Are we selfish?

[patti3]

I have been gone for a few days. Afew days ago one of our GG members described what I feel is a typical response to a c/d friend mate etal from her genetic female perspective by asking the question how would we feel if our S/O banded her breasts wore a moustache( sp )and very male attire in terms of physical attraction comfort and so on. It got me to thinking do we expect too much?are we too self centered and do we have a false image of our female selves as we relate to the average S/O? How does everyone fell about these questions? And finally are we as an identifiable sub-culture too self centered?

[uknowhoo]

Definitely. It seems to my that crossdressing is, by its nature, narcissistic. I mean, if there were no mirrors, would there be crossdressers? Well, maybe, but we wouldn't be happy 'bout it! That's fer dang sure. T

[michellecd9999]

YES!!!!
Michelle

[Bev06 GG]

Yes, aren't we all. Surely its human to be selfish. Generally speaking if you have a crossdresser in the family you do tend to have twice as many pics of them than any other family member so thank God for digital cameras, otherwise we'd be broke all the time too.
BEVxxxxxx

[Sweet Susan]

This is the ultimate "duh" question. Of course cding is selfish. How could it not be?

[Tina P Hose]

Yes, what was said above. I love myself in a mirror and can tolerate my male being. Maybe I just really need to have sex.

[mirage2b]

Nope. Are we any different than any other person that spends time and money on their appearance? I still have a family, a job and still make a positive impact on the world around me. I just happen to love to put on killer heels and a slinky dress! Don't judge a book...

[sparks]

Gawd girls! Now I don't know about the rest of you but I'm selfish further more genetically I'm a man! Often the two are put side by side! So yep my Cding is being selfish to my SO! That's also why I take into account her feelings toward it! She don't want to see it, there for I make sure she doesn't!

Late now must sleep!

Sparks

[kittypw GG]

When I plan a night of cd fun for my husband an myself, I totally get into it, we have a really nice time and usually results in a very pleasant sexual expirence. My motivation is clearly that I know what my husband wants and I want to please him.

When I plan a night of doing something I find enjoyable outside of crossdressing (yes I did not say HE plans a night doing something to please me) like a concert or going out soemwhere to shoot pool. Then he barely talks to me. His biggest effort is putting his arm around me in a movie. The evening ends up being a struggel to get through and more times than not it ends in a fight because it's obvious that he is being forced to participate in something he doesn't want to do because it does not involve crossdressing.

Is this selfish? I ask myself this question so very often. Kitty

[Joy Carter]

Selfish ? I have spent many hours giving of myself to famly frends church and the community. It's about time that Joy takes some time to herself don't ya think ? And Kitty you got over a very big hurtal with the cd- ing I wish you luck in the other your such a nice person.

[RachelDenise]

There are many things in life that are selfish, and I think crossdressing is one of them. The key has always been balance and fairness to those around you and in your life.

[GypsyKaren]

We're selfish in that we hide ourselves from our loved ones, and find excuses to justify it and make it seem legitimate. It's really a Catch-22 situation to be in, as we do feel trapped in the corner with fear of their reaction if they discover the truth. I now know how wrong that is, because since I came out to the world, none of my fears have been realized. A painful life lesson learned, but it's a mistake that has helped me grow as a person. Mistakes are there to learn from, that's how we progress.

Karen

[Helen MC]

Selfishness is a default condition of the human being. Indeed, there is a school of thought that maintains that we carry the "Selfish Gene" and that the whole of our life effort is to peretuate that our genes at the expense of others if needs be.

This selfish or as I prefer to say "self-centered" attitude is modified by religion and societal and political mores but that alteration towards altruism does go against the grain for most people and the self-centred drive will supervene if given a chance. Hence the appeal of Conservatism to many people and the popularity of Individualism both in the UK and the USA in recent years as against the collectivist ethos of the post war years until 1979/80.

