Should I be ashamed I crossdress?

[abbiedrake]

@Teri Wise words for us all. Honestly is certainly the best.

Hey @Nikki Sorry to hear about your wife. I hope you can tell your kids sooner rather than later. Who knows? Instead of them losing dad they'll gain a new mum AND a happier dad.

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Sherry, thanks for that inspirational post. Gives me hope. 😃💅👸

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I'll stop just agreeing with everyone now. 😁

Katie, you're spoilt for choice here. So much plain good advice. No, you shouldn't feel ashamed but like Meghan I sense that it's not so much shame you're expressing. It sounds you feel somehow like you're letting your wife down. That you don't occupy the same space in your marriage you once did. You are still that man, right? I, personally, am going through a patch of upping my game in male mode to reassure my wife. I think it takes a secure man to CD. Weak men toe the line and call it 'gay' or whatever. Keep talking to your wife and hopefully she'll come to see that Katie is an integral, and healthy, part of the man she fell in love with and committed her life to.
I hope it works out and you can come to terms with yourself.

[JenniferMBlack]

Should you be? No. Are you? Maybe I don't know you. So you have a weakness your flawed and you don't measure up to some other guys. News flash everyone has weaknesses are flawed and will fall short of others some how. We are humans but also individuals which means we are all different in some way.
So why is it hard to talk to your wife? This is something you have been doing in secret the entire time and you probably don't fully understand all of it. So to now be totally open and try to explain it to someone seams weird. Just my $.02 worth.

[Katie Russell]

Hi all

Thank you all for your comments. I guess that it s a powerful mixture of emotions, shame, fear and insecurity which have festered over many years. The stupid thing is logically I shouldn't have these emotion because of the kind of person my wife is. But still they persist and every time I want to start a conversation these emotion take over and stop me. It's really breaking that circle so that I can put these emotions to bed once and for all.

Katie x

[Asew]

Be ashamed? No. But totally understandable how society kind of makes us feel that way initially.

When I initially told my wife, I felt like there was so much I didn't tell her. So I wrote her a letter of my entire history, what I like, and where I see this going in the future. And sometimes there are things now I want to tell her and sometimes hesitant since she doesn't like to talk about it much. So I kind of feel like I am hiding some of it from her just because she doesn't want to hear about it too much. So I still feel like I am in the circle at times.

[Stephanie47]

I think most married cross dressing men will agree marital life would be a lot simpler if he did not have the "need" to wear women's clothing. Further, more than wearing the clothes, to emulate a woman. The whole deal. I know my world would have been a lot simpler.

Back in my teen years (1960's) I felt ashamed. I also was totally confused because men who wore women's clothing were deemed to be homosexual. Very confusing for a kid with raging hormones. Going against societal norms and expectations really did not have a positive end game. It did not achieve anything. Yet it brought angst.

My wife wants nothing to do with my crossdressing. She has gotten passed the hurdle that somehow this was a reflection upon her. Sure, I would love to have her acceptance. That's not going to happen. She did tell me if I wanted to join a support group she was alright with it. None to be found in my area in the 1980's. No I feel I do not need any validation from others or my wife. My problem is dealing with their problem of accepting. Oh, I could done my pretties and strut out the door and really upset the apple cart. However, weighing the scale of what I would get out of that is less than what I would lose.

I am not ashamed. However, it would have been nice if I was not born or molded into a man who feels some deep kindred to women to the extend of emulating a woman. Perhpas you need to have a chat over coffee or wine. My wife has not said 'boo' for 35 years. Sometimes I would love it if she threw a dish across the kitchen at me in order to get a conversation going.

[Scheryl_O]

I think I have a similar path, teens being ashamed ,twenties still not understanding and now at 53 I realize the powerful pull it has on me. I realize now that I want this more in my life than ever. And to dress more often than every few months, like every day if I could! My wife accepts to a fault, no surgery or relationship’s with benefits! It would be a fast ticket to divorce court.

[Jane G]

Hi Katie. I can certainly related to your situation and feelings. I have always tried to put my wife's feelings ahead of my own. I guess it is the easiest solution for me. The simple question is. Do I love/respect my partner more than I love/respect myself. The love part is real easy. The respect part is where the heartache and inner doubts lie.

[Karen's Secret]

Guilt and shame is what we feel when we have done something wrong, or we believe we've done something wrong. The problem for some of us is that we struggle with self acceptance and shedding the learned belief that crossdressing is somehow wrong. I often think that if I was surrounded with people who don't feel crossdressing is wrong then that just leaves me as the barrier. At age 51 I still struggle with the guilt and shame.