I overreacted! Now what?

[midwest GG]

Hello all! I am totally new at this whole thing, so please bear with me if I am saying something stupid, or offending anyone. I am 28 years old, married for 6 years (together for 10), with 3 beautiful children (all with my husband). I always thought that we had a very open relationship, and we are very close. On Friday, by mistake, I stumbled upone some thigh highs while packing to go away for the weekend with my family. I asked my husband where they came from, and out of now where he said "they are mine!" At the time, I about had a heart attack, almost laughed because I thought he was joking, and thought my world was comming to an end. It took me a little bit to understand what he was saying. I finally came out of the bedroom from crying and tried to sit down and talk to him. Now I know that i totally over reacted. I thought that perfect life as I had known for 10 years was comming to an end. I thought that CD meant that he was gay, he didn't love me, and didn't want to be with me. He told me he has done it for years, and it relaxes him and turns him on and that it had nothing to do with me. I cried for 2 days straight, and it never left my mind over our vacation weekend. After getting home and having time to think, I have a totally different opinion about it. (thanks to this site especially!! ) So now, I want to know where do I go from here? I love him with my whole heart, and I am ok with him doing it. The only thing that I want is for him to dress for me. I have to admit, the more I am thinking about it, the more it is turning me on every minute!! This is something I have never dreamed of him doing, but now that the truth is out, I am quite excited for it. I just feel so darn bad for reacting the way that I did, and I don't know how to make him feel comfortable with his CD in front of me. Any suggestions????

[lovesnylons]

Just tell him you thought about it and you're fine with it. Then ask him to "dress up" for you and see what happens

[Jennaie]

About a thousand things just pop to my head but I will give one idea. Tell him you need to run to the store for some stockings or something and ask if he would please come with you. While you are shopping in the womens dept, pick out something that you think you would like to see him dressed in and say, " I know someone I would love to see this outfit on, do you think she would wear it for me if I bought it?", If he plays shy and says "who is that?" Just run your finger down his chest slowly as you smile into his eyes saying "please".

I would wearing it that night for you.

[Clare]

[SIZE=3]Hiya!

What a lucky man to have such a wondeful woman like you! Many of us pray for a spouse who (eventually) understands and wants to encourage our crossdressing - God Bless you!

As for him dressing in front of you, be careful. He may have spent a long time hiding it from you and suddenly being asked to dress up in front of you may be too much of a big change to quickly. Perhaps start in small steps such as helping with makeup and gradually move to complete dressing.

[/SIZE]

[Kimberley]

The only thing that has changed in your relationship is that now you know a very deeply hidden secret about him, one that has likely been tearing at him for years.

He still loves you, your children, your life together. Your acceptance is very important to him. Set out ground rules that both of you can live with.

After that all I can say is TRY to enjoy the ride. He is still the same compassionate caring person s/he was before. Have some fun with it!!!

Just as importantly, talk to the other GG's here for both of you.

Kimberley

[trannie T]

Buy him some panties.

[elizabeth nicole]

tell him you love him ,kiss him ,then buy him some panties.the lucky guy toi be so young and have it in the open.

[Julie York]

Reveal a secret to him that you have kept all your life for fear of being ridiculed and losing your job and family......and he'll probably be quite open minded about dressing for you in return.

Good luck.

That's the short pithy version.

But as much as your understanding and acceptance is greatly admired, and a dream come true for many, the crossdressing thing is a "terrible secret" for most of us and it requires a level of trust that is quite extrordinary to be able to reveal it comfortably. You now need to develope and understanding between you that allows him to share something that requires a huge amount of trust.

Now I really do wish you luck.

[Annaliese]

You have started by comming to this forum, next read through this forum together. He need to say he is sorry for keeping it from all these years and your reaction was normal now get past this point and talk. You will find that you will have found a new friend that you can talk to and go shoping and he will be able to be him self. Good luck.

Anna

[EricaCD]

My guess is that the words "I overreacted, I am ok with it, and actually interested to participate" will be the only words you need to get out. Good on you to be so open-minded.

