Time to reflect a little

[Maria 60]

At Christmas Day lunch with my family, my children asked me when was I planning to drink that wine with the dust on it and when was I planning on smoking those Cuban cigars I'm collecting. They said I'm sixty but not that I'm old but what am I waiting for to enjoy my better things. I don't drink my favourite wines and I don't smoke my favourite cigars and I try not to drive my car to much because I don't want to put kilometres on it to lose its value. They told me they don't know the value of any of my hobbies so probably they will give it all away so why not enjoy it and what am I waiting for when it's to late.
Holding that thought my wife was putting some of my fem stuff away and she asked me the same question, when am I going to wear my better stuff and I'm always wearing the same things. She asked me if I was waiting for some revolution that I'm going to break out and I want my best stuff available.
I told her it doesn't make sense for me to wear my $40 pantyhose to get ruined under jeans and maybe I'm waiting for a special occasion that may never happen.
She told me my main problem is I have to much stuff and because I have to move stuff to get to other stuff I only wear what's on top not to make a bigger mess to clean up, so if I purge some stuff I will be able to move around more freely and enjoy more of my things. She told me I don't have to collect because I've come a long way, before I was very nervous in the ladies department but now I roam around freely and believes I can buy my stuff now.
She then reminded me what my children told me and said what a shame it would be if opportunity doesn't hit and all my best stuff will end up in the garbage without me enjoying it. She told me to wear my slips to bed and start wearing my better stuff after all what am I waiting for when it's to late. We went through some of my stuff but I did move out some of it but very little.
With age comes new revaluations and outlooks we aren't getting younger and we can fight it as much as we want but nature is going to take its part.
Anyone else here collecting for who knows when or what or are we just hoarders?

[docrobbysherry]

For me there's 3 distinctly different sets of dressing outfits, Maria. When I dress at home and when I dress and go out r completely different.

Most of my dressing is done at home in front of the camera. Whether it's just to show off certain looks or one my very convoluted and complicated Sherry stories, these outfits tend to be: tattered, ill fitting, overtly sexy, very complicated to put on, costumes, or incredibly extravigant.

So, these pieces cannot be worn out. My other set of clothes r more practical. They can: be worn for long periods of time, look ok up close, and r easy to move around and dance in.

Then, there's my 3rd set of clothes. The ones that r 2 small or tite for me to wear. My manikins may have as much clothing as I do! But, like u, when I dress them it's usually in pieces at the top of their pile!

So, yes! I must confess I'm a fem clothing horder!

And, my daughters may have to deal with that one day!

[JulieC]

Maria; Yes, I've encountered that too. One small example; I had a skirt that I'd picked up at a used clothing store. It was a very, very nice skirt. Really fashionable, really cute. The only problem was the belt (which it had) was damaged, and visibly so. I didn't want to wear it like that, or wear it without the belt. I thought, "This skirt is too good to pass up" and got it, figuring I'd find a matching belt for it. Problem is, I never did. Meanwhile, shortly after getting the skirt I found the perfect pair of pantyhose that had a perfect shade that coordinated with the skirt. I tried them both at home, and it looked great. But, I never wore the skirt after that because I never found a belt. I, ahem, 'outgrew' the skirt and I no longer have it. I still have the pantyhose, 10 years on, and don't want to wear them because they're really expensive pantyhose. But, pantyhose don't last forever, even in storage. They degrade. I'd better get busy wearing them. I have other examples; a pair of Wolford tights that are just gorgeous black/white tights. I haven't found the right dress to wear them with, so haven't worn them except once. Hrmf.

Docrobbysherry; if your daughters don't know about your love of femme clothes, you'd better leave a note somewhere amongst all of it explaining the "why"!

[GaleWarning]

Maria, you have no doubt heard many people exhort the older members of their family to break out the best dinner service and use it before they lose it at their demise. True!!!

Likewise, your car will not carry greater value than others of its make and vintage if it has a lower milage. That's not how assessors work out their replacement value. Drive your wonderful vehicle and enjoy using it while you still are able!

For the same reasons, heed your wife's sage advice and wear your finest and most sensual clothes while you can.

[alwayshave]

Maria, my mother died in April at 93 years of age, I can't tell you the number of things we gave to Goodwill or sold that had never been worn/used. I received her Wedgwood China which was purchased in 1953. Since my childhood I can only think of three or four times that she used it. I won't make that mistake.

[Bea_]

I moved my cool weather wardrobe from deep storage to a closet a couple of months ago. When looking at all the nice stuff I had but hadn't worn, I made a decision to just get up and dress in my better stuff every morning. So that's what I've been doing. Doing so actually makes it easier to justify getting something new occasionally.

