Not the best day to tell a GG friend

[Geena Gee]

So, I've had this really good female friend. We used to date at one time, about ten years ago.
Anyway, we text quite a bit, used to actually talk, but... Progress??... during one of our conversations, I kidded with her about thinking about a sex change. She quipped, "what, from not having any to getting some?"I told her, "yeah, something like that."
Well, we were texting yesterday about how there was nothing on TV. I made a few off color remarks, and we LOL'd. I then asked her how far back her text conversations get saved. She said that she didn't know, and asked why? I reminded her of the 'sex change' conversation, and told her that I made up my mind... I also reminded her to think of what day it was (April Fool's Day.) I told her that I decided to become a lesbian. Got an LOL in response. Then I asked her if she had ever been with a lesbian? .... technical difficulties.... long pause while picture I was trying to send her got hung up. April fool's joke gone really awry. Messaging cleared up, got a message "OK what's the punchline?"

I explained the problems with sending the picture, etc. We both checked our phone settings, and tried sending a few pics. Everything was working again, but then we were sidetracked from the question, and my attempt at a reveal. I swung the conversation back around to "have you ever been with a lesbian?"... this time followed with a picture of Geena captioned, "would you like to be?" Her response... "not in the slightest" I asked her if she got the picture, and she said "unfortunately"

The conversation quickly turned back to TV, and netflix, amazon, and Hulu. I mean WTF?

Now I'm confused! Did I come out to her or not? Did she not recognize that I'm Geena? Was it a mistake to try and come out on April 1?

-Geena

[Pat]

Sorry to be amused by your angst. I've read dozens of people's posts talking about all the "hints" they dropped, etc. The way you come out as transgender is to say "Hey, I'm transgender." probably followed up with "I've been afraid to tell you for so long. Are we OK?" which is usually the first thing you want to know about anyone close enough to you that you feel the need to come out. Anything less than that is really not doing the job. It's a weird world where people joke about crazy things in crazy ways. You have to be unambiguous. If you're not ready, it's OK. But don't torture yourself -- it's cruel.

[Stacy Darling]

Hi Babe!
As usual you Girls are a day behind!

If she hasn't seen Geena yet, she may not even be reading the same book.
If she has seen Geena she may not be cool with it!
I'd just leave this one and wait for her to come around!
April 3 now and could do with all the friends we have.

Now lets split screens,"Tash Sultana- Jungle" and turn it up!
Happy Monday!
Stacy!

[LaurenDeHart]

Clever. I bet she was a bit confused at first but ultimately she got your message. The only way to know for sure is to ask the specific question and open yourself up to questions. Innuendo and vagueness are always up for interpretation and even you, the sender, doesn't know what happened.

I take it that you want to be Geena with her, romantically or otherwise. I hope that happens for you.

Lauren

[Kelly DeWinter]

I have to agree with Jennie, your angst is the funniest part of your post, no offense. It was like reading about a round about walk up hills, down valleys through forests across rivers underground, and then you asking her "Do you want to try a blueberry tart ?" She had no clue where you were going with the conversation. Since you want to be out with her, just be out with her. ROFL !

[kimdl93]

I read this presuming it was an April Fools gag. If it wasn't, as has been said, what you presented was a pretty round about and confusing "coming out". your friend may recognized you, and unimpressed by what seemed a bad joke or a cheesy come on. If you want to come out - come out. If you want to change the nature of your relationship with her, pursue that course. Don't put your friendship, your sexuality, your gender and libido into a Cuisinart and pour out for her.

[Teresa]

Geena,
Sorry not the way to come out to a woman, it would be understandable why she could be confused and didn't make an obvious reply. It's almost as bad as showing your Geena picture to a guy and ask if he fancies the girl in the picture and then accuse him of being gay because it's you he's looking at.

If you want to come out be direct and don't play games with people, they more than likely won't be amused.

[Aunt Kelly]

Respectfully...
What you appear to be trying to communicate to your friend, via an inartful attempt at levity, is serious stuff. If you are going to come out, have enough respect for yourself, and your friend, to present it with the gravity such a revelation deserves. It sounds like trying to make light of something that she might have expected to be no joking matter (a friend coming out as TG) threw the friend a huge curve.
As Teresa said, be direct and don't play games.

[Tama]

OK..oh yea, I feel what went on here! I am the same way you are. so I get it. When we ( I, anyway) become even slightly uncomfortable with any subject I attempt to mask it's importance with humor. I think in the hope it won't hurt me if rejected. I think I said that right.
It's hard to not feel a little embarrassed, as I have in similar situations like this one but, once the shock or even hurt of this passes you can say you've gained a new skill on how you might deal with it later..
Point is I relate to what happened here, I still do this to some degree the same way ..and it always turns out badly.

[Teresa]

Geena,
I will admit I did come out to my art group in an interesting way, I was painting a railway scene and wanted a lady sitting on a bench to fill a an area on a platform. I couldn't find a suitable picture so I posed myself dressed and took the picture into the group to work on, my tutor was checking out the idea and kept talking about the picture , at the time I told him a kind neighbour had posed for me. At the coffee break I felt he'd worked it out so i came clean and told him it was me in the picture, no he hadn't realised and he had to pick his jaw up off the floor. He was great about it and loved the idea, eventually other people got to know about the lady in the painting, now I openly talk and show my pictures to the some of the group. They often ask if I've been out and what I wore and pull my leg to add myself to my paintings, I must admit we are doing a project on Edward Hopper at the moment and my tutor has given me examples so I can work myself into a painting.

