very good advice thanks. I did have an adrenaline rush when the situation was occurring and could've blurted out the thing thing but didn't thankfully. I swear it just seems like certain people have never been challenged on anything before so that alone could take them by surprise. (huh? somebody else has an opinion thats different than mine!?!)
While I’ll never come out dressed to my workmates, they know that I do.
Then there’s my footy club, I’m sure a lot of the guys have seen the pictures (shit ones that are 5-6 years old) they too will never see what I do in person.
I have no issues saying that yeah I do crossdress.
i am what I am, I do what I do..
i do not seek approval from others.
Changing others perception Courtney is perceived by them only! I worked in a most dangerous field where no men would go, so wearing burgundy nail polish was never questioned as no-one had the balls to be me!
Then we have the subtleties as I do now! I work in soup kitchens and with social groups, I'm there to be questioned when people look at my style, but hey! we can't do this 24/7
STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
Stop breathing imagine none of this is real
Well I just dance the way I feel
Well I just dance the way I feel
Well I just dance the way I feel "Ou Est Le Swimming Pool"
No matter what we could say or do, there are some that just won't change. I know there has been times I just wanted to blurt out, what would you say if I showed up to work in a dress and make up.
This is America everyone is entitled to their opinion as long as they don't infringe on the rights of others. Most larger companies have policies on inclusion including acceptance and tolerance. A possible response could be; " Hey you have to be careful. You never know who could be listening. Comments like that could get you in hot water. It is safer to keep those kinds of comments to yourself."
I think anyone who encounters intolerance should speak up. One does not have to say "Hey, I'm one of those people too!" In some respects identifying yourself as "one of those people" may lose some emphasis because the comeback may be "Oh, sure! He's one too! What do you expect?" I've encountered people who do not like transgender men and women, gays and lesbians, African-Americans, people of color, Jews, Catholics. Why would anyone just sit by idly and let those statements go unanswered? One of my deceased good friends has a grandson who is transitioning to a woman. My wife's cousin's daughter is transitioning to a man. We have friends and acquaintances who are gays and lesbians. We have African-Americans in the family. Mexican Americans. Disabled children. You name it, we got it.
If you do not challenge bigotry of any kind the person assumes you are like him. Join his club. Do you sit idly by and let racially insensitive remarks fly by, when it maybe obvious you're not of that racial group? My son-in-law and hence my grandson is African-American. I may let the person just go on talking his or her filth and then unload upon them for their racial bigotry.
The point is you should challenge intolerance when it stares you in the face.
“The point is you should consider challenging intolerance when it stares you in the face.”
Fixed it for you.
Sorry Stephanie, that’s keyboard warrior talk. All very noble and all that, but real life steps in and as much as you may want to, for all kinds of reasons you won’t. Sometimes people are intimidated, sometimes they don’t have the energy, and sometimes they don’t want to ruin a family function by bogging the conversation down with an argument, etc.
Sure, speak up if you want to, but don’t dictate to other people what they should do.
People who know me also know that my silence does NOT mean that I agree; more likely that I can’t be bothered arguing. And I get into plenty of “discussions” with intolerant people about whatever crap they’ve just said. I’m known as an argumentative bloke. But I’d probably let up to a third of such comments go “through to the keeper”, as we say in Australia. For reasons similar to the ones I mentioned earlier.
I’ve known several SJW’s in my life (many from before it was even a term) and they all have things in common: They have all lost jobs and work opportunities due to their outspokenness. They all lose most of their friends because they are exhausting people to be around; their friends leave them because they get tired of having to watch everything they say around them.
My point is, if you’re willing and able to stand up whenever you hear intolerance: well done! Power to you. Just don’t go around saying that everyone else should do the same. Not everyone can, and not everyone can all the time. And it’s no fault of theirs if they can’t.
Michelle
Originally Posted by Courtney_29
Incidents like this always bring up the question, in my mind...
Are they actually talking about someone else -- or is this their way of them indirectly talking about *you*?
You know, whether they have some sort of positive confirmation, or even simply strong suspicion.
Now, not saying that's the case every time.
However, perhaps something to keep in mind.
Years ago, my immediate boss commented that I now knew that she was a lesbian, having visited her at her home and met her other half. My reply was that I had long suspected it, and that anyway, it did not change in any way my perception of her as a person.
I thought about telling her about my crossdressing, but decided not to. I now regret not having done so. She is no longer with us.
I had these topics come up in my office, my colleagues didn't have negative opinions just uneducated or unaware. I added a little but I often worry how do I respond like a non CDr to make sure I am not outed. My brain is wired to think any tiny sign I give someone to think I am a CD would be picked up on it and out me.
I have heard from guys many a times when they have been jokingly been accused of wearing a dress etc they respond, "only at the weekends". I have actually used the same expression when in a similar situation, to avoid suspicion and act like the norm.
Three sisters have touched on this, but I once read where a CDing guy said something like this in a similar conversation among normals: "I need to tell you that there's a young man in my family who crossdresses, and I love him very much. He's happy and his immediate family is happy for him. Unusual? yes, but he's not hurting anyone."
I'm with Michelle on the prepared responses. I totally get what you're saying about giving people clues that might lead to your secret. And it's too hard to be that careful in the heat of the moment, so you have to step back to protect yourself. I get it.
It's easy to predict how the interaction will go and be ready the next time. In my experience these people are mostly just looking for attention by spouting what they think will be a popular opinion. Tell them nobody cares. That's always my approach. They usually give up pretty easily because they don't actually care about the topic, just the attention. You'll also find that other people feel the same way as you but are not prepared to be the first one to express an allegedly unpopular opinion out loud. Then the guy will definitely give up because he's lost the crowd's approval which is all he wanted.
I'll just be classics like "well you seem to know a lot about it wink wink".. "yes, because I'm not a dinosaur like you. The world has changed, move on. Nobody cares any more".
Just stick with that line - you're making something out of nothing, nobody cares.
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