Effect of Being a Crossdresser on Regular Life?

[Sonia_cd]

Does this strike a chord with anybody?

Over the last few years, my dressing has gotten more refined and simultaneously the mind has been active trying to understand whether my uniqueness as a CD has a bearing on my interpersonal relationships as a guy.

Let me elaborate, and what better way to do that than with an example. While its fairly easy to get along with people and sustain interpersonal relationships at a superficial level or during the good times only, there are innumerable occassion when I withdraw into a shell. In the state of mind, one tends to distance oneself from all friends, seem aloof and cold and for want of better words, tend to perform the disappearing act on people. Its not something that is done intentionally, but during these times, the only thing that matters is me, my thoughts and of course dressing.

A natural consequence of this is to be considered unreliable and erratic, and sometimes even being told to maintain a public facade while dealing with issues. Over the past few months I've begun to believe that perhaps the double life, so to speak, that I lead, is wrecking havoc on relationships with friends. Of course there is no way of testing this theory as it would mean dressing en femme for a week in public to check if that makes any difference.

I shall stop my ramblings at this point and throw open the topic for discussion. Would love to hear/read your thoughts on the topic.

Love,
Sonia

[Aileen]

Similar to being a superhero. You can never get too close to anyone because you've got this dangerous secret. And of course you have to be very careful when you have people over, so they don't find your special clothing.

[Deborah]

It's not really the dressing i have to watch out for it's the mannerisms. When out in public i can't hug my friends or mention anything about shopping and what i bought. Or describe what it is i bought in to great a detail. Not just female clothes, but anything.
I was in class last week and i happened to buy a lamp for my bedroom from Pier 1. I started describing it in all its detail and the girls are sitting there watching me interested in what i was saying and this guy out of nowhere says "just like a girl...if a guy buys a lamp he just says i bought a lamp" of course the girls jumped on him and i ended up keeping my mouth shut after that.
That's the sort of thing i have to watch out for though.

[Catherine]

Deborah,
What's wrong with your response, your friends from classs probably thought you were great, and were an interesting person. Why do we have to clam up and be less enthusuiastic, I assumed that we are all looking to incorporate our femininity in our everyday life. Where is the insult in being likened to a woman?
Catherine

[Deborah]

No real insult i was flattered. The fact that he blurted it out like what i said was a bad thing i didn't appreciate it though. It turned into a sexist debate after that then went off topic from there. Then the instructor walked in and started class....what was the class you say?...ETHICS lol.

[Michelle Hart]

Just thismorning i was half way dressed and my younger brother calls.

"I'm in the area can I come over, I be there in 5 min, see ya."

What could I say....So off with everything and into some sweats. I'm sure he saw my bright red nails but oh well. Fourtunatly I work from home so I can dress as I please but I have noticed that I am less willing to runn out to a client to solve their problem......

I had an offer from a friend also to go the the gun range and declined since I had just got my hair done and was all deaked out. I guess it is pretty much like a super hero life. Always hopeing nobody finds out you "true" identity.

[Butterfly Bill]

It sounds to me more like the crossdressing is an effect coming from your depression rather than a cause. The dressing is a symptom that can make you do it more and prevent you from finding a fundamental solution to your problems, just as drinking too much alcohol can make you do things that you regret and then want to drink even more to numb your pain. Perhaps you should get with a psychologist or a spiritual advisor to find out what's at the bottom of this.

You might not have to go out for a whole week, just once of twice for a few hours could answer some of your questions.

[Helen MC]

To be honest I have my life so well organised that there are now few problems caused by my Crossdressing. I only wear skirts etc in private at home but do wear panties 24/7. Obviously I do not let anyone apart from a few friends who are in the know and approve, see my underwear and as I have done now for over 40 years I use a stall in a works or public toilet (restroom) bolt the door and sit to pee, a method I prefer anyway as being far more comfortable and hygienic and of course the way that a biological girl or woman urinates anyway.

I don't wear makeup so no tell tale signs of nail varnish, eyeliner etc, nor do I wear a bra under my shirt or tee-shirt when outdoors.

As regards mannerisms, I do have a few that are a bit feminine, my butt is big and round like a woman's and I am told that I have a slightly female walk. I have female attitudes as I am not a team player, and detest anything that is competitive, and would rather have fair shares all round than winner takes all. I have a very soft spot for animals and could never imagine going hunting or shooting although I do eat meat.

If anyone visits me at home I do make sure that any skirts, dresses and other female outerwear is hidden away and also any very girly panties such as the pink pair I am wearing right now. My plainer panties I am less worried about as over here in the UK for many years men's briefs have been identical to women's in the plainer shades being flyless, coloured and having elasticated leg openings .

[Sarahgurl371]

My main problem with social interaction seems to be that I feel this tremendous urge that I am not being truthful with those who know me, and would it make a difference to those who do?


The other is that I feel I need to stand up for "those" people who are being made fun of or ridiculed because they are different. Because I am different, and sort of take it as an insult to myself. It seems that these days there is constantly something in the news about TG/TS/Gay/Bi people and conversations are always like "hey did you see that person on this show last night?" And then the derogatory remarks usually begin.

