Someone mentioned in another thread about being so confused or dysphoric about gender as a teenager that they considered suicide.
Was this true for anyone else?
Personally, I couldn't imagine getting that depressed about it. But apparently some do, hence my question.
Cathy
Yes, was true and is true. The last time I thought about suicide was Wednesday. It was a "bad day" which I have far too often for my tastes.Originally Posted by Cathy Anderson
Veronica
Personally, I couldn't imagine getting that depressed about it. But apparently some do, hence my question.
Cathy[/QUOTE]
If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.
Erm, well no actually.
I had a terribly conflicted relationship with my parents in the 1960's, and gender dysphoria barely even registers on the scale of "was this one of the sources of conflict?" The issues in my case were high parental expectations and low performance on my part, mostly associated with school. I sometimes think those issues led to, rather than resulted from, my interest in crossdressing, but who knows?
I went through some depression during those years, mostly a matter of shutting myself up in my room and feeling sorry for myself. Somehow I've always been blessed with a basically sunny view of life (Pollyannish, even, from others' points of view), probably a gift from the same parents I had so many conflicts with. I've always felt strongly that there's a way through whatever I'm up against, even if I haven't found it yet.
I understand that this is just a luck of the draw thing, and I'm lucky that the darker sorts of depression have not (yet) descended on me.
"Inside of every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened."
"The best thing about the MBasic that comes with the Kaypro is that it allows variable names longer than two characters."
Purely about Gender? ... no...
as a response to being utterly F*Cked about both Gender and dealing with (and failing miserably to deal with...) a severly dysfunctional and mentally/emotionally abusive upbringing? ... hmmm
I found a bottle of something that was used in a Coal Tar Burner (kinda thing you might use if you had bronchitis, light a candle in it and the room fills with the smell of coal tar). I knew this stuff was poisonous (cos it said so on the bottle...heh! bright or what?) so i hid it away.
I thought about it and thought about it and thought some more. Then a 'bad' day arrived...
This is nearly 40 years ago, but I still remember standing in the bathroom and tipping that bottle up and pouring stuff into my mouth... I dunno why, even now I cant explain why... cowardice?, bloody mindedness?... whatever it was I just could not force myself to swallow.
Good job really cos that stuff was in my mouth for about 30 seconds... no more and it was so unbelievably corrosive... the inside of my mouth lost a layer of skin, my lips were twice normal size for 2 weeks, I dont think it did my teeth any good... but thank [deity] that I spat it out...
It would almost certainly have killed me (I think the product was later withdrawn on exactly these safety grounds after the death of at least one young child who drank it)... but in the most appalllingly painful manner...
Thinking of that day all these years later still gives me a chill... how close it was, just 1 swallow would have done it, ...
but
sometimes, perversely, I feel disgust at my cowardice and wish that i had swallowed...
As for now...
long periods of thinking about it every day.... interspersed with shorter periods where I am able to put such thoughts away...
But I have the means even now.... its just the courage I lack, and on my darker days i know that the day will come when I have the courage... and I will only need it for an hour at most...
hope that answers your question
Mr S
An hour at most?
Yes. But it had nothing to do with crossdressing or gender.
Hail Satin!
Sort of, not really having anything to do with my gender or crossdressing, but in other areas of my life I've had feelings of worthlessness and self-regret. I would play around with the idea of killing myself, but mostly I often thought "What would everyone think if I just died?"
Unfortunatly during that time I doubt anyone would have thought anything of it, and today there are still friends who probably wouldn't even notice. But I take life day by day with my stress eased when I wear beautiful clothing or when a package comes in containing a fantastic blouse I've ordered.
I also find my inspiration and motivation by my writings and artwork. Being a writer, there's no limits to what I can do. As long as I have a great job to support myself and some free time, I can definatly make an impact in the years to come.
I do have supportive friends now who think I am a great writer, artist, and person and love what I do with crossdressing. If there's any feeling of worthlessness, it's long gone now.
Yep! Did than still do now! I better put the knife back in the drawer and walk away!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIZE="3"]And I was thinkin' how the world shoulda cried
On the day Jack Kirby died[/SIZE]
I cant say I recall suicidal ideation as a teen, but definitely self mutilation throughout my life. Suicidal ideation and eventual attempt came much later.
Kimberley
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
www.transgenderlondon.com
Venus and Mars are not aligned; Good thing.
Where are all the rumballs?
I may not soar with eagles, but then weasels dont get sucked into jet engines...
Never ever ever.
Many times for gender reason.
Regarding my gender or crossdressing? No, never had suicidel thoughts.
My life as a whole? Another matter....
Not when I was a kid, because I looked forward to living on my own, and all the great dresses I would get to buy once I had my own money. I'm glad things never got so bad for me that I thought of ending it all, because now things are better for me than they've ever been. I'm working part-time so work isn't unbearable, I'm living in a nice quiet place, and my parents are too old to visit me so I don't have to move my dresses into storage once a year. And I'm on Netflix, so life is good.
