As far as I understood Crossdreaming is under the AGP header. Also not going to get into a debate about the authenticity of either. The reality is no one really knows why we do what we do, so if something makes sense to you and helps you be happy then be happy I say.
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
Pat/Lana,
I apologise if my comments sounded heated, it wasn't my intention but as I say it is more than when Blanchard first put his ideas forward but the idea of it being just fantasy and a fetish isn't what it's all about but those meanings have stuck. That's what people keep throwing back in their replies, I find the Crossdreaming term very misleading , it suggests total fantasy which it isn't.
Some suggest it's just another term for GD , I know some who have transitioned not because they feel they have the wrong body but because the urge to seen and accepted as a woman is so overpowering . That is why I can't say exactly how far I will want to transition , I don't feel in the wrong body but the need to be seen and accepted as a woman is becoming stronger . It's also why I feel it explains my need to be natural with my dressing , it's not an act, I don't want to parody women that's why I feel too much is made of lower padding and excessive boobs .
U can call it crossdreaming or AGP. But, whatever it was, when I first began serious dressing 20 years ago at age 50, my fantasies of being the woman with a man, were so overwhelming I was certain I had become gay!
Which seemed odd because I had mentally dealt with that subject years earlier when I hung around with and was hit on by familiar gay men. It took me over 3 years to figure out I wasn't gay or bi. It was simply part of my new preoccupation with wanting to become a woman. It was all part of dealing with suddenly becoming trans!
It took coming to cd.com 10 years later to finally discover I was a CD. Because simply appearing to be female satisfied both my sexual and mental fem desires over the next 10 years. Since I can transform any time I please, all fantasies of having real breasts and other female parts have disappeared!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
To all those that responded, thank you. It's an interesting set of concepts and philosophies. I realize not everyone will agree with them, but I hope the discussion can stay civil...it's too important to let acrimony prevail and have the thread closed by admins as a result. I think Jack Molay and his/her contemporaries have done some admirable work and thinking in this area. One of those contemporaries is Felix Conrad, who refers to himself (or herself) as a clinical philosopher (not quite sure what that is, but no matter). Conrad is the force behind the website http://transcendmovement.com. I found this post there, and the lightbulb went off:
What is crossdreaming?
A crossdreamer is a person who gains sexual, emotional and psychic satisfaction from cross gender ideas or behaviour. The sexual fantasies of male to female crossdreamers can include any or all of the following…
1. Being dressed as a girl. (transvestic)
2. Behaving like a girl. (behavioural)
3. Being embodied as a female and having a vagina etc. (anatomical)
The common thread of these fantasies is the need to be feminine.
This does not mean they aren’t turned on by heterosexual sex. Many crossdreamers are married and able to play the sexual role expected of a husband. However, deep down their fantasies always return to being feminine.
Here's my point: at this stage of my acceptance and life as a joyful transgendered person, sex is not the end game. These days, being feminine in dress and thoughts just feels right during the times that I have to do this, and that does not necessarily mean sexual. For example, I always wear a pretty nightgown to bed, but I derive a sense of joy and peace from this, not any type of erotic gratification. However, from my earliest memories, there has been a sexual aspect to my crossdressing, and there will continue to be. So I am embracing of the crossdreaming philosophy to an extent.
A few years ago, as I started to fully accept who I am for the first time in my life, my wife and I would have fulsome discussions about what I was experiencing and how it impacted our lives. One aspect of those conversations was my sexuality, and I did my best to explain that, while I was sexually attracted to femininity, I also fantasized about being feminine during sex. (Admins...stay with me here; I am not going to get into anything risque). I don't think that my wife was overly enthusiastic at the prospect of this at first. But being the type of person she is, she wanted to explore my desires...to help me and let me realize my dreams (and please don't worry...I try to do the same for her, as it's a two way street). Strangely enough, as we lightly experimented, she began to really enjoy it. And then came the day where we were intimate in a way that I now realize was the first time I had truly been intimate with anyone in complete girl mode. The result was one of the most incredible experiences of my life...and I'm not speaking of pure sexual gratification. I'm talking about the incredible emotional experience of feeling like what I was doing was so incredibly right, so freeing. And more than anything, the experience of being truly accepted by my wife...it was as if she was looking into my soul and seeing me for the first time.
I'm doing a poor job of explaining all this. But I hope this helps others understand why I felt that the theories of crossdreaming were so relevant when I stumbled across them yesterday. Yes, gender and sexuality are two different things. But to think they are not deeply intertwined just doesn't make sense.
Last edited by Isabella Ross; 12-11-2017 at 04:13 AM.
I was an early follower of the Crossdreamers blog. In the beginning I think "crossdreaming" was Jack Molay's attempt to sanitize the ideas around autogynephilia (AGP). Call it AGP lite. I mean, what would you rather call yourself, a crossdreamer or an autogynephiliac? He was seemingly open to alternative interpretations of AGP as well as alternative theories of CD/TG/TS. He eventually adopted the position that cross gender sexual fantasies were the expression of the repressed sexuality of the inner female. Fetishistic CDs such as myself are just latent transsexuals in denial suffering from internalized transphobia. That's when I realized that crossdreaming, as it had evolved, had nothing to do with me. For me, the idea that my sexual fantasies are the expression of some kind of inner female is just my fetish talking to me. The more I believe it, the more powerful the fetish, the more "dysphoria" I experience. I'm stuck with the fetish and can have fun with it but I don't have to believe its BS.
Last edited by LilSissyStevie; 12-11-2017 at 01:34 PM.
Ilene,
The 'How to Tell if you are Transgender' article was affirmation for me. To me it is good to go through the process as part of self-evaluation.
Thanks for providing the link.
Michele,
It was affirmation for me too; that I wasn't crazy, or making this stuff up, or having a "phase" or fooling myself.
I read it and thought, "OMG. This is real. This is me." Made me think about things that only I knew were in my head. At least it convinced me I wasn't losing my mind (though, I already knew that.) I'll probably need to be more openly honest when I find a gender therapist.
There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.
Ilene,
That old saying , " I'm just a crossdresser !" is hardly true for so many of us .
There is so much that has been written out there and yet we still don't know exactly what makes us tick and all this information sometimes adds to that confusion.
Do you really think you need a gender counsellor ? I think it helped me to head in the right direction but it's an uphill struggle if you're in a controlling DADT situation . When someone keeps giving negative responses you tend to question your own feelings and needs , I'm finally arriving at the point when I believe enough in myself that I'm prepared to stick to my guns when my needs are questioned .
Try not to be phased out by all this stuff, they are just labels that apply to some of us , if they do apply to you then find out more so you can learn to live with it , that's what I've discovered /
Isabella,
You have created an interesting thread, I have to leave this and read some of the articles pointed out by others.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I agree with you.Originally Posted by Teresa
First I've heard of it. Thanks for mentioning it. I'll be checking it out for sure.
After reading this thread and also reading a lot about AGP and Crossdreaming I think it confirms what we all know. The transgender/CD spectrum is very wide and very confusing. I have always considered myself a plain jane heterosexual crossdresser but have grown to realize it is not that simple. Otherwise why would I be so obsessed with trying to create as much of a feminine illusion as possible which includes extreme tucking and not feeling complete if every little detail such as painted toenails and long nails is not attended to. As I have aged my fantasies of being with another crossdresser or a woman who can accept Danielle have also increased. Why?, I have no idea and frankly have given up trying to analyze and rationalize the situation. As Popeye used to say "I am what I am" and maybe it doesn't need a label.
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