Ever have the urge....

[Jodie_Lynn]

... to just tell someone you are a CD?

Except for my wife, no one in RL knows about Jodie-Lynn. But lately, I find myself with a very strong desire to let her be known by friends and family.
Even on some other forums I am a member of, when discussions about gender or same sex marriages, or alternate lifestyles come up, I find myself wanting to state "I, ______ am a crossdresser by the name of Jodie Lynn". I want to, but am so afraid of the consequences.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? I know that there are girls here who are in various stages of transistion. And others who have very supportive spouses and practically live 24/7 as a woman, And I truly envy you all your courage, and supportive spouses, but what about those of us still (sort of) in the closet?

Or am I just going insane?

[Jennaie]

Pardner, round these here parts. ya jus don't go spilling yur guts cus ya wanna be heard.

I do have very strong desires to express myself to my close friends but I could never just come out and say it. I do it in a very subtle way. Yesterday I was talking on the phone with a very dear friend of mine. He and I were talking about his personal relationships with women and mine as well. In the middle of the conversation I made the statement: "I may just be more female than male inside but I think this is only fair". We were talking about communication and how it is a two way street. He did not flinch at my remark.. he said, "I agree".

Sometimes we just have to let it out, even if it's just a small glimpse.

[Stacy_CD]

Lately it seems like I'm going to blurt out the fact that I'm a crossdresser at some random moment... It doesn't really feel like a big deal right now; like, why should anybody really care all that much? Living this sort of "double life" is killing me a bit.

Still, I guess there's some sense inside of myself that's preventing me from doing it. It's eroding away though...

[Crisack]

I've recently decided to come out to those closest to me. It's a slow process, mostly accepting so far. The oddest question I've heard so far is if I was molested when I was younger. Life has been ALOT easier with the friends that know now. Alot less hiding, less guilt, less shame, easier to explain certain things, overall a pleasant experience. Hope things continue to go as they have been =)

[Phyliss]

After 12 years of friendship I've gotten sooooo close to actually saying THE WORDS, but something keeps holding me back. B---- probably wouldn't be too surprised, in fact lots of the things I've said over the years would finally make sense to him.
Somehow, I just can't say IT, and that may be for the good. I think I'll just keep quiet for the time. One thing I do know is that if he should ever ask me I may very well be truthful with him. In one conversation we had last summer he asked outright if I was BI, my answer was, if I had to be, I could be. So I didn't really admit anything outright but rather kinda made a joke about it. That seemed to satisfy him.
He does note that I seem to have a rather hightened interest in female undergarments.

No advice here just telling my story.

[RachelDenise]

As I get older I find that I want to share this part of my life with others. However, the main problem is the ramifications of my male life. Those little issues of work, income, social stigma and divorce all come into play. I just want to let Rachel densie out of the closet and let her breathe without fear of judgement or reprisal.

[Joy Carter]

I'm so glad that it has worked out for some of you but several years ago my sister who I think the world of sead that she saw nothing but sick behavior in cd-ing. That clinched it for me I will live the rest of my life in the closet because there is no one whom I would share this with. Living a life sentance in "Ohio Correctional Asylem for the Cross Dressed Chalenged"

[AngelAshley]

my sister who I think the world of sead that she saw nothing but sick behavior in cd-ing.

And you didn't try to correct her?!
In that situation, I'd start by asking her why she thinks it's sick - and then go about correcting her. Ask her how she'd feel if she found out that someone she knew for sure was not 'sick' turned out to be a cross dresser.

[Kathycd]

One does not do that in my part of the Country. Small towns where word travels faster than the speed of light and since it is still red neck here, in most places, safety becomes a concern.

No, I am content to be closeted, save for a few true friends whom cd and completely understand.

kathy

[wendy]

due to the consequences of being found out, no, I don't have the urge to tell anyone. I consider CDing my own passion and one that i enjoy very much.

[Cherry Lynn]

One does not do that in my part of the Country. Small towns where word travels faster than the speed of light and since it is still red neck here, in most places, safety becomes a concern.

No, I am content to be closeted, save for a few true friends whom cd and completely understand.

kathy

I agree Kathy. I live south of you so it is probably more redneck and in a small town also.

[Ms. Donna]

Does anyone else ever feel like this? ... Or am I just going insane?

Hi Jodie-Lynn,

No, you're not going insane - well, at least not on this point.

