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Thread: What does being a man mean to you?

  1. #1
    Member Lucy23's Avatar
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    What does being a man mean to you?

    Ilene's "Like I was in a play about Me" and Joyce's "An Epiphany" threads got me thinking about the eponymous question.

    I've noticed that you girls here speak of a spark that shines in their eyes, that everything clicks together when en femme. That unless dressed, you feel as a fraud, an observer, or an act you put forward for others to see.

    I for one have never felt that way. For me being a man (male) is part of who I am and I like it; I see my dressing as a part that too. And as such, I have never developed a female persona, nor have I felt the need to.

    Therefore, I would like to ask you and understand your perspective on it. Does being a man (male) mean anything to you? What about the society's expectations? Is it a hindrance or a gift? Can you say that there is joy in your male life? Is your life bland? Please, feel free to share anything related that comes to your mind.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    I have some really elegant man clothes, I can spend an hour getting dressed. Just don't have the chance to do it very often. I get to wear at least 3 different suits this Christmas incl a black dinner jacket, can't wait. Must be hell having to do that every day to go to work though. Only wish my family weren't so darned conservative- I'd still much rather go Pastel Goth... *sobs quietly*
    I used to have a short attention spa

  3. #3
    Southern Girl dolovewell's Avatar
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    I feel like being a man means being a man.

    My male life and female persona could not be any more different.

    I only dress up a couple times a week at most. Lately its just been once a week. The other 6 days of the week I am a man.

    When I am a man I guess the best word to describe me would be masculine and an alpha male. I am not sensitive at all. I am pretty straight forward, call it like I see it, politically conservative and don't really have a soft side. I am not really emotionally driven. I lift at the gym regularly and maintain low body fat. I have a 6 pack and chiseled jaw line and all of that. I do manly things like watch sports and work on my car. I am 100% committed to my career right now and currently have no interest at all in any kind of relationship with women.

    I embrace my masculinity instead of trying to run from it. Dressing up is just me taking a break from being the ultra masculine alpha male type I am, not trying to run away from it or escape it. I like being a man, I like my masculinity. I wish we had more men these days embrace their masculinity. There is nothing toxic about it.

    So to answer your question, being a man means embracing the fact you are a man and embracing the roles, traits and attributes that make men, men.
    28 years old, 6' tall, 155 pounds
    Measurements: 33 bust-28 waist-37 hips
    Dress Size: 6, Bra Band Size: 34

  4. #4
    Oh Whatever. Louise DK's Avatar
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    I actually really like being a man. I do a lot of very manly things. Im a family man. I work in the auto industry. I have restored several vintage and classic cars, and currently Im building a hotrod. I race my vintage British motorcycle. I play in a rockabilly band, where I get to wear some really sharp, elegant and classic man clothes, wich I like very much. Thats what being a man means to me, and I have absolutely no problem with being a man.
    On the other hand, I wish I would be able to embrace my feminine side a little more. I love dressing up as a woman, and I find it puts me in some sort of balance. But I dont go out, mainly because my wife wont allow it, and I really would like to do that. I think it has something to do with confirming that my whole person belongs in the world. So I have more of a problem with finding a space for my feminine side.

    Oh. I think you could call me a stereotypical male. Jeesh
    Last edited by Louise DK; 11-25-2016 at 05:10 AM. Reason: A Lot of misspelling and Missing words.

  5. #5
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    For me my male side is different then my fem side however I'm not what you would say is a mans man. I've never been into things such as hunting or fishing I really don't even relate to those that do, I've always had a thing for shopping.
    I can remember as a kid I loved it when we would go to a mall or such things. As a man I do have a sensitive side and have
    never been afaide to cry even, but will hold that back because men don't cry.
    So the question what does it mean, I'm not sure I mean if I had been born a girl I'm sure for me it would have been better
    but I don't dwell on that and accept what I have and my feminine side

  6. #6
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    I was born a man and I'll die a man.

    Aside from that it doesn't mean anything.

  7. #7
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    I am no fan at all of the currently favored hyper masculine macho image of manliness, typically embodied by GI Joe, the NFL, Clint Eastwood or the Marlboro man. It is unhealthy that our young men and women are subliminally told that this is what a man is like. The best image for a young boy to aspire to is the "good dad". He changes diapers, sits up with sick kids so mom can sleep, plays trucks or dolls whichever way his kids want to and doesn't tell them this way or that is inappropriate.

    Me, I'm a Gemini and so am I. I understand the twins Castor and Pollux to be brother and sister the same way I am. One is incomplete without the other participating at least partly in everything I do. As a large, physically strong male, I have experienced the privilege of being the alpha's alpha, but haven't enjoyed the expectations placed on me to take command. With my femininity coming to the fore, I am much more at peace with who I am. It's still about the clothes, but much less than it used to be. Now, when I refer to myself using feminine pronouns I automatically feel more centered and stable, even in guy mode. When I have a dress on, it's definitely better, of course. But nowadays, my femme side understands that there are times when I must act my alpha male role and she can be patient until I can get back to my dress collection.

