Is your spouse ashamed of you?

[Sporco]

I'm sure she is but never makes remarks about it. If I was her I would be...

[Bri]

Hi Stephanie47, same for me pretty much. I told her in 1984 and she said, "I don't care I just don't want to see it or be a part of it. I reminded her again in 2020 because she retired and I figured she would catch me eventually. All she said was I don't understand and I want no part of it. Like you I have gone through shame, binging and purging, you name it but I can't quit, I have figured that much out. I, like you check off all the man boxes and I love being a man but as you say it would be much easier without my hobby. But I enjoy and need that side of me as well. I am working up to having a long conversation with my wife soon about underdressing and being able to order things online and I want to be able to dress occasionally, which I could do in the basement and she would never have to see it. We're celebrating 45 years of marriage next week and she is very liberal in day to day life so I am probably worried about nothing. But it's still an uncomfortable subject for her so I'll have to pick the right time I guess.

[2B Natasha]

Ashamed? No. Not in the least. I've told. my story here several times so I won't get into that. Like you Bea_. I resent more now as a cross or a mash up. I for the most part ditched the wig and just go bald. I wear dresses and skirts and leggings. I keep my nails painted most of the time. I have no problem heading to the pool in a bikini and laying out, which is more and more seldom the older I get to be honest. Through all this and every where I go no matter how I'm dressed my wife goes right along. It's been like this from the go

Funny enough we were just having this conversation last night for some reason. Not really sure why she brought it up. She was reminiscing about when we first started dating and we would go out with myself presenting female. She was telling me how protective she felt the whole time we were out. That she would scan the crowd for anyone giving us the look. So she could warn me or defend me. I thought that was sweet and funny all at once. Generally I'm the largest person in any room. I likened it to when we go out or I am anywhere with friends or family. I am always on guard against anyone thinking of bad intentions toward my wife or child or mother. It's never happened but I am vigilant.

[Deborah G]

My wife is aware of Deborah, but she would rather not it be a part of our everyday life. If Deborah disappeared tomorrow, she would be OK with that. But she tolerates Deborah, as she knows that is me, and all who I am am and will be. Maybe some day...Deborah

[Brenda Freeman]

Ashamed of me? She prefers not to see me dressed. She does not want family or friends to know. Other than that she is supportive, knows it makes me Happy, and even encourages me at times to go out with my friends that know and to tgirl events. I think she loves me as a person and looks deeper than my feminine side which is just a part of me. I do not know if ashamed is the word maybe? she definitely prefers not to share it with her friends and family, tolerant with conditions?

[Misty_cder]

Is my wife ashamed, no. Does she tolerate or accept, depends on the perspective of the question. I have said in the past my wife is supportive of my dressing. She has purchased clothing and makeup for me, and provides her opinion on what styles look best on me. I know she appreciates my sense of fashion in helping her pick out outfits for her. What she doesn't want is for me to go out in public fully dressed. She is concerned if I am discovered by coworkers, it will ruin my career, which is a valid concern given I work in a field that, while it is slowly becoming progressive, there still are too many old school managers within the firm. She also does not want me to openly dress in front of our kids / family. Recently when we were talking about my dressing, she said she sees me as her husband in a dress no matter how convincing I look like a woman. She also said she isn't into women, so it is hard for her to be affectionate with me while I'm dressed. She has never asked me to give up dressing. She has gotten upset at me when I purged in the past indicating how much money I've thrown away or donated to only get the same or similar clothing again. She knows dressing is something I enjoy doing, and as long as I abide by the rules we have established, she has no issues. To her, I'm just her husband who occasionally likes to wear women's clothing.

[CDMargret]

Hello there. Ashamed she is not. Supportive, encouraging and loving. She would rather Thor be walking around her living room rather than Wonder Woman and I am careful to balance my wardrobe choices. Well, I might spend a few more days femme than not. After all she has needs and desires that I want to satisfy as she totally satisfies mine.