I'd go slow on the whole "buying him undies" thing. If my wife had come back with that reaction, it would have led to some awkwardness while I sorted out my feeling about sharing this activity with her (as opposed to just having her know about it without participating). Most CDs love the idea of spousal participation, but some do not. You'll be able to find out which you are married to in short order!

Erica

[TGMarla]

You're amazing, you know that? I takes a lot of introspection and courage to conclude to oneself that you have over-reacted to something like this. Hey, he didn't lie to you. No "err...homina-homina-homina...." He told you the truth, and now after thinking about it, you have concluded that it is what it is...no big deal.

I'm glad for you and for him. May you enjoy many years of happiness together.

[Tracy Lynn]

My wife was the same way when I told her. We had been married 14 years and together for 17. I have been dressing in front of her since then but it took weeks to do it the first time. I was very nervous even though she already knew. I couldn't get comfortable because I thought she was going to judge me for how I looked or acted when dressed.
I can tell you that once he does dress around you the situation will become more relaxed. You should talk with him and put him at ease that you are alright with his CDing. The more comfortable he feels the easier it will be.
I wish you both the best. He should be greatful to have a wife that is so understanding.

[midwest GG]

Wow!! Thanks to all of you! I am taking this all in, and trying to see the best way to approach him. Derek is the type of person that doesn't talk much about his emotions, and I feel as if EricaCD is right when she said I need to go slow with it. I just feel like a big BUTT for thinking the worst and reacting the way I did. I am happy that he told me the truth, and didn't deny it, I am just sad for him that he had to keep it to himself for the past 15 years. God will not give you anything that you can't handle!!! (I have been telling my self that a lot in the last couple of days) But I love the feedback, and I hope I can bring him to this forum someday soon!!!!!!

[Bev06 GG]

Hi there.

I guess your feeling rotten because youve upset the man you quite obviously adore. Dont beat yourself up too much tho. Finding out that your partner is a crossdresser can be a pretty traumatic experience for most women, especially when they stumble upon it like you did.

He is a very lucky T Girl, most girls on this site would give their right arm to have a wife or partner like you, but then Im sure he knows that. The best way forward now is to talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel, and then pray that it is something that he is willing to share with you and allow you to participate in.

I know when I first realised that my partner dressed I didn't actually have any problem with the dressing, it was more a case of where will this end? Does he want agender change, or does he still fancy me? You know all the usual stuff. Once we'd got all that sorted out and we were straight in our heads, it was great and weve never looked back.

I know alot of T Girls would love a partner to share it with, but some do not, so be sensitive. Nevertheless, altho I understand why T Girls keep it a secret from their partners, (some have lost everything when theyve admitted it), I do still feel that now you know and are OK about it this is a golden opportunity for him to come clean. I know it might be embarassingly akward for him and maybe a tad painful, but you care enough about him to be concerned that youve hurt him, and the chances are he feels the same way about you. It really needs to be discussed now. I think you would do well to join the GG Forum on this site. I just have done and the girls on there are just greeaaat.

Hope it all works out Ok for you both.
Take care
BEVxxxx

[Rikkicn]

I would invite you to show him what you posted here. When he reads that he may need some time to understand what your saying. It could be his biggest dream come true!
After he reads it then is the time to decide your next steps. Ask him to dress for you perhaps?
If he's like me, he may be embarassed too tell you everything that turns him on right away.
It's so exciting thinking about the new sexual energy that you can build together.
Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!

It would be lovely if you can report back and let us know how your doing?

Rikki

[paulaN]

you came to the right forum. look at all the advice you have gotten already. and good advice at that. I'd put this forum up on your computer and then go get your husband and sit him down and say look at what I found. show him your post and then let him poke around for a wile. even join. that's my advice and I'm sticking to it. that should open up a dialog. I hope.