[Stephanie47]

Maybe a face to face serious conversation would have been more informative.

[Beverley Sims]

Forget it for now, wait for Halloween and try again using a different approach.

Forget the sex change bit, just think of sex. :-)

[ellbee]

Did I come out to her...?

Yes, "unfortunately."



Perhaps you should change the thread title to: "Not the best way to tell a GG friend"


Back to the drawing board for the next one.

In the meantime, I do not envy you re: the ensuing awkwardness between you & your GG bud.


Apologize for your immaturity, and just be open & honest & real with her about your "little hobby" -- without going into full detail about your entire history. Then simply drop it. She may be okay with it in due time.

Good luck, and let us know how it turns out down the road...

[Jeri Ann]

Hey Geena,

I noticed this thread because several of my friends posted replies so I thought I would check it out. After reading your op several times I am still confused. Are you really TG? Do you really want GRS? Is your intent really to come out? Or, maybe you just want to have a sexual relationship with a "friend" that involves crossdressing?

If your issue is being TG, unfortunately, it is not a joking matter. It is as serious as a heart attack. Applying levity will not help it float. I have been dealing with being TG all my life and it has been hell. At this point in my life I am accepted by only a precious few. You are a new member. There are people here that will support you, they already are. It would be easier and better If you could determine for yourself what the issue really is and clarify things a bit for those who might be able to help.

Jeri

[Micki_Finn]

Personally, I think the joke about "being with a lesbian" was really a bad call, especially since you have a history with this girl. Just reading the conversation I would have assumed you were trying to get her into bed with some misplaced notion that since things didn't work out between you as a m/f couple, then it might work out as a f/f couple.

[carhill2mn]

I see this as another example of how texting can get one in trouble. One cannot accurately see or hear how another person is receiving and interpreting the information that they are receiving. Nuances do not work well in texts. I agree with Micki that you went a bit too far with your inquiries re: lesbians.

[Shelly Preston]

With texting it can sometimes take six sentences to explain one. You have a history with her and she may think you were just joking.

Hints never work if you want to tell her be honest and straight forward.

Geena, you may want to read the link in my signature. It has a lot of good advice for telling anyone.

[Swottie]

I will admit I did come out to my art group in an interesting way, I was painting a railway scene and wanted a lady sitting on a bench to fill a an area on a platform. I couldn't find a suitable picture so I posed myself dressed and took the picture into the group to work on, my tutor was checking out the idea and kept talking about the picture , at the time I told him a kind neighbour had posed for me. At the coffee break I felt he'd worked it out so i came clean and told him it was me in the picture, no he hadn't realised and he had to pick his jaw up off the floor. He was great about it and loved the idea, eventually other people got to know about the lady in the painting, now I openly talk and show my pictures to the some of the group.

If I had to think of a group of people who I'd imagine would be cool with crossdressing / TG, I'd guess it'd be art teachers and students.

[Tama]

..or photographers, such as us? I think a grouping of ourselves might be quite interested in what could be done with it! I've oft wondered what a good session might be like anyway, as I have not yet had one...

[Geena Gee]

Commenting on this forum is almost as bad as texting.... so much to explain.
First of all, I am not TG, nor pondering GRS. I CD, and I am very much hetero. It was simply something that was politically incorrect, but humorous to people of the same bent.
My friend and I texted yesterday, and nothing was mentioned (other than her wondering if I got all hot and bothered watching 50 shades - told her it was on during the April 1 chat. - By the way, I didn't watch the movie - read the book a few years ago.) Evidently, there is no damage to our relationship.
Next - Texting was not my first option, but it's been impossible to get her in a face to face. My intention was to let her in on my secret, preferably while having desert or a drink(s). April fools just seemed like a prime opportunity to attempt a "text reveal." If it weren't for the technical problems, and subsequent delay between the question, and the reveal (35 minutes,) it might have gone over better, or at all.
As far as trying again at Halloween, I don't think that's going to work much better. Geena isn't a Halloween costume.. but parts of her can be incorporated into one. Already have a costume planned, and it's helpful that I have two pairs of breast forms. I know it's dated, but I was planning on going out as the three breasted hooker from Total Recall. Geena only has two... LOL

Y'all have fun. I'm letting things simmer here, and if she accidentally shows up and Geena is here, I guess I'll invite her in for a drink. If she seems fine with it, I'll make her a second drink. If she has a problem with it, I'll just bring her the whole bottle of Vodka.

-Geena

[Stacy Darling]

Text you later!

Stacy!

[TG-Taru]

Got to agree that if you want someone to know or notice, can't rely on just showing a picture, unless there are really obvious clues that it's you - and then, take it seriously enough. Best to follow (or precede) with explanations and talk as needed or wanted, not show and leave them hanging.
When I told my mom I showed her pictures of me and asked what she thought about them. She didn't recognize me. Said she didn't much care for them and wondered if I liked that type. Had to be clear and say "well, it is me."

Even a live encounter might not make it click, at first at least, if you don't make it obvious enough or have really distinctive voice or something. Depending how different you look and how fixated they are in their expectation and image of what "you" look like and are.