[Maria2004]

Yes Sonia I have had the same issues you described. [SIZE=3]It wasn’t so much “being a crossdresser” but having to hide the fact. Once I found out I was a CD and decided to accept that and pursue it – in secret – it began to wreak havoc on all of my personal relationships. After I came “out” and began to progress in my understanding of what this was all about that began to change. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]Case in point, I bumped into a dude that was looking for help doing residential construction work, something I can do, so he hired me and we went to work framing this house. In time we became very good friends and had mutual respect for each others abilities…but… he saw me as very “moody” and “complex” some days I seemed depressed and upset to him and I was, since doing this work was cutting into my dressing time and ruining my hands and such. One of the foundations of our friendship had been honesty and communication. So I took a chance and told him one day that I was a CD and showed him my pictures. To make a long story short, he understands and accepts my “alter ego” as he calls it and the moodiness and depression I had exhibited before is gone and he accepts my need for time off from time to time to “transform” and my ability to concentrate and be productive on the job, consistently, has gone up.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]The bottom line for me was it wasn’t being a CD that created the issues you mention it was being “in the closet” and hiding the fact.[/SIZE]

[TGMarla]

I agree for the most part with Butterfly Bill. I think you have some issues with depression. And since you also crossdress, which gives you interludes of contentment and peace, you attribute the depression to your crossdressing.

I, too, have had my bouts of depression in the past. I wondered if crossdressing was ruining my life. But my depressions were not the result of crossdressing, nor was crossdressing the result of depression. But they did seem to have this symbiotic relationship with each other, and tended to feed upon each other.

I am not depressed now, however. Yet, I still crossdress. I no longer tend to cancel other interests in favor of tossing on a dress for a while, though. I have found a better balance between my regular life and my crossdressing habits. I'm happier for it, as the dressing is no longer ruling my existence. It's probably better for all of us if we can find a way to master it, rather than letting it master us.

I think some professional help might be in order here.

[Melinda G]

After 17 years of marriage, and two long term relationships, five years each, I have decided not to get involved again. It just interferes with my CDing.

[Jennaie]

For me, dressing is something that I have to control and hold in moderation, if I don't, it will create problems in my everyday life. So like anything else, I have to put limits on it.

[HotJean]

Best wishes Jennaie

[Ava Mouse]

Sonia,

It does strike a chord. You are NOT depressed!

Sounds like you are an introvert, just like me. Introverts need solitude to recharge our social batteries... We often disappear when our social batteries are drained.

Don't feel guilty about it, work with it, and use it to your advantage...

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/076...Fencoding=UTF8

-Ava

Let me elaborate, and what better way to do that than with an example. While its fairly easy to get along with people and sustain interpersonal relationships at a superficial level or during the good times only, there are innumerable occassion when I withdraw into a shell. In the state of mind, one tends to distance oneself from all friends, seem aloof and cold and for want of better words, tend to perform the disappearing act on people. Its not something that is done intentionally, but during these times, the only thing that matters is me, my thoughts and of course dressing.

A natural consequence of this is to be considered unreliable and erratic, and sometimes even being told to maintain a public facade while dealing with issues. Over the past few months I've begun to believe that perhaps the double life, so to speak, that I lead, is wrecking havoc on relationships with friends. Of course there is no way of testing this theory as it would mean dressing en femme for a week in public to check if that makes any difference.

[gennee]

I have been able to balance crossdressing and the other parts of my life. Crossdressing is just a part of my life. So is family, church, and job. Too much of one can affect the others.

When I first started I feared that dressing would interfere with the other things. After some counsel, I was able to come to terms with it. I found the right balance. I love to dress whenever possible. I wear panties almost every day. I'm still closeted but I'm at peace with it.


GENNEE

[KimberlyMN]

I know what many of you are feeling .. but I have never been too bad with it .. what really helps and I know one person mentioned it .. is you need to confide in someone .. having someone to talk to about it can really change the way you feel about yourself and give you a better outlook. the more people that accept you the better you will feel

Kim

[Cathy Anderson]

Hi Sonia,

> but during these times, the only thing that matters is me,
> my thoughts and of course dressing.

Well the first part--about thoughts--describes the typical situation of an introverted personality type (something Ava also mentions). There's nothing wrong with or unusual about that. A lot of people are more comfortable with their thoughts than they are with other people. It's something to try to work on, of course. But it is nothing to be overly self-critical about.

> perhaps the double life, so to speak, that I lead, is wrecking havoc on
> relationships with friends.

It doesn't need to. Actually, I believe that by denying and strongly suppressing my more "feminine" qualities, I do far more to distance myself from others.

But neither would I want to present myself to others as a crossdresser. For me, the answer--I hope--is to integrate the masculine and feminine parts of my personality. To the extent that I do that, I feel more complete as a person. The more complete I feel myself, the less I need to relate to others from the standpoint of my own needs.

An *integrated* person can more fully love and help others! Have the strength of a man, the grace of a woman; the leadership of a father, the caring love of a mother.

Also, I like Helen's reply. There was a time when I felt ashamed about being a CD. Now I see it as more of a "gift", almost a responsibility. Everybody has a combination of masculine and feminine traits. Most people are unable to look at their contra-sexual traits. If more men got in touch with their feminine sides, we wouldn't have terrorism, wars, etc.

So I maintain my interest, but do not discuss it with others. But it is not from shame--but out of consideration for where other people are at and what they can handle.



Cathy