Met a GG

[Stephanie Nicole]

Yesterday while I was perusing the racks at one of my favorite stores, I finally got up the courage to ask the SA out to dinner. She is close to my age ( mid 40s) and knows all about Stephanie as she has seen me come in and shop both as her and in male mode and we have talked numerous times about different clothes and how they look and feel. She has also given me advice on what looks good on me and where I can get different types of clothes, not just in her store but in other stores on the mall where she works. SHE SAID YES, we are going out next weekend for dinner and a movie. While she said she has no problem going out with me dressed, would it be too much for a first date? Should I go in male mode or should I just go for it and buy a new dress and shoes and go as Stephanie?

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
Only one answer go ask her, start off on the right foot and don't second guess her. It's good to hear another member finding an accepting GG who might be prepared to make a more committed decision on a CDer.

[deebra]

Yes, go as a well dressed male and treat her as a gentleman would a lady. Give the CDing thing a rest. After a few dates then bring it up. If you bring it up or dress on the first or second date she is going to read it as you want her because she is accepting of you as a CD and you wanting her is not a first priority. Talk about it ONLY if she brings it up, otherwise you will kill your chances with her.

[Teresa]

Deebra,
The SA knows about Stephanie's dressing even to the point of seeing her try things on , so she only has to ask about suitable dress mode for the first date.

[CarlaWestin]

Hi Teresa, I'm sort of in the camp of presenting as one's true self on the first social encounter. This is the time to gauge each other as far as likes and dislikes and the levels of acceptance or not. And it's a personality showcase. But, if Stephanie's normal is totally female and male is just a facilitating persona then maybe a nice new dress is in order. Being on the outside of the situation makes it hard to judge. Stephanie, I wish you the best.

[Aunt Kelly]

It is an interesting dilemma, Stephanie, but since she does know all about you, I am inclined offer the same advice that Teresa has given. Ask her if she has a preference. On the other hand, it seems like there's some romantic interest on your part, so the better bet might be to go on that first date in boy mode. That will remove the some possibility of anxiety and awkwardness. Your CDing is going to come up, so you can address it then. When it does, make sure to communicate how pleased you are that she's there with you, when a lot of women would not be so inclined.
Do keep us informed.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Lana Mae]

Ask her! Let her decide her comfort level! Hugs Lana Mae

[Sarah O]

I wouldn't make any assumptions on how you should be dressed. I suspect your softer side may be part of the attraction, so she may want to see you dressed. As others have pointed out I would ask.

I hope you have a great night out and please let us know how it goes!

[Stephanie Nicole]

Ok so the general consensus is to go on the date (and yes it is a date, dinner at a nice restaurant and a movie afterwards, that is what I asked Chris to go with me to.) as myself and not Stephanie. She knows me in both forms male and female and we have talked and flirted a little each way. I have asked her about her feelings going out with a CD before I got up the courage to ask her out myself and she said she likes the whole person not just the way they dress or look. I have a feeling that Stephanie might be ok but I want this to be a serious evening because I am extremely attracted to her both looks and personality wise. She is a kind caring person that seems to genuinely like people and she has a great body too, and like her I am attracted to her as a whole not just because she is good looking. I am hoping that this date could turn into a serious relationship but I don't want to scare her away.

[ClosetED]

I would go with presenting as male mode, but if you think she likes that you have another side, you could consider underdressing with panties and hose and painted toenails. She might enjoy that little secret that no one else can see. And if she does want you dressed, you can have an outfit in the trunk - maybe one she helped pick.
just some options,
Hugs, Ellen

[alwayshave]

I would go in male mode. I'd let the more traditional relationship roles develop before dressing. The good news is she said yes knowing that you CD.

[Sara Jessica]

^^^ Best advice possible.

[Stephanie Nicole]

Thank you for the advice and I look forward to hearing other opinions also, as this is a scary situation for me. So people understand, I started dressing on and off as a teenager ( it started as a form of arousal but then became something more, I found I enjoyed the look and feel of the clothes). I dressed privately for a number of years after that and then in my mid 20s I met my ex-wife. I kept my dressing secret to the point I all but stopped completely except on the extremely rare occasion that she would be away for a few days. I didn't even keep my clothes in the house, they were in a suitcase ( I owned 1 dress, a couple pairs of panties and a nightgown) in the back of a storage garage where I kept a classic car I am restoring.) needless to say the marriage didn't work out, for numerous reasons including I suspect that she found my suitcase, as she dropped a few subtle hints about it every once in a while. So we ended up divorcing last December. It took me a little time but in the last 2 months or so I have been buying stuff here and there for Stephanie and that is how I met Chris. I was at the store looking at a blouse that I really liked and was trying to decide on a skirt or jeans to go with it and without me having to say anything she asked if I wanted a room to try them on to see what I liked ( I was dressed in male mode). I tried them on and showed her and we became friends after that to the point that I miss when it when I don't see or talk to her on my normal weekend shopping trip ( I like to go and check out the sales to see if I can find anything I like). I haven't felt like this about another person in a long time and I don't want to screw things up as I really do like this woman a lot, and the last thing I want to do is embarrass/ hurt her.