I had been leery of imposing my wardrobe on my wife with daily dressing, but she's taken it in stride. She's complimented many of the items I've worn recently. I've even started wearing a bra daily. She notices but doesn't say anything unless we're going somewhere where someone might hug me. I don't flaunt and she doesn't complain.

[Karren H]

I used to collect a lot of things, fem clothing and jewelry one of them. Like who needs 40 wigs? But about 5 or more years ago I started de-hording. Reducing what I own to what I need. Gave away all the wigs but 3 to mainly CDs. And clothing I no longer wanted to charity shops. Even reducing my male clothing. Also my huge collecting of mining related items, started donating them to local museums and historical societies. I do still have a number of antique cameras and nail pullers. But the way I see it, when I go, all the stuff I have will be pitched or sold off and I would rather that others that could used them now, have them. Plus resources on this planet are limited so the fewer each of us use the better it is for everyone. Happy New year!

[Debbie Denier]

I live for today die for tomorrow. I find I forget where I put things if I don?t use them regularly.

[GretchenM]

What a fascinating post, Maria. Personally I am not much of a collector, except for fossils. My wife, on the other, collects and collects and collects. She knows where everything is and uses a good deal of it off and on; maybe borderline hoarding.

Forty dollar hosiery under jeans is absurd - don't even think about it. But I think they have a point about wearing some of the nicer things you have collected. I suggest you try and see how it makes you feel when you look in the mirror and see Maria in elegance. Your might be surprised. But if nothing significant happens then perhaps set up a sale somewhere and get some money back you can use for other things that fit your sense of self a bit better.

I have a small collection of clothes that I am culling out because they fit my sense of self back then but really aren't Gretchen anymore. She has become much more casual at 78 going on 79. Glamour might well be ridiculous.

So, in a word, take their suggestions seriously and experiment to see what works now and what doesn't. I well know women often do that a lot, but sometimes they keep older things they would not wear now simply because the garment is possessed by important memories. Other things end up either in the trash or in the donation box. We all change over time and what was right before may be wrong now. Certainly some of us are habitual hoarders and I think that happens because we are unsure of ourselves in some ways but we need to purchase what attracts us just in case more certainty happens. It's anticipation. But at some point anticipation is an empty promise. Of course Sherry (Doc) is a striking exception and that is OK; more power to her because it fits her sense of self and her lifestyle.

[Helen_Highwater]

If you've got nice things then wear them out and about, take a road trip if necessary to be where folks don't know you but for goodness sake don't end up on your death bed wishing "I'd loved to have worn that outfit out to a nice restaurant" knowing it's on it's way to the charity bag. Experience the joy of looking and feeling good dressed in your finest for all the world to see.

I've a number of pairs of kitten heeled shoes and on my last week away I made the decision to wear as many of them as I could on my days out and about. I wanted to feel that little bit more elegant, to have that experience and while it's tougher on the feet I'm so glad I did it.

[Cheryl T]

Maria, they are absolutely right. Wear your best clothes, drive your favorite car, smoke those cigars.
I do the same thing. I think some of it comes from the days when I had one outfit, one pair of shoes and was still in hiding. I would wear those things till they were worn out because I could only have one set.
Now I have so many clothes, shoes, stockings and I find I'm wearing the same things all the time. I'm "saving them" for that special day that may never come.
For me it's difficult to justify putting on that cocktail dress and wearing it around the house. It seems wasteful, but having it just hang in the closet is just as wasteful.
Funny, years ago I bought my wife a pair of expensive earrings for her birthday. In 25 years she's worn them twice. When I ask why she says she doesn't want to risk losing them and I tell her she already has, because the are lost in the drawer and she's not enjoying them. I need to take my own advice and enjoy my pretty things.

I'm not hoarding my things, I'm saving them.
I think this year's resolution will be to free them from their prison and let them bring me the joy I've been saving them for.

[Deborah G]

Maria, My word, I could have written that post! I do exactly the same; saving things for "tomorrow"! My parents lived through the Depression so I know where it originates. Maybe this is the wake-up call to take things out and use them or gift them to someone that would and could use them! Thank you for the post!

[kimdl93]

I adopted a rule a few years ago. If I do not wear an item within 12 months, it goes in the donation bag.

With the passage of another year, coupled with the fact that I have lived beyond the three score and ten, has left me ever more mindful that I am much closer to the end and the beginning. In the coming years I plan to down-size, have my personal affairs in good order, and leave little detritus for the resale store.