I am out in that I will shop, dine out, run errands, etc. I am in no way out in the way that you (Kandi) are. You (others, too) are an inspiration to me. Kandi has a real life. I don't know that I will get there. I hope!
I am out in that I will shop, dine out, run errands, etc. I am in no way out in the way that you (Kandi) are. You (others, too) are an inspiration to me. Kandi has a real life. I don't know that I will get there. I hope!
Most people know through my postings that I get out semi-regularly (usually on my own, I seldom go out in large groups). Generally I attend LGBTQ events, but more recently I have been getting out in the general public (with plenty of prodding from Kandi). I like attending lectures and cultural events and have not had a bad experience. Living near Washington DC, I have access to the Smithsonian and many other interesting venues (Universities etc) that are all welcoming.
Warmly,
Sheren Kelly
Stephanie, dear;
This is the first I'm seeing your postings on this site.
This I must share. I absolutely marvel at your maturity and perspective on loving and honoring women. That resonates.
Your mind is in a good place.
Thanks. Learning more every day I come here. [Love your look, BTW. more 'maturity' showing.]
There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.
I've been going out the past year a few times to the mall etc. My most recent was a vacation to northern Michigan in full dress from start to finish. Stayed at a nice B&B. It was the best vaca. I've ever had. Kisses
As I mentioned the majority of members here answered they do go out, I probably fall into the category as many others of it happening later in life . I will continue to do it and hopefully enjoy it more and more because I don't know how long that window will be open to me. I have surprised myself possibly as much as anyone of how good it is possible to look, I know it's not the criteria , it's how you feel inside and those feelings being satisfied .
Maybe I still can't say for certain if transition might happen but I'm beginning to think that the general public are becoming more accepting because they may think we are at some point along that road and are just being supportive. If that's true then the TG community is heading in the right direction as far as understanding and acceptance is concerned. I accept that maybe that's not what some of our wives/ partners wish to hear .
Hey now! Don't blame me!! JK, you literally made me laugh out loud. How sweet.Originally Posted by CapHill Kelly
I'm a bit overwhelmed by this response. Today is the second birthday of Kandi, two years ago today I told my wife and with her acceptance (boy am I blessed), Kandi was born. My whole mission in life has become my trying to get out there and change minds one at a time. That is the only way it works. Once we become less of an unusual occurrence in people's lives, then we can continue being accepted.
Today was my first day as a volunteer at The Cleveland Museum of Art, a world renowned museum. They hold a monthly party and I was one of the hostesses (OK, I stopped people from walking through a roped off area, but I like to think of myself as a hostess). I interacted with many people and, as usual, no one gave me any grief.
I am so proud of myself. I never stop marveling about how wonderful my experience have been.
So here I am a few hours ago......
Last edited by Kandi Robbins; 12-02-2016 at 10:55 PM.
Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.
My first time out in public crossdressed was way back in the early 1970's. For many years my forays into public were pretty infrequent. But, since I retired 12 years ago I get out on a pretty regular basis. Since 2004, I am out and about an average of about 4 days out of every month. Sometimes I am by myself. Sometimes I am with one or two other crossdressers. And sometimes I am with groups of 20 or more. I am comfortable in all those situations. I go anywhere an ordinary woman would go and I enjoy engaging ordinary people in conversation. Many people simply don't care whether you are a crossdresser or not and even more simply are too involved with whatever they are doing to even notice. And those that do notice are mostly accepting. It has been my experience that the vast majority of people I encounter that recognize I am a crossdresser and not a cis-woman, still interact with me as if I was a real woman.
I crossdress and go out to have fun. If it stops being fun for me, I'll probably just quit doing it.
Here's a photo of me outside a restaurant that another CD and I had just finished having lunch in yesterday:
20161201_133026a.jpg
Phoebe
In my opinion people don't see me as a crossdresser but as a trans woman and so they are more accepting of it.
My SO has been going out for years and his experience matches yours. If someone reads him (which they do when she speaks), they don't let on. They respect my SO's presentation ... for the most part. We have had a few unpleasant experiences with teenagers saying rude things, and I've caught some SAs snickering together behind my SO's back, and I've seen young kids at chain restaurants all poking their heads out from the back, presumably after one member of staff had told them there was "one of those" at a table. But, these experiences are far from the norm. And at the places we go to regularly, the staff has gotten used to us.
