my younger brother & I that we don't talk anymore but I have no regrets. I am the happiest I have ever been.... transition saved my life.

[Jessica1983]

Hi thank u all I think about transition I think about being a woman every day and have for a long time but I stand to lose every thing in my life if I went down that road I've been trying to quit dressing and thinking about it
to save my marriage but it makes it worse I can't keep going like this it's makeing me I'll I've started to take tablets to help stop it but i. don't think they help

[Rianna Humble]

I know thats what no one hear wants to hear but it was one of 5 a couple of years back that I knew who detransitioned . He did tell me he regretted everything , I even kept his letter.

I'm sorry that your friend regretted the loss of those things more than he appreciated living authentically

He DID detransition, I guess as much as you can in his surgical condition and now is back to living as a beautiful androgynous ( which he always was) bisexual man.

Not trying to have a go at your friend, but could this perhaps be the key to his regret? Is it possible that he didn't get the right support to allow him to accept himself as an androgynous, bisexual man and so believed that transition would be the answer?

To return to the original question, I don't regret the things I left behind, but I do regret that a lack of acceptance by powers that be has prevented me returning to a role that I was very good at performing. At the time I stepped down from the role, just before transitioning, it was absolutely the right thing to do but should have been a temporary measure.

When I transitioned, that was the most important thing for me to do in my life and was the only alternative to suicide. I'm glad I chose to live - there's more future in it than the alternative.

[Mirya]

Jessica, what are some of the things you fear losing the most? And why?

[Jessica1983]

Hi wife kids family friends and not as important my job house it will be every thing sorry for the downer post it's just I'm all over the place at the minute and don't know we're to turn or what to do but I don't think I can go on as I am

[Mirya]

Ok, so... everything. It's certainly true that if you transition, you must be prepared to lose literally everything and everyone. That is how badly one must need to transition in order to take that step.

Personally, I was ready to lose it all. Fortunately I didn't, but I did lose some people. Family members I thought who loved me no longer see me or talk to me. But I don't regret my decision to transition, not one bit. What is there to regret? All of my old relationships were based on a lie. My friends and family did not truly know me. They only knew a fake male version of me. Why should I regret losing fake relationships based on a fake persona?

Although I tried [and failed] to live as male, I was never a man. I was born a female in a male body. My gender identity has always been female, and when I finally understood this, I realized that I needed to transition in order to have an authentic life. I wanted to live as my true self, and to have relationships with friends and family that are based on the reality that I am a woman. If my family/friends won't accept my transition, that means they don't accept me at all. They only accept what they thought I was; what they wish I was. Not who I really am. And so, there is nothing to regret, because why would I regret losing someone who only accepts me when I'm not being real? I don't need that in my life.

Jessica, I took a glance at your post history to try to get a better understanding of your situation. Based on that, I can see that you had your first session with a therapist in August. You wrote that it went well. But since then, you haven't posted at all until you created this "Regret" thread. So I'm curious, did you have more therapy sessions, and what did you discover about yourself in the last several months? Most importantly, based on your therapy sessions, what is your true gender identity? Are you a woman? Or a man? If you're a woman, then you transition to live as your true female self. And the women in this forum will try to help you. If you're a man that needs to dress in women's clothes, that's totally ok too. Try to find a way to make it work for you in your life, and I'm sure the good people in the CD forum will help you with that. But do NOT transition if your gender identity is male. And if you're non-binary... well, then the answer is a lot more complicated. And you may want to take your question to the "TG/Gender Non-Binary" forum for further guidance.

[Jessica1983]

Hi i had 6 sessions but they weren't that helpful in the end dident really find out much about me I do not think she was much help on the last seesion she said I have to stop or lose it all but i allready new that
she put me on anti depressants to help me stop but I'm not sure I think they are makeing it worse the more I try not to think about it the worse it is that's why I've not been back I've been trying to stay away from any thing to do with it but I've been having bad dreams when I can sleep I've been replacing it with harming and I feel in a bad place now with no we're to go I don't no if I need to transition but it's all I can think about thank you for your help

[chelyann]

jessica , i think you need to calm down a little and find a new therapist that can help you figure this out more

[Jessica1983]

I think your right but there so much money I can't afford one not a good one who would specialty for this

[Eringirl]

Okay, so I may be the "thin edge of the wedge" so to speak with my experience, so take it for what it's worth to you....

I gained soooo much more than I lost!! So, in terms of regret? Not much. I still have the same job, and in fact was promoted in the past year. Still have all my friends, neighbours and immediate family (brother and sister). I have never been closer to them. I have more friends than ever. Demands for my time have increased exponentially, as everyone says I am a much happier person to be around. I still live in my same home, drive the same cars, etc, etc, etc.

The one regret I do have is the pain I caused my one daughter. My oldest has always been 1000% supportive and on board. My youngest??? Well, she is taking more time. She is still in my life, we visit, we chat, we hug, and still love each other. But she still has a few struggles. My marriage ended, but I knew that was going to happen. Yes, it is sad and unfortunate, but we are both much happier now, so isn't that what it's all about??

I didn't transition because I wanted to, I transitioned because I HAD to. It was the only way for me to survive. So, one way or another, my ex was going to be on her own, either widowed or divorced. I am still here for my two wonderful daughters. They are the main focus of my life and we are good.