Many feel this way and for good reason: coming out is all about validation. Have a look here:

Coming Out

I know that for me personally, the most empowering thing I ever did was to come out to a relative stranger. She was a coworker who happened to be a transsexual - which is what gave me the confidence to confide in her. Since then, I have 'officially' told a small group of people about myself.

There is no compelling reason to share - to come out - unless it is something you feel you want to do. In general, it puts you in a better place psychologically - but only you can know if it is the right thing for you.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Meag]

I have at times, wanted to tell some friends, that I dress. But so far there are only two people that know, my wife and a neice, but she only knows I like to wear skirts. My wife is accepting of the skirts, hose, panties, cami's and shoes, but knows that when she is at work, I will be fully dressed.
It would be nice to be able to wear skirt outside, but there are to many rednecks around here.

Meag

[Julie Avery]

I find myself wanting to state "I, ______ am a crossdresser"

Me too.

[Marla GG]

Hi Jodie-Lynn,

I hope no one minds a GG chiming in here. As the wife of a CD, I have felt the same frustration with being closeted, and the same urge to tell others about this very important and special part of my life. I remember vividly the first time I said the words "My husband is a crossdresser" to another person; I wanted to make an appointment for Angel at a wig shop, and because I wasn't sure if they were TG friendly, and I decided to visit the manager in person and explain our situation. She didn't bat an eye, and the whole experience was wonderfully liberating. A few months later I came out to my sister, and I can't tell you how happy it made me when she actually thought it was cool!

I've always said that the only thing I dislike about being in a relationship with a CD is the need to be careful about revealing it to others. Having to hide it kind of makes it seem like something shameful, when it ought to be something to take pride in. Ms. Donna is right in pointing out that the desire to tell others is all about validation, which is something partners of TG people need too. For me, being able to chat to my sister about our en femme outings like they are no big deal, the same as any of our other activities, has lifted a big weight from my shoulders. So I can really relate to all of you who wish that your secret could be.....a little less secret!

Hugs,
Marla

[Ellaine]

Rachels' words "As I get older..." inspired the thought that this is something to do with getting older, or more your alter-ego getting is getting older. You are getting more to accept yourself and confidence is tentatively rising....but you have, amongst all your other thoughts a kind of lonliness. Acceptance from just one non-relative can seem so important.

And the very act of bottling up a big secret is wearing anyway.

Very normal and very risky, as I'm sure you know. All I can say is don't push it, the day may come, it may not.
You can never really know how someone will respond. Surprises are normal lol

But it can never be retracted!!!!

Best wishes Jodie

[Jodie_Lynn]

Thank you all for your thoughts on this. Last year, I was in a situation where I was rooming with a longtime close friend in his house. And the urge to 'let something slip' was soooo strong, but I was so unsure of the results that I kept quiet, especially since the society of this forum advised me not to burden my friend.

Since then, I have returned to my home, but the desire to 'confess' remains. I would like to tell my sister, but she is going through a difficult period right now, and I do not want to add to her troubles.

I tend to agree that part of the problem is keeping such a secret for such a long time. It makes it seem shameful and 'dirty', when it isn't.

I will have to continue to wrestle with the issue, but I take heart that there are so many kind and wonderful people here that I can turn to for advice and support.

Thank you All, GG's Tg's, CD's and any other abbreviation I may have missed

Love you all.

[Teresa Amina]

Getting more tempted all the time to just blurt it out with some, but worry about their "discretion". Would love for Some to know but the probable consequences of All knowing are still to much for me.

[Penny]

Hi Jodie-Lynn,

I hope no one minds a GG chiming in here. As the wife of a CD, I have felt the same frustration with being closeted, and the same urge to tell others about this very important and special part of my life. I remember vividly the first time I said the words "My husband is a crossdresser" to another person; I wanted to make an appointment for Angel at a wig shop, and because I wasn't sure if they were TG friendly, and I decided to visit the manager in person and explain our situation. She didn't bat an eye, and the whole experience was wonderfully liberating. A few months later I came out to my sister, and I can't tell you how happy it made me when she actually thought it was cool!