[Robin777]

My late wife was never ashamed of me. I think she enjoyed my dressing because I would always go shopping with her for clothes. I would help pick out things and give her a honest opinion on how it looked on her. She told me on many occasions to go and dress because she knew it put me in a better mood. I think she enjoyed the feminine side of me.

[Becky Bloodstone]

My wife tolerates me as Becky. But I do feel like there is some annoyance there. She does wish to keep Becky hidden from her family who are very right winded. She's afraid if they find out they will stop talking to her, and I think so too. So I watch myself in that aspect for her sake.

[jacques]

hello Bea,
I hope my wife is not ashamed of my crossdressing.
I can be very annoying in other ways though!
luv J

[Sometimes Steffi]

I never really thought about this before, but I would have to say, "Yes".

[Angela Marie]

Ashamed? No I don't think so. She is supportive to the extent that she has no problem with my dressing but does not want to go out with me and does not want family or neighbors to know. I'm ok with that. Given the issues others have had with their spouses I consider myself lucky.

[ShelbyDawn]

Not any more, but that's because she's not my spouse anymore.

My dressing had very little to do with the divorce, by the way.

[jjjjohanne]

It is so much more complicated than "ashamed, yes or no?"
My wife has gone out with me in a dress for Halloween a couple of times. She seemed pretty cool about it then. At one point during a Halloween dance, we were slowly dancing and she was looking up into my eyes with such love. THAT was amazing.
Otherwise, she has only gone out with me wearing shorts and pantyhose on four occasions (in 25 years). On two of the occasions, she seemed to have the same fear that I had when I first went out in public.
If we are sitting in bed watching TV, if I am wearing all menswear, she will touch feet with me, but not if I am wearing even one pretty garment. She doesn't "want to encourage it". She is scared of the dressing itself, I think.
If crossdressing hasn't been discussed in a while, if something comes up, she tends to pause and look at me with discomfort on her face.
She is normally uncomfortable with any crossdressed outing I go on, even if it is an hour away from home.
She doesn't want the kids to know, nor any family, nor any friends, nor any church acquaintances.
She has tolerated me dressing around the house on the rare occasions when it is just the two of us. Sometimes, it makes her uncomfortable.
As long as nobody knows, and I never go anywhere, and it stays a secret, and I never touch her, she is only slightly uncomfortable with it.
But yeah, I think there is shame in there.

[Bea_]

She is scared of the dressing itself, I think.

I think that is the true issue, even more than shame.

I moderate what I choose to some degree to avoid the gag factor for the wife, but I wear feminine things all the time at home. My toenails have been pink or wine colored for months and she has yet to acknowledge them. The closest she's come to acknowledging them is to remind me that I might want to put on shoes as the need arises.

I know that she doesn't find me to be particularly desirable if I'm presenting the way I see myself, and knowing that decreases my inclination towards intimacy. We are still affectionate, even if I've chosen to wear a dress for the morning, but not particularly intimate.

[Bianca Fay]

My girlfriend is very aware that I enjoy wearing pantyhose every day. She considers it quirky but also likes the spiciness they add to our relationship.

I often wear compression pantyhose to help with a diagnosed condition but she knows that I would want to wear nylons regardless.

She is not ashamed of me; in fact, she regularly asks me to go out for a walk or to the grocery store even if I happen to be wearing beige pantyhose under my shorts at the time. I haven't taken her up on her offer yet and always change first, but I know that she truly wouldn't mind if I kept the hose on.

[Melanie Sykes]

My wife doesn't like my dressing one bit, but she does love me. I don't *think* she's ashamed, but then she doesn't want anyone else to know that I like to do this. No-one, without exception. She is somewhat accepting in that occasionally (a few times a year) she'll be intimate with me wearing knickers, and on those occasions she seems to quite enjoy it, though I'm pretty sure she's giving that impression for my benefit. Still, if she was truly ashamed, I don't think she'd bother.