Look, I'm a planner, so I planned my transition. I was prepared to loose everything in order to survive. I prepared for the worst, and hoped for the best. I was lucky, it all worked out so very well for me. But that's just my story. So, sadness of loosing my marriage and that relationship with a wonderful woman, but overall? Nope, I would do it again in a heart beat. I'm worth it. I'm worth it to still be here, and happy, and truly honest in who I am. Not sure if this helps or not....

[Jessica1983]

Thank you for your reply

[MarieTS]

No regrets, Jessica. Much more of a sense of relief. Like, OMG, I can finally be ME, who I was really meant to be. One regret, probably the same one most of us in here share, is the regret we had to go all through this. Sometimes I wonder if I had been born gg, would I have fully appreciated It?
But, no regret about transitioning at all, although I wish it could have been sooner--like the early teen years. I think it is wonderful youngsters have an earlier path now because there is more awareness and there are more resources out there.

[SarahSerene]

Jessica - I wanted to chime in as one here, like you, I am fairly early on my journey into therapy. In fact I think this may be my first time posting in the TS forums (high everyone ) so gals set me straight if I am wrong! Anyway, I hope to offer you some words of encouragement. Here is what I have learned so far - you need to set your expectations that this is a long process, and finding the right therapist is key. Here are some more details about my experiences:

I have found a therapist that specializes in gender issues, follows WPATH, and has experience with both gender counseling and marital counseling, working with both individuals and couples. She also works as a subject matter expert/consultant for HR departments around the region. All that said, I don't know that she is any more expensive than the few other therapists I have met with over the years. Not to be casual about the costs though - therapy isn't cheap, but I have resolved myself that this is some of the most important money I will ever spend in my life! Anway, back to my therapist - she is absolutely wonderful, and going to see her is one of the highlights of my week! So maybe one thing I'd like to share (again, in my limited but positive experiences so far) - finding the right therapist for you can make a big difference!

I am about ten sessions in now. Early on, she established some key points about the therapy process with her - She said that if I just wanted help with accepting CD'ing in my life, that can be achieved in relatively few sessions. On the other hand, she said if we go down the path of teasing out gender identity and possible gender transition, that will take a while and you can expect the path to wind quite a bit. (I chose this second option). So I guess my point is - she set me straight that this process will be longer than I initially thought, and now that I am in the process, I see her points, the steps we are taking make sense, and I feel good about the process and the path. Example - we spent quite a few sessions just on me sharing my life story, (all the while within the context of my gender issues and experiences), building the background of my relationships, my work, etc. We are only now just venturing down the treatment portion of my therapy.

Next, in regard to the treatment process, she and I had some straight talk about what I expect (and could expect) to get out of therapy - including help dealing with the issues I worry about (dealing with change, loss, guilt, and shame, when those feelings happen). I expect that at times this will be a rough and difficult time, so knowing now I am building the support structures for riding those times out helps me achieve some peace of mind now.

So anyway, to wrap this long-winded post up - I wanted to encourage you to hang in there. I'm a glass-half-full kinda person and as such I feel there is a positive solution out there for you waiting to be found!

Sarah

[I Am Paula]

No regrets. Every aspect of my life has improved. More friends, I'm more social, my family probably likes me more, now that I'm not so distant, and they're all girls, so I'm easier to shop for. LOL.
I never need to carry anything out of Home Depot, and I smile more.
Have to laugh at Eringirls comment. Planning...I threw little scraps of paper in the air, and picked them up one, or two at a time.

[Tina_gm]

I think from what I am reading is if you (generic) have all these regrets, or, if losing everything is not worth the price of admission, then transition is not right for you. painful that many here have had to lose friends, family, and partners in many cases, and careers, location changes that they may have not wished for, but painful as they may be, worth it because of their inability to live life with any contentment as a male with what they had.

[Rianna Humble]

I would moderate that conclusion slightly. If losing everything is not worth the price of admission then perhaps transition is not right for you at this point in time.

[GBJoker]

I can't regret anything that was taken from me by force.

[PretzelGirl]

Can you ever say anything straight up Joker? Passive aggressive posting leaves everyone having no clue what you are talking about. Spit it out and it can be discussed.

There are some things that I feel are truths. If you believe you are going to have regrets, then you are not sufficiently driven. You don't do this on a whim, you do this to align your reality. When you need to do this, then you are no longer looking back. You might look forward with fear of what may be lost. You may be looking forward with joy at the prospect of authenticity. But you are looking forward. IMO, nothing else matters in the world until I am right with myself. Then I can look outward at my employment, my relationships, my future. If I don't get myself right, I am not straight in the mind to deal with those other things to the best of my ability.

And I was like Erin. I laid a plan and stuck to it hard. I credit that to a wonderful transition with little loss. Not that I am saying that would work for everyone, but for my personality, it sure worked.

[grace7777]

I am in the beginning stages of transitioning and I have no regrets. I have been on HRT for a month. Living a double life is really taking its toll on me. My goal is that by the end of 2017 I am living as Grace 100% of the time.

[Jessica1983]

Hi thank you for your reply