I did it.
After much consideration and thinking about where I am on the Spectrum (yes, you know; the transgender spectrum). It was time to seek more professional guidance and counseling.
I went to my first meeting for a transgender support group. It was a weekly "come as you are" support group for TGs. Walk-ins were welcomed.
At first I had no deliberate plan to attend. I had a full and busy schedule (of baseball) that always seemed to interfere with the weekly start time (6:30P) at the GLBT Center (of Denver). On this particular day my game ended quickly and the field was not far from The Center. So I left on my umpire clothes and made it to the meeting.
Everyone attending was en femme (of course) except for me (who just dashed from my baseball field). One young woman (a lad of about 18-19) was there in Guy Mode. He/She (didn't have a femme name) had been kicked out by parents and relatives, needed a job; needed a place to stay [ currently living with friends] and was desperate for help and support in beginning her journey.
The "usual crowd" of attendees must have thought me some kind of lunatic, crashing their meeting. Here I was in basically the most "guy" clothing (black t-shirt, grey slacks; noting femme) I could find, and all the girls were dressed. The group was about 20 T-girls; all in various stages of transition. Some post-op. Some getting ready to op. Some taking their first steps and some in stable transitions that will go no further.
Best of all, they accepted me ALL. I introduced myself to the group, and provided the shortest version of my Long Story I could narrate. Heads nodded. Yes, they'd heard much of this before. Their "surprise" turned. They could see (I believe) I was a kindred spirit at the least.
After almost 3 years of being serious about my crossdressing, and recognizing that it has gone WAY beyond just dressing up. It's a part of the fabric of my being. I know I need professional help and I've been reluctant to find it. Transition is not something that The Wife wants to hear about. None of it (yet).
I don't have a definite plan or vision for a medical or surgical transition. I leave open all possibilities, though, depending on what I learn via support groups, discussions and counselors. I feel that I'm already "transitioning" in my own mind and have been for the last 3 yrs and beyond (since coming out). If you crossdress, you've made a transition already. I have.
This was my first steps into a professional facility that staged professionally guided assistance. Next step is to find a good gender counselor. I need to and want to take is slowly still; checking myself and motivations every step along the way. I figure the speed of "hair growth" is about the speed I should slowly and gradually transition to living as a woman.
I felt very good about the meeting and the connections. Next time I will go en femme. Let the others know I'm for "real". It's a foot in the door and a step on the path. Never felt so good about where my life is going with my re-discovery; not in a long time.