Still, I'm glad I have no desire to become a woman so I don't have to deal with the reactions of my friends and family.
Veronica and Mr Smith my heart goes out to you as well as others who are looking at suicide as an answer. I think every cd'er here can tell of their experience with rejection and at times hopelessness and darkdays. I too have had times of thinking of ending my life. Ok ok I know what your going to think next Sheena's getting werd now but thats ok this is too important. Here is the truth I've found that gives me hope and peace.
God is love.
Last edited by Sharon; 03-10-2006 at 08:13 PM. Reason: way too much info -- save for Religion Forum
Nope, never, people in my family at the most don't live long enuff to worry about such things.
Not as a teenager. But the more I think about the struggle latley I can honestly say it has crossed my mind.
I spent many years in a career as a Paramedic. I have picked up the bodies. I have cleaned up the mess. Pretty much you name a way its done, I have seen it. I have been so angry at a healthy, young person, who would do this to themselves. Seemed so selfish, especially when the patient before died while wanting so desperatley to live. I couldn't understand how it could ever be bad enough that suicide would be an option. If you are on the bottom of the barrel, the only way to go is up.
That was back when I wouldn't ackowledge my gender situation. I guess now I understand how one might think its the only alternative. Although I have never attempted it, I guess I have become alot less judgemental about those who have.
Please, let me make a point. we can sit here and discuss this forever, it won't bring anyone back.
THIS IS PERMANENT!!!!!! THERE IS NOTHING GLORIOUS ABOUT IT!!!!
There is no second chance. Once its done, its done. All that is left is a lifeless body and a bunch of family and friends whose lives will forever be altered. People who care about you, whether you think its true or not, will have to deal with your actions for the rest of thier lives. They will wonder forever, why? What could I have done differently to help? Did I contribute to this? Why couldn't he/ she come to me? I would have done anything to help them. They will remember the day, the month, the season, everything. It will pop up out of nowhere for the rest of thier lives.
Please, if nothing else, don't do this to the people whom you care about. Find another way. If things are bad enough to make you have the courage to do this thing, just think of what you might accomplish / change in your life if you put that courage to a positive use.
If you are seriously considering this, Please talk to someone. Call a friend. Go to the ER. You deserve to see tomarrow, things will change.
Sarah
"So Often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key" The Eagles
Not to start anything, but it is just this that has stopped me from doing anything rash. I care more about others, then I do myself. Though in more ways then one, if this was the other way arround, I'd be more happier with myself. But that has never yet been my way.
I'm bi-polar, and I was abused in evil ways when I was a child, so for years and years suicide was my middle name...to damn stubborn I guess because I'm still here and I got a smile on my face. Getting out of that bloody closet seems to have opened my eyes and my soul, I'm happy now with my awesome wife Kat, and life is good.
Karen
Thank you for all the response so far.
I'm sorry for those who still have issues with depression. I can offer one suggestion--that fresh air and exercise appear to have some degree of efficacy in preventing or handling depression. Good diet, too. I believe studies have shown that these factors are as effective as (or better than) psychotherapy alone.
It's interesting that a few people have mentioned abusive situations in childhood.
Overall, it seems like gender is not the driving factor, but it might be something a depressed teen or adult latches onto as a way of explaining their feelings.
In other words, maybe what happens is something like this:
1. A person gets depressed for more-or-less biological reasons.
2. A person has the belief, "I am a rational being, and my feelings are determined by events, thoughts, social expectations etc., and not merely by biology."
3. They therefore focus on some obvious situation (e.g., gender) as the explanation for depressed feelings and suicidal thoughts.
Cathy
There have been threads about depression and crossdressing. My eldest son has battled depression, with variable levels of support from the medical community. I learned that he has been dressing for some time. He and I have discussed the topic, and, like others, believe that there is some relationship between dressing and depression.
What I have found out in later life is any suicidal thoughts I had entertained when a teen were because of my being a drunk at such a tender young age.
never even crossed my mind
There's something to be said for that, Connie. I had a friend who did the evil deed, and he was a big-time drinker. I know there were issues other than drinking behind his demise, but if you took away the drinking, I think he might be alive today.
There's no uglier funeral than the funeral of a suicide. Everyone feels guilty. I hesitate to say it, because I suspect that that's exactly what some suicides want.
"Inside of every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened."
"The best thing about the MBasic that comes with the Kaypro is that it allows variable names longer than two characters."
Yes but I snapped out of it
Yes I did when mother died,she died of breast cancer when I 13.
Last edited by GypsyKaren; 03-11-2006 at 08:22 PM. Reason: saying the same thing
Merry
HRT since 2009
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