Reine
Majella,
Maybe your bathroom debate has done some good in bringing the TG community more into the open, I'm beginning to think the general public do regard us as on the TS road. I also feel that many are of the opinion CDers only stay at home to dress and don't have a need to be out, so they are respecting the ones that are out as something they need to do rather something they're doing it for amusement .
BINGO! Our presentation means everything. If we take that seriously, then we will (usually) be taken seriously also. Appropriate is the key word. Appropriate for your age, your size/body type, the situation, etc... At least that has been my personal experience.
Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.
Lauri K, forum girl from Houston, and I met in person for the first time the day before yesterday. We are currently spending an amazing long weekend together. We have been all over North Houston with absolutely no issues. Out for drinks, several places for lunch, dinner, shopping, you name it. We have been well received every where we go. Life if good. Be brave. Go out. Live!
Jeri
Once you quit worrying about what others may say or think, you will find that it is VERY easy to go out. Before I ventured out fully enfemme I would under dress (still do that) and would worry if my cami or bra straps were visible under my shirt. Now I just do not care what others think. No problem now either in drab with some lace showing or visible straps or out fully as Karyn.
It was about two years ago I took those first tentative steps out into the real world as well. Went to Toronto for a makeover, then a bit farther east to buy a wig. Fabulous day that demonstrated "they" really don't notice, but if they do, don't make an issue of it. Just felt "right" to be dressed as I was, being out and about, going about my business.
Although I returned home determined to get out on a frequent basis, life took a turn (won't bore you with details) that keeps me from doing that. Time will come when I'll be able to come and go as I please, dressed as I please.
Karen
I've been out and about shopping, museums, etc., every couple of weeks for the past couple of months, and have the same benign experiences as everyone else!
Moral of the story is that it doesn't matter if you go as 'man in a dress' more explicitly, like I do- since we are men in dresses, and everyone gets that. It is something that used to be a taboo, and only a small conservative group are outraged and fearful, a few are disgusted, quite a few are a bit disconcerted if it is their first time, but most are tolerant, and courteous, if not friendly.
To the degree we try to emulate female appearance, people will have cursory judgments about how well we do, but IMHO the background is that everyone also understands that women have a terrible time trying to look beautiful/like idealized women as well. So they are sympathetic as well as judgmental. The most common comment to me is a friendly appraisal of my success from a woman- 'That skirt looks great on you-" and the like. The special times for me are seeing broad surprised and warm smiles on young women who are relieved that at least one man understands the trials and tribulations of choosing women's wear!
Mature women appear to me to have a more weary acceptance, as they are over the excitement, and can understand both the benefits and hassles of dressing in women's wear, and trying to present a look!
The young men at the tech counter are a bit stiff, and I think that is complicated for them because I am also 'old', but after a split second of orientation there is nothing to do but chat about the features on my phone or whatever. I feel good every time I come home after being out, since people have either confirmed their own generous spirit with me, or have been exposed to the reality of gender diversity in a safe and real present moment way, or have understood something important about themselves. A few teens/college freshmen have snickered, but when I just look at them directly in a friendly way they collect themselves. They meant no harm. I haven't met anyone who was hostile, but there must be a few, who will later feel the sting of their own contempt and have to work hard to justify it.
I love the fact that young women often smile broadly and with relief that I will understand a lot more about their lives than many of the men who ogle them. Mature women have a weary acceptance, as they know the good and bad of it all, and if I want to try to enjoy the good, why not?
I encourage everyone to go out as much as possible, and don't worry about being read as a man- just own your look- if you go as I do, or with expertly crafted makeup and add-on boobs, as we are explicitly saying that being feminine is desirable and a generous society makes room for everyone to enjoy it!
We are all beautiful...!
phili, I see you are in San Francisco. I could tell a bunch of San Francisco jokes but I'll pass. My point is, San Francisco is known as a place where pretty much anything goes. Most of the USA is not as liberal and not as accepting of different lifestyles as your city.
In many parts of the country, walking around one's hometown in a dress with no attempt to pass as a woman or conceal one's identity would be career suicide. The person would also be invited to leave his church and not come back. His family would be shunned, children would not be allowed to play with his children, etc.
I'm not saying that's how it should be but I am saying that's how it is. We have to think carefully before we do things that we can't take back. We have to think of our futures and our loved ones.
It's great that your situation allows you the freedom to do anything you want to. Most of us don't have that freedom.
