Hi ladies,
I am thinking to go to the therapist just for discussing my cross dressing . I am not thinking to go for hormone therapy or anything. I just want a professional view on my cross dressing. What should I discuss with her any suggestions? I want to tell her all my cross dressing feeling and how it goes with my life.
Great idea. I've been seeing one for years. Not to be "fixed" but to help get a handle on my thoughts and feelings. If they're going to try and "cure" you.....run.
Lace and Smiles
Lisa
Thanks Lisa, can you tell me what are the things I can discuss?
I've also been seeing a therapist for several years and I feel comfortable discussing anything with mine, talk about what's on your mind or the things you'd like help with, only you know what you'd like to talk about. I'd recommend making a little list of what you'd like to work on with the therapist.
Best of luck to you.
My first Conversation was simply admitting to the fact that I was a cross dresser. That opened all kinds of doors so be prepared for some amazing conversations.
You can discuss anything you want. At the beginning they'll ask you what you're hoping to achieve by coming to see them. You can say exactly what you did here -- you want to straighten out your feelings with regard to crossdressing -- you can add you're not interested in hormones, you don't think you're going to ever transition. And then the conversation will start. And you'll decide where it goes. And you'll decide when it ends (overall, I mean. It's going to end for that day in 50 minutes.) And you're going to walk out and think about it and come back and say what you thought about it. That's how it goes.Originally Posted by FirstTimeCD
For gender issues, it's important to pick a good therapist who has experience in the field. And no matter how experienced they are, you have to get along with them. There are some therapists out there who strongly believe in the gender binary and if you don't, you'll probably need to keep looking. And there are some who have a reputation as a conveyor belt to a TS transition. So when you contact one for an initial appointment, ask about their experience. Ask if they work with crossdressers and accept that you might not ever want to take it any further than crossdressing. (I kinda hate that terminology, since it makes it sound like there's a path all carved out that all people under the TG umbrella "should" follow, but I can't think of another way to express it.) If you're concerned about a complication with your SO, ask if they have experience with crossdressers in relationships. Don't be shy -- they won't mind. They don't want clients they can't help any more than you want a therapist who's going to not understand you.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
First Time, people go to counselors to get help with their issues. If u don't have any, you'll be wasting both of yours time and your money.
If u have issues? She/he'll help u find the questions for u to ask!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I'm 49 and have been a crossdresser since childhood. I've been married for almost 30 years and my wife has known since before we married, but she really didn't know my true full history of crossdressing. She accepted the crossdressing but didn't want to see it or really help me with shopping, makeup, etc. About 4 years ago I decided to see a therapist, with my wife's blessing, in order to sort out my feelings of frustration with being a crossdresser but having to hide it at the same time. My six or so sessions resulted in this:
I am a crossdresser and will always be a crossdresser. My parents, who found out in my early teens and had me see a counselor, contributed to my feelings of guilt and shame because they pretended like my crossdressing didn't exist and never continued my counseling past the first session. My parents never mentioned or discussed crossdressing with me again after that first session. Their failure to acknowledge or discuss crossdressing reaffirmed my feelings of guilt and shame and the necessity to continue to hide it. My wife, doing basically the same thing, was inadvertently continuing this reinforcement. I needed to accept myself for who I am and no longer hide it.
We very quickly got to the point where my therapist wanted me to just be open with people around me and to know longer hide my crossdressing. Since my career would be harmed by this, my wife embarrassed, and my young children potentially burdened with this, I decided that I could not do what my therapist was suggesting. I quit therapy.
Things have improved since then with my wife being more accepting to dressing at home, however strict boundaries are still in place. Much of the guilt and shame are gone, but the frustration of having to hide in my house remain.
All this to say, I think therapy will lead you down the same path and your choice will be the same... come clean and just crossdress when and where you choose because that's who you really are, or decide to continue your secret life. Both results are perfectly valid in my opinion depending on your life circumstances. Sometimes we make decisions we know is not necessarily the best for our mental health, but we do so to protect those around us. That's where I'm at.
Last edited by Karen's Secret; 09-07-2017 at 09:42 PM.
You discuss anything with your therapist. I see a Gender Therapist for my dysphoria and how to best cope with it within the confines of my marriage. We often venture into other issues of my life. Work, parenting, medical issues, politics, etc. Its really up to you.
Some great advice here. I would add, don't expect this to be a magic bullet that answers everything, especially in one session. A good therapist will ask you questions that make you think and ask yourself questions you haven't considered.
Life is too short to be boring.
Great Idea!
I've been seeing a therapist for years starting with my crossdressing and going anywhere from there.
Be honest and truthful in your answers. You may not know everything you want to discuss but will be very surprised at the doors that open and the roads you'll travel.
I can't agree more strongly with finding the "right fit". I got lucky right out of the box with my first, and only, therapist. If you aren't comfortable find another one. You may have to travel a ways to find the right one. (I drive 3 hours each way for mine.)
