Do non-crossdressers ever even slightly crossdress?

[Samantha51]

Hi. Me again with another denial question. I've 95%+ accepted I'm a crossdresser and that it's not a fad due to anxiety.

But... I suppose there's no real answer, but how many non-CD people try crossdressing once or a few times and then realise it's not for them? Or are non-CD people not curious in the slightest about their mum's clothes (or whatever triggers us)? What does a non-CD person say when asked what they think about them wearing their mum/wives clothes? If you say it never crosses their mind, that it's an alien concept to them then I'll have to accept I'm a crossdresser once and for all.

Yes, yes, I know I'm seeking to deny what I feel is true anyway, but life would certainly be easier (but less fun) if I didn't CD.

In other news: yesterday I painted my own nails, in front of my wife who was "happy" about it. Bright red didn't suit me (so my wife said anyway). It came off before bed.

I've managed to focus on real work yesterday and today and that felt good as I didn't need to CD - until I came back from a nice walk and a controllable desire to dress came on - so I'm sat here dressed. Hmm. Nice.

I also realise that for my entire life I've tried exhaustively to please everyone else at my own expense. To be the "son of my mum's dreams" (she doesn't even know I smoked for some years as that would upset her view of me), or the "husband of my wife's dreams" - trying to anticipate her every need. Exhausting and has never left much space for me.

Thanks for reading another one of my rambles and sorry yet again it's denying what's pretty damned obvious!

[Patience]

How much did you crossdress before you realized you were a crossdresser?

[Samantha51]

As a teen I'd occasionally try on my mum's frumpy dresses.
Last few years: occasional wearing of my wifes knickers, progressing to occasionally wearing a dress for moments, and same for bras, tights.

But do non-CD people ever do ANY of this?

[Di]

As a teen I'd occasionally try on my mum's frumpy

But do non-CD people ever do ANY of this?

You are asking Crossdressers that always did this?
Wait?.what? I guess they can guess.
I am sorry you are having such stress over this.
But I kinda feel offended.
There are near 32,000 crossdressers here that we try to support and help them see
Not a big deal
Normal
Can be just part of your life.

So if you do not want to think of yourself as a crossdresser?.ok then don’t- that’s great
If you think of yourself as a crossdresser?ok wonderful - that’s great.

I know you are trying to look inside yourself, only you can do this.
You say in your post ….no offense- but you act like it is this bad thing.
and I just am feeling protective of our members.

[Geena75]

I think of how many guys have dressed up, in some cases very fully and convincingly, and never felt the urge to do so again. In High School a classmate wore a dress, pantyhose, heels, wig, makeup and all for a skit and (to my knowledge) never again. At a summer camp it was a gag for the counselor men to dress up as girls for a skit at the end of the camp -- and never again. I have another friend who tells of dressing up as a girl for some church party and was totally convincing, and that was the end of it. That's not to mention all the entertainment men who dressed in drag for a role or skit and are not crossdressers. I guess the conclusion is that it isn't the clothes, it's who is wearing them.

[Christie ann]

I live in the midst of manly men. They won’t even use the pink porta potty.

There is a great book, “The Gender Mosaic”. I know that Gretchen here, has also talked about this book. It really describes how brains decode gender and that we are on a planet full of very different people. You need to embrace who you are.

[Karren H]

How may dresses does a crossdresser dress in if a crossdresser couldn?t cross dress? Or visa versa.

[Di]

. You need to embrace who you are.

I very much agree and Christie Ann said it much better than myself.
Be proud of yourself.
The most important thing is being a good person not the clothing you might be wearing.

[Samantha51]

I live in the midst of manly men. They won’t even use the pink porta potty.

There is a great book, “The Gender Mosaic”. I know that Gretchen here, has also talked about this book. It really describes how brains decode gender and that we are on a planet full of very different people. You need to embrace who you are.

I honestly feel I've come a MASSIVE distance towards accepting it. I'm most of the way there! This question was dotting the i's I suppose. I have been enjoying it, though there's lots of negotating and growing to do still.

I grew up as a huge people-pleaser and only realised today how strong this is in me. I have in some ways never accepted my own needs, never given myself space to be alternative (tattoos, long/different hair, smoking, piercings, safe job vs running my own biz, etc). So I've been growing extremely rapidly the last few months and I'm proud of that growth, but the urge to conform and be a good boy is still VERY strong.

Thanks for the book reference, I shall look at it.

I really do appreciate everything you lovely people have helped me with the last week!

Samantha x

[docrobbysherry]

Face it, u r a CD, Sam! I was a non CD before 50. When I believe chemical/hormone changes made me want to try on women's things?

Why had I never tried on my mother's, girl friend's, or wife's clothes before then? Even tho I had plenty of opportunities? Because the thot NEVER ENTERED MY MIND!

