When did the change happen?

[alwayshave]

Maria, Even in my sixties there are still sexual feelings from dressing. However, it is not the only feeling as when I was much younger. There was no tipping point when I realized the difference. It just happened over time.

[AngelaGA]

It was a little fetish for me, But since my recent divorce my feelings of dressing up and becoming more girly has grown even more.

[Debbie Denier]

Age is definitely a factor. Still love it but the feelings are not as intense as they used to be.

[danniUK]

What an excellent post, so many people with similar experiences to me.

I started wearing just lingerie in my teens and it carried on like that until last year.

Looking back it should have been soooo obvious to me! My sexual awakening thirty years ago, when I realised I was bisexual, came about when I was watching porn and realised that I fantasised about being *her* rather than *him*. My whole adult life I've shaved my whole body hair. For decades I told myself I just dressed for the sexual thrill, I never bought more than knickers and stockings because hey - anything more than that would make me some kind of crossdresser and that'd be weird, right?

Last year, in my late 40s, I finally bought a dress, then some skirts, bras and all manner of fem clothing. It was like an avalanche, starting with that first dress that made me feel incredible when I wore it.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying it doesn't feel sexual anymore when I dress up. It feels amazingly comfortable, like a particular piece of me that'd been denied for so long is finally able to be expressed. But I still sometimes feel incredibly sexual when dressed too, which shouldn't been a surprise - after all I sometimes feel very sexual when I'm wearing male clothes!

I've finally reached the point where being me - whether that's dressed drab, en fem, or somewhere inbetween - feels great, with no guilt or feelings of negativity. And sometimes that can feel pretty damn sexy!

[kimgirl]

This sums me up quite well also. As I have got older, it becomes less about sex and more about sensuality and comfort - a kind of inner peace. I have decided I'm also bisexual of sorts. I love my wife dearly so I am completely monogamous, loyal to her. I square that round peg by thinking it is about the person I love, not their sexuality.

[danniUK]

I do wonder what percentage of CDers are straight versus more flexible sexualities. To this day I'm not sure if I love to feel fem because I'm bi and (for me) feeling fem fits so well with being with a man, or whether it's my love of feeling fem - I'll hesitate at saying "wanting to be a woman" - that attracts me to men.

Either way, like you I'm completely monogamous and haven't been with a guy since before my wife some 18 years ago.

[kimgirl]

The trouble is that, I think the pigeon holes of Straight - Bisexual - Gay are too clunky. I think it should be considered as a spectrum, say from 1 - 100; 1=totally straight, 100=totally gay.

I honestly believe that many man aren't 1, but because they aren't actually gay, nor want to be labelled as bisexual, they stay "1" to the outside world. Whereas in truth they could be, say, a 15, according to my scale above. There's plenty of women I know who mention how attractive another woman is, or kiss them when they meet or even hold hands. Normally they would not be considered lesbian, nor bisexual, just very friendly to one another. If we see a man doing the same with another man, immediately everybody would label them as gay.

So I have to say I am bisexual, I am not gay nor straight, but totally monogamous with my wife because I am madly in love with her.

There is an inbalance with attitudes between the sexes. Society has a lot to answer for.

[danniUK]

Ah, yes - that scale exists as the Kinsey Scale, though it only has 7 increments. And I agree, though I think a lot (most?) people who would describe themselves as "straight" or "gay" would put themselves at 1 or 100 on your scale.

Also agree that society's attitudes to intimacy between two men versus two women is very imbalanced.

[Lorna]

Just a small further thought... I can clearly remember a time when, while dressing was very much a sexual thing, I annoyed myself by reaching that climax quite quickly, then being disappointed that it was "all over" and time to return to male mode. I made a big effort to resist reaching that stage so quickly so that i could remain for longer in my women's clothes and enjoy that experience for longer. Gradually that led to being satisfied just to be in the clothes and experience the enjoyable sensations they provided without rushing to satisfy a sexual outcome. Ultimately I could avoid the "sexual outcome" altogether and. wear the clothes for longer periods of time (as dictated by circumstances). There was something very satisfying about knowing what it was like to be dressed for a whole day.

[April Rose]

My experience was much like Lorna's. It started out very much about sex and has evolved into an identity.

[Suzie Petersen]

Same for me actually, a distinct sexual component, and as some have described, a really strong feeling of disgust of being in girls clothes after the deed was done. I always hated that because I really wanted to continue the good feeling of being the girl, but at that point it was all just terrible and I hated it and myself.

I have been making a serious effort to separate the two and not have that problem and am doing much better with it now.

Cant help but think there might be a chemical release or something going on, causing this mental turn of what was pleasure to make it become disgust! If not, then I suppose it is all the brain playing tricks on us when that happens.