Good Luck and let us know how it turns out.
I started therapy early this year. I switched therapists a short time ago. I have found the sessions very helpful. The new therapist presents as female but identifies as non gendered. They (the preferred pronoun) is a great person! Very supportive and encouraging. I look forward to the sessions.
You will discuss whatever you want to with her. Be sure she is trained and somewhat experienced in gender issues. I went to too many that claimed to be qualified and weren't. I think an early question that can give you insight into their experience/comfort level is ask if you can come dressed to sessions. Good luck, I look forward to my sessions open and honest is the answer to getting help figuring things out.
Thanks for your reply, I am not sure that I can go dressed in the session. The facility will have many people starting from the receptionist. Don't you think is might be a problem to go dressed? I can try to have some girly jeans and tshirt but other stuff like bra and shoes 👠 I am not sure I will date to do that.
Unless your very comfortable presenting as female I wouldn't suggest doing that at the first session.
That being said, bring this topic up with the therapist. If their open and knowledgeable concerning cross dressing and gender issues they will say it's fine. Then the ball is in your court.
Please let us know how it turns out.
I was not suggesting that you go dressed to your first session but for you to ask if you could and also if you can come somewhat dressed, like women's jeans, bra/forms and a men's tee.. If she see clients with gender issues this should be just another day at the office, right?
You mentioned the receptionist and I want you to know the place I now go to is in large part due to their receptionist. it was she who instantly put me at ease when I called to see if they had gender therapists. That was many years ago and she in now my therapist (licensed of course)
I'd like to throw out a thought and see what others think. Often times during therapy issues are identified which aren't necessarily the issues we thought were the cause of whatever took us to therapy. Perhaps it would be wise to not dress for several sessions in order to give the therapist a chance to narrow down to the core issues. I can easily see a situation in which paying a therapist for therapy is really just paying someone to allow us to dress in front of them, whether we are aware of this at the time or not.
I think we have to trust everyone to make the right choice for themselves. In my case, I had been presenting fem for a while before starting therapy and it never even occurred to me not to go dressed. And it was the perfect choice for me. If you feel you might have some exhibitionist issues then make the right choice for you. And by all means tell everyone about it so they can check the idea against their own sense of truth and make their own decision.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
FirstTime,
Being totally open and honest, they aren't mind readers so can't begin to help unless you lay all the cards on the table. I found it best to write it all down , how its started even dreams can play a part in telling the story . You aren't going to hear anything different to how you truly feel inside. The point is you will be able to talk openly about everything , they can then suggest the way forward for you . In the UK they can refer you onto gender counselling before any thought is given to hormones, so you won't be forced into a situation you can't deal with.
The outcome hopefully is you wil know more about yourself so you can come to terms with it and accept yourself for what you are. Don't worry about the labels thrown about here on the forum or elsewhere, we do need them to be able to tell other people where we are on the TG spectrum. We have to learn how to live with what the labels mean on a daily basis.
.
Don't forget most of us are born like it and it's for life , so we may need counselling at times to live that life as happily as we can .None of this is a selfish act, in fact it's being totally honest with ourselves so we can be totally honest with others .
Going dressed doesn't really matter to most counsellors , I used my pictures to give some idea of how I looked , it's a pressure you don't need if you don't feel comfortable with it . It's what's inside your mind that matter not the clothes you wear to the professionals .
Last edited by Teresa; 09-10-2017 at 06:28 AM.
Karen,
You are correct about what we discover in therapy can be seemingly unrelated to what drew us there. With that in mind how can any of us tell another how they should go to a session, dressed or undressed. My whole point about coming dressed or undressed is, in my mind a good indicator of their comfort level and possibly there experience level as well. I know that had I asked that question to my early practitioners I would have searched for another much sooner and saved me time and money.
To clarify to Firsttimer, if you are considering therapy really try to give it a go, there really isn't likely a big downside risk as long as you can afford it. Just don't necessarily stay with the first therapist you see if there isn't a high comfort level after a few sessions.
I consulted this really cute therapist once and asked her what was wrong with me? She told me there was nothing wrong with me, its just who I am……I was looking in the mirror at the time
Last edited by suzy1; 09-10-2017 at 09:21 AM.
Thanks everyone for all your helpful thoughts and guidance. I will let you know how it goes. Really thankful to you all. Love you.
::::::::Update::::::::
Hi all,
I have updates on my upcoming visit to therapist. I left a voice mail on Friday and today therapist gave me a call back. She was really good in conversation. She made me feel comfortable and listened what I wanted. She did not rush or anything. She put me on her calendar and she will call me back for the appointment. She is ok if I want to visit her dressed. Desperate to meet her.
Hi Kendra,
when I was seeing a therapist I found it helpful to keep a note book. I would write down thoughts, questions or memories I wanted to bring up during session.
Love KristyE
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