Once, my ex and I traded genders for a big Halloween party. I wore heels, pantyhose, wig and a dress. Of course I had balloon boobs and makeup on over my beard and stash!
The thing is, that nite made such a forgettable impression on me I didn't remember it until after I'd been CDing for 10 years! That Halloween event having occurred 20 years earlier!

[char GG]

Samantha,

I sense that you are struggling with yourself. You sound like a people pleaser. CDing is not against the law in your country. Many people do it. Just because you don't see others CDed doesn't mean that they don't exist. Take some time for yourself and don't worry.

I hope that you can stop the "chatter" in your head that questions this part of you. The thing is - do not obsess or whether or not it's ok,- you are allowing doubt to creep into your life. Don't obsess about CDing to the point that it takes away from other things that are important in your life. Please - just enjoy life. If you want to CD, go for it. If you don't, that's up to you too.

None of us really know what other people do, have done, or what is in their head. The important thing is that you are happy with yourself.

[Cheryl T]

Any crossdressing is crossdressing.
You can't be a NON if you are ANY.

[Bea_]

As a teen I'd occasionally try on my mum's frumpy dresses.
Last few years: occasional wearing of my wifes knickers, progressing to occasionally wearing a dress for moments, and same for bras, tights.

But do non-CD people ever do ANY of this?

In my teens I tried on my mom's or sister's bras that were hanging in the bathroom. I didn't have any real desire to wear a bra, but it was a feminine thing to which I could aim my raging testosterone. I wouldn't consider that to make me a crossdresser.

For the first 30 or so years of my marriage, I tried on a couple of items from my wife's drawers or closet out of curiosity. The curiosity was satisfied with no real compulsion to follow up for long periods of time. I wouldn't consider myself to have been a crossdresser at that time.

About fifteen years ago I tried on a couple of pairs of my wife's panties and something clicked. I talked to my wife about my desire to have and wear panties and she bought me my first batch. At that point I'm not sure I'd have considered myself to be a crossdresser, but that's up for debate.

Then, I was given a few of my wife's hand-me-down tops and bought a couple pairs of leggings and that's when I'd say I became a crossdresser in my own mind. There was very little sexual motivation involved but it felt like something that made me more complete, if that makes any sense.

Anyone can debate a starting point, but once there's a compulsion to dress more regularly, it'd be hard to argue that one is not a crossdresser. And even after you've claimed the title, you'll still have to figure out how it all fits into your overall identity. I'm a dude that wears women's things with no desire to look like a woman.

[DianeT]

I like to wander in the forest at night and hunt rabbits and little animals. Swift as a ghost, I administer fate to these unfortunate creatures and the deadly streak of my scarlet fur is planted in their minds as their last earthly vision as I gleefully break my fast. But I am not a fox.

Tonight I went on a rampage in the henhouse. The cries, the frantic race of the frightened fowls, the feathers dancing everywhere in the air, the taste of blood through my fangs, excite my senses and fill me with guilty pleasures. But I'm not a fox.

Oh I hope I'm not a fox. Life would be so much easier if I wasn't a fox. If I had not to run desperately for hours from hill to hill to the sound of the hunting horn and narrowly escape from the hounds at my heels. If I didn't dream at night of the hissing of the lead from the farmer's rifle closely shaving my ears as I stroll away from my crime scene.

So I do poultry once in a while. So what? Don't the other forest blokes do it at times? If they had a chance one day to wear scarlet furs and have their vixen paint their paws in coal black, would they pass? And if they tried it and then got back to their life, would that make them foxes for the rest of eternity?

I'm not a fox.

[CarlaWestin]

How many dresses does a crossdresser dress in if a crossdresser couldn't cross dress? Or visa versa.

Karren, it's because one of the legs are both the same. Intermittently, of course.

Had to think back to a time when I was 10 and with a bunch of family, water skiing.
I was enjoying floating around in the water in a lady's ski vest with some snickering as it appeared that I was enjoying the experience.
That was a little before mom's bras started talking to me. And that's long, long ago.

[docrobbysherry]

Diane, coincidently I created very elaborate picto story about a woman who wanted to become a fox!
And, she almost became one!

It's posted on Fetlife if u or anyone wants to see it, PM me!

[Crissy 107]

Any crossdressing is crossdressing.
You can't be a NON if you are ANY.

Cheryl said it all with this short statement

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Samantha

I understand the urge to conform but this is 2023. Being who you are is more acceptable now.
You still don't have to rush out and tell the world.

As has been said accepting who you are is a good first step. Having a supportive wife make your choices so much easier.
Just remember to take things at your own pace.

