I have a similar view to Jaylyn when involved in such discussions, when in a knowing group it becomes a lively and usually quite interesting discussion.
Better to keep quiet when amongst those that are less informed.
I have a similar view to Jaylyn when involved in such discussions, when in a knowing group it becomes a lively and usually quite interesting discussion.
Better to keep quiet when amongst those that are less informed.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
opportunity presented and i took full advantage....just look at my previous post....Originally Posted by jayme357
hi teresa, well i really dont tell or discuss just for the sheer purpose to make a person squirm.....but it is side effect for that person after they realize they have just made a bigoted comment in front of a family member of someone they made that comment about..... as someone who waters here knows once the toothpaste is out of the tube you cant put any excess back, this time it was me standing up for my proclivity.
their was another time i was working with someone who made fun of ethnicity which my wife is part of, i pulled a picture of my son out and declared how he was 1/2 this particular ethnicity.....he was someone i worked with frequently.....his discomfort was apparent.....he tried to walk it back but could not....he exclaimed to me that "you know what i meant", i said to him i do, loud and clear. this is what helped me take advantage of the encounter i had......this time defending my identity and educating those who are ignorant about it. i was loud and proud and still keeping my promise to the Mrs. to keep it private......
at this stage of my life i not going to apologize for being myself or having opinions that differ from the conceived norms...
....Mykell
i dressed like a girl and i liked it!crossdressing...theirs an app for that
I have not been in that situation. I have though spoken in support of gay and trans rights to some co-workers.
Think of it as a teachable moment. If you say nothing, nothing will change and the ignorance you see in the world will perpetuate.
They/Them
I love dressing as a woman.
Yes, I've been involved in discussions, both individually and small groups. No...no one knows about me. Here, in our area, the feelings and opinions are mostly negative. They jump to the conclusion that all cders are gay. They are not aware, or do they want to accept that, yes, anyone, including cders can be gay, bi, and straight. I mentioned there are cders who are straight, in one discussion and was immediately shut down...my last word. Even when I told my wife, before we wed, her only concern was, "was I gay". I'm not. She knew that, but wanted to hear it. She accepted me and has been very supportive.
In all of my years, I've never been involved in such a discussion. But, I've been prepared. If the discussers were not family, I'd use the 'we've got a family member who's a CD'. In other cases, I'd use the fictional friend rational. In either event, it would be an opportunity to possibly educate without outing.
My problems are I can't think fast enough and have trouble stretching the facts so I tend to try to avoide those types of conversations totally.
Leslie Mary Shy
Remember this:
You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
_________________________
^This is what they usually do to US when they want to get rid of us from a workplace.
Say nothing in order to escape the discrimination lawsuit, but go around our back to make life miserable enough in order to get us to quit. I'm glad you brought this up, because so many here think it doesn't happen to anyone. I"ve seen this type of thing happen to people more than once over the years.
Periodically, a transgendered person shows up at work, and of course, the snickers and muffled laughs ensue after the person is out of sight. I've tried to tell people 'what if it was YOUR son/daughter', but they still don't get it. And these are all people with college and post grad degrees who should know better. I've come to realize that there are a lot of people with deep set beliefs (often stemming from religious upbringing, several times the phrase 'they're going to hell' has been said) that they simply cannot, or will not, let go of. There's tolerance, they still behave professionally to the patient's face, but behind the scenes, it's the same old story; many still consider us freaks. Nothing is ever said directly to the person; even when a gay or ts coworker is around, they're careful not to say anything inflammatory. But the whispers and sidelong glances continue. Some of the folks simply say nothing. But I don't know what the solution to all this is.
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 03-30-2017 at 12:01 PM.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I often instigate the conversations at work towards the more extreme aspects.
I like to see people's opinions on things and their expressions when I say an extreme thing with a straight face (I am the master of dead pan)
Most people say they don't really get it, the northerners (in the UK they are seen as brash, undeservedly full of themselves and very homophobic) acts as if someone cross-dresses they are a huge gay.
But the more tolerant people I often swing around by saying, "look, if someone cross-dresses, does it affect you?" when they reply "no" I say "there you go then"
People are doing what makes them happy, why is that anyone else's business?
Last edited by SometimesKairi; 03-30-2017 at 03:54 PM. Reason: I am a plank and put anti-homophobic when I meant Homophobic
I would throw my two cents into the conversation. I have a good friend whose grandson is going through turmoil trying to figure out his sexuality identity. Is he gay? Is he a transwoman? He went to his senior prom in a gown and looked great. But life has been brutal for him dealing with ignorant people. My wife's female cousin's daughter is transitioning to a man. There is no reason to fess up and 'out' yourself. Even if all you do is watch television and read magazines the information is out there. Educate people. In my group of friends I've tried to educate the guys. You may not understand it, but, that's no reason to be stupid.
