Is it time to be me?

[Natalie_393]

Hello all, You may see i'm not a very "active" member on this page but none the less, I still love the support from the community thank you all!

Just to give you a small background about me, I'm 34 currently living as a closeted cross dresser I've been on and off with cross dressing since i was a very young. I do have the chance to dress pretty much anytime I want to, I do live with others and don't have complete privacy but enough space to myself to privately enjoy my cross dressing. I don't have a "SO" and I don't have children so simply put my life isn't too complicated per say.... but in the recent 6 months to a year i'd say all I can think about is cross dressing or living as a girl or dressing the way i want to in public without fear, or being around others while presenting as a girl/woman. Currently dressing up at home just seems not to be cutting it lately, although I've thought about coming out to a few people and at least trying to half way transition or maybe start wearing subtle woman's clothing that I fell comfortable in, it seems like pipe dream to me and i sorta fell like i can't try this new direction i want to go in, it's been tough for me break though that wall or it is a wall I've built all on my own? I wanted to see if anybody has feed back or tell me what you may have gone through in your lives and what happened when you finally said it's time to be me. I know this isn't my full story but i'm trying to gain any insight from others that have gone through this time in their lives.

Any thoughts or advice or feedback would be greatly appreciative

Thank you!!

[Helena]

Natalie,

I am glad that you have reached this level of self realisation. I have meandered to where you want to be over a number of years and my advice would be to do a little at a time. Start with going out the door, which can be hard. There are plenty of threads in the archive about steady progression, a little drive, a walk in the park (though please not late at night). Get comfortable.

A local support group might help?

Sorry for the brevity, work calls, but I may be back with more.

[Rochal Tukque]

Hi Natalie, you might want to drop some bucks on a counseling session especially if you are feeling gender dysphoric or thinking about transitioning. It may open you to a whole new view of that wall. Hugs Rochal

[Maid_Marion]

Some of us wear panties all the time. It is called underdressing.

I wear women's shirts all the time to work. They fit me better.

[Tracii G]

Remember you don't have to transition if you don't want to.
Don't feel you have to follow anyone's path and I would suggest forging your own unique path.
The path that works for you is what I mean.
There is no right or wrong way only the way that makes you happy and fulfilled.

[Beverley Sims]

Forget transition for now, that is something that happens later.

Learn how to dress appropriately, get out and about and get the feel of walking down the street presenting as a woman.

You have read about what others have said and it is quite easy once you break the ice.

You do have to gain confidence in your presentation and learn to think, dress and interact with others out there..... Presenting yourself as a woman.

I said, transition HAPPENS later, it is something that is not a cure all, a hazardous decision undertaken after time and done properly by the very dedicated and brave.

[Helen_Highwater]

Natalie,

"Is it a wall I've built on my own" is perhaps another way of saying what we fear is the fear we have created in our heads.

I can fully understand the frustration of feeling constrained by 4 walls. It's something that many experience and often the driver that takes them out the door. This is of course once they've overcome the fear of the mob with fire and pitchforks that's out there waiting for them.

A good many have had success with initially going for night time drives, stopping and going for short walks, going through a fast food drive through. All these help build confidence. However there comes a point where the only thing left is to pull up the big girl knickers and step out into the wide world.

Some will say wear what the hell you like and just do it. I will council dressing as a typical GG would dress in that time and place. Being like everyone else is like wearing camouflage. You're there but folks don't tend to notice you. That said you will get read. Stay calm, hold your head up, be confident. What soon becomes apparent is the vast majority of folks will just walk on by.

It's counter intuitive but busy places are best. A busy shopping centre allows you to hide in the crowd. Once you've been out for even a few minutes you'll begin to realise that the fear was of your making. Nerves will calm, breathing and pulse will return to normal and, most importantly, you'll start to enjoy yourself.

[Diane Taylor]

You mentioned that maybe you've built your own wall...…..all of us build our own walls and closets. If dressing at home isn't cutting it anymore then you have to think about where you want to go from here. Wherever that takes you is all up to you. Being closeted is like carrying a load of bricks on your back as you journey through life. Each time you take a step forward, whether it's coming out to someone or presenting yourself in some way with clothing or makeup you shed one of those bricks. Start slowly but take that first step, it's not as hard as you think.

