Discovered by my daughter

[Misty_cder]

I was discovered by my eldest daughter last week. In the morning when I get ready for work, I typically will wear a one-piece swimsuit as I shave and brush my teeth. It's my little way of embracing the pink fog each morning. Normally, I am the only one up at 5am. On Friday, I planned to work from home and got up a little later than normal. At about 6:30am, my eldest daughter came storming into our bathroom looking for my wife to sign some school form. I had a split second of utter panic, thinking what do I do! Thankfully I was brushing my teeth and it gave me a few seconds to play it off like nothing was wrong. I rinsed my mouth and simply told her my wife was in the backyard getting the puppy to do its business. My daughter said "okay" and walked out without asking me a single question as to why I was in a women's swimsuit. All I can think of is she might have thought it was a body suit since it was all-black.

[Crissy 107]

Well since it happened on Friday and you have not heard anything you may be in the clear. If she realized it I think she would have said something to your wife. Good luck!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Misty , When you least expect it, It will Happen, >Orchid**OO**

[Heather76]

Not knowing how old your daughter is, I can't reasonably guess why she didn't have some type of reaction. As Crissy mentioned, you may be in the clear on this one.

[Diane P]

I agree with Crissy and Heather, since you haven't heard anything from her by now you are probably in the clear.

[mbmeen12]

I have some issues with context. No knock to start because if she knew you were in there. She could asked her mom question through the door. Back to the story, Age of your oldest I pretty much guarantee she was only focused on the task at hand. "Where's MOM"? And secondly, why couldn't you sign it? I think your fine, relax Misty....

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

OR she's already known for some time and doesn't care. That was the situation with my own daughter.

[alwayshave]

She will probably never ask you, she'll ask your wife.

[GretchenM]

Kids often know a whole lot more about you than you think they do. Especially if a teenager. Teenagers these days know vastly more about gender variance and private matters than we did as teenagers and if you are in your 70's you need to realize they live in a very different world than you did. If she asks at some point, be honest about it. They are always testing us. If she says nothing don't say anything; she probably just accepted it as a part of who you are some of which she has already figured out.

Also, ask yourself? Is it really so bad that they know something about our private life? Our society seems to think so, but is it really that bad or harmful. A lot of times what makes it harmful is that we launch into some explanation that revolves around how you are different from others. Teens these days are very familiar with that - look at their friends. For younger ones it is only harmful for them to make the discovery if adults make a big deal of it as if it is something marginally "illegal."

[kimdl93]

Who knows what her thought may have been. As a teen, she may have been far more involved in her own thoughts at the moment. Its been a week, right? May simply be a non issue.

[CDMargret]

Well I hope everything stays positive for you. Playing it off helps like everything was normal.

[Geena75]

The running thought that if she was going to say something, it would be to your wife is right, I think. Does your wife know?

[Tabitha Storm]

When my daughter was in High School she came out to me as bi. She was so worried to tell me. I said since you shared that with me let me share with you. I told her I crossdressed.
It made us even closer. Today's kids seem to care a lot less then we did. It is a good thing.

[Misty_cder]

To answer some questions, my daughter is 18 and a senior in high school. To the point of why didn’t she knock, my wife has started closing the bathroom door in the morning when she gets ready to keep our puppy from chasing the cats. I think my daughter just assumed my wife was in the bathroom and I had already left for work. I also agree kids have this way of knowing things and presume they already know. During my daughters junior year, we had several discussions about her sexuality. For a time, she was questioning if she was straight, bi or lesbian. We did not openly tell her I crossdressed during these conversations, but we did mentioned she should keep an open mind to what she wants and what others want. As long as it is not causing harm to her or others, she should be accepting of what others preferences are.

[docrobbysherry]

Misty, after several very close shaves with my 18 y/o daughter, who lived with me then, almost catching me? I had to tell her about Sherry. I told my other daughter and ex, too.

She didn't ask any questions. Just explained she NEVER wanted to see me dressed. So, we worked out a DADT system where I told her when and where I would dress in or around the house. So she could arrange to be in other rooms or away at those times!

[Jamie001]

At 18 years of age, it is time to be honest with her and tell her.

[Jasmine23]

The fact she's 18, and saw you, it's fairly certain that she knows. Would be very surprised if she hasn't at least asked your wife about it. Seems she wasn't too bothered by it, so she'll probably be accepting. Ask your wife if she and your daughter talked about it.

[Crissy 107]

Misty, Good post, #14, sounds like you and your wife had a good conversation with your daughter about her. Yes she may know and if she does my guess is she is ok with it.

[Rhonda Jean]

I think she's probably as embarrassed about it as you are. I think it's most likely she'll never mention it to anybody. If you had a good relationship before, you'll probably have a good relationship after.

My kids know. They found out from my wife during the divorce. I don't know exactly what was said or asked or what pictures were shown. Whatever it took to deflect blame for the divorce from her. We don't talk about it, and best I can tell it hasn't adversely affected our relationship. At some point, kids understand that even their parents aren't perfect. That said, I wish they didn't know.

I've thought about this often. I'm sure we've all got (or had, in my case) that pic that caught that moment where you were what you always hoped and wanted to be and you were very proud of it. Yet, you'd be ashamed if your kids or your father saw that same pic. Quite the mental gymnastics. I don't claim to have a handle on that, but when I've face similar "caught" scenarios I have to remind myself that I'm a good person, and that the inconvenient truth is that this is part of who I am, and someone's discovery of it doesn't change any of the other things I am. I'm 100% certain that people have had a laugh about me and joked about me. Those same people probably wouldn't want everybody to know their deepest darkest secret, either. Glass houses, you know.

I've been caught more than a few times in different situations over the years. Sometimes I didn't find you till years later. Every time, I hated it, worried about it, and in some cases it still bothers me and I still wonder where all that information went. It has never come back to haunt me in the way that I worried that it would. Not that there haven't been repercussions. In some cases there have been. None of it ever blew up like I thought it would, though.

It is often said on here that it's not a matter of if, but when you'll get caught. When it happens, you just have to face it. Now, facing it may just mean you keep quiet about it. That's always been my first choice. Every time, though, I've been surprised at how little effect it had. As others have said, though, people would say things to my wife about it and almost never say anything directly to me.

[Jenn A116]

I'll add my voice to those suggesting it's time to be open with your daughter. It sounds to me like she has probably figured it out and talking about it can strengthen your bond.

[DianeT]

That's the advantage of being Misty CDer, she probably didn't see clearly through the pink fog that is surrounding you.

Seriously : 18, Dad in a swimsuit. She saw. She knows. She may not necessarily want to discuss it (I probably wouldn't if I were her, half because I wouldn't care much, half because it's a bit too intimate to discuss with my dad. You see, a dress is one thing, a swimsuit or a panty is another).

[JulieC]

I long ago made the decision not to tell my kids at least as long as they are growing up. They didn't need the additional burden of keeping "daddy's little secret". Now, we're almost empty nesters. But, I still don't get a sense of any need to tell them. So, we haven't. That said, I think one of my kids knows. She rifled through my wife's and my drawers one day. Teenagers do that. I did that. She may have thought the women's things in my drawers were my wife's. Plausible, as she's taken over much of our closet space and dresser space. What's the potential clincher though is she may have dug into the depths of a storage closet in the garage. If she found that stash, there's no dying it's mine. My wife doesn't wear Size 11 heels. Does she know? I don't know. Does it matter if she does? I don't know. She's not changed in any respect in how she treats me, so no harm no foul.

Misty, I suspect your daughter won't ever say anything. The important thing is your relationship with her remains stable. Act as if it's all normal. If she knows, she knows. If she doesn't, she doesn't. Nothing you can do about it now.

Except one thing...lock the bathroom door in the future I always lock it whenever I am underdressed at home and need to use the facilities. I also lock our bedroom door when I am changing into or out of something femme. Operational security. Live it.

[Jamie001]

It is really best not to hide from your adult children. God forbid if something were to happen to you while you are dressed, they will find out. That is not a good way for them to find out. You should have a conversation with them but first you have to stop being ashamed of your CDing because there is nothing wrong with you and you are the same person that you have always been. The first step is accepting yourself.

[ColleenA]

It is really best not to hide from your adult children. God forbid if something were to happen to you while you are dressed, they will find out. That is not a good way for them to find out. You should have a conversation with them ...

I agree with Jamie 100%. My middle child, around age 12, was poking through closets, similar to JulieC's daughter, and found a trunk with my then-small stash. Confused and concerned, they approached me and we talked. I explained, without a lot of detail, in language I felt was sufficient for that age to understand. Years later, because I did not want any of them to learn the hard way - by, say, finding me after something happened while I was dressed - I told each child when they turned 18. I figured that was the age where they could deal with it, however they chose. For two of them, that was almost the only conversation that we have ever had about it. They don't want any more detail than I gave them, which is fine. For them, I keep my role as Dad separate from Colleen. (Curiously, my youngest is very open-minded about LGBTIQ+ matters. Two of the people that he and his wife are closest to are married lesbians.)

It is different with the other, though - again my middle child. They are bisexual and have some other non-traditional leanings in terms of sexuality, things they definitely keep from their mother. They know, though, that they can discuss any matters with me and I will not be judgmental. Even so, I never talked to them about Colleen - again, keeping her separate from who I am as Dad. Never that is until I did an oops a few weeks ago.

I was sending a GG friend a few photos taken as I walked the dog (it has only been a few months now since I began going outside other than just at Halloween). While doing so, I had a brief text exchange with middle child. Somehow, one photo got sent their way rather than to my friend. When they asked about the photo, I had to come clean. They were wonderfully supportive, which was no surprise. They were offended, however, that I had not told them any more about Colleen in the 15+ years since they turned 18.

That is my story, Misty. As others have indicated, this generation is a lot more open and relaxed about these things than those of us who grew up when overwhelming shame for such "deviant" behavior was the order of the day,

[Rachelakld]

As my daughters, and sister, and niece and nephew all said - it's what make you - "you"
And if "you" is a great and caring person, that's probably enough.