Cop called me a "skirt"

[Joni T]

He was basically calling you a whimp and to grow a spine.
Jon

[Maria Blackwood]

C'mon, ladies.

Another angle is to look really confused, and ask what he meant. Even after he explains it (making him self conscious), act like it's completely alien, and finish with, "Huh. I'll ask my son about it. They know all the slang words that kiddies use these days." Smile, and wish him a safe day.

"Kiddies" and "safe" are the key subverters to his mood.

I did that with a guy at work years ago. He knew I got my Masters at USC, so he was trying to make me feel bad because USC lost some sportsball event. I acted baffled as to why I should care that the sportsing department of an institution with which I had concluded my business transaction long ago lost one of hundreds of games they play. Eventually he seemed to realize how asinine it was.

Am I a bad girl? Gods, I hope so.

[Michala]

Let me say right up front, I am not easily offended. For that reason I find nothing offensive about the comment, just someone trying to make conversation. It's getting to the point where a person can't say anything without someone being offended. I wasn't there but for me the tone of voice used is often a better indicator of intent. You used the term "just joking", so why not take the comment with the intent that you admit it was given?

Probably not going to be very popular but I'm tired of everything being taken so literally. Life is too short for me to get worked up over something that I consider trivial.

[Karen RHT]

Stopped in a country store to get hot chocolate for my son. Lady server asked if I wanted whipped cream. Knowing my son, I said no. A male cop getting coffee, said "oh get it, you skirt". As I was in drab, it immediately hurt the man in me, even though he was "just joking". Then I realized that it hurt my femme side as well, and was an affront to all women and things feminine. As one who always thinks if what I should have said later I should have said, what's wrong with skirts? Or you don't like women, etc. I still feel yucky about it. Julie

So Julie made it clear she was "in drab" so this is the thought that came to my mind as I read her post. Cop sees a guy being asked if his son wants his hot chocolate topped off with whipped cream. Julie says no and cop thinks "aw c'mon man, mom's not here (yes...old stereotype that mothers control if/when kids get treats) let the kid have some whipped cream." Cop abbreviates his response with the old "don't be a skirt" line. Heard that line countless times when I was a youngster.

Politically incorrect in this day and age?? Some would say it is. Harmful?? I sincerely doubt that was the cop's intent. Most likely just poking at dad to let the kid have a treat.


Karen

[Maria Blackwood]

Hey I was just brainstorming because psy ops are fun. If it were me I would have just ignored it. I come from a bloodline with a history of very dark humor, so it's nigh impossible to offend me.

[Christina D]

Christina look a woman can wear anything she wants anywhere she wants BUT is it appropriate is the question.

But who defines "appropriate" and what are their metrics for defining it? The patriarchy and their propensity for making women feeling shame about their bodies. Men can and are encouraged to get away with a lot more than women do. If we're going to talk about "appropriate," then those definitions should be held equally.

I see you admitted using your patriarchal entitlement so no need to discuss that subject any longer.
You are involved in the public school system and have been slowly programmed to think they way you do but I won't hold that against you because you don't know anything different.

You're right, I did admit to it and I think I made my shame fairly clear. What's more, I was trying to illustrate that it's up to all of us to correct the errors of our ways. When it comes to any social inequality, the dominant group must take responsibility and action against the system if there's going to be any change. It's all well and good for a female teacher to bring a feminist perspective into her classroom, but for sexist and discriminatory language to end in the classroom, the duty falls upon me as a man (I only present as male while at school) to stand up as an example.

Also, for the record, I've never attended public school in my life and I teach at two colleges, so whatever point you're trying to make about public education is beyond me.

If anything, attending private, religious schools (not by choice, by the way) opened my eyes to how sexist the world is. When I asked my religion teacher why women can't be priests, he rattled off some nonsense about their temperament and their cursed bodies. When I wanted to do yoga with the girls during gym instead of wrestling, I was told that I have to learn how to take a hit like a man. Well, I didn't take a hit, but another boy did break my collarbone flipping me over to pin me.

again, this political correctness stuff drives me crazy. i only have female employee's and i do the very same thing by calling them
collectively as "guys". i see nothing wrong with this and i guess my girls don't either. some have been with me for over 20 years.
i believe they understand that it is said without malice and more of a term of endearment.

But even you say that you guess they see nothing wrong with it, but you don't know for sure. What if one of them is upset, but is too scared to say so? Isn't it better to play it safe?

And again, we come back to idea of unintended malice. Just because it's not intentional doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. To give another example of this, my fiancé is Korean. Whenever my grandparents talk about her to someone that hasn't met her, they always say, "She's Oriental," which is extremely offensive. They don't mean it in an offensive way, but I correct them every time because it's wrong.

the world is a very cruel place. why do we worry about the little things when there are much more important issues to deal with.

