Speaking for myself, it was absolute. If there is a choice, don?t transition. Here?s why; you may lose family, friends, home, community, wealth and possessions. Physical/medical transition is painful with long recovery and horribly expensive. Hormones and surgeries will not turn you into the young attractive female in your fantasies, only a feminized version of yourself.

You have not experienced life as Olivia, just occasional time alone, maybe an inconspicuous drive. You also seem to be in a DADT relationship. You remain in this situation because of your fears. I know because this was my life many years ago.

You will know if and when transition is necessary.