Discussion at work on Crossdressers

[joanne51]

I found myself today listening to two of my friends at work talking about crossdressers.
One (a guy) could not get his head around what we do. The other friend (a GG) was more
concerned about how some of us dress and our makeup. She did not make the distinction between
the CD's who blend in, and those who she saw as being typical CD's (over the top).
For my part I chose not to offer an opinion, just in case they read me as being too knowledgeable on the subject!
How do others react when caught in that situation (where it's difficult to appear to speak in support of CD'ing
without giving the game away)?

[LaurenDeHart]

If it's friends I'm with I say something like, "I don't know, some of them look pretty hot, but whatever floats your boat".

If it's family I'm with I just nod and say nothing.

Lauren

[AllieSF]

One way might be to ask questions around the subject. Like,

Why do they do that?

I wonder if they can stop doing it?

Are they actually hurting anyone by going out an doing their own thing You know like when us guys may dress up in the same colors of our favorite sports team or paint our faces to show support?


I know when at work or even with friends and family there seems to be that justifiable fear of joining in the conversation, trying to bring clarity and common sense to it and maybe provide some simple helpful true knowledge that may help to correct their negative or uninformed opinions. Many times it also boils down to a persons ability to go against the common opinions and take a reasonable stance among those co-workers family and friends while maintaining ones self security and secret life. That ability sometimes is based on how well one can communicate, debate and discuss (communication skills and the ability to think quickly to formulate whatever answer or reply is needed to participate). You may or may not have those abilities, but they can be learned over time and really come in handy in all facets of our lives.

[Teresa]

Joanne,
I guess it's taken so long to get to this point I would just pass comment and let them think what they like, bite the bullet and educate them it will help us all in the end.

[mykell]

hi joanne, i have told this story here before, i work doing projects.....one week i was assigned to work with a group in a store for a few days....during my last day a fellow asked if i was assigned to work there next week, i told him i was not and he scoffed and exclaimed that he hoped so-and-so was not going to be assigned....i said whats wrong with so-and-so, its one of those things, thing i said....what kind of thing, he went on to explain how its was some guy who claimed to be a women ......well after some thought i mentioned to him that we have a thing in my family it was fun to watch him try to back peddle his remarks i then told him i had weird thoughts on the matter but because it was a family member i had to address it and educated myself about it we then went on to finish our tasks for the day.

so i am the family member, i used to feel weird about it.....now im here and attend support group. its possible to stand up for yourself and either stay in the closet for some.....for me it is to respect my wifes wishes to keep this private....im just not as passive as i used to be and speak my mind.

what ever works for you.....its your choice....but it was fun to watch them squirm, its easy to criticize when you have no skin in the game

[Jaylyn]

I'm ashamed of myself because I have been around family when they were talking a few months ago about a guy in there home town that gets dressed in a wig and dress and drives thru their small town. They started joking about the guy. My wife looked at me and I just shook my head no like I was disgusted also. This was all family and I'm definitely not out and for sure in my own small town in West Texas would be run out of town if anyone knew. ( wife excluded )
I feel bad sometimes but for some it has to remain something behind closed doors. When the conversation is brought up we have to stay quiet and it is hard because we understand what we do.
It's crazy because other things such as after the news we pipe right in like we knew what we are talking about but in the CD conversation too much knowledge and speaking could out you.

[ClosetED]

I went to presentation at work about Transgender issues. There were about 2 dozen people there. I mentioned, truthfully, that I had friends with fraternal twins (one boy one girl) and each considered themselves the other sex for a while, so I read up on the subject to help. I also see patients so I claimed I occasionally go to listen to the man's lungs and find a bra strap (NEVER HAPPENED). I have seen 1 TG person, pre HRT, just trying to live 24/7 at the time. It allowed me to inform others more deeply than the presenter, without outing myself.
Hugs, Ellen

[ginapoodle]

Yes, I have been in that situation. Some are supportive, some are neutral, some are incredibly negative. I usually say nothing as to remain confidential. I have had family members in very conservative W TX absolutely go on trashing anyone GLBT, and it hurts.

