Going out

[Eliza*queen]

Hi all,
So my husband and I are going out soon for the first time with him fully dressed and we are both really nervous! Any advice would be much appreciated. We're both awkward and introverts.

[char GG]

The first time that I went out with my hubby, it was very scary. I didn't know how to act, he tried to act a little over the top. And it was awkward.

My suggestion is to go someplace quiet at first. Maybe a little cafe where you can sit and just get used to being out. Observe your surroundings and gage your next move. Do you want to walk the mall? If so, make sure that he wears comfortable shoes. Dress in clothes that don't make you both more self-conscious than you may already feel. Save the heels for another time.

If you plan to go to a club, then you both can dress more trendy. Make sure you are comfortable with your look and offer suggestions to make sure he is comfortable and appropriate for the venue.

Another suggestion: I work at a concert venue that hosts plays, symphony, comedy shows, and music events. That kind of place is a great place to go because you are walking in, being seated, watching a show, and leaving. There is not a lot of interaction other than walking around. I often see CDers at my place of work. They fit right in.

Just relax and try to enjoy yourselves. This just might be me, but don't feel like you have to act like "giddy girlfriends". (You can if you want but, I say that only because of your comment that you are both awkward and introverts.)

Most of all, I give you lots of credit for being willing to explore this with your husband. Relax and enjoy just being together. Clothes are just clothes.

[April Rose]

This is hard advice to follow, I know, but try to relax, and don't assume the worst. Someone gazing in your direction might be simply curious, or even lost in their own thoughts. It's been said here many times that most people are so wrapped up in their own thing that they won't even notice you. And if they do, the odds are they don't care.

One thing that you yourself can do is use your experience living in the world as a woman to be sure your spouse is dressed in a way that blends with the other females at whatever venue or area you are going to. No sense in drawing extra attention to yourselves with an inappropriate outfit.

[docrobbysherry]

Where r u going and day or nite? These things make a difference!

[Sometimes Steffi]

This may be really hard for you to do, both being awkward and introverts, but really pretend that you are two girls going out, nothing more. Most people won't make a scene about it. If you go out to eat, maybe order for your husband if he hasn't perfected a girl's voice. If a bathroom trip is required, go with him to the ladies room. Don't leave him alone to have to "defend" himself. You can even hold hands. Girls often have public displays of affection, specifically hugs, even if they are just friends.

Easy for me to say, huh. My wife know that I crossdress but doesn't want to know any more than that. She hasn't seen me dressed in anything, except I got caught wearing nail polish recently. She hasn't seen any of my wardrobe.

I have been "Out and About" a lot, sometimes alone, sometimes with a few friends, sometimes with a dozen or more friends, occasionally with a hundred friends. I've rarely gotten anything more than the occasional double take.

It also helps that I have a hearing impairment. I wear hearing aids all the time, and even with them, I can't hear if someone is whispering about me or us at the next table. What I can't hear doesn't affect me.

Last thing. Boy me is an introvert; in fact, I pin the scale on introverted. Girl me is much more of an introvert. Boy me needs a couple of drinks to even get on the dance floor. Girl me will dance alcohol free. Steffi will even grab wallflowers who look like they want to dance and pull them onto the dance floor. You/he can explore bing a different you/he/couple.

BTW, I'm jealous. No way my wife would ever even consider going out a girlfriends.

[Suzie Petersen]

Char's and April's adwise is spot on.
In addition, my advice is to simply act like you belong, dont try and hide, and dont look at people to see if they notice you. Women typically do not seek eye contact with others they are directly interacting with.

Focus on each other, chat about something light and save the heavy topics for when you get home. Enjoy each others company and just do everything to make it a positive experience.

If your hubby is like many of us, there is a chance you will be able to unlock a more open, smiling, and relaxed person in him. This can easily spill over into his daily attitude.

I hope you will share with us how it went.