[Barb Valentine]

I can't really add any more then what have already been said
but do love him for him not what he wears

Good luck
Barb

[RenaCD]

You Dear are an Angel and need to be told so, you are both very very lucky to have each other. Now Talk to him and then Talk some more and as my Angel Sage GG says don't forget to Breath, Take Baby Steps and you will both be Fine. You have come to the right place to start this site is wonderful. We are all learning here everyday.

Big Hugs Rena

[Josi]

I have hesitated over this entry .. I fear it may be "dangerous" to say what I am about to say .. It is judgmental of me .. and who the hell am I to be jusdgemantal over anyone?
But this is a place to be open and honest ...
So here it is ..
My cynical head senses this ..
Midwest are you really a GG? The timbre of the writing doesnt feel "real" ..
Your first post is so like something a CD fantasises over ,,, a real woman who not only accepts his dressing .. but one who very quickly is sexually excited by it and wants to "encourage him" to dress in front of her.


Am I awful for saying this ?
I mean no offence .. but feel like it is hopefully Ok to express an opinion.

Josi

[sky0629]

i really havn't had anyone who knew about my dressing. only the gurls on this forum. so all i can say is he's a lucky guy to have you.

[Joy Carter]

Welcome MidWest we are all here for you both any time.

[Sweet Susan]

I don't think you over-reacted, I just think you reacted, thought about it, and are now ready to move on. So, move on!

[Charlene Marie]

Midwest. Dont beat yourself up. Your first instincts were typical; (is he Gay) he's not, the majoritry of us are not Gay. Believe me if we were it would be so much eaiser. Let him feel comfortable with this experience and if you are open to it join him in his feel good sessions. Your marriage will grow with more love and respect, so much so you couldn't imagine. He may decide on his own that it isn't worth it, or he may continue to enjoy it for yeas to come. In either case if you are accepting you will prosper as a couple and a family.
I know what I'm talking about, my wife and I have been there, and after 25 years of marriage we love each other more than ever.

Good Luck, and thank you for sharing this.

Sincerely,

Charlene Marie

[Holly]

Hi Midwest,

First of all, welcome to the forum. I hope you are as happy that you found us as we are happy happy that you found us! I applaud for your willingness to examine your original conclusions and re-evauate your feelings.

I am a married CDer for over 37 years. My wife knows and is supportive so I do have some basis for drawing the following conclusion...

I agree with those who suggest that you show your husband your post. I think you expressed yoursef quite eloquently. I think he will be quite touched by it. And it will show that you are serious about really serious about learning more about this lifestyle so many of us find ourselves a part of. I hope he will also see that he is not alone, either. That is one of the main reasons so many of us remain in the closet for so long. Provide the opportunity for the conversation to take place but let Derek set the pace. And I'm sure you have questions and will have more as time goes on... that's where we come in. You will not find a more loving and helpful community anywhere else in the world. You'll both find that we will be more than happy to give all the advice you can bear! But the bottom line is; you and Derek know yourselves better than we ever will. So try, in the very beginning, to be open and honest with one another. If things come out that make you unconfortable, TELL HIM! Come to mutual agreement on any ground rules that may be necessary for you BOTH to be comfortable. Please trust me when I tell you that this can be so much fun for you and Derek.

I wish you both the very best and look forward to hearing of the happiness you two share. Feel free to PM (private message) me if you believe there is anything moreI can help with.

[Sophia Rearen]

I have hesitated over this entry .. I fear it may be "dangerous" to say what I am about to say .. It is judgmental of me .. and who the hell am I to be jusdgemantal over anyone?
But this is a place to be open and honest ...
So here it is ..
My cynical head senses this ..
Midwest are you really a GG? The timbre of the writing doesnt feel "real" ..
Your first post is so like something a CD fantasises over ,,, a real woman who not only accepts his dressing .. but one who very quickly is sexually excited by it and wants to "encourage him" to dress in front of her.


Am I awful for saying this ?
I mean no offence .. but feel like it is hopefully Ok to express an opinion.

Josi

Josi,
No need to apologize. I had the same feeling reading that. If you feel it, say it. Hopefully, it's on the up and up and all the great advice has not gone for naught.