  8. #8
    Member Bonnie Chan's Avatar
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    Being a man:
    - Physically - I feel rather neutral about my body. I am okay with it, neither like nor hate it. I just accept this as a card I have and I'll stick with it for the rest of my life.
    - Socially - There're some perspective that I don't like and like. Not sure what I like specifically though, mostly I just accept whatever society assigns men's role to me. However there's a thing I don't like such as men's expectation to be strong, have to start flirting with girl first (I'm shy with girls and can't really flirt), can't cry, men can't be sensitive, and so on with typical "masculine" traits.

    Like dolovewell, I accept and embrace the masculinity I have. But I just don't like the social expectation that it's bad for men to have some other traits (and the same goes with women too I guess.) Ideally, there should be no social expectation in the beginning and let all human regardless of gender/race to define who they are truly without worrying about bad consequences.

    - Bonnie

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
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    Hi Lucy, Being a macho guy and Crossdressing means that I have the best of both worlds.

    I take pride in my appearance in both modes......
    Last edited by BLUE ORCHID; 11-24-2016 at 05:13 PM.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

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  10. #10
    Member Ellie Summer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by suzanne View Post
    The best image for a young boy to aspire to is the "good dad". He changes diapers, sits up with sick kids so mom can sleep, plays trucks or dolls whichever way his kids want to and doesn't tell them this way or that is inappropriate.
    Suzanne, you hit a lot of good points and I think this is the part that resonates the most with me. I've thought about this topic a lot over the years and have thought I knew the answers, scrapped it all and started over again a few times now. When I think of who the manliest man I know is, I think of my brother. He in no way fits the marlboro man type. Doesn't hunt/fish, ride a motorcycle, collect guns, etc. He's actually a city boy, but he's a damn good husband and father to his little girl. He loves those girls to death and would do anything to make their lives better. Yes, that's what young men should aspire to be, and not the man who leaves the wife at home to do "womanly" things.
    I do a lot of things that society might call "manly", but I generally try to avoid gender terms at this point in my life. I love camping, rock climbing, working with ropes and harnesses, getting covered in mud, spending a lot of time in the woods. My heart rate rises with the roar of a jeeps engine, I love working with tools and fixing things. I'm proud of the work I've done inside my house and out, I chop wood like a lumber jack without a shirt on. But I also take a lot of crap for things that would normally be considered "feminine". I don't care, it's who I am and as far as I'm concerned it's advantageous to me to see life from a broader spectrum. But women can also like camping, jeeps, runnin around in the mud. Are they "manly"? I prefer to just think that we're all people, good or bad.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    I am not unhappy being a guy, I enjoy being a father and husband a lot. But I am not into manly pursuits, I don't like going out with the boys. I am mostly indifferent about my body which is slim, but hate my body hair. I think a lot of my though processes and behaviors are more female. So to me being a man is what I am on the exterior.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Georgina's Avatar
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    I am happy being a man and that is all I am. I love the fact that I can convert a standard motor vehicle into a competition version. I like my circle of friends and am mostly happy with my lot. I also love women's clothes and wear a skirt or dress every evening. This evening I started loading windows into a computer in my male clothes and, after washing, finished it off in a skirt suit.

  13. #13
    Member Valery L's Avatar
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    It means that I am a meaningless mortal, an advanced but still primitive mammal who does not understand his purpose and which is forced to interact on a daily basis with other members of the same species in a primitive and hostile manner.

  14. #14
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    I really don't like my male side so I try not to be that person.
    I wouldn't consider my male side as hyper masculine just raw with a bad attitude.
    If I am in 50/50 mode or 'tween' mode My female side is the one I let out.
    I may be looked at as male by the people around me but I don't feel like one.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 11-24-2016 at 07:17 PM.

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    I too don't like the way people describe things as "manly". I'm a man (well, male at least) and I don't do many of those things. I'm a vegetarian, I don't drink, I don't care for sports, cars are just something to get from a to b, I will tear up during a sad part of a movie, I am a house husband. Maybe that means my personality is more feminine, but I prefer to think that I am me and not worry what society thinks.

  16. #16
    Member Lucy23's Avatar
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    Thank you for your answers. And especially that you echoed positive traits men can aspire to.

    A reccuring theme I've noticed is that many of you, and myself included, relish what society might call "manly", to borrow Ellie's words. However, I guess it's not only my imagination that to deviate from that image in any way means the same society will scold you. It's as if there is only a narrow scope where a man can fit; we are not allowed to be soft, to enjoy dressing, etc. It looks like a "true" man is better defined by what he shouldn't do. Heck, I've been asked if I'm gay for my colourful choice of trousers.

    Although, it's good that it hasn't stopped you from being you.

    I really like what Bonnie and Ellie hinted at; that the social expectations of both genders might hurt us in the long run, that men and women might enjoy the same things and the very fact will not diminish anyone's being man or woman. It's a shame...