[ronda]

my answer is that lgbt people are just everyone else they were born that that way and who made you judge and jury they have a right to be who they are the same as you have the right to be an ahole about what they are doing buy paying more attention to them then to your self becoming a better person and excepting people as they are

[Tama]

In this situation I substitute myself for a fictional someone I knew years ago. I state how once I got to know them and I started to realize their dilemma, and I had a complete turn-around about who "they" were. I also told these people about what it must be like to be this misunderstood and alone, and how would they feel if it were their problem rather than this fictional person. I went to to say I'd sympathize for anyone in this situation, and maybe understanding rather then total judgement might be a better method...The times I've had to try this method were met with silence, some positive conversation, or horror (one time anyway) about what It had to like to be stuck with a friend like that..
It served to tell me what these people are really about, and maybe give them something different to ponder down the road...It has never been dull however

[Paula2]

I have never discussed CD with my co/workers..Some of which have seen me dressed as Paula..I guess it is something I should bring up just to find out..So far most people I know are supportive..It is very calming to be able to be who you want to be!! But remember it is always better to keep your personal life separate from your work life!! Things will haunt you

[Judy-Somthing]

I worked with a guy a few years ago and one day I said "Friday is wear a dress to work day".
He said "If you show up in a dress, I will beat you to death with a hammer" he didn't laugh and seemed quite serious.

Another day he said a lot of nasty stuff about Gays and how they are all going to Hell.
He also thought everyone was out to get him.

I told the boss I couldn't work with him any more. They transfered him to another group and after two weeks no one could stand him.
The boss didn't want to fire him thinking he might do something so they gave him all the hard jobs and cut back his hours, he ended up quitting!

[joanne51]

We have no way of telling when someone we know is going to mention CD'ing. So we are caught unprepared.
In any other conversation we would not need to think first before talking.
Often we joke about what a guy gets up to at weekends. Even in those situations we have to watch are words.
The other day a young lady commented, on seeing a picture of me at the finish of a charity walk (wearing the charity T-shirt).
She said pink is my colour. Little does she know that I've become quite fond of pink (dresses, undies, etc).

[Aunt Kelly]

My approach is (usually) the same, Joanne - I'll hold my tongue lest I seem too knowledgeable. On the other hand, if the tenor of the conversation turns ugly, I will wade in and point out how backwards those views are in 2017.

[JessicaB.]

If it's around anyone who doesn't know I usually just keep to my self so I don't seem like I know too much. But if its around people who know I will speak up. I hear all the time at work negative things about trans people. I just keep my mouth shut because it's not worth the energy to argue with them

[Teresa]

Mikell,
I wouldn't tell or discuss it with anyone to make them squirm, when I posted recently about having this kind of conversation the guy I was talking to didn't realise the implications of being a Cder. I apologised to him because he felt uncomfortable with seeing my picture and then at the end he apologised to me for not understanding why we do it and what some of us go through to satisfy our needs, for instance he hadn't noticed my shaved hands and was surprised I needed to shave most of my body everyday.

It's a sad fact that many in the US have a harder time with acceptance than we do in the UK, that was something I didn't expect when I joined the forum, I thought it would be the reverse.

[Traci H]

I thought about this the other day as our office conversation drifted to LGBT and the like. A very close minded, black and white friend, immediately made negative comments about Caitlyn Jenner and how sick and awful that was. (he has shown his hate for gays in the past was well.) My only comment was "I'm glad to see you're so open minded Bob". I don't know how the others in the office felt as they just veered away from participating in the conversation at that point. Some days it's a little hard to work with someone who you know would hate the very thing you do. I'll just keep it out of the lime light. You could never change this persons take either. I also try not to say too much in conversations about any knowledge of women's fashions. sizing, etc. I know much more about such than say sports teams though.

[Pumped]

This subject came up at work a while back. A couple guys I work with just went nuts when the subject came up. At the same time homosexuality came up. I was afraid they were going to barf or something. I just looked at them and said that I did not know what the big deal is what someone wears. If a guy wants to wear dress it does not affect me at all. I also told them I know a gay couple that are happily married and are nice guys. I have a beer with them once in a while. These guys I work with almost go out of their way to gag and shudder and act like they are all but going to die. I also mentioned just because a guy wears woman's clothing it does not mean he is gay. They did agree, but have a tough time separating the two. One of them mentioned to me that he was surprised that I was so accepting and he had me figured wrong. I told him that I really don't care what other people do as long as it does not affect me. I am firmly in the closet so I don't admit much, but I will step up and defend CD'ers.

