Sometimes circumstances, society and safety dictated whether you dare to come out or not. Not all society are tolerant towards CDs and LBGTQ communities. Its even a crime from where I come from for CDing in the public.
Sometimes circumstances, society and safety dictated whether you dare to come out or not. Not all society are tolerant towards CDs and LBGTQ communities. Its even a crime from where I come from for CDing in the public.
Some CD's risk divorce, alienation from children, loss of job, loss of home and physical harm if discovered so they choose a more comfortable CD journey by staying closeted.
"Care about what other people think of you and you will always be their prisoner" - Lao Tzu
I am a lifelong introvert. I don't consider myself to be particularly "shy". For myself, I am less likely to worry about what others think, but my wife, children and grandchildren and how any public presentation would affect them is the big concern. Since starting therapy in early '21 I've been slowly asserting my inclination to be a less traditionally masculine man. I don't do female, but I do tend towards the feminine. If I go out, I go out as a guy with a feminine aesthetic. I've slowly let my femme flag fly in subtle ways, but I have to hold tight to the throttle to keep peace at home. She's becoming more comfortable being married to a man like me, but it would not have been her first choice. I'm just trying to find a reasonable compromise as a eccentric old man.
To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. ~ Timothy Keller
I guess it?s being outside of the apartment as Olivia which is freeing. I?m not that brave yetOriginally Posted by docrobbysherry
So, if no sees u what do u get out of it, Busty?
For me it's the risk of being seen by someone I (we) know who's opinion we might care about.
I recently came to terms with exactly who I am, after spending most of my life feeling that my dressing meant there was "something wrong with me", so the idea of going out and being seen - by strangers - actively excites me. I don't fear people's reactions, nor have any physical worries (I wouldn't put myself in a dark alley and can handle myself one-on-one).
My only concern is people that know me and how them knowing would effect the life of my wife and kids.
If that weren't a consideration I'd be going out fully dressed today. As it is, I need to be more careful, at least right now.
MsKim, which country r u referring to? My Asian T friend and I have gone out dressed in many countries in Asia!
Fiona, Bea, and Danni: Yes, I understand that because I'm a closet dresser, too!
But, that doesn't stop me, or u, or ANYONE from dressing far away from home!
In fact I just returned from a trip to Seattle as u can see in my avatar.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
For safety reason, I can't named where I'm really from, sorry. But I can say that Singapore, Thailand, Taiwan, Philipine, S. Korea and Japan. These countries are pretty safe and accepting of CDs and LBGTQ communities. Certain part of China, Vietnam and indonesia is still ok but outside the metropolitan cities, the situation reverse. Its the others countries(which shall remained unnamed) that had varies reaction to CDs and LBGTQ communities. Ranging from curious stares to heckling and beating. Police were no help and might even be in cahoot. There were already cases of TG being beaten to death and the police dragging its feet solving the cases. Even women are not safe in some of these countries, more over LBGTQ communities.
Thanks for that info, MsKim.We had no issues in Singapore, Thailand, Japan, and Cambodia.
However, I believe Cambodia has moved to dampen human rites since our visit there.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I'll speak for myself, not on the behalf of anyone else...
I would very much like to go out in the world dressed up like a lady. But this is real life. People DO NOTICE! And they talk about us behind our backs.
I've read so many posts here about how no one seems to notice or care when we go out. Spoiler alert: they do notice and will talk about us for years. Anytime the subject of crossdressing comes up they will always recall the moment when they saw a transvestite in the store or fueling up their car.
And no wonder many of us don't want the world to know. We're not just sitting around in a slip and a pair of pantyhose. We're going to a great deal of effort to present ourselves totally as women and that is confusing to society. We try to convince ourselves that it's "just clothes" yet many of us will paint our nails, apply eyelashes, put on lipstick, and then slip on a dress.
Why are there shy CDs? Because we are hard to understand. I've never read anything where a transvestite explains why they do what they do and then their audience replies "Oh, that makes sense".
Again I'm only speaking for myself but I expect a lot of bitter comments
Yes, you will get noticed, but few will really care.
Yes, people will probably talk about you. So what. I was shopping en femme on Sunday and the 2 SAs were GGs. I said that "You'll probably have something to tell your families tonight. Some dude came in to the store and tried on a few dresses and even bought some. I even have one that he bought." So what! I owned it.
I hope that the SAs tell their families that "he" was actually kind of cute and looked great in the dresses "he" bought." I especially liked that 40% of his blond hair was pink.
