I had my birthday recently (66). An amazing, almost hair-raising day in many ways.
First thing in the morning, my beloved Wife of 41 asked what I wanted to do for my birthday. I paused. Thought, and offered "I want to get dressed up and you take me out to dinner." I had something safe like Hamburger Marys in mind. It would have been the first time EVER. She had evolved in her "acceptance" of my CD but was still rather cool to it. "Please don't ask me to do that." was her response. I took it as a "No.", and discussed or pushed no further. We had our normal great day together.
My son and eldest child took me out to lunch.
I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I did it with forethought. I came out to my son.
He was really the last "big ticket item" on my Coming Out List. My wife knew; my daughter, brother, one grandchild (accident) and my wife's sister all came to know Ilene over the last 2 years. My son was the last holdout.
We met at a new microbrewery. There's always a new one around here. At one point during our first pint of ale I managed to steer the conversation "about my life" to how weird Dad [me] has always been. I have, trust me. I comes with being a walking contradiction.
I stopped to ask him a question; actually a couple questions I told him. "Do you love me? I mean, really love me?", and while he was offering his affirmative answer I held up a photo of ILENE (my forum avatar photo) on my phone. "And....... do you know this woman."
His response (and huge smile!!) was a remarkable moment in a couple ways. "I've seen that woman before, Dad. I'm a technician with Level 10 internet access." I don't know what that means but it sounded powerful. Not entirely comfortable with knowing someone can entirely scope me out on the Net. The Son is nearly a certifiable genius, quite smart and analytical; if he didn't stand out like an NBA basketball star and thereby physically disqualify, he would have made a great fighter pilot.
His answer floored me and over-joyed me. He knew. And frankly, (he said), he'd long suspected. He's no dummy, and had tracked the long string of gradual changes since my military retirement. The change from fighter pilot Dad to "old hippy, foo-foo, weirdo" Dad. He figured on his own, along with a few other tip offs that something was going on. He found a sequestered FB site for Ilene alone that I rarely used. That's where he saw the photos. He also hinted that he found THIS forum board and was able to lurk/read some of my stories and exploits. Lord knows what else he now knows about me, but I trust and love him.
We spent about an hour and another couple rounds discussing ME. People of his generation understand Transgender, so he "gets it". He also understood the difficulty "Mom" (my wife) was having coming over. He recommended having her watch some new TV like "Trans-Parent", or is it "Transparent"; a show about a transitioning TG family. He even offered to talk to his mother to help make her understand. We of course had a good healthy, erudite discussion on where this may all evolve, and if it meant a social transition or full medical transition, etc.
Like I said it was an amazing and loving experience for me. It isn't easy for a man to completely bare himself in such a way and come away without a wound. Glad I did it as a woman. It worked out far far better than I could have dreamed.
Later that evening I had a fine seafood dinner prepared at home with and by the Wife. She gifted me with new swim trunks (guy).
Here's where I made my major mistake of enjoying my day. After dinner I donned a dress (my blue spirit dress), put on light make up and started to head out for a drink. Alone. This did not sit well with The Wife. I reminded her that I offered and invited her to go out, and this was something I wanted to do on my BD. Just one drink. I invited her again, and again things went from bad to horrible in a heartbeat.
I''ll not go into details about the little tiff. Quite ugly, and we've not had one of these about my dressing in quite a while.
One of the key lessons is something my Forum Sisters tried to advise me to do, and that was "go slowly". I've written a few sisters on the side, and the recommendation (even before this fight) was that I may be moving too fast for The Wife. She hasn't had time, even over 2 years, to accommodate and integrate this new factor into HER life.
I didn't entirely pay attention to that advice but it was made clear as we held our heated conversation. Fear not........ things calmed and resolved. It was probably good we got a few small things off our mind.
One TRULY POSITIVE outcome of the entire mess was HER accepting the possibility that I may seek gender counseling and join TG or CD support groups, and do so with her blessing and knowledge. "Meeting other men like me", I figured was a line she feared. But now she sees that counseling may help us all.
Still digesting a wondrous, stressful, milestone day.
Thank you FOREVER, to the members and Sisters of this forum. You all have always been so wise and helpful to my growth and understanding.