Nancy44; WELCOME TO THE FORUM!
To the point of being pulled over; I get that it's really stressful. I remember seeing a COPS episode from many, many years ago and the cops were ridiculing someone who was crossdressed. Really unprofessional.
On the flip side; if the 'worst' thing a cop encounters in any given year is someone crossdressed, they've had an incredibly good/lucky year. They're probably thankful it was so easy to work with you.
There are things you can do to make a cop's life easier, and thus likely make it easier for you. I'm not an expert, but these are things I've learned to do and have done:
- If you're on a busy road, and there's a very nearby not busy road to pull off onto and pull over, slow down to get there and take it. Pull over immediately after making the turn. A less busy road is less dangerous for a cop.
- Turn off your car, put your hazards on. An off car isn't going to suddenly peel off.
- Have your window rolled down when they approach.
- Keep your hands in plain sight. Standard position on the steering wheel (10 and 2 o'clock) or on the door/out the window both work well. It's less scary for a cop if they can see your hands.
- If it's nighttime, turn on your interior lights so the cop can easily see into the car. Otherwise, they can be more on edge wondering if there's a weapon.
- Be polite and agreeable. You never have to admit to anything or talk with them much (more on that in a moment) but you can be very polite.
- Don't make any moves, especially with your hands, without them directing you to do so (such as being asked for your license and registration).
On a more serious note; DO NOT TALK TO THE POLICE beyond what is necessary. Don't believe me? Watch (video quality is low, but it's the audio content that matters): https://youtu.be/d-7o9xYp7eE?si=N1TNtxD4_0AVqpV0