It's okay with her but still embarrassing

[Melaniexox]

My girlfriend claims that my cross dressing is okay . Yet when I went to be a girl I still am not comfortable doing it anywhere close to her . In fact I still sneak around to do it . Anyone else have this problem?

[Beverley Sims]

I think this is a common reaction when starting out.

With more contact the feeling should diminish.

Always be mindful of your girlfriend's changing moods and act accordingly.

[sara66]

My wife knows about my dressing( doesn't want to see) she told me she was ok with me hanging things in my closet. I still keep every thing hidden out of sight. 45 years of habit.
I still feel weird about even the thought of my wife seeing me dressed.
Sara

[Stephanie Julianna]

My wife has known for over 48 years. While we were dating she would help me dress in my room but no makeup or wigs were involved so she got the unpolished experience. Then after we were married she let me invite another hetero crossdressing husband and his wife for an evening, He and I were dressed. It did not go well. I was barely passable and unfortunately he looked like Herman Munster in a dress. When my wife openned the door to our apartment she almost pulled his arm out of the socket pulling him in from the hallway. We had a mysterious neighbor who we knew was watching comings and goings to our apartment. We always heard the click of the cover of the peep hole in the door when we were looking for our keys. Kind of like the cat lady in Barefoot in the Park. Well that sealed my fate. We never had another crossdresser over again and except for a few photos over the years she has never seen me dressed again. It makes it harder when your best friend does not get it but I understand. We have been in this mode so long that I think I would as uncomfortable as she being Steph with her now. It was a dream once but that ship has sailed. The up side is our three great kids and 7 grandchildren. Everything in its place does have its rewards.

[Helen_Highwater]

Melanie,

I'm not as lucky as you as I'm still in the closet, afraid that years of marriage could go out the window if I come out. While our situations are different we share something in common. The nagging doubt borne out of the social stigma that CD'ing still carries, albeit that society is far more accepting and tolerant than even a decade ago. This I know as while in the closet, I do go out enfemme when the opportunity arises and find folks generally just not caring or reacting, certainly in a hostile way.

All I can suggest is you talk to her about your fears. How you would like to let her get to know the femme you but you feel extremely self conscious. Who knows, she may suggest a way forward.

[Pat]

I had that problem early on. It was simply a matter of confidence. I wasn't confident that I looked good and I wasn't confident that she (or anyone) could possibly still care for me after sharing in my Shameful Secret. These days I understand that I look how I look and that's perfectly OK. And I learned that our relationship is stronger than that. (Not saying everyone's is, just saying mine was.)

[NancySue]

You've crossed (no pun) the biggest hurdle....being honest and telling her. Go slowly. Respect her moods. Remember this is all new to her. I suggest some mutual reading about our complicated world. There are many resources on line. I told my wife, before the "I do's", expecting her to head for the nearest exit door. She didn't. We did a lot of reading and honest talking. I don't remember the day she unconditionally accepted, but it was the happiest day of my life. Neither of us, to this day, understand the "why's", but it's here for the duration. Again, move slowly and hopefully you will not have to feel guilt for something you can't control. The best to you both.

[Karen RHT]

My girlfriend claims that my cross dressing is okay . Yet when I went to be a girl I still am not comfortable doing it anywhere close to her . In fact I still sneak around to do it . Anyone else have this problem?

I don't mean to split hairs here Melanie, but does your girlfriend "claim" or "assure" you that your crossdressing is okay with her? It's possible you still sneak around because you don't believe/accept her words, or trust that she's truly ok with your dressing. Do you know why you're "not comfortable doing it anywhere close to her?" Are you comfortable with yourself when you crossdress? Do you really want to explore your crossdressing with others?

Currently I don't have any problem dressing in front of my wife. I did at first, as I wasn't sure she could handle it, and that her words were stated with reservations. I decided there was more to gain than lose but putting us both to the test. That was one of my better decisions in life. She not only accepts me dressed around the house, she's offered constructive criticism that's helped me look better, and feel better about myself.


Karen

[Krisi]

How do you dress in front of your girlfriend? Like a normal woman (similar to how she dresses) or are you all dolled up with six inch heels and a mini skirt? I think you'll do better with her and be less nervous yourself if you tone it down to a casual outfit and makeup.

[Jenny22]

Many forum girls would love to be in your position. Don't sneak around, if she says OK. Ask her to help you in some meaningful way. She may just be waiting for you to do so. And, love her to death! Might work for you.

[Lux]

When my wife and I were first dating, it took her a little while to process everything. Over the years, she has fully accepted my cross dressing and says I can dress whenever I want. Going out on weekends was no problem but weekdays were a different matter. After she said that, it took me a couple years to feel comfortable with her coming home to me dressed. I thought she would be anxious about it yet in the end, it was myself that was over thinking it. You have to listen to what she is saying, believe her and not assume anything. Good luck!

[franlee]

Melanie, I have CDed with all 3 of my wives and have no problems from them or me. However I do and always have tended to enjoy dressing more with them than by myself. And with that said I still feel the need to dress out of their presence a lot of the time for more than one important reason, and that is I don't want to overdo and take advantage of the great understanding and support they give. I have to admit that sometimes I like the feeling of being naughty and secretive as well as sometimes it's just for self gratification. But you have no problem from what you shared just experiencing a personal netch/thing. I think it very well may work in your favor and hers.

[ellbee]

How do you dress in front of your girlfriend? Like a normal woman (similar to how she dresses) or are you all dolled up with sis inch heels and a mini skirt? I think you'll do better with her and be les nervous yourself if you tone it down to a casual outfit and makeup.

Heck, start out with a simple pair of yoga pants / leggings, with a hoodie -- in guy-mode. And just chill out with each other at home watching TV or something.