Oh and you may want to ask your wife, what colour of nails she thinks would suit you the best.

[Blonde617]

Had an older and younger brother. Don’t think either of them ever did. And I dressed up a little in front of them, like putting on my mother’s bra.

What I learned on Halloween was if a guy knows his bra and dress sizes, he’s probably a crossdresser. Learned this from two gg friends who asked me one Halloween….

[NancySue]

After many years, with the allure of lingerie, catalogs, more open society, etc., most will never admit it, but,I believe most guys, at one time or another, out of curiosity, have tried on women?s clothes. With me, it was nylon stockings. It just stuck. One of my golfing buddies, who?s also a hunter, mentioned he wore either thigh high stockings or pantyhose to keep his legs warm. I just smiled.

[Snide_lobster]

Labels are what they are. You can choose to accept them, pick and choose which one's gel with you, that's all in your power and right. That being said if something walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

In truth. No, I don't think non crossdressers actively think about dressing as women. Of course, there are flavors to this. Some are too macho that even the thought of the idea is off-putting. For some it might just be a onetime curiosity. Others might entertain the idea given the circumstances, be it a joke, Halloween, theatre production, ect. ect. Yet even in the case of the latter group it usually remains a onetime thing.

You're free to call yourself whatever you want, but at the same time if you constantly think about catching fish, and even every once and a while go out and do it, you're probably a fisherman.

At the same time, that doesn't have to mean anything either. If it's something you want to do, do it. If it's something you feel personally wrong for doing or feel like may have negative consequences on other relationships, don't do it. To some members crossdressing is just a harmless hobby, others see it as an uncontrollable impulse not dissimilar to an addiction (there's perhaps a more appropriate term that avoids the stigma of this word), others find it arousing. What really seems to be the question at hand here, is "If you are infact a crossdresser (or maybe transvestite, transgender woman, drag queen, gender non conforming individual, ect. ect.) are you ok with that? If not why?".

[Samantha51]

Hi all,

So many responses with great messages (the fox one was amusing and superb as was "Any crossdressing is crossdressing. You can't be a NON if you are ANY.").

I'm way beyond the simple trying women's clothes once or twice as an experiment. I don't know where it will end but I accept I'm a crossdresser. I had a phone call on Friday with a UK NHS "social prescriber" and I briefly opened up to her about crossdressing and gender confusion and that was a weight off my mind - only the 2nd person I've directly spoken to and there was no judgment or scandal in her voice - it was a big relief to talk to someone. Both are women. She's signposted me towards a couple of LGBTQ+ charities and I've already emailed one of them. I might look at contacting the Beaumont society as well. I'd like to talk to people to triangulate better what I'm feeling.

Edit: I meant to say that I've started "The Gender Mosaic". Early days but it makes total sense so far - that we are all a patchwork of traits. For the longest time I thought all people were basically the same (like basically we're all the same type of computer bought from a shop) and that anyone could be anything - it's just a matter of the right education/software. I am slowly seeing (and feeling good about) that we are this mosaic of traits (and that extends WAY beyond gender). More to chew on! Thanks Christie Ann for highlighting it.

Thank you to all the lovely people here
Sam x

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

So the consensus here is that most of us have at some point tried wearing women's clothes. But then we're all crossdressers (or beyond), so duh. I don't know how we could possibly know if non-cd's ever tried unless we start asking them, which I'm not going to do. I do know several guys that wore a women's costume for a Halloween at some point, or who put on a girlfriend's skirt for a laugh, but for all I know they are closeted crossdressers just like me. Most of my friends have seen me in a woman's costume for Halloween too (or at least a photo), but to my knowledge none of them suspect that I'm CD.

I don't think you're going to get a good answer for your original question within this group, we just don't know.

[Stephanie47]

I think the range of donning women's clothing can range from a guy not even wanting to touch a female garment. "Yikes! Ugh! I touched that bra laying on the floor! I got to wash my hands! What will the guys down at the bar think of me?" Or, all the way to a wife taking the initiative of donning her hubby up for Halloween as a sexy tart that leads to some really good "kinky" sex.

The issue is some guys are so paranoid about anything but straight boy-girl roles that they cringe at anything else. Their idea of "romantic" is to buy a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day.

[Pantyfan]

I think labels are things we give ourselves or categorize others, and its always a spectrum. I think curiosity gets many, but that doesnt mean things will escalate or go further. Things went somewhat slowly for me, even though I dressed in small or large parts I didnt have the opportunity growing up to do it very often. So while I was very interested it wasnt an overwhelming thing. I dont think I thought of myself as a crossdresser for quite a while. An outside person might put that label on me, while it doesnt matter much to me. Much more so in the past few years adding lots of leggings and short skirts in the mix, but the label came long after the start if it.