Embarrassment

[ellbee]

em·bar·rass·ment
əmˈberəsmənt/

noun

a feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness.
"I turned red with embarrassment"


Yep, I sure did turn red today.


Had to drop off a package at the post office. In guy-mode, but wearing a black hoodie, brown heathered leggings, and black running shoes -- all women's stuff.

Only one clerk. Customer taking *forever*. Right after I got there, all these other customers suddenly started piling in one after another, like half a dozen -- all rough-and-tumble macho blue-collar type guys, of course. Come on! Not a single GG??

All of them standing behind me & to the side of me, in the typical awkward line found at this branch location. Customer being helped *still* taking forever. Sigh.


I can get away with the hoodie & running shoes, but surely at least some of these guys have noticed my leggings by now. Ugh. I can't look at them. I wonder what they're thinking, especially in this neck of the woods. Then I feel my face turn bright red. Just for a moment, but it felt like forever. Really just wanted to turn around & walk back out to my car. Stuck through it, though.

Not a typical experience for me these days, as usually I have no problem. But today sounded like a more-discreet bootcut yoga pants kind of day, skipping the leggings. Oh, well! The confidence can't be there 24/7, I guess.


Ever find yourself getting really embarrassed with all this stuff in certain situations?

Share your shame!

[Cheryl T]

Don't worry so much.
Lots of runners wear leggings and black is not the most common you will see. Most probably never noticed, and those that did may have chuckled inside, but who cares, when will you ever see them again??

[Tina_gm]

I know we need to "own it" at some point. It's easy Ish when we are in comfortable settings, but when faced with with circumstances where we are going to stand out a bit.... nothing wrong with NOT pushing the boundaries at times. Own it certainly, but we don't always have to push.

[Dana44]

However I dress out there, I have never felt embarrassed as you own it . Np and did they say anything to you. If you have the confidence and even if one says something to you, then have a nice answer. There doesn't need to be any standoff or anything, you are in a government facility. Do you think someone would jump you there? Yep they would keep their mouth shut in a place like that.

[sara66]

No matter how much we tell our selves to "own it" & know that we will never see these people again, we still feel self conscious. I have only been out a couple of time and shopping in drab more that a hundred times, I still feel all eyes watching. I think it will always be in the back of my mind. I also think there might be a little rush we like.
Sara

[RADER]

I have had experiences at the post office like yours;
A person wants to send a package, has no Box to put it in,
Like you just put as stamp on a bundle of clothes and off
it goes to grand-ma;s house.
I was standing in line with my new bra on with my DD forms.
Yes you could see the projection very well.
What seemed like 3 hours was really about 15 minuets.
I could have run out, but I was already there, so I stuck it out.
Rader

[DaniChan]

Despite what we tell ourselves and rationally think, the emotional side of us often takes control....that and adrenaline rushes

I don't think I've had a situation I felt shame. I sometimes do get quite an adrenaline rush, but feels more like fear than shame or awkwardness. And yeah, doesn't really matter what I tell myself.

As for a (boring) story, just yesterday, I was going to a store to get some heels. As I'm walking in the street I bump into a friend ...ok good thing I'm not holding a bag yet...went to grab a snack and as I was walking to the store bump on him again...oook quite the confidence builder for someone closeted...
As I get closer to the store the adrenaline starts to kick in, despite having tried shoes many times in stores with no problems (noradrenaline - couldn't resist the pun lol).
I get in ask a GG SA for the shoes, try them on, somewhat shaky on the legs (quite fun with heels on). Bought them after a quick walk in the store totally not caring about the other customers around

[Allisa]

Not the post office!!! I can't remember, do you have your own long hair and shorter in stature? do you wear just a touch of make-up when out and jewelry? I do and I go to some very masculine establishments for my chores and shopping but have not been embarrassed in a long time but I know that feeling of "being alone" in the jungle. Did I mention my purse with me all the time.

[Teresa]

Laura,
If you feel that embarrassed wearing those leggings you may as well dress more femme with makeup and wig !

[ellbee]

Hi all,

Thanks for the replies.


No, I present only as a guy these days (there was a recent exception, but that was a different case altogether, LOL). Heck, I don't even own a wig. Not my thing anymore. I've had my time in the sun with all that, so to speak. Weird how I could go out in public all dolled-up back then without me batting an eye, even to freakin' hetero bars/clubs on non-Halloween nights -- but now get embarrassed simply over wearing leggings in guy-mode??

I wasn't wearing make-up or jewelry or have a purse or anything. Short hair & 5'9".


I've been to that same post office dressed in similar outfits 3-5 times a week for the past few months now. Never once did I turn red like that, or even come close.