Am I self-centred? Yes. I don't deny it nor am I in any way ashamed to be so. I am not selfish as I am willing to share what I have in surplus and to help others but not to my own detriment. I am not a team player but will co-operate with others to our mutual benefit but retain my individual freedom of choice and action as far as I can and will not be bound by collective decisions.

So I would accept that many CDs and TVs are selfish , in part caused as a defensive reaction to the antagonism that we receive from society at large. We are not alone in this, look at other rejected minorities who often adopt what the Afrikaners call the "laager mentality" in the face of opposition.

[TGMarla]

When I plan a night of doing something I find enjoyable outside of crossdressing ... like a concert or going out soemwhere to shoot pool. Then he barely talks to me. His biggest effort is putting his arm around me in a movie. The evening ends up being a struggel to get through and more times than not it ends in a fight because it's obvious that he is being forced to participate in something he doesn't want to do because it does not involve crossdressing.

You know, Kitty? that really sucks. There's so much more to life than crossdressing. I so much wish my wife wanted to do things with me , like go to a football game, or stop down at the tavern....anything. But she works quite a lot, she's tired all the time, and has little or no outside interests. She doesn't participate in any crossdressing activities with me, so mine are solitary affairs. Once in a while we'll go out to dinner or hit a movie, but most of the time she just likes to watch TV, which I don't particularly enjoy. Your hubby doesn't know how good he has it, and needs to broaden his horizons some.

[Amanduhrob]

You only live once, why not be as happy as you possibly can? I'm not saying not to compromise with your s/o, because if she/he didn't make you happy at one point, you wouldn't be in a relationship with her/him.

Is cross dressing selfish? I say no more selfish than being a workaholic, or playing sports, or having a hobby. Everybody needs me time, and as long as you share your time with those you love I'd say no it's not selfish.

Now if you missed your daughter's ballet recital so you could stay home and dress, you need help.

It's all about balance and compromise people.

[joannejoanne]

Very good question. I feel that the selfishness is borne from the ambiquity in not being accepted in society as being normal people doing what makes them happy or comfortable. most of us long to express our habit and at most times its our partners or small enclave when we can only do this. i have been fortunate over the 30 odd years i have been dressing has i have had full support from my wife from almost day one when we first met.so yes we are selfish out of misunderstanding.
Joanne.

[maid phylis]

i agree we are all very selfish .and i know i am .

[Jill]

I wasn't going to reply to this one until I saw that my answer was pretty much the same as everyone elses. Yes, I do feel like it's a very selfish thing to do. My personal feeling is that we expect to much from those we care about. I have told a few GG friends and I find that I demand to much from them. I demand acceptance, support and I push it on them because I'm being selfish. I think too many of us expect our friends and family bend over backwards to accomodate our hobby when they may not be very comfortable to begin with.

[michellej]

I try very hard not to be selfish. There are things my wife likes to do that I don't - like sing in a chior. I don't go and I don't sing. There are many things that we both like to do, and we do them together and enjoy ourselves very much. There are things that I like to do that she doesn't - crossdressing, fishing. There are her things, my things, and our things. We each enjoy the things we do very much and don't push our wills on the other. We love each other very much and both know that YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE OTHER PERSON!!! Trying to do that just leads to problems.

[Julie Avery]

Unwarranted self-preference is the characteristic disease of the human race. CD's like me have an extra dose of it. Knowing that, we can work at it.

[Reana]

I have been gone for a few days. Afew days ago one of our GG members described what I feel is a typical response to a c/d friend mate etal from her genetic female perspective by asking the question how would we feel if our S/O banded her breasts wore a moustache( sp )and very male attire in terms of physical attraction comfort and so on. It got me to thinking do we expect too much?are we too self centered and do we have a false image of our female selves as we relate to the average S/O? How does everyone fell about these questions? And finally are we as an identifiable sub-culture too self centered?

Guilty on most all counts. I have no plans to change anytime soon though.