Another Step Forward

[Cheryl James]

About three, or so, years ago I ventured out to eat at a restaurant. This was a big move outside my comfort zone. I chose a restaurant in a predominately gay area that had received very good reviews. Since that first meal “out” I have, probably, eaten at this particular restaurant close to a dozen times. The food is very good and I have always been treated as a woman. One hostess now recognizes me and always seats me at the same booth. She calls it “my” booth. It doesn’t really matter to me, but her thoughtfulness sure matters.

Tonight I decided to test my envelope even more by dining at a restaurant where the clientele would be, predominately, “normal”. It is a very popular place in a fairly upscale area. They have excellent food and a very comfortable interior design.

To be honest I was nervous about doing this. I have always felt that the gays would leave me alone. I wasn’t sure that the straights would, though. Upon parking I stalled for a couple minutes and asked myself, if I really wanted to do this. My decision was: Yes, I do. So, With no delay I walked in, declared my desire to eat dinner to a very friendly hostess, and was quickly seated. There no booths in the main dining area available, so she seated me at a booth in the bar. That was fine with me. The bar was quite busy and I got the last booth. Almost immediately a young woman came and took my drink order, then my waitress brought me the menu. Everyone was friendly. I did not discern any negativity toward me. I was just another woman eating dinner. I never detected any smiles or laughter from any of the other customers.

What did this experience teach me? It has helped me realize that barriers that I believe keep from doing all of things I want to do as Cheryl are self made. Within reason (no beers at the local biker bar while dressed as Cheryl), I think that I can do whatever any woman might choose to do. I expect to be nervous as I do new things, but tonight has shown me that I, indeed all of us, can get out there be who we truly want to be. Is this what freedom is all about?

[Helen_Highwater]

Cheryl,

Congratulations on pushing the envelope.

Your story is one being echoed it seems more and more on the forum. It's that moment of illumination, the dawning of realisation that what confines us is largely in our heads.

I say largely because as you rightly point out, good family restaurant is one thing, biker bar is another. There have been a number of threads recently detailing that, being polite, dressing to blend and having confidence are key elements in enabling us to mingle with the muggles.

For you, certainly early on, each new adventure will carry a degree of anxiety. That's only to be expected. That anxiety will lessen each time as your experiences widen.

I don't claim to be anything like up there with the most experienced members but my time out and about has shown me just how many decent, accepting people there are in the world. There will be a few who my give "that look", even the odd SA who's a little "off". Accept it goes with the turf, it's they who have a problem not you and just carry on with your life.

Please keep us abreast of your adventures. I'm sure there's many more to come.

[Teresa]

Cheryl,
So right the barriers are more in your own head, if you present well enough and dress for the type of venue many will just give a quick glance and then resume their own business .

We had a sixtieth dinner party in a busy hotel resturant , I really didn't take much notice of other diners , OK I may have been a little OTT in the blue dress and heels as in the picture but I still enjoyed the evening .

[alwayshave]

Cheryl, I too have pushed the boundaries and gone to non LGBT places dressed. The worst that happened was some guy laughing at the bar, his wife hit him and told him to be quiet. Helped that I was not alone.

[DaisyLawrence]

Within reason (no beers at the local biker bar while dressed as Cheryl), I think that I can do whatever any woman might choose to do. I expect to be nervous as I do new things, but tonight has shown me that I, indeed all of us, can get out there be who we truly want to be. Is this what freedom is all about?

Indeed it is what freedom is all about and remember, most real women on their own would not go for a beer at that local biker bar either!

[Karen RHT]

Kudos for taking another step forward Cheryl, well done. I'll agree that so many times the "barriers" are in our own mind. I'll also suggest those barriers are often in the minds of spouses or significant others, which holds us back when we give due consideration to their thoughts and feelings.

Teresa...fwiw I don't consider that lovely blue dress that you wear so well OTT for the occasion you mentioned.


Karen

[Jaylyn]

Good job Cheryl in taking another big step. I'll never be going out but I am glad that many on here do and support the community. Your right about staying out of certain places like biker bars and such. No need promoting any trouble. I really think many outside our realm are accepting and just letting it pass by and many could care less what the other person does just as long as we don't make a spectacle but just be ourselves or ask for the trouble. I do realize there are still a few out there that think they have to prove a point by being the masculine tough guys.
Be careful watch your surroundings and do the the things that Cheryl wants to to do. Everything is only going to get better I bet.

[Teresa]

Karen,
Thanks for those kind words, I have to be careful not to eat too much , I can usually get into it but it's a different story at the end of the evening when trying to wriggle out of it , unfortuneately it's not such a comfortable nightie !!

[rachael.davis]

Cheryl

Massive props on making it out into the world - you're posting to a group of women (to one extent or another) - what was desert, how fattening was it, and did you feel guilty for ordering it?

Rachael

[susan54]

I agree that fear of going out is in the head - when you get around to doing it you wonder why you were so worried. No one cares - they really don't. I have not been in a biker bar (even as a guy) but I (as Susan) was staying in a hotel in the countryside that turned out to be a rendezvous for the local bikers - who blocked me in. When I wanted out they could not have been nicer - they even guided me when I was reversing. And Teresa - nothing OTT about that blue dress - very classy.

[Cheryl James]

Thank you to all of you who have replied to my contribution. I guess what we are seeking is the freedom to go out and do whatever we want (with obvious limits, of course) and to not be hassled because we have chosen to do it dressed as our preferred gender. Another brief story: I went to the fish market (small business, not a huge fish market) the day before yesterday. My hair is not as long as I would like, but I can get it into a semblance of some short hairstyles worn by gg's. With or without a wig, I do not not pass...maybe from a distance and less lighting I might, especially if cataracts are involved . I was dressed in "market casual" my make-up was appropriate for crab cake shopping. A very nice looking woman was shopping, also. She clocked me for sure. I would catch her, she would look away, quickly. I would catch her again, and so on for about 4 or 5 minutes until I completed my purchase. I was OK with that...I was checking her out, too. What she did NOT do was start screaming, TRANNY! TRANNY! TRANNY!. Check me out, if you want, but leaving me alone is enough for me. Oh, nice blue dress Teresa. You wear it well.

[Eryka1]

Cheryl,
So right the barriers are more in your own head, if you present well enough and dress for the type of venue many will just give a quick glance and then resume their own business .

We had a sixtieth dinner party in a busy hotel resturant , I really didn't take much notice of other diners , OK I may have been a little OTT in the blue dress and heels as in the picture but I still enjoyed the evening .

Wow, great look!

[Kandi Robbins]

Cheryl, BRAVO!! Well Done!! You have now experienced what I have experienced hundreds of times over the past three plus years. IF you are smart, IF you dress appropriately and IF you are confident, you can go anywhere and do anything you wish. I don't eat in "CD-friendly" restaurants, I eat in restaurants. I don't shop in "CD-friendly" stores, I shop in stores. I don't go to "CD-friendly" bars, I go to bars. And oh yeah, I never pass!

I don't know you and this will probably mean nothing, but I am damn proud of you. THIS is what the forum is all about, not the gross vanity that has been overtaking it of late.

[Sami Brown]

I agree that most of our limitations are in our heads. That is why I keep trying! Doing something that is uncomfortable just makes the next time easier.

Thank you for setting an example and for sharing your story.

Sami

[Beverley Sims]

As you progress you will find it a lot easier to get out and about all the time.