And no, it has nothing to do with adrenaline, IMO. I wear this stuff practically all day, every day. Not doing it for kicks... If I need to go out, changing into guy-clothes just for that seems like a silly hassle & waste of time.


I guess the sudden influx of all those rough-and-tumble macho blue-collar type guys totally threw me off. A freak occurrence, really. And no, I wasn't worried that I'd get jumped or even anyone saying anything to me. But I was definitely the most femmy-looking guy there, by far, LOL. It really just messed with my head for a moment, is all.


As for male runners wearing leggings, maybe elsewhere. But not here. Believe me, I'm an oddity in these parts.

[Krisi]

We all have the choice of the clothing we wear to go out and we have to "own it". If being seen in public in certain clothing bothers you, don't wear these things.

BTW: I used to work with "rough-and-tumble macho blue-collar type guys " and found that they were pretty nice and regular people once I got to know them and they got to know me. Somebody has to build our houses and fix our toilets.

[Ariadne]

Not many Puritans (or folks with Puritan leanings) left in the Bay State. You're probably safe 'most anywhere.

[Sallee]

My guess is no body noticed or cared they were all to busy waiting for the line to shorten so they could get on with there on problems

[Judith96a]

The post office queue is the worst! I remember once waiting in line to buy a shipping box. There were only two staff serving and at least 20 people in the queue when I joined it. Glaciers move faster! A few more people joined the queue then a group of youths. They were clearly laughing and yo-hoing about something or someone but I couldn't make out what because of their accents. I could feel my face going bright red under my makeup. There were still quite a few people in front of me but I needed the box so I just had to suck it up and hope that I wasn't the cause of their mirth.

[Tracii G]

If you had your time in the sun as you say I would think you would have gotten over the embarrassment phase.

[Cheryl James]

I have been uncomfortable due to too much attention. But, I have really never been embarrassed. This is me. What do I really care what someone who does not know me thinks about me. I think that I am a decent person. So I like to wear girls clothes...so what. It took a long time to be this bold, I'll admit.

[ellbee]

Not many Puritans (or folks with Puritan leanings) left in the Bay State. You're probably safe 'most anywhere.

One would think. But I've had my fair share of negative experiences in "liberal" New England. But hey, I suppose it could be worse elsewhere.

If you had your time in the sun as you say I would think you would have gotten over the embarrassment phase.

I've thought about that. But 2 things jump to mind...

One, I took a 3.5-year break from all this, only starting up again (albeit partially) a few months ago. And one can lose a ton of that much-needed confidence rather quickly. Takes time to build it back up.

And two, something I've talked about before: Wearing women's clothes while in guy-mode, and presenting as a female are, on some levels, 2 very different things. While doing the 100% en femme thing certainly takes some guts, so does the guy-mode thing, IMO. There is no "mask" to hide behind; there is no "perhaps they're a TS, so I'll be respectful" thing happening -- it's like, yep, I'm a dude wearing femmy clothes, laying it out for all to see.



Anyway, this isn't going to stop me from continuing to do this. It was just a small & temporary but interesting (to me, at least) moment with all this. Otherwise, I'm usually perfectly fine with it, for the most part.

Just weird how it can happen in certain instances, despite one's history & experience.


Now, more tales of embarrassment, please!

[jeanine38]

I don't dress to pass but I do wear clothes from the women's aisle often, and I underdress nearly 100% of the time.

Several years ago I was on a daytime longhaul flight and was sitting in business class. I had the fortune of a lie-flat seat and was napping. I woke to find a flight attendant who stopped at my seat to wait to pass in the aisle and when I moved I realized she was staring at my quite-obvious pink bra strap, as my top had shifted off my shoulder while I was sleeping. I think I turned the same shade of pink as my bra!!!

[Tracii G]

I have been wearing womens clothes in guy mode for so long I really never think about it.
If people have a problem with it 99% never say anything because they really don't care.

[redtea]

Leggings are embarrassing, idk how you wear them all time time. My first time out of the house wearing something...different...was with yoga knee lenght leggings. My legs felt so fragile and feminine- I felt like i was going to be shunned at any moment.

Even if I was a girl, id probably still feel embarrassed to wear leggings. The soft form fitting things that make your butt eye candy to those who glance.

[Tracii G]

Awww you are going to deny me eye candy redtea?

[lingerieLiz]

Sometimes the other person is embarrassed. I was putting a bag in the overhead on a flight when the stewardess placed her hand on my back and felt my bra band hooks. I think she jumped 3 ft back and said excuse me as she ran off. I saw her later and said don't worry about it. She was young and I think it may have been a first for her.

[ellbee]

Liz, nice spin to this thread!


redtea, try wearing a slightly longer shirt/top/hoodie/etc.

[transfeminate]

Lot of good lessons in this particular posting