Suzie

[Cheryl T]

First of all, have fun. Don't let it stress you out so much that you totally fail to enjoy this experience.
That being said, be safe. Don't enter situations that you wouldn't normally. Don't go to secluded places just because it's the first time.

Dress for where you are going. Don't let him overdress. You know what people wear in your area and to different venues so dress the same way. It's always enticing to someone the first time to want to be super feminine but that will only attract attention. Remember that people ALWAYs look at other people and notice anything that is different. It's human nature. Ignore them.

Don't spend your time looking to see who is looking at you. They aren't any more than they are at everyone else. My first time I was the deer in the headlights. I believed everyone was seeing only me and right through me. Then I sat down and watched them. They were all so engaged in their day they weren't paying attention to me.

Be Confident! If you go to a mall then do the same things you would if he wasn't dressed. Carry yourselves the same way. Don't change who you are because of how you are dressed. Of course he will be acting differently because he is presenting as a woman, but that is as it should be. You are two gals shopping, dining, at the movies or whatever. Don't let him be HIM, let him be HER. By that I mean he can't be opening doors for you and doing MAN things.

If someone interacts with you don't shy away. I was at a mall wearing a crocheted top and this older woman stopped me to tell me how pretty it was and ask where I got it. Just be friendly and it will be fine. I've had some of my most rewarding interactions like that. Remember, passing is not something everyone can do. Acceptance is!

Lastly, Thank You! Thank you for loving him so much that you are willing to explore this part of him with him. This is something I have with my wife and appreciate more than I can say. It's something we all wish we could have, but sadly so many don't.
Thank you!

[Eliza*queen]

Awe you are all so awesome, thanks for all the great advice!!! We are actually going to a gay club for a drag show at night so I feel like we will fit in just fine. We might go to dinner before hand if we feel comfortable enough. Feeling confident doesn't come natural to either of us, but acting doesn't for me either. I am one who can not pretend I'm someone I'm not no matter how much I would like to sometimes. When at home and he's dressed I do see a difference in his demeanor, he speaks softer. I am very supportive of him being who he is and trying out new things and just really want this night to go well .

[Rhonda Jean]

I don't have much to add. When you say "fully dressed", to a lot of us that would mean wearing a dress or skirt. Maybe tone it down a little. Maybe not quite "fully" until you both get used to it. No need to go from zero to 100. There are a lot of things that fall in-between male mode and full on fem that a lot of fun to explore. Girlfriend and I like to get our nails done together. I love my leggings and tunic tops, and I like dressing that up with a little jewelry. I like to wear a little makeup in male mode. This hopefully isn't going to be the only/last time. Maybe ease into the "fully dressed" part. I'm probably in the minority on this because I think most of us fall into the all or none category.

[Eliza*queen]

That's great advice Rhonda. He was trying on outfits the other day and decided on a black dress and the next day was getting nervous saying maybe a dress was to much. I hadn't thought of it because we were going to a club and I had planned to wear a dress but told him to wear what would make him comfortable. He is actually getting his makeup done earlier that day at a cross dresser store and we're both worried about the outcome of that, don't want to be too overdone... but if anything we could just wipe it off and start over. The thing is we have young children and almost never get the chance to go out at all so we may be getting overzealous.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've had about a dozen makeovers.

One of the first was a makeover plus photos in 4 outfits. I must have been there for 6 hours, plus it was out of town so in included an overnight trip. I got over 100 photos. My profile pic is one of those 100 pics. The the best money I ever spent.

I remember the first makeover quite distinctly. I was facing the mirror while she did the foundation and the face makeup. I'm thinking ho hum. The she spun me around away from the mirror and did my eyes. When she spun me around to face the mirror again, I'm thinking, "Who is that hot looking chick? Is it really me, or some kind of trick with mirrors?"

As for the makeover, you're paying, so set expectations. You want her to look beautiful, but not over the top. Maybe think of booking one for yourself. No reason why you shouldn't look beautiful too.

Have the most wonderful time out together.

[AmyJordan]

Hi Eliza
Great to read that you are so supportive of your partner and your post has received fantastic advice which is very timely as this may be me in a few weeks.

