My exroommate , has a daughter that he has split custody of, three days a week . We lived together for a year. She was six at the time. We became like sisters. I couldn't understand why her mom hated me so much. That was till I found out that when she would go back to her mom's all she would do is talk about me. What can I say I'm a kid at Hart, and it's not hard to out think a six year old.
I also have a supportive SO and a 2 year old i decided I would stop dressing around him around his 2nd birthday when he told me my yoga pants were pretty dont want to risk getting outted by a toddler
Hey Brittany,
Do you think you would act differently if you had a daughter instead of a son?
Hi Kas,
Yes I've been there. After my wife learned about Doreen, we had our first child, a boy. My wife was a little supportive and accepting when I dressed at home. We had another son three years later, that was when things slowly changed. My wife wanted to protect our kids and asked me not to dress at home anymore.
It's been that way since.
Both my sons have actually seen me dressed, even for a second, but it had some impact. I try to hide it as much as possible at home. I dress when I'm absolutely sure I won't be surprised.
I am sorry Kaz but you are too harsh to Terza. Maybe could be worded better but I understand her point. By not being 'out' to your own children you would only perpetuate the myth in the general population that crossdressing is a problem (just as in the reference to gay couples with a child). If you bring them up with it as part of their normal everday lives they will spend the rest of their lives busting that myth. Hiding it from them would not protect them from anything. I do not agree that children will out you, my son was more than capable of understanding if something was to be kept within the family or not from as soon as he could talk. He is older now and is, I believe, not transgender, but he would fight for the rights of any non-binary person without question. Even so he has not, and would not, tell anyone about dadies skirts unless I said he could. Changing attitudes to 'different lifestyles' in society as a whole starts with the next generation and their attitude comes from their upbringing. Protecting them is opressing you. Here in the UK the current generation of school age kids have largely moved on and the future looks bright for alternative lifestyles. I am constantly amazed how progressive and inclusive the attitude of my son and his school colleagues is. Despite living in a rural backwater with an poorly educated local poulation with almost zero ambition, many kids in his school are happy to be declare themselves to be gay or bisexual without any negative consequence at all. Such things are a non-event. He has never seen any bullying related to sexual orientation, gender or any similar other issue at any of the three schools he has attended. I know of several transgender kids living as their non-birth gender without any issue fom their peers and and their peers parents. My advise to you is to normalise this part of you to your kids. There is always a risk but you take that everytime you step out of the closet. If you could not live with the consequences of being 'outed' I believe you should only ever crossdress in a locked room with the curtains drawn. Otherwise the risk is there whether or not you have children (in the know or not). Just my own experience.
Daisy
Hi daisy,
I assume terza was directing her original comment towards the post I made previously, in which case I do not understand how she came to the assumption that I want to "protect" my kid from this so called "perversion" of mine. Or how being open with my child from day one is somehow "fundamentally self defeating"... Maybe I read it incorrectly, but it just didn't make sense to me.
Anyway...Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I am glad the world is changing, even if it is at a snails pace...
Last edited by Kas; 11-22-2017 at 05:49 AM.
Indeed I think you read it incorrectly and, as you say, made an assumption which is always risky.Originally Posted by Kas
You also told Terza "If you haven't noticed, crossdressing isn't something which is generally accepted by society. Like it or not." I think you are overstating that. There is a difference between looking at (or even staring at) something that is not mainstream, and not accepting it. If I see a bearded guy in a dress I can not help but have a look but I, more than anyone, accept his desire to dress like that and would risk my life to defend that freedom. It is no different to people staring at a pair of conjoined twins in a shopping mall. People just can't help but be curious in non-standard. In my experience most people these days (in the UK at least) do accept crossdressing just as they do any other non-mainstream presentation such as Goths, steampunk etc. Just do not expect them not to stare unless you pass. Just because they may not partake and may not understand why others do, does not mean they don't accept your right to do it. I really believe some of us are our own worst enemies when it comes to this.
In my opinion,it all is about teaching the family about gender expression. It is a building block program..and some people don't need so many blocks because they are not going to take it far..I had an inner need to socially transition,so I made bold steps from early on. For others,that only desire the freedom to "dress", their steps don't have to be so bold as for many,it is only about the clothes and kids can adjust to that easily.
Daisy,
I meant as in accepted as "normal". If it was generally "accepted" like you say, why do so many of us have issues coming out? Anxiety, divorce, bullying, loss of jobs/friends/family etc.
Let me put it this way. I don't think anybody's wife is going to divorce them because they find out their husband is secretly into steampunk...
Anyway I think we're getting off the point now...
Last edited by Kas; 11-22-2017 at 08:04 AM.
Well I didn't want to go off topic Kas but you have asked me a question it would be rude not to answer it.
I do not know why so many have issues coming out but to address your suggestions:
Anxiety is all in your own mind and only you can stop it.
Divorce, well if two people are truely suited soul mates that should be together, would a harmless bit of dressing up really end in divorce?
Bullying is only effective if the 'victim' allows it to be. If they do not give a **** about the bullying then the bullies stop as there is simply no point to it.
Loss of job due to crossdressing habits would be illegal in UK. Lots of easily won compensation available so a plus if it did happen.
Loss of friends. Really, you would call someone a friend who drops you because of your choice of clothes? Some friend. My friends just think it makes more interesting.
Loss of family. What ever happened to unconditional love?
Maybe it is different in Aus but here people have more to worry about than what others are wearing. I still believe that the biggest obstacle for a British crossdresser is our own exagerated worry about others reaction.
Daisy
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