I've always said that the only thing I dislike about being in a relationship with a CD is the need to be careful about revealing it to others. Having to hide it kind of makes it seem like something shameful, when it ought to be something to take pride in. Ms. Donna is right in pointing out that the desire to tell others is all about validation, which is something partners of TG people need too. For me, being able to chat to my sister about our en femme outings like they are no big deal, the same as any of our other activities, has lifted a big weight from my shoulders. So I can really relate to all of you who wish that your secret could be.....a little less secret!

Hugs,
Marla

Marla, sometimes we forget that our wives are trapped in the closet too. It
really is a shame. Well I know my circumstanses may be different than most
because I don't need an income all that much but an amazing thing that everyone fails to realize is that if a CD is a likable person which most of us are
due to our gender and physical structure, telling someone you crossdress is not that big of a deal. The truth is most of the time, they are still going to like you. The misnomer is that attitudes change just because you crossdress and most of time, they really don't. I'm glad you can confide in your sister; everyone needs to be able to have someone besides their partner that they can share with. As for me, of course my wife is a big part of everything, but
my sons know and have seem me often. My siblings know, my mother knows
and I'm still Dad, brother and son. The way that I explain crossdressing is
very simple: I was born with the pretty gene. I have a need to make myself
pretty by wearing pretty things. By doing so, I feel pretty and while unsual for a man, I am not exclusive in my feelings. What's so wrong with a need to
feel pretty? Why should that be an exclusive feeling for women? Now I don't
broadcast that I am a CD but I really don't try to hide it all that much either.
I will respond favorably if asked and if someone is so petty that they can't see past their gender brainwashed predjudice, then so be it! You got to take
me the way I am because as you must know being a CD is not changable.

[JoAnnDallas]

Jodie-Lynn....Do relaize the you have told all of us that your a CD. That must be somewhere around 200-300 people and now more each day will know too.

[Jodi Lynn]

Hi Jodie Lynn, I have at times felt the same way, wanting to just tell someone that I could trust, but a last I really don't anyone that well. I have been burned, let down, and or hust by some that I felt were my very best friends, so I haven't had any really close friends in a long time. Told my wife, she is still here but things are not the same as before. I think that when I want to tell someone is after a long time of not going out as Jodi, you see I am not totally in the closet and I do have some very good CD friends that I have met when out.

P.S. Love your name sis.

[Elizabeth Anne]

Oh yes, many times, BUT, stronger heads prevailed.
Not quite there yet even though I have been crossdressing for many years. I am still not sure who I really would want to tell & be safe in telling & how the ones I want to tell would react.

[RikkiOfLA]

May someone with a slightly different point of view chime in?

I'm a crossdresser, not a transsexual, and I'm full time. Yes, I can dress femme to arouse myself, but I can also dress (and most of the time do) in a way that isn't arousing at all. It all depends how I choose to dress.

Of course, in going full time, I had to come out to everyone I knew. I did it one at a time. The first few people I told (or showed) were hard. After a while it got easier. The first person I showed (after my wife, of course) was my next door neighbor. He's also the neighborhood gossip--so I knew that he told everyone in the condo. Eight years later, I'm still the president of the condo association, too. The last people I showed were the people where I get the car serviced. Didn't really know any of them, so that was easy.

Family was the hardest. My mother and my father-in-law disapproved. They don't want to see me en femme. Mom passed away a couple years ago; for father in law, I'll still dress male, but I don't see him often.

I never "transitioned at work." Rather, I got a job as an openly transgendered woman. Left one job where I worked as a man, and started a new one as a TG woman. I took the attitude with them that this is the way I am, and they accepted me.

The whole thing was much easier and much more successful than I expected. I found that most of my fears were in my head.

Rikki

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Counting me as someone else who's edging out of the closet.

Not only for the validation that Ms. Donna mentioned, but also because compartmentalizing my life is just a pain. It would be nice to talk with friends about what I really did on the weekend rather than saying "nothing much."

I was at conference recently where "tagging" (in the Web 2.0 sense of sites like del.licio.us) was one of the big topics, consequently each attendee was given an oversized name tag and encouraged them to write descriptive labels about themselves. I soooo wanted to add "crossdresser" and just get it over with.

[Melissa73]

Yes! many times i wish i could tell my family......It happens at times when i go shopping and find a really cute skirt, or bra......for a decent/ low price. Once, while shopping at a thrift store, I bought a cute, dark blue prom dress. And I had noone to show it too, or tell it too. :-(

oh well maybe someday ill have the courage.
MIchelle