I have never had counselling for CD but have had it for bereavement . I found it harrowing. I don?t think its always the answer whatever the circumstances.
I have never had counselling for CD but have had it for bereavement . I found it harrowing. I don?t think its always the answer whatever the circumstances.
I like the 'freestyle' designation. For me, If I can't actually present as a woman I'm not interested. Underdressing and 'man in a dress' aren't compelling for me
This site (and a few others for other issues) have been all the support and therapy I have ever needed.
I've told all of my therapists that I'm a crossdresser. They usually asked something like...
"Is it causing problems in your life?"
"No, not really. Just giving you some background about me."
"Then let's move on."
It was a non-event.
"Don't hate me just for wanting to feel beautiful."
I started seeing a Psychiatrist 3 years ago. It was then that I discovered that I had Asperger's syndrome. Being on the autism spectrum, I quickly found out by reading much material that 'spectrum people' often have gender issues also. So, having accepted myself earlier on was good, but now everything got all mixed up into a new level. Through help, I have a much better understanding of myself, and my self acceptance has improved greatly. My Doctor has told me several times not to worry about it, as it is just another side of who I am.
I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!
I went because my marriage was blowing up over it and my wife insisted. Long story there. The short version is I insisted that dressing was something that I did/do, not who I am. She insisted "You're a woman! You always have been and there's nothing you can do about it." I resisted going to a therapist, but felt like I had to as a last-ditch effort to save my marriage. The therapist did not give me/us the answer that I wanted and expected. Guess my (ex) wife got what she wanted and expected.
Resistant as I was, once I started going I couldn't wait till the next appointment. I was going 3 times a week in the beginning. I saved a ton of time and money by writing out what would have taken me many sessions to get through, and said things I'd never told ANYBODY. It'd be hard to describe the feeling of getting that off my chest. Something that I didn't even know I needed to get off my chest. After that letter, she knew ALL of my deepest darkest secrets. That's a freeing feeling. I don't know where else you could do that. I went for as long as I felt like I needed and could afford. The marriage totally blew up while I was still going. I've gone back a few times since. It's pretty easy to do once you've broken the ice. The value of talking to a person and laying it all out there in a completely open and unfiltered way should not be underestimated, even though I didn't agree with her assessment of me. I'm not always right, either. I've gotten WAY out there with this stuff over the years and I often couldn't see the forest for the trees, although I thought I could.
We're all sensitive to calling this thing we do a mental illness or even a problem. Call it what you want, it most definitely is something we're all going to have to deal with as it relates and is ingrained into many aspects of our lives and in the lives of others. As much as I disagreed with my therapists assessment of me, it is not as I had soft-pedaled it to my (then) wife. Oh, it's something I do alright, but it's more than that and we all know it. So did I. We talk about honesty on this site a lot. We should start with being honest with ourselves. Seem obvious? Not so much. Not for me anyway.
I've been cross dressing for 55yrs. I feel that its just a part of me, nothing more. I feel blessed to have this ability to express myself.
Why do some of us feel the need to get counseling to understand the need to do what we do, try to shed the guilt, or even give ourselves "permission" to crossdress?
Funny, but I don't see the people who get facial tattoos, body piercings, wear outlandish (and often inappropriate) clothing, sport mullets or else dye their hair purple or green etc. - all of which also fall outside of typical societal norms - agonize equally over their particular compulsions.
They just lead their best lives as they see fit, so why do we beat ourselves up over our own proclivities? Are ours that much worse - let alone questionable - than theirs?
Leslie,
Because of guilt and shame imposed by other people.Originally Posted by Leslie Langford
Society doesn't like that I do this.
I wish I wasn't different.
I wish I didn't do this.
I wonder why I do this.
Maybe if understand it I can fix it.
I don't want this to be my fault.
People who are different in some way often look for explanation because they want to be able to blame their difference on something external, beyond their control. "I'm this way because of my domineering mother" etc. etc. etc.
They may roll their eyes. but people generally don't shame other people for those things. There are no anti-tattoo hate groups. I'd suggest that lots of closeted gay people do wonder "why am I like this?" So do people with any of the long list of "kinks" that most other people don't share.
When I truly accepted that this is who I am, and that it doesn't harm other people, the questions about "why" faded away. It's irrelevant.
Last edited by Lisa Gerrie; 01-08-2024 at 04:12 AM.
"Don't hate me just for wanting to feel beautiful."
Some people have this driving force within them to want to know 'why' things are the way they are. I am one of them, I want to know all the "why's" in life. Looking at the personal CD'ing why's has taken years, but in the end, I now know what causes me to klick and that has brought me to accepting who I am. To those who never think about 'why', if it is good for them, then fine with me, but just don't go crazy over my going crazy over 'why'.
