I went to the grocery store this morning at 5:30. I only underdress but I had a C cup bra on with forms, and then sweatshirt & heavy jacket. So pretty safe.
But I still feel like there's this giant spotlight on me. And I realized - no one looks at you at that time. There's no other customers and the people working all have their ear buds on as they're focused on stocking the shelves. So I walked by 30+ people and only one looked at me. And she just gave me a nice smile and said hi.
I have found that far fewer people really
care than you think . My first time out I walked around the mall for an hour. Before
anyone noticed me
Jean Ann
Good for you! That's how it works, almost always. Nobody's looking at you, so if you act in a way that's not drawing suspicion, they'll never notice you. I call it "Not a big deal". If you take the attitude that this is how you always dress, nothing to see here, and dont make a big deal out of it, no one else will either. Easier said than done, but it gets easier every time you go out. Keep it up! We're all rooting for you.
Personally, I hardly believe wearing a bra under a sweatshirt and heavy jacket qualifies as 'blending.' There is really zero risk being discovered unless you're hit by a truck in the parking lot and the paramedics haul you to a hospital. My definition of blending is to wear outer clothing that is obvious female and attempting to have the viewer believe you are female. When I am out and about attired as my male self I constantly scan the people around me, make eye contact and exchange a nod or a pleasantry.
I tried underdressing because it seems to be the rave sometimes on this forum. It did nothing for me personally, and, nobody at all noticed what I was wearing under my flannel shirt and sweatshirt. That was wearing a bra (slightly padded), camisole, panty, garter girdle and hosiery. I am basically an in-home dresser by personal choice. However, I do venture out fully en femme for evening drives and strolls. The possibility of blending from afar is high, but, up close,,,zero..due to body frame and height.
Steph's right. Walking around a grocery store, at 5:30 AM, wearing a bra and forms under enough male clothes that no one can tell is not blending, unless you were looking to "blend" as just another male.
Please don't get me wrong. If wearing a bra and forms under your male clothes is your thing, go for it. Just don't pretend that you've accomplished anything other than appearing as the male you are.
There’s certainly no spotlight at the grocery store and the presentation you described isn’t likely to set off alarms, or even evoke curiosity. Relax
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
These are all good points.
If you walk, talk and move like you belong no one will look twice.
At 5:30AM, they probably won't even look once.
Some of the comments sound so judgemental. I think she’s being brave. It’s all realative. Overcoming anything scary is all about taking little steps. We girls need to stick together and lift each other up. Go for it sweetie. I bet you look fabulous! ��������
I have been under dressing with a bra for over 5 years now. I wear a 52-B, witch I can fill
out with out forms. No one has ever noticed that I am wearing a bra.
SO; why not. I also wear fem jeans, and knee high black nylons. I am almost dressed
like any other GG you see today anywhere else.
Rader
Anyone who braves the Giant Spotlight is capital-B Brave, no matter what anyone else's judgement may be. We've all felt it at times. I know people who only dress in their houses with the shades drawn who still feel the Giant Spotlight on them.Originally Posted by AttentiveHusband
The spotlight, of course, is your own conscience telling you that you're doing something wrong -- telling you that everyone can see what you're doing and you'll be punished and disgraced. And if you can summon the courage to go up against that and teach that inner voice it's wrong, then you are a hero. Over time, if it's important to you, you'll keep on doing that and gradually find your way out of the self-built dungeon. When you do that, always remember what it was like for you at 5:30 AM in that grocery store and remember to support others who are making their first appearance in the Giant Spotlight.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
I will have to agree with some of the other comments in that underdressing as you did hardly qualifies as blending. That said, we all start somewhere and I for one applaud your courage in taking these first steps.
It's extremely hard to get over the feeling that everyone is looking at you as if you had a huge neon sign hanging over you with a bright red arrow pointing you out. What you've accomplished is to recognise that this isn't the case. If you continue to push at the boundaries, little by little your confidence will grow and at some point you may be lucky enough to experience what many of us have and that's the joy of being out there, fully enfemme, walking confidently into the same store and interacting with the SA's while others around you take no notice.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
I remember that feeling when my first outing with just panties under my jeans, I thought everyone that seen me knew. Now some many decades have passed and my total en-femme presentation (and my more andro look) is to the point that I hope I blend in at the grocery store during regular hours. No one has x-ray vision so under dress all you want. If you want to go further along in your dressing take your time and take small steps build your confidence and maybe one day you'll be a day walker and look back at this baby step and wonder why you were so worried and than laugh about it. Good luck on your journey of discovery.
"you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.
