Another Life Affirming Experience

[Kandi Robbins]

Most Sundays I attend church services as Kandi. Before I get to church, I usually stop at a nearby Panera to get a cup of coffee. I have now become a regular and the cashiers generally know exactly what I will be ordering.

This morning I waited behind a mother and her daughters while they ordered a few different things. I was in no hurry. Only one cashier was working at the time. Then another cashier came out of the back and called me up to the register. She pulled out the cup for my usual medium coffee and as I pulled my wallet out of my purse, she smiled and told me not to worry about it. I asked her if she was sure and she just smiled and said yes. I darn near got choked up right there, the smile was on my face for hours.

This is not at all the first time I have had such an experience. I have had my breakfast purchased for me and numerous glasses of wine, at various venues, bought for me. It is rare for me to go out alone and not return without having hugged someone who was a total stranger to me before going out.

My point? The world is so much more accepting than you would ever imagine. Listen, I fool no one. If I did, no one would be this kind to me. These kindnesses are extended to me precisely because of who and what I am. An unabashedly happy and proud crossdresser. A guy in a dress (OK a skirt today). We see story after story here about a girl going out for the first time experiencing the goodness of people, the surprise of comfort. As someone who waited almost 50 years to venture out myself, I implore those that want to go out, that can go out, to go out! Be smart, appropriate and confident and you too can have the same experiences. We seek to make excuses and complain about the unfairness of it all. Life is unfair for everyone, in one way or the other. We cannot allow that to deter us from doing what we have the right to do, to be who we are.

[Rachael Leigh]

I will second my friend Kandi here, while I have not experienced many of the things she expresses here I've found so many
people are just kind and while maybe not exactly accepting they are there to do a job and if you act like a lady and smile,
it will show through and others will see that this is you and it's ok to be ok with who we are. Who knows maybe you will change someone's mind about trans folks. We are people too we need kindness and love just like anyone.
Thank you Kandi for sharing such a heart felt story
Hugs Rachael Leigh

[Allisa]

Exactly Kandi, I believe that doing every day activities and going about life as ourselves is very reaffirming. I don't want to preach here but first time out I believe should not be to a bar or club. I know the dark and less responsive atmosphere may play into ones nervous hands but when you first experience that one on one interaction and walk away smiling because "they" took you for who you are just touches you in a way I can't explain.

[Victoria Demeanor]

From under my rock, I scream, Thank you Kandi, Thank you for being you, for sharing with us, for getting out there and for being the perfect ambassador. I agree times are changing and there is more acceptance out there. I saw it in the handful of times I did get out, and I have seen it where I work with our young students. You are an inspiration, Yes there is still darkness out there, but if you are wishing to go out, just read Kandi's post and you will see just how possible it is.
Thank you again girl, but for me it is not the vanilla world that scarce me, it's trying to figure out who I am and what I really need to do that has me in a tissy right now. Rest assured though If I do get up to your neck of the woods, we will be hitting the town...the city may never be the same.

[Aunt Kelly]

I must echo what Rachael has said. I have not had a long string of affirming experiences like you Kandi, but I have had a few. Just a couple of weeks ago, my friend Amanda and I had two or three in one evening. Oh, sure the looks and whispers outnumbered those few smiles and kind words, but on balance the negative stuff is utterly insignificant.
Because we were out there, "...acting like ladies and smiling...", a few people went out of their way to do something nice. Sure, they were nice people without us, but that kind of sincere gesture should not be underestimated. It has a way of catching on, or at least making others think. In other words, those nice people brought a little more light into the world. That's huge. If my being out there can be a catalyst for that once in a while, that's a win.

Another friend once said something like, "Just smile and make them think that you are the best thing that happened to them all day." And she's right. A smile and a pleasant engaging demeanor can have an amazing effect. It is, in a word, disarming. I guess maybe it's hard to hang on to prejudice and be judgmental in the face of someone just being sincerely pleasant and polite.

Thanks to both of you for making us think about his a bit.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

[Julie Denier]

That's wonderful! Thanks for sharing, Kandi

[Stephanie47]

It may be pure conjecture on my part. With hate creeping steadily out of the shadows many people feel it is necessary to show support for those who are targeted by the hate mongers. Buying you a cup of coffee or a glass of wine is a simple way of acknowledging your right to be yourself.

[Lana Mae]

Kandi, thanks for sharing! I want some of this but have to get my trip into a MAC counter done first! It will be out to a mall with SA interactions, etc. My make up skills now make me look like me with make up on not Lana Mae! I love your stories and pics, they are so inspiring!! Hugs Lana Mae