My body , my rights !

[Teresa]

I was recalling a conversation to my wife about another CDer saying that despite being separated the wife no longer wanted any further assistance with small jobs around her home because her nails and hairstyle were no longer acceptable .
On more than one occasion my wife has critised me for allowing my nails to become too long and manicured, she again made this comment during the current conversation, I replied that they don't stay that way for long because the get broken from doing jobs around the home, she looked me straight in the eye and said , " Good , I hope you break them all !"

I did see red over the way this reply was made but held back from telling her that it's my body and what right did she have to impose controls like this over it. I will admit these one sided comments aren't limited just to CDers, so why is it women can comment as harshly as they like to control men in some way and yet not many of us would pass comment to our wives/partners or even women in general.

Nails may appear to be insignificant in the whole CDing situation but they add to our overall appearance and it does feel good to have nicely shaped and polished nails when going out dressed. I guess it's another token of showing a female trait they dislike , personally I'm becoming a little tired of being hurt most of the time by the jibes and digs , if she really wants to change the situation just come out and say it !

[Jaylyn]

This is probably why many are in a DADT situation. Sometimes I've thought that deep down some GG really don't want either the competition or really they are against any of their husbands dressing but at the same time some just accept it as a novelty and trying to remain politically correct by accepting it but not all the way. My wife said that she could see how some GG in a marriage are embarrassed by the man they thought they married turning out to be more feminine than they first thought. It's kind of a slap in their face so to speak.

[Paige Dehart]

Teresa, I am so sorry you have had this kind of treatment. It is never okay to demean or call your mate names. Using hateful speech in an effort to try to control another is, to say the least, counterproductive. Fortunately not all women nor for that matter men ascribe to this kind of negative speech and behavior. Your restraint in not responding in kind is admirable and says a lot about you.

[Lana Mae]

You must really love her to take such abuse! Your story is most likely how mine would have been had I dressed when I was married as my wife totally disapproved! ( Asked wife before we got married and married her anyway!) I feel sympathy for you my friend! I agree though live your life as you see fit! Hugs Lana Mae

[AllieSF]

Woman, or men, or others can comment that way because the receiver of said comment let them do that. Very simple to stop if you start early and it has nothing to do with being macho males, bitchy women or anything similar. The first time it happens a direct and firm reply saying that type of talk is unnecessary and not accepted here will get the message across. I come from a kind and loving family and that kind of reply was never accepted, and corrected when made. I do not tolerate it in my life either unless there was a paycheck attached to the situation. The longer one waits to correct the situation, the harder it becomes to correct it later.

No one says that someone has to agree to anything, just express the dissatisfaction, anger or opinion in a mature and civil way.

[Trione]

Teresa, have her look around a lot of men from wrench turners to Professionals get manicules and wear clear nail polish

[Leslie Langford]

Teresa, to me this is a prime example of what I would call "female entitlement", but I would never dare utter those words out loud for fear that the rabid feminists would at best skewer me for uttering such blasphemy, or at worst, hang me from the nearest yardarm should the opportunity present itself.

When was the last time any of our wives or SO's asked us for (or accepted) our opinions on whether or not they should get their ears pierced, their hair dyed a particular colour, how to style it, or the like? The best we can ever hope for is a rhetorical, self-evident question along the lines of "Does this make my butt look big?", and we all know what the correct answer is if we want to continue to see the light of day...

Do as I say, and not as I do..."Vanity (insecurity?), thy name is "Woman".

[Laura912]

I will try to avoid all the generalizing going on as people extrapolate to the general population those characteristics found in a few. My wife lets me dress however whenever. The only thing she has asked is that after a certain point, my nails get trimmed. I am happy to do that. It helps her be more comfortable with everything else and it still enables me to have 3/16 inch long nails that are 1/4 inch often before trimming.

[Teresa]

Laura,
She still dictates how you present your own body, why should you need to do it to keep the peace, we aren't children we are adults who wish to present ourselves in a certain way and be entitled to do it.

OK I admit I wouldn't be so outspoken about it if I wasn't going out socially , I have large hands so shaving them and applying nail polish does make them look more feminine . Before I went out for the first time just over a year ago she made the comment then that I would never pass, when I asked why she said look at the size of your hands !! I did become slightly paranoid about them until I noticed some women with hands as large as mine, all had them well manicured with a touch of polish and they looked OK .