I have a cousin who married her wife. She is Lesbien. My other cousin one day said to me after seeing about gays and all. He said they are all sick and it is not right and they should see a doctor and.... I blasted him. I said to him we have a cousin who she is gay and married same sex and she is happy as any one could be. She is family and to put some one else down is not right. he said the bible said it is not right and they will go to hell. He said they all should go to hell it is sick and disgusting. I said really? and the bible said judge not lest ye be judged!!! To judge some one else is trying to make an excuse to make yourself more hollier than thou!!! I told my cousin that gay and les and trans and every one else are no better than the next person!!!. I mentioned to him that he had a disability and that I accepted the fact he has one..... I told him what if I thought the same as you people with disabilities should see a doctor and that it is sick how they are and should not be seen in public? it changed his mind after that. I was even approached at work about CD trans and gays ect ect. I said as long as they are happy and can help society be a better place thats all that matters.
Presenting in any form at work is a challenge, I think.
I wear regular the regular 'consultant uniform' of dress pants and a collared dress shirt every day. Yes, I have long hair, wear rings in my ears and on my fingers, and I carry a purse.
Even that little wink, carrying that purse, has gotten me a number of comments. I work in a hospital's IT department, and if there is going to be a more culturally accepting *staff* I can't think of one. Management culture is a different beast.
I have an awesome GG co-worker with a hot-pink flat-top and excellent taste in clothing and jewelry... not a blink.
There is so much testosterone in my group. Trucks and dogs and firearms (ok, and HAM radio). I just don't feel safe stepping more off from the path than I already do. I'm not personally afraid, I just need the job.
I am looking for another place to work far reasons beyond these issues, and I am making it a point to select 'not declared' of any gender or identify questions when I apply. I'm going to try and step in to whatever new place I got identifying as transgender, because I'm just not happy otherwise.
}:*
- MM
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
I live in the Bible Belt, so most people around me seem pretty ignorant to any sort of gender or sexuality issues, funnily enough though at my previous job is the only time I've ever met someone who I knew was a CD'er and he was my boss. I made a comment one day about buying panties or something stupid and he said, "I would be the last person to judge someone for that" then worse a dress on Halloween and apparently was in drag shows. I felt relatively reassured there that it was pretty normal. My current job is mostly filled with the stereotypical male conservative type but luckily I'm on the road all day so I don't have to hear it too much lol. Hoping once I get into a sort of career position it might be a bit better since I've been involved with IT stuff since high school but never really landed anything but holdovers.
My own two cents worth. When the topic arises I also use the "I know someone who is transitioning or is finding their way" this way I can maybe inform people who are some what ignorant of what we are or do.
But then again there are some people that I work with that are aware of or have been with Nikki.
I feel the need to defend the North of England even though I am Scottish. I have had many holidays in York as Susan and most people realised I was male. I was welcomed everywhere and found everyone very friendly. Same goes for Scotland.
I haven't heard a conversation like that anytime in the last few years, but if it did happen and some people in the conversation were negative about crossdressing I would be tempted to pose the question as to why women's clothes are bad. Ask them what is wrong with a dress. If the only thing they came up with was dresses are fine for women but for a man they are 'just wrong', the next obvious question would be to ask why a dress is 'just wrong'. I don't know that you could change any opinions on the spot, but it seems to me if all the person could come up with was immature logic such as 'just because' or 'that's not how I grew up', then whoever was responding that way would look a little foolish.
Had a one sided conversation recently about a former co-worker who identified as male and to be honest it me feel pretty tense that my own secrets would be revealed if I said anything. Reading all these comments has been helpful in showing me that there are better ways to handle such situations.
If something like this comes up I usually say something like "I don't care what they do as long as they don't try and force it on me and it isn't hurting anyone, who cares, it's not any of my business anyway." I may not use those exact words but that is the idea, that folks have the right to do as they want as long as it doesn't affect me, or others who are not interested.
Something like this came up about 15 years ago at a place I was working at. There was a transgender that suddenly appear on the local car dealing scene. I ran into her at the DMV and she talked quite loud and had nothing to hide personality wise.
One of the girls that works at the car auction was talking about her saying, "why do they wear girl's clothes? I don't care if they're gay, but why can't they just be gay instead of dressing like that"? I didn't say anything as I listened to others make ignorant comments. Finally, I said that there are different cases and someone else agreed with me. I didn't share my knowledge on the subject any further. And I'm glad that no one tried to pry more info from me!
The person she was talking about definitely is gay from my observation. Like I said above, she talked very loud and had the personality that an openly gay person has. And I didn't think of her as a CD, probably TS.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
Like many of you, I used to either ignore the conversation or I would speak of positive experiences with TGs I have worked with or known firsthand, and a few similar examples like that from friends. But over the last couple of years, and depending on the setting or audience, I've gotten to where I really enjoy letting them know that I partake in some gender-bending and that it isn't any big deal.
I am the conversation at work.
I was told I have balls for wearing skirts! My reply? "That's because balls this big won't fit in pants!"
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