Why should we have to limit ourselves to a certian number of issues to worry about? Can't we address sexism AND whatever other "much more important issues" you're vaguely alluding to? Shouldn't we be trying to make the world a less cruel place? Why should we accept cruelty as the norm?

i grew up with parents and grandparents who lived through the depression. life was much harder back then and people weren't worried about "feelings".

It was harder, but it was also a terrible time with terrible values. Jim Crowe was still in effect, homosexuality was still illegal, etc.

Besides, if those days are indeed behind us, then isn't it time to start worrying more about feelings? Again, I ask, how and why did caring about others become a bad thing?

if i was a thin skinned GG i might be offended by your signature where you repeat "i'm just a girl"...

Actually, if you listen to the whole song, you'll find that it's about retaliating against the patriarchy for all the rules and limitations placed on women. Basically, the singer is saying "Because the world sees me as 'just a girl,' I'm not allowed to do the things that I want."

Most of this stuff going on is childish and coming from people that never had to get along with others and stayed at home instead of playing outside and learning how to cope with other people.
Its really sad too because these people have turned into adults and can't deal with things then go off their nut when someone doesn't agree with them.

Again, assumptions. I'm a very active member of both my local and school communities. As a teacher, I interact with others constantly, so...

[MelanieAnne]

It was just a casual comment. Nothing came of it. He didn't arrest you, or demand your identification. As a lifelong crossdresser, we need to develop a thicker skin, and not be looking everywhere for the slightest out of line comment, and analyzing everything for someones intent or what they may have been thinking.

[Jacqueline85]

Would it have been fine if he said "Get it, you wimp"? Or what if he said "You can afford the extra fat content"? The latter is a stretch, I know, but it's probably what he meant, although it's not funny. If it was me, I would have found his statement funny. You don't get to tolerance and acceptance by banning everything that might be slightly offensive to someone. You get there by owning who you are and not getting hurt by every little comment.

[MarcellaMcNul]

It seemed to me that he was just being good natured and kidding around in his own way with people stopping for coffee and whatever, I personally would much rather have the local police around here be more friendly in a non-PC way than to maintain the us-against-you adversarial mindset that accomplishes nothing but division and resentment. just sayin'

[Julie MA]

My OP was more about the frustration for letting him get to me, on multiple levels, and especially for not having a good comeback. Dang it that always happens to me. And that he was a cop held me back as well. When he said the verbal abuse was no charge, I did say sarcastically "oh I'll be running to come back here". In the end my best comebacks, with a wink, should have been, "You have no idea.". Or "hmm, here's my phone number.". Or "You wish". Gotta get practicing my return zingers. Peace, out.

[Tracii G]

I guess its best to not react to people like that and just walk off.

[MarcellaMcNul]

Yup, those return zingers...always a day late and a dollar short!

[AllieSF]

I have read all the posts and agree that the police "person" probably did not mean anything derogatory, at least not seriously. Words and sayings in the English language are always undergoing changes and end up with multiple meanings depending on the situation, tone of voice and probably a myriad of other factors. So, when someone says look at the skirt, chick, girl, lady or woman, or look over there, does not mean automatically that they are being insensitive nor misogynist, or anything else negative.

The word "guys" has different meanings depending on the situation. A guy is male, guys can be one or both depending on the moment an intent of the user of that word. My daughter, her friends, my ex-wife and other women use that a lot when saying, "Let's go guys" or something like that. Should someone immediately jump up and correct their poor usage of the English language and tell them that they are being disrespectful to the females present, even when it was said by another female? That to me is taking this way too far. What about the girls and women who say "look at that hunk!", and all their other ways of saying look at that handsome, manly well built, attractive etc. man or "guy" over there? Both sexes have their words and saying that they use. Should we condemn everyone every time? They are sayings, and yes, they can sometimes be correctly interpreted as being inappropriate, but not all the time, and I think that is what some are saying here when minimizing the negativity of the comment made to the OP, which is interesting here as everyone, including me are just guessing what the cop really meant.

We should be looking beyond the actual words said and try to understand the intent of what was said. If it was clearly derogatory, then take issue with it. Otherwise, let it slide if it bothered you and you do not have a good return comment.

Most people use humor all the time in their conversations with others, sometimes good humor and other times bad. I refuse to live in this world taking every single word and judging it as good or bad when having normal conversations, a world where being friendly and laughing at others and ourselves is considered bad. I joke all the time with everyone, including police, office professionals, retirees, mothers and fathers when at my local coffee shop. Only rarely is my humorous approach to talking with strangers a minor flop. Be happy, enjoy the moment, make others happy, and apologize when you have a flop.