I'm very shy as Amy whereas my wife is much more assertive and outgoing so I too am extremely nervous on going out.
I think my biggest fear would be attention from men, I'm not saying I'm gorgeous but I know she wouldn't want me to dress down as she likes me to dress the way she likes and that's quite sexy but also very obvious.
I am naturally submissive to women so could handle being shown to them despite huge embaressment but deep down I think I would still harbor macho pride and competitiveness toward males which would look ridiculous dressed as Amy.

Please let me know how he handles it, I have huge respect for anyone with the nerve to take that step and for women who support it, as we know many do not.

Amy x

[Eliza*queen]

Thanks Steffi, I'm glad to here of a successful makeover and you look beautiful BTW. I've done his makeup before but only the eyes, I have no idea how to do contouring and foundation since I don't wear that myself. I was thinking of getting myself a mani pedi but never even thought of a makeover for myself.

[Sandi Beech]

You are going to be in a friendly environment to be sure at a drag show. You can dress up a bit because it is no problem being noticed and complimented there. In fact it is hard to over do it at a drag show. Keep in mind the hostess of these shows tend to make rounds into the crowd to speak to individuals. Just go with the flow. I have been called out more than once. It is no big deal as they move on to the next person.
Often, you can make small talk with others around you regarding the drag queens attire. It is an easy ice breaker, and it will help you both relax. I have done this many times and it will be just fine. You will wonder why you did not go before.

Good luck, let us know how it went.

Sandi

[kimdl93]

Good advice all around. I particularly encourage you to keep it simple. I see you’re planning to visit a gay club on drag night. That should be a good place. I had suggested finding a nice place to go for lunch or dinner too. Either way, once you get over that initial apprehension, you will be able to enjoy each others company.

As for makeup, perhaps the two of you could visit an Ulta for a makeover. They will be able to make product recommendations that will work for him w/o going over the top. And it will be fun!

And another thank you for being open to experiencing this together!

[Genifer Teal]

Do everything you can to both dress appropriately for where you are going. Your partner will be nervous beyond belief. Compliment them and whatever else you can say to put them at ease. If anything or anyone is negative, let it go with a smile. Talking back tends to escalate a situation.

[Eliza*queen]

Good advice gender, I may be introverted but I tend to get protective of the ones I love and will snap back.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Autocorrect, I ment genifer

[DianeT]

No experience there, so no advice. But wishing you the best.

[Eliza*queen]

Sorry autocorrect, I meant Genifer

[Sometimes Steffi]

If anything or anyone is negative, let our go with a smile. Talking back tends to escalate a situation.

A smile is the best self-defense mechanism. I've been stared at while O&A many times, usually by GGs. I usually respond with a big, genuine smile. It tells the GG, OK, you caught (made) me, but that's OK. I'm very happy with where I am and how I look today." I remember once that the GG gave me a big smile back with a thumb's up." I'm a sucker for positive affirmation.

Note: Have your hubby practice a big genuine smile in case it's necessary.

I also have advice for you in the event of male attention (to her). This come from the wife of a couple, both of whom I know very well. Some random guy was hitting on her hubby, and she looked at him and yelled, "She's mine." I was told that it worked.

Lastly, we (all) want a full report, including pictures if you're comfortable posting them.

Have fun.

[Genifer Teal]

Another thing to keep in mind, people will know what's going on and that's okay. No need to panic because they know the secret. Expect that So when it happens, you don't express any concern. Because in reality, it doesn't matter. It's how they treat you that matters. If you're not even interacting with them, even better

[Di]

A gay club is perfect I think.
We went to one nearly every weekend when we started going out to dance.
Everyone there got to know us and was protective of us,
I would tell Sher before we went in to visualize walking in …..head held high with confidence.
Fake it till you make it.
We witnessed many times new CDs coming in with their head turned Eve which way to see if anyone is looking….dead giveaway.
Practice at home if you can….but most importantly