No need to rip the band-aid off in one fell swoop. Nothing wrong with easing into it all. That way you both feel comfortable.

[Patrica Gil]

With someone seeing you the first time dressed or while getting dressed can be strange. She seems to be okay with it and with time you will calm down. As you trust her more you will relax more around her. She's good with it then with time you will not only enjoy it more, but your girl time with her will be amazing.

[Aaron Zwidling]

I can totally sympathize with the way you feel. I have been with my wife for almost thirty years, she is perfectly fine with me dressing which she has told me numerous times, and at times I still feel funny letting her see me dressed. For me I think it is the era I grew up in where society really frowned on crossdressing, and in the back of my mind I still worry about a woman seeing her husband dressed that way. I don't know if it is the same for you, but for me it has always felt like it is 100% my hang-up and has nothing to do with her. For me it has slowly gotten better over the years, and by the time I die I should be perfect at it.

[karrin]

not too lucky myself, wife caught me some years back, not much was said about it then. again some years later left some under garments by washer,shouted to my daughter if they were hers, she said no! I kept silentthey both have an idea, but just wish I had more nerve sigh! lucky indeed Melanie

[Sallee]

I know that MO. Wife knows about dressing isn't real keen on it so it is DADT which for me is fine I don't get to much of a good thing. Now she use to be fine with it we went to group get togethers together and I was free to dress anytime but I kept it slow for no good reason. Then one day she said she was tried of it and didn't want to see it any more. Intellectually she was fine emotionally not so much. So for now and probably for ever more I'll keep it on the down low. Which does kind of suck but I really don't mind it because it keeps it in control for me. I get out a couple of times a month. That Fri poker game or the afternoon in the field
I have to admit I had never felt real comfortable dressed in front of her.

[gownman]

I am a minimalist cross dresser - slips and long nighties only, but both of my wives enjoyed the playfulness of it. The first time I wore a gown was when my first wife asked if I wanted to wear it. She had picked up on how much I liked the feel of the silky nylon.

[Sandy silk]

The only person who knows about me is my wife...and that's the way I want it. If I tell her I'm in the mood to dress she says go right ahead. My problem is make up. I'm terrible at it. I watch the tutorials and have little luck. At my age...67...I have tried make up glasses ...it's really difficult. If my wife doesn't do my make up, I'm really stuck. Anyone have a solution besides having their SO do their makeup?

[Acastina]

How do you dress in front of your girlfriend? Like a normal woman (similar to how she dresses) or are you all dolled up with six inch heels and a mini skirt? I think you'll do better with her and be les nervous yourself if you tone it down to a casual outfit and makeup.

Good advice here. Way too many beginner and inexperienced CDs have an almost cartoonish sense of feminine style, ill-fitting clothes and wigs, regrettable makeup results, and on and on regarding "the look". With time, most will find their way to clothes that fit, wigs that flatter, a nice look with the cosmetics, and the comfort that goes with it. It will definitely be trial and error. Lots of error.

On the other hand, there is a tendency among some CDs to tend to dress like their grandmothers, way too conservative and/or dated. We all owe it to ourselves to be keen observers and diligent students of outfits, current styles, age-and-physique-appropriate looks, and so forth. Any CD of any size can find a style that works with enough effort and patience.

One suggestion, if you have the freedom to do private photo shoots, is to keep at it until you have a few that you're proud of. Most of us will catch a moment or two out of dozens of snaps in which we look our best. You might share these with her as a way of easing into dressing when she's around and spending time together that way. A little positive encouragement from her would give you the self-confidence and trust of her that you seem to be struggling with.

I love to go full-flossy, as most of my avatars and profile pics will attest, but these days I'm loving girl jeans, scrunch flats, v-neck tee tops, and flyaway cardigans. I've seen several women friends about my age with that look and absolutely love it. It's down-to-earth casual and yet subtly feminine.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Melanie, My wife of 53yrs. knows all about everything but just don't want to see me while dressed......

[Robin777]

My wife knew before we were married that I liked to dress. At first I didn't like to be dressed around her that much, That went away and I didn't want her to see me getting dressed. That eventually went away and it's no big deal to dress when she is around. I think the shyness of the whole thing started going away when we really started to shop the thrift stores together for clothes and stores for the underthings and she started making suggestions on what she thought would look good on me. After 37 years of marriage we have fun together shopping for clothes.

[Krisi]

I have to wonder if the OP has read and acted on any of this advice? It would be nice to know if we have been of some help.

[Taylor186]

My wife has known for years and I dress in front of her but I always prefer, while home, to dress by myself. And I do this, like someone said earlier, mostly because I don't want to take advantage of the understanding and support she gives me. Also when I dress in front of her I want everything 100% perfect, and there are times when I just want to dress to relax which means no makeup or wig or other accessories. I don’t like her seeing me half done in that way. My hang-up, not hers.

I do “nibble at the edges” openly around her wearing black microfiber panties 99% of the time, and I wear them to bed too. I don’t even think of this as crossdressing anymore, and I think she doesn’t either. I shave my legs (daily) and will routinely wear leggings and/or tights to the local health club while in total guy mode. My wife comes along and nothing is ever said by her, or anyone else for that matter.

Starting subtle and gauging her reaction, and your own comfort level, over time is always a wise approach. She may say she doesn't mind but you won't begin to know until she sees you dressed a few times.

[Leslie Mary S]

Sandy Silk: "Anyone have a solution besides having their SO do their makeup?"

Practice, Practice, Practice. Take self photos so you can see the progress. You don't have to post them or print them. Put them on a "Private" flash drive with the date of the photo. Maybe add a text doc of what you did. Soon you will see what works and what doesn't.