I felt safe shopping there. So just own it. It would be great if you could go out with a cis- or CD- friend.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
For some reason I felt compelled to be seen dressed yet always denied my cross dressing, since the very beginning at age 16 I was venturing out. I was discovered by many but I continually denied. Why? I think it's because I saw myself as two different people. I've always struggled with accepting my desires to present as a woman. I've always enjoyed my male side of life which is so far from being fem it's ridiculous. I think it would have led to an easier life if I'd just accepted myself as a trans person and pursued men openly for as I've aged I've come to the realization that I did enjoy sex with men more so than with women, even though I love women. It's hard, still is hard being me....
Only really started thinking about going out 'en femme' about 2 or 3 months ago. It is something that I wanted to experience.
One of the first issues was convincing myself that I would pass as a girl and having the confidence to actually step outside the house. The next one was the most important of all; Finding the right type of venue. It had to be a substantial distance away from my home and somewhere reasonably quiet.
Riverside and coastal walks, botanical gardens, arboretums etc. are perfect venues for me as these are typical venues that I enjoy as my male persona. These are my limits in terms of venue types. Crowded places, shopping centres, bars, etc. are a big no-no. I don't go to them as a male, unless it's absolutely essential, so definitely not 'en femme'.
I've no real idea if I pass as a girl, or not. I haven't worn any make up so far, so possibly not. I just enjoy being out there in the fresh air feeling like a girl, at least. I don't go looking for interaction, but when it happens it is very minimal, but has always been pleasant.
I know what's at stake. I know the risks that apply to me personally and I try to reduce them as far as practicably possible. I know my limits and I'll keep to them. So far, I have enjoyed every minute of my experience.
I'm looking forward to my next outing, when, and wherever, that might be. I might even be wearing make up.
I go out whenever I get the chance I am out to my wife and kids, although I don't flaunt it. When I go out I dress down slacks or jeans occasionally I'll wear a skirt or dress but seldom heels. I don't want to stand out I have been about everywhere the grocery store of course the mall and many other places I don't hesitate to spend money if I see something that I want I have even done changing rooms to try things. Never had a problem I assume I get read ever once in a while but so what, I can't say if they don't talk about me after I go by but I don't think so since I dress to blend but if they do so what. Once years ago I had some small children 5 to 8 is my guess say rather loudly "that's a man" Generally no one cares especially if your spending money.
Now if I am going to the club thats a different story. Its dressed and made up to impress, heels, short skirts, heavier makeup and jewelry. My wife even was complemented on how well she passed one time That was at a support group. It didn't make her happy.
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I have walked past people I know and either they didn't see me or didn't recognize me I'll go with the latter
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
Basically, I just don't see it as a reasonable risk vs reward situation. I would not get much out of going out dressed up, and so don't want to take the risk of blowing up my life.
And the always needed explanation, for anyone who hasn't considered it:
But it only takes ONE aggressive hater to ruin, or worse, end a life. Some people just need any excuse to hurt other people.Yes, you will get noticed, but few will really care.
I grew up being the little kid, often pushed around, hit, or beaten. So it was sort of a nice surprise, when I kept growing into the huge man with a resting 'keep the away from me' face, that nobody in their right mind wants to pick on. Yes, mixed feelings as I would have preferred to be pretty and easily passable, but we have to play the cards we're dealt.
So, I have no desire to return to a life of frequent fear, that I had as a kid. While many forget their childhoods, I haven't.
I enjoy being able to do whatever I like, go pretty much anywhere, and know the likelihood that anyone will try to ruin my day, is slim to none. Sure, it's possible, but every guy knows, you don't attack anyone who's oh, maybe 50% bigger (or even more) than you are, especially without knowing what they are capable of, it's just bordering on a death wish.
Nobody bothers me, and I like it like that. Wearing a dress out in public, would change all that, and I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life feeling like I have a target on my back. To me, that's just plain stupid.
Sure. The current risk of a problem for someone like me is virtually zero. But once out, that risk returns. So, no thanks. I like my closet. It has all my favorite things in it.
Last edited by DAVIDA; 03-29-2024 at 03:10 AM. Reason: Please don't try to bypass the word filter.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Unfortunately, my wife's health problems keeps me from traveling so getting away is not a real option. I do think I would dress in a more androgynous/hybrid/freestyle way if I were away from home.MsKim, which country r u referring to? My Asian T friend and I have gone out dressed in many countries in Asia!
Fiona, Bea, and Danni: Yes, I understand that because I'm a closet dresser, too!
But, that doesn't stop me, or u, or ANYONE from dressing far away from home!
In fact I just returned from a trip to Seattle as u can see in my avatar.
To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. ~ Timothy Keller
Too much to lose, too little to gain. I toyed with my wife about the subject early on in her marriage and she was utterly turned off about it so I never pushed the issue. Now in later years, her attitudes are still pretty much the same. She does not care,if other men crossdress of if adults are,transgender but she wants nothing to do with it. And I worked in manufacturing all my life. Very male industry. So my friends and associates are for the most part, ?men?s men?.
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