That's good, you took a baby step! And going out that early isn't a bad idea to break the ice. Here's my take on blending:
First, go to public places and get a good idea of what women are wearing in your area when they're out running errands. You'll find a variety of clothing, makeup and hairstyles. The idea of blending is to wear what the average woman is wearing. Probably nothing too flashy.
I agree that it all takes bravery depending on one's experiences so far. I underdress and think nothing of it because I don't wear a bra with forms. My underdressing can't be detected unless my outer clothes fall off somehow The few times I've gone out totally en femme I didn't try to blend at all. It's kind of like going to a costume party and being the only one that showed up in a costume! That's why going out with a couple other CDs makes it easier too.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
Fear is fear . Your feelings are yours , and justly so.
I commend you for facing your fears.
So maybe this is nothing to me, but you are not me. You are on your own path .
You have my respect.
I find of you go out where no one knows you
you can get by with much much more .
If you stick to what the GG s are wearing
While you may not pass you will just blend in
and go on . Which suits me just fine
Jean Ann
I agree I think we all know how you feel. I know the first time I walked into a store at 5 am with a bra on under a heavy jacket, I thought the entire store might stop and take notice. It is such a relief to realise that most people are either to busy or nice enough to not stop and take notice of every little detail about everyone else. Good for you.
AttentiveHusband
I wouldn't consider that you were blending just being brave and having a new experience.
I know I will never pass as a woman, and nor do I want to. However I do enjoy wearing women's clothing out in public. I also will wear my my 38C bra with breast forms on colder days so I can hide them with a heavy coat. I know I am not blending, but I am still out in public while being dressed. My women's jeans and shirts that I wear out in public are basically gender neutral as not to cause attention to me.
Again I feel you were very brave for getting out in public while wearing your bra and forms.
I prefer to do my grocery shopping about 3 AM, even less people then.
I only wear forms when I am appearing as a female, that's most of the time these days.
I suppose you do have to start somewhere.
Try to graduate quickly. :-)
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Okay, you've taken step one, nothing happened. Now for step two.....
Here today, gone tomorrow....
I've come to the conclusion the degree to which people pay attention to, let alone care about, what others are wearing varies significantly. In the middle of the last century there was a VERY conspicuous difference between men's and women's fashions. With both sexes so often wearing jeans and other slacks now the only distinctions between male and female attire is often things like decorative trim or the neck line of a top. Spotting small to medium size forms might be be very dependent on the wearer's weight, age (with some men developing a bit due to medical issues) and if the wearer opens their jacket/coat in the warmth of the store.
I also think there are some people who notice a mismatch between a a person's birth gender and their attire and/or grooming and keep their opinion to themselves or discuss the issue after they're out of earshot.
So it often might be an issue of weather you care about people noticing what you're wearing.
AttentiveHusband
way to girl, maybe next time you can leave the coat off and try again ,and remember what you learned this time
I think it's easier to blend when there are more people around. I've been to markets on Sunday after church dressed and no one has paid attention or at least said anything.
I had to run into town yesterday for some groceries...reeeally did not want to change, but I put on my grrrl jeans as I have just quit wearing male jeans unless I am doing something filthy....thought about it a minute and put on my blue and pink sneakers, the small bra I wear every day (I wear a small cup padded bra every day...for the usual reasons, plus the tiny bit of profile will be subconsciously noted...and when I begin physical transition it ought to cause less stir) a ladies top, and a sweater...I wear two diamond stud earrings every day anyhow...and have developed the habit of dropping my shoulders and actually moving my hips when I walk.. (bonus: my back problems have all but disappeared..) I made the rounds through my favorite thrift store, hit the grocery store....nobody batted an eye...and if they did, I did not care. Androgyny is totally an option.
The lady that was visiting R. when I left complimented my outfit...she is a fantastic makeup artist...I was not out to her at all....changed that last night too. I absolutely adore her. lol...she said "that makes sense."
OK, she is being brave but the comments are not judgmental, they are valid thoughts and opinions. Not everyone's thoughts and opinions are the same and if only one set of judgments and opinions were allowed, this would be a pretty useless forum.
In my opinion, underdressing in a bra, even with forms but in male mode doesn't qualify as "blending". "Blending" is dressing as a woman and going out in public without being noticed or identified as a crossdresser. It is being seen by the public as a normal woman doing normal things.
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I agree. One crossdresser out of three people is pretty obvious. One crossdresser out of a hundred people is far less obvious. You can "blend" into the crowd. That is "blending".
Krisi
Ironically I’ve found the opposite. If you go places that are nearly deserted, it seems you are more likely to stand out. If you’re in a crowd, people are actually LESS likely to notice.
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