The note I wish my wife would write

[Paula_56]

So my wife and I got into it again about my cross-dressing, she ask what do you expect from me?, and of course I had trouble answering. I laid awake last night pondering this question and wrote out this note in my mind. This is what I would like to hear, the chances are slim to none but for what it's worth here it is.

Dear Paula,

I hope this note finds you in high spirits. I wanted to take a moment to express something that has been on my mind. Over the past year, I've witnessed the strength and authenticity within you as you embrace and express your true self when you go out as a woman.

I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you. The way you carry yourself in stylish business attire, your makeup, jewelry, and heels, reflects not just a remarkable outward transformation but a genuine reflection of your inner self. You've become adept at embodying the grace and charm of a woman, and it's truly impressive.

I find you exceptionally pretty during these moments, and I appreciate the effort you put into making yourself feel beautiful. Your feminine movements and charm have not gone unnoticed, and they only add to the wonderful person you are.

I want you to understand that I love and accept every part of you, including this aspect of your identity. It brings me joy to see you living authentically and expressing yourself freely. You make a wonderful woman, and I'm grateful that I can share in this part of your life.

With all my love,

Your Wife

[CDMargret]

Hello Paula. Very nice letter. Have you given any thought to telling your wife to visit this forum? It may help.

[Sandi Beech]

Perhaps it could happen as some do get lucky , but with her previous response it is likely wishful thinking.

I would have thought that after 3 decades of marriage my wife would have realized I was not doing things like shaving my legs for anyone else, and that I am not going anywhere. The reality is that it is a turn off to her. Once I came to realize it is not her fault, I lost all animosity over it. The only catch is I can not really quit either. So I do not rub it in her face any more. Out of site is out of mind and we get along just fine now. Yes I do it behind her back, which is far from ideal, but it is what I have come to accept as the only way I can CD and not cause a conflict which neither of us wants.

So all I am saying is that we sometimes have to accept the way things are and try to make matters work the best we can within our limitations.

Maybe it will improve for you. There is always hope.

Sandi

[Paula_56]

It sounds like you've found a way to navigate a personal aspect of your life that might be different from your spouse's expectations. Acceptance and understanding can indeed go a long way in maintaining a healthy relationship. It's commendable that you've found a compromise that works for both of you, even if it involves some level of privacy.

She can't help the fact that cross-dressing turns her off, it's her nature just as ours is

Every relationship has its unique dynamics, and what works for one couple may not work for another. The key is communication and finding a balance that allows both partners to feel comfortable and respected. It's great that you've reached a point where you can coexist peacefully, and your message of hope is a positive reminder for others facing challenges in their relationships.

[Gillian Gigs]

Some say that love is blind. It has to be for any marriage to work. Blindness to the spouses short comings, quirks, annoying habits, is probably the most difficult thing to do in a marriage. I have gone through this process too. I had to get over her foibles. Some of the things that took time with her regarding my CD'ing was bras, night gowns, and totally not understanding why I could enjoy her passionate hate for pantyhose.
The last one was night gowns. She said to me one day after I had been wearing them for about 4 months, "I love you, and this is a part of you, I have to accept this too, because I love you".

As an old quote goes, "A woman said, I have spend the last 25 years changing my man to what he is today. Now I wonder what ever happened to the man I married"! To true to not be funny in its own way.

[kimdl93]

Sorry to hear that you and your wife got into it about your crossdressing again last night. Its not surprising that you had trouble responding. How close did you come to telling her your whole truth? The letter seems that she accept you as a woman. As someone who has read and learned a lot from you over the years, it seems very likely that you do indeed want to live as a woman (mostly or completely). And it seems that you deeply want and need her full acceptance, support and continued love as you move towards your aspirations.

Is that about right?

[Lauren4444]

This group is very grounded in reality. That is a wonderful place to start. And I appreciate the recognition that,for some spouses, it just is not in their nature. Just like our femininity is part of ours. Honesty is at least solid footing.

[Stephanie47]

I envy those who have an accepting wife who engages with her husband's cross dressing. I'd love it if my wife gave me a pat on the butt while I was preparing dinner, attired in a pretty dress and heels. Alas, it is not to be. The closest I got to a letter is a verbal explanation that she does not hold against me any failure to disclose any cross dressing I did before we met. She admitted she withheld significant issues from me which were sprung on me; some of which may have had another guy breaking off with her. Maybe it was my cross dressing that had me accepting her before she accepted me. Given her history that has come out in drips over the first years of marriage I can understand why she is not appreciative of my cross dressing.