[Alberta_Pat]

Stephanie,

I am somewhat of the mind that you may well wish to take this Lady out as your male counterpart, but I must ask who it was that asked her out?

Was it Stephanie? or Stephanie's male counterpart?

The answer to this would be the deciding factor to me. The one she agreed to the date with is the one she wishes to see.

[Laura912]

Along the lines of Pat's reasoning, who will have the major role in the relationship with Chris if things develope between you? Perhaps the answer to that will determine your presentation. The blessing is that there is no need to have "the talk" in the future.

[Jenn A116]

I'm on the side of going in guy mode for the first date. Spend the date getting to know more about each other. Outside interests, etc. Even though she is aware of both sides, I suspect she wants to know the guy side a bit more.

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
It looks like you've answered your own question, you have doubts then go as the man she met in the store, You could ask her on the date how she would have felt about you being dressed but then she hasn't seen the whole Stephanie . That's where pictures would come in handy , that might have been the answer in the store when you first asked her out.

I'm not sure if I agree with Pat's comment , if it were me the request for the date would have come from the whole person. I must admit I became attracted to a SA in a shoe store, she was so helpful and came over as a really nice caring person, we had a few good laughs while I was buying shoes. I nearly returned with some flowers intending to ask if I could take her out for a coffee but the thought of becoming tangled up in a possible relationship while married made me think twice , that was naturally assuming she was available anyway .

[Jamie Lynn]

I also think you should go dressed as your male self. You met her presenting male and you asked her presenting male. She knows you like to dress as female already, so let her decide from this date and your conversations as to how much female dressing she will accept. Make it HER decision! I hope you have a wonderful date!!

[SaraLin]

While my first impulse was to say "go in male mode", like most everyone else in here has said - I had a thought I figure I'll share...

I don't know your wardrobe, but do you have some women's clothing that could serve while in male mode (slacks, top, that sort of thing)?

That way, you could still go as a "guy", but when the topic comes up (which it almost certainly will), You could admit that yes, these ARE women's slacks (or whatever).

In this instance, if it were me (if only!), I'd almost certainly be wearing panties - in case things proceed that far, she gets a little extra treat!?!?

Whatever you do, treat this lady like the jewel she seems to be, and good luck!!!

[Gillian Gigs]

Tough question, you need to ask her what she thinks. Personally, I would go in male mode,and see how things go first off.

[Taylor186]

I agree with Jamie, if you asked her out in male mode then make it to the first date, at least, in male mode.

[larry]

Wow How exciting. As I read thru the replies it is apparent that this really is a concern. Never thought about it that way.
Just thinking about how lucky makes me happy for you. (really also wish it was me)hehe.
My thought is to ask her and make it as comfortable and manly as any other date.

[phili]

I'm sure she means for you to go out dressed- as that is the point- she has consistently been open and making it normal. If you retreat or delay, then when will it be ok to go out together? She is saying- let's do it. She is not promising to have a long term relationship, but to take an explorative step and see what happens- see how it is, see how she feels out with you as both a CD an as a person, and knows those two things aren't separate. The only issue is whether you are a closet CD or not. This is your chance to not make it a big deal, and to understand what all this means to you so that you can just be normal and live life crossdressing in a normal way. No cringing, own it. THIS IS WHAT WE ALL WANT- right? ;0)

[Jean 103]

Where do u want this to go? R u looking for a girlfriend or best friend? These r questions u need to answer for your self. As far as how to dress, how comfortable r u at being dressed in public? I need to be able to relax and be your self. Do not obsess on dressing, shopping or girl stuff. Be your self I know I already said this but it is important. This is a date, get to know her. And most importantly have fun.

[Dana44]

I would definitely go as a male on your first date. The cross dressing will come up during conversation and I would then ask here if we could go to dinner and movie in the future as your female self with her. .