[Aunt Kelly]

Natalie,
One thing said jumps out at me, "...dressing up at home just seems not to be cutting it..."
For some of us, who identified as crossdressers, it stops being only about the clothes. Where it goes from there is something you must work out for yourself, who you are and who you need to be. Take Rochal's advice and consider counseling with someone qualified to deal with gender identity issues.
Traci and Beverly also have good advice. Transition is not something to focus on right now. That's a path for certain people who know, for certain, who they are and what they need. Focus on finding your identity, your path.
I am happy to share about my path, and you have but to ask, but nothing I say about my journey may fit yours.

Hugs,

Kelly

[Krisi]

You can't "come out to just a few people". Once one person finds out, your "secret" is likely to spread. Eventually, everyone you associate with will know that you're a crossdresser. You also can't really "halfway transition" if I understand what you mean by that statement. People you associate with expect you to be a man or a woman, not something in-between. The exception would be if you lived and worked in a "gay" part of a city.


Yes, you can wear panties and women's jeans if that helps. You can wear unisex tops as well. Really though, you are asking strangers on the Internet what to do with your life and I don't think that's a good idea. We don't know you and we have no stake in the outcome of the advice we give.

Perhaps therapy would help. I'm not normally a big fan of therapy but in your case, it might help and might keep you from making a big mistake.

[docrobbysherry]

Dressing at home IS being u, Natalie. Many of us r satisfied with that. But, if you're not u have options!
I would be dressing only at home except that I simply LOVE the company of other T's!


I go out to T friendly events and venues all the time! U could, too. Find events and T's that r near u!

[Natalie_393]

Thank you so much Krisi for your honest insight on this, I Understand this web site is only reference for me and yes it is silly to ask complete strangers what i should do next in my life but this site is a place where I can safely ask these sorta of things to gain at the very least some advice and hear from like minded others.

[Krisi]

Natalie, we are from all parts of the world, from different circumstances and different cultures. You've got to do what's best for you. Please remember that some of the things you might to are nearly irreversible so think long and hard before you do anything like that. Many of us are fine with dressing at home and keeping it a secret. Others travel a hundred miles or so once in a while to dress in public where we're not likely to meet people we know. I hope you can figure out something that works for you and doesn't cause you grief in your personal or professional life.

[Helen_Highwater]

Natalie,

Krisi's comment " Many of us are fine with dressing at home and keeping it a secret. Others travel a hundred miles or so once in a while to dress in public where we're not likely to meet people we know." resonates with me as I fall soundly into the second category. Having that risk reduced is one way of making getting out easier. That said that initial step out into the wide world to be amongst the muggles is still one of the scariest things I've ever done.

Having taken that step I learned that what so many others had written here about the fear evaporating and turning to pleasure was the reality of it.

Forget transitioning, set it to one side. Before you can begin to contemplate such a step you need to be absolutely sure you're going to be totally comfortable being out and about in the wide world. let's face it, you can't transition and stay within 4 walls. Hence you need to plan a way forward.

Firstly; decide whether or not you want to take the next step and go out and about. If no then continue as you are, draw a line, job done. If yes then you're basically faced with two paths. Either baby steps such as driving dressed and build on that or the nuclear option of off to the mall, deep breath and hit the shops. Easy when it's written down but as I know from experience just that little bit harder in reality. However it is the fast track to a new freedom.

So, phone a friend, ask the audience, go fifty fifty. It's a big question, what next.

[Natalie_393]

Thank you again all for your kind words of advice and encouragement, for now it's small minuet steps : ) I might have spoke too freely about transition, as
everybody on here knows there are many factors and stakes in our lives we have to consider first before jumping all in.

[Jean 103]

Watch out what you wish for.


I was where you are like three and a half years ago.

That’s when I came out and started living openly as a TG person. Basically I work as a guy and live as Jean. It works for me.

The question you need to answer is how do you want to live the rest of your life?

That’s why at first I went in, as I see it all directions at once. I didn’t know what I was doing and that turned out to be a good thing. In my quest for knowledge I built a new life as Jean.

I am on my third roommate situation. This time I wanted to live with woman, and I do. I rent a room from a lady that is ten years older than me. We have become good friends.

[Leelou]

Hi Natalie! You are so young you have the rest of your life ahead of you. And being single with no kids, you are in a great position in life to explore how you want your future to look. You mentioned blending in women's clothing and I think that's a great start. Lots of threads here have discussed that many of us do that. If dressing at home alone isn't cutting it, then going out dressed may very well be the next step for you. As many have mentioned, it's not that hard once you make the decision and then it gets easier.

And as far as Krisi's post about not seeking advice from strangers on the internet, I think that we all keep that in mind when participating here. We may be strangers on the internet, but we have something big in common and have like experiences to share. I glad you posted for us strangers. Best of luck and have fun!