[Shely]

in our family, of two dozen, we have one transitioning TG and one Gay Guy. I have had conversations with some red neck guys I work with, that go on point, at the mention of Gays etc. I never mention my CDing of course and hope they don't find out ever. But is is amazing just how convinced some people are that they are perfect and someone else is flawed. I don't know why it should affect them at all, but it seems to reinforce the position that they are superior. Screw them I say.

[Amy Fakley]

I shut right the hell up



It's probably more of a tell than if I'd just keep up with the conversation, but yeah. That's a chill right through my soul when that stuff comes up. It's a bit nerdy, but I'm a huge Dr. Who fan. When the Master regenerated into the Mistress (omg ... oh to be a tomelord!) conversations in my social circle became a minefield!

[jayme357]

It occurs to me that when these very uncomfortable situations arise there is an opportunity to make a profound impact. What if when presented with the resentment and obtuseness of the typical macho male, we made a casual comment to the fact that we had a family member that was a crossdresser? This would give us the opportunity to discuss with a degree of knowledgeability the details of what being transgendered really means. The freedom to describe feelings and emotions without having to confess our own involvement. The opportunity to engage in a dialogue without confessing our own involvement. We might even be able to educate an oaf or two without giving anything away. Just a thought.

[Diane Taylor]

haven't been in that situation very often but the few times I was, I simply said that I accept and support all types of GLBT people and let it go at that.

[Ashley090]

Such conversations I encounter quite o lot in public in general. Most of them are negative and/or make fun of such ppl. At work I do not say anything if topic comes up. Or i say something that sounds as I just read that on wiki. If guy starts naming makeup brands, using related "profesionals terms" and show extendet knowledge of woman's clothing beyond "how to take clothes from girl" then you sit in spotlight. And here you automaticly seen as gay.
When going to work by train I overheard lotsof discussions about related topics. One time there were two guys, two girls discussing their colleague abkut him wearing woman's jacket at winter. Besides cut it was completly unisex jacket and they laughting and having great fun of their colleauge, not understanding him. Other time there were passanger arguing with guy that was from staff and checking tickets. This guy had shoulder lenght hair and looks kind of girlysh but other then that, a guy. Said passanger was almost yelling about how he dare look like that if he is from staff and he ahould not look like a girl at all. That guy keep it professional and just said that company rules have nothing against it then he ignore futher comments from passanger.
For my parrents, they usualy laught at this toppic and have great fun when they look at one tv show where men do dresses as women for show and not understand how someone can do it just for fun (only if they know that their own son is one of them....) so I rather avoid this topic with them too.
Rules for conversation:
1. Do not say anything
2. If you do say anything, play dumb with lack of knowledge.

[Becky Blue]

I have been involved in quite a few conversations both socially and in the workplace where Transgender or Crossdressing has come up. I am pleased to say that most people here in Australia seem to be reasonably open minded and I have not picked up any negativity. Given I am very much in the closet with regards to Becky to friends and family I am always mindful of not being too opinionated, I have generally played along with the general conversation and agreed with the general view. I have often wondered what I would do if someone said something negative.

[Georgette_USA]

Not a CD

When I transitioned at work in 1977 till I left that corporation in 1992. Can't say any major conversations came up about TS or CD. I may have had a few one-on-one to explain it. I think since the corporation was solidly behind me, no one ever questioned it.
I did find out a couple of years ago that someone who worked in same corporation, now a transitioned TG/TS, had seen me and had asked about me back then. Apparently a lot in the corporation knew my background. She could not find a reason to talk with me without others questioning "him" at the time.

When I went to work at other places I was only seen as a woman. Can't say I ever heard of any such conversations. I think the very public change for Caitlyn Jenner in 2015 sparked an interest in it. By then I was already retired in 2011.