    Quote Originally Posted by Valery L View Post
    It means that I am a meaningless mortal, an advanced but still primitive mammal who does not understand his purpose and which is forced to interact on a daily basis with other members of the same species in a primitive and hostile manner.
    I take it you don't like being man...? But why forced? Do you feel that there is only a single way for a man to interact with others?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    I really don't like my male side so I try not to be that person.
    May I ask why?
    Last edited by Lucy23; 11-24-2016 at 07:22 PM.

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    My two sents is that the most mascuiine thing you can do is to dress up was woman

  18. #18
    Member Bonnie Chan's Avatar
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    For anybody who says you don't like being a man because your male side has a bad attitude, have you ever considered ignoring what the society would think of you and just embrace whatever "feminine" traits that you think it's your true self with your male side? For example, why is it wrong to be a man with sensitive heart who cries a lot when watching a touching movie? Why is it wrong for a man to not like sports and like to knit instead? Why is it wrong for a man to be considerate and sincere with other people?
    If someone don't like your personality, then they're not your friends. There'll be people out there somewhere who will appreciate you for being sincere, or maybe for you being able to repair clothes for your male friends.

    I personally don't care much what society think of me anymore. The most important thing is I need to be confident with my true self and as long as it's causing no harm, nobody else has a reason to look down on me. If they do, then I look down upon them too for being narrow minded.

    Perhaps this may be helpful to somebody who says don't like being a man. I think if you open your mind more and don't care much what other people think, then you'll be able to be happy with yourself, regardless of what gender/race/age/culture you may be in.

    - Bonnie

  19. #19
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I am a male and that is that! I am daddy to my two adult children! They are accepting but do not want to see daddy in a dress! To my sister in law and my brother in law, I am their deceased sister's husband!! Yes I am a male and as someone said I will die male!! But there is no harm in being feminine from time to time!!!! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  20. #20
    Member Periwinkle's Avatar
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    I really like being a man, but I'm just not all that manly. I've always been a pretty quiet and sensitive person. I'm really small and thin, but I like the way I look. It makes me look really cute in baggy sweaters. I like the outdoors a lot, but the only things you'll see me doing out there are reading, bike riding, and photo taking.

    I'd embrace my masculinity if I had much of it. I definitely embrace being male. And I'm not even necessarily feminine, as all the things I really enjoy doing are done by many people of different genders. I guess I'm just very ambiguous. But I'm alright with that. Everything I do is completely authentic to who I am as a person. Because of that, I don't feel the need to have a female persona. When I'm dressed, I'm still the same person, just much prettier.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucy23 View Post


    May I ask why?
    My male side has a checkered and violent past that I wish wasn't a part of me.
    My female side helps to keep him in check so I let her run the controls LOL

  22. #22
    Member Michelle Girl's Avatar
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    What does being a man mean to me? Not a lot. It was just a random accident of birth. I'm neither happy nor unhappy about it. Neither proud nor ashamed.
    Michelle

  23. #23
    Member Lucy23's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bonnie Chan View Post
    I think if you open your mind more and don't care much what other people think, then you'll be able to be happy with yourself, regardless of what gender/race/age/culture you may be in.
    Sometimes I think that men have received too much bad rep for all the hardships in the world, and in the process men are afraid to see, or even admit for that matter, what is good about them. And, I almost feel bad for writing this, but women are responsible for their share of bad things too.

    Yes, it is in "our" nature to fight and be violent etc., but that's a pretty narrow description if you ask me. That same energy can be harnessed and be used to amazing things. I mean just look at the feats you have posted here. Masculinity can be a lot things.
    Last edited by Lucy23; 11-25-2016 at 06:47 AM.

  24. #24
    Member Bonnie Chan's Avatar
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    Eh hmm, Lucy, I'm not sure I quite understand what you're trying to say here. Could you help elaborate more, maybe give some example to relate to?

  25. #25
    Member Lucy23's Avatar
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    I was thinking about why some of the post were in a rather negative tone, as if the bad is all there is to a man, you know, wars, patriarchy, violence, crime, oppression, all men want is sex, men are immature boors. When I was growing up I heard that if women run the world, all would be well. As if only the female part can be good. When I trained martial arts I was asked why I wanted to fight and that violence is bad. Certainly it is, but try telling that to those who assault you.

    Maybe I've jump to a conclusion that the implied negative tone is a result of that a little bit prematurely. If that is the case, I'm really sorry. And maybe it's just me, my occupation (I work in the media), and where I live in that just distort my view of the world. But I'm tired of those stereotypes.

    I couldn't shake the feeling that in order to be good you have to shed masculinity. I've tried to suppress that and it led to sadness and depression. Only after I've become more comfortable with who I am I could see that strength could be an asset used in many good ways. That's why I was surprised in a good way that the majority of the posts were positive, and echoed good traits about being a man.

    And again, I mean no disrespect to anyone, I was just trying to understand. That's why I'm asking these questions, to gain perspective.

    Bonnie, is that better?

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