I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!
After six years it pretty much boiled down to; It's not illegal, it doesn't hurt anyone, and it's nobody's business but mine. I just need to mitigate the fall out I feel is important.
I am Me and Me is OK!
Shelby
I've been to therapy with several different therapists over the years. One was a man and the rest were women. I felt more comfortable with the women. I started separate/joint therapy because my wife demanded that I "get fixed" [her exact words]. BTW, I didn't "get fixed"; I just became more confident CDing.
This was in middle age when my crossdressing reactivated in a big way.
Therapy convinced that I was OK. There was nothing wrong with crossdressing.
I went cross-dressed for a number of sessions. I would go to the therapist's office and find a safe place to change, usually a bathroom in the building. I was asked by the therapist how I felt dressed and why I chose the clothing I was wearing. Once, the therapist was just getting finished with the previous client and I turned away from both the therapist and the client. When I entered the therapist's office, she said she didn't realize that I was me. With another therapist, she said that she would have recognized me. I hadn't had time to put makeup on. She did comment on my deportment. I was sitting opposite her with my legs crossed, my hands demurely resting on my lap, and sitting tall and with a straight back.
One of my GG therapists was "girl next door" pretty. She often wore pretty outfits that I tried to copy.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
I have been to counseling regarding crossdressing and it was a great experience. It helped me cut through all of the guilt and shame I developed over the years and allowed me to accept my authentic self. While prior to counseling I had rarely ever been out in public, I now go out regularly and have been to some places I never would have dreamed going before. It laid the groundwork for where I am today....a person who celebrates their femineity and wants to go about my business everyday authentically.
I feel this is very well explained here.
In particular it feels that #3 the most challenging aspect of considering counselling. What we "find" has the potential to change our world of thinking rather abruptly; that change can be the key to some freedoms while simultaneously presenting as the nemesis to our current being. For those of us who are not built nor bred to deflect the slings and arrows of the world's reactions and our own perceptions, this one is the double-edged sword we may have to choose to fall upon.
Last edited by Veronica Lacey; 01-28-2024 at 12:38 AM.
Part-time crossdresser, full-time human
It was easy for me to say I didn't need counseling. I was somewhat right. Maybe I was entirely right that I didn't NEED it. It takes a while to sort this out on our own. Maybe it takes too long. My new take on getting outside help is that it is not "giving up" or "admitting defeat". IT CAN SAVE TIME. if counseling gets you to the end result faster, you just gained the rest of your life to live with this knew found information/ understanding. Use it wisely and flourish! Would you rather go out for the first time in your 50s and decide you love it or learn that in your thirties and enjoy it more for a longer part of your life?
This. I'm starting counselling next week (interviewed 4 to find one I like), but then I'm now pretty certain I'm transgender and want to get on exploring and growing into that.
My wife saw a therapist for her issues. She invited me to see one as well but I didn't think I needed to, so I never saw one.
I found my female side is much better at socializing. But, it took a long time to get there.
It took a while to learn female mannerisms and the art of being presentable.
But, I think the long journey was well worth it.
I did have some help from her.
Last edited by Maid_Marion; 01-24-2024 at 12:23 PM.
I've been in therapy on and off since I was eight years old. As a child, I was angry and violent, likely from years of abuse.
As an adult, I've had many therapist, alone, and with my wife. It has been helpful in our acceptance of this reality. Together, we came up with a starting compromise.
Over the years, that compromise has become more understanding and flexible.
Starting with a new therapist can be tedious as I need to retell my entire history to someone new.
My one objection was having a therapist who was engaging in fraud. Her practice was under investigation by the FBI, who had access to all her files and went through them. So much for feeling safe in confidentiality. She lost her license and went to prison for a year. Since then, I've been more hesitant seeing a therapist.
I go to counseling appointments regularly for the usual reasons, to release some of that anxiety that tends to accumulate over time. I can tell my therapist what's on my mind without fear of judgement. I especially enjoy telling her about my wishes and dreams. She doesn't tell me what to do, but she encourages me to explore my thoughts and become what I want to be.
After not crossdressing for many months, last year I felt a strong yearning to get back into it. Not only that, but I wanted to go out in public dressed for the first time ever. I was able to discuss that with my therapist and find a way to make it happen. I ended up going out in public three times last year, including DLV in October. Without my therapist's encouragement and reassurance, I'm not sure I could have done it. After talking with her, it felt like the right thing to do for my personal growth.
This is it exactly. I recommend it, really helped me.
For me seeing my counselor is cathartic, since moving back home after 25 years I've been outing myself more and more to family members whether intentionally or not. It's good to seek advice from a professional and the bonus is I can dress for our sessions. This helps as I'm more in tune with "me".
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