Encouraged by this forum, my usual weekend attire (albeit slacks, jeans and tops) is from the ladies department to which I add jewelry, light makeup, nail polish and carry a handbag. My travels include malls, markets, etc. I have had some knowing smiles from females at the checkout, but strive to interact with all in hopes of showing the world that transgendered people are OK.
As I identify as bi-gendered, I venture out sans wig. I have been encouraged by weekend experiences and look to continue to build on my presentations.
Ladies, thanks for being here and sharing a part of you. You give me hope.
Michele
If you are actually recording reply results, Kandi, you know my history personally. In the past five years I've ramped up from going to get gas or to the post office dressed to going anywhere I want. In the past two years since I figured out I am transgender, I don't let any place stop me. I've been in large, dense crowds like the State Fair or historical building tours. I take road trips en femme and do all from meals to lodging as Heidi. I go to any store or restaurant that I want. In other words, I just do my thing like I do when I'm in male mode.
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!
I'm thinking it's a transcendence from trying to look so passable that no one suspects that you're a male, the ultimate pass, to an appreciation of a male that wants to emulate an appearance of beauty that has been societally reserved only for genetic females. I so long for someone that I interact with on a daily basis as Charley to see me and say, "Oh my! You're beautiful!" So I can just smile and say, "Thank you. Could you please call me Carla?" Yes, we can dream.
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
Hey Kandi, my sister from another mister!
Yeah you and I started to hit the road about the same time. I don't go out even a fraction of what you do, but my home situation is a little more restrictive than yours. Other than avoiding places "too" close to home, I think I've done ok. So far shopping has been great, and women treat me really well, even if I'm in drab looking for women's items. Not saying that they totally accept me, or don't smirk later, but so far nothing but positive treatment. I try to get out once a month or two.
Pretty good considering the area in cincy where I live is fairly conservative.
Last edited by Meghan4now; 12-03-2016 at 04:31 PM.
Have you noticed any shifts of acceptance/rejection from the general public during these past several decades?
Easier at one time than another? Any kind of trends?
All kinds of variables, to be sure. But just looking for overall general sense. Thanks!
Well, since meeting you, hard to believe it has been 2 years already, i have seen myself getting out more. Still reserved on the personal interaction with others. Still trying to meet others to be able to do stuff with. Slowly but surely, venturing into other arenas other than the GNO, such as shopping during daylight hours. Have already been to places like Burlington, Sears, JCPenney and the like. Just recently made my first purchase that required interaction with someone else (detailed in another post). The time i spent at Keystone was certainly helpful. I am realizing that for the most part, people don't care, and that actually applies to others aspects of life (most people tend not to care outside of their own lives and activities from what i have observed), Still somewhat apprehensive however when out in public, just because of the ugliness you mention. I wish I had not taken so long either, but sometimes, you simply don't have a choice, you have to bide your time. At least i have a supportive wife who is great who helps and encourages.
[B][I]Call me Michelle: doll:
Yes, I have noticed that as the decades have passed, the general public has become a lot less surprised at seeing a crossdresser out and about. It has been a very gradual thing. In the 70's going out was mostly at Halloween, Mardi Gras, or to meetings at various hotels and other "safe" venues. Now you can go out to pretty much any mainstream place without fear of harassment. With more of us in public view it has become not quite "normal", but certainly is no longer a big deal to encounter a crossdresser just about anywhere. I would have to say that I believe general acceptance (or at least tolerance) of us is at an all time high right now.
Phoebe
Its way easier than you first think, Its loads of fun,its free too. the worst part is no one really cares or notices Oh yes don't forget addicting
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
I originally thought I'd never leave the house dressed. But lately, I've felt the urge to go out as Maria. Tonight, I took the plunge. I only drove into town to drop off my utility bill, but it was a real rush. At first, I was scared. Kept thinking what if I get pulled over, or worse, get in an accident. Or even worse, seen by one of my daughters. I drive a one of a kind customized F-150. Once I was in town, I felt great! I can honestly say, I will be venturing out more. My next step beyond driving around will probably be finding an outing of other crossdressers in one of the larger cities nearby, (I live in a small town). Maria Darlov (Facebook wouldn't accept Darkspace) is finding her place in this world. I would love to meet other CDs or join a group that goes out for dinner and drinks. I'm 52 years old. 100% straight. I live in the Atlanta area.
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