[Tracii G]

Teresa you need to tell her like it is and quit letting her treat you that way.
One day say you are getting ready to go out somewhere and she is all ready to go.
Look her up and down and say " you sure you want to go out dressed like that?"
Look away and go back to what you were doing and say we're going to be late so hurry up.
If she can do it you can too.
Never dig on her over and over just once and a while and see what happens.
Women have this constant need to control their man and why I have no idea but its the guys fault if he puts up with it.

[Teresa]

Tracci,
Yes that is one solution and one I have considered but I don't want to her to stop taking care of herself, I still like to take her out when she looks good, I'm sure I have knocked her confidence with my CDing. There you go I'm being Mr. Niceguy again !

It does have a plus side, a few months ago my grandsons were playing with the bathroom scales so we weighed them, they then pestered us to do the same, my wife had a shock , she weighed as much as me, ( 147 lbs ), that has never happened before now she's intent on losing weight and I've noticed some trim new dresses arrived so I'm thinking she's not going to be outdone by a Cding husband !! She calls me Mr. Size 12 and she's normally a size 10, it does mean that I will be offered some things , maybe I can start to say no thanks I have my own .

[ellbee]

Heaven forbid a male tries to claim the same about some huge issue, like freakin' fingernails...


"Oppression! Nail equality!! SCREECH!!!"

[AlissaMurray]

Teresa, you do take a lot of flack from the one who is suppose to love you most. As of my late my wife also seems to be testing things. Just little digs here and there, being snippy for no real reason. I really like what Allie said above in fact I may use it myself. I think it's good advice. I've been married to wife #4 for a little over 3 years now and I have been trying to make the best of it. Things have not turned out as I thought they would in the beginning. When we first got together we lived with her adult kids but after a little time we got our own place and let them have the house. This is when I found out how lazy she was. I won't say I do everything all the time but I can safely say I do most things most of the time and it's making me nuts. She will let things sit for days, makes me crazy and she knows this. I'm not sure if it's a test of wills or what but it the big picture she is gonna loose cause like I said, 4 times. I ain't dealing with it, I want a partner not some one I have to clean up after. I'd rather be single. Anyway, sorry I got off on a little bit of a tangent there.

Thing is from what I hear from you, you really need to step up to her. Male or Female she is walking all over your ego and she don't care a bit and that just isn't right. I'm just going by what you have said, that is my two cents for what it's worth. I really wish you luck and happiness but you won't have the later as long as she continues to dig at you and for that I am truly sorry.

[Leslie Langford]

I will try to avoid all the generalizing going on as people extrapolate to the general population those characteristics found in a few. My wife lets me dress however whenever. The only thing she has asked is that after a certain point, my nails get trimmed. I am happy to do that. It helps her be more comfortable with everything else and it still enables me to have 3/16 inch long nails that are 1/4 inch often before trimming.

Laura, you had me at "My wife lets me..." Isn't that the crux of Teresa's argument?

It's all well and good to smugly look down upon the rest of us unfortunate CDers who are dealing with intransigent DADT wives or SO's by rubbing our noses in the fact that you are able to doll up en femme whenever or however you want to at home.

But seriously? "Let's me...?". And yet the rest of us are looked at askance because we are seen as not being able to grow a pair?

Perhaps "Bird in a Gilded Cage" might be the more appropriate way to describe your particular situation, since you seem to have your freedom...but only to a point, albeit more than many of us here. It's still a form of DADT and wifely control, though, no matter how you try to sugar coat it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Teresa , Before my DA/DTWIFE said that my nails were starting to look feminine ,

I thanked her and she said, "That was not meant as a compliment" I just shrugged and said, " thanks anyway"......

[Suzie Petersen]

Teresa,

Just like most of us, your wife is only human! She is trying to make herself feel better by jabbing at you like this. Why not just let her?
Stop competing with her, it is not about proving who is the most feminine or who looks better. You will never get anything positive out of that attitude.

It only hurts if you let it! I actually feel sorry for her.

- Suzie

[Tracii G]

Suzie its just that some women feel they have the latitude to hurt others and no one will call them out over it.
I just can't stand to see men let them get away with it.
If the husband lets them get away with it then the woman loses respect for her man and treats him even worse because she knows he won't say anything.Its a viscous circle.
This is what my second ex told me so its not some flippant remark on my part.
She said she wished I would have stood up to her and said no and been a man not a Mr nice guy.

[Dana44]

I agree with Tracii,. Stand up to your wife. My GF like me to be strong and stand up to her. Yep she thinks I her rock. So one thing stands out and that is down be hurt by her comments and stand up to her but be nice about it.

[Lorileah]

this is getting to be a bashing women vs men thread. Done