Most of the time I'm wearing something feminine - knickers, and pop socks or women's socks. In the day while I'm working, I also slip on a pair of women's flats or slippers when I'm on my own, then change into slippers to answer the door or go into the kitchen. At night I pull on a pair of boxer shorts over my knickers, or just replace the knickers with boxers. She knows this, and is careful to avoid being in the bedroom at the same time as me if she thinks I'll be changing and she might see my feminine underwear. We have an unspoken "system" which allows me to change my underwear to something suitable male for bed time. She likes to be intimate, although similarly to what Bea_ has said, my own desire to be intimate is impaired by the feeling that she's disappointed in me in this area of life.

So I don't think she's ashamed, but only because no-one else knows. I think if that changed, she'd be mortified.

[Staci]

I hope not but I have never asked and she has never said she is. We have an agreement that I only dress in our home or sometimes in a hotel room. I guess I was outside once with her at a VRBO home wearing a bikini swimsuit as we walked to and drop the hot tub. But we were in a very private place. She is concerned about someone coming to the door or seeing me through the windows as she would be embarrassed and says she is concerned for my reputation as others would not understand. Again, I hope she is not ashamed of me now. That would hurt me very much.

[CarlaWestin]

My wife absolutely hates the fact that I crossdress. Her comment after the disclosure conversation were just demoralizing.
Hence, it is kept completely out of conversation and behind locked doors. I have my fun but I engage around her as though it doesn't exist.
I actually don't want her involved at all.

[Claire M]

Like others have said previously, I don't think my wife is ashamed of me as much she fears how family and community would react if they knew I CDed. I sometimes wish that I could just out myself once and for all to anyone interested and be done with the hiding and associated stress. But as Reine said, I CD for MY benefit and enjoyment. If she only gets the grief for my actions I understand her fear of others knowing about me.

That said, I don't think I fear her being ashamed of me as much as I fear she would ultimately reject me and I would lose the the one person on the planet I most adore.

[Kelli_cd]

Not ashamed, but definitely not happy about it. Going out together will never be a reality. Being pretty in her presence woul never happen.

[Rhonda Jean]

You mean my ex spouse? Why, yes, she was!

[franlee]

I am some what cynical to what she is ashamed of as our views on shameful seem to vary and conflict in several areas. So to some it up I would like to believe she doesn't but should that not be the case I really don't care. At the end of the day who do I/you live for as an individual?

[Janet Devon]

I have read everyone's answers and see one common thought. She may not be ashamed but would be concerned if anyone else found out. To me that is ashamed.

I divorced my first wife (30 years) because of things she did and her intolerant view of me. When i told her of my dressing (many years into our marriage) she said to get back in the closet. Definitely ashamed and disapproved.

I remarried soon after, and while i think we should tell our SO prior to getting married, i told her of my dressing 6 months later. She was supportive and has mostly been that way for the last 15 years. I would say she would be ashamed if anyone found out but she recognizes that Janet is just a part of who i am.

One of our closest female friends recently commented that my compassionate nature is very much a woman and her wording was "you are such a woman" in a positive light. I had to chuckle inside, she doesn't know how right she is.

I am really blessed to have a loving wife that will even have sex with me dressed and treat me like a woman from time to time.

Ashamed? That is a tricky question, approving, no not really. Very , very tolerant with a husband that most often starts the day in a dress and all that goes with it. Underdresses every day, dresses up an hour before bed and sleeps in women's pajamas every night.

[Rhonda Jean]

One of our closest female friends recently commented that my compassionate nature is very much a woman and her wording was "you are such a woman" in a positive light. I had to chuckle inside, she doesn't know how right she is.

Don't bet on that. Some of my ex wife's friends made similar comments to me. I naturally thought that my "inner woman" was so overwhelming that "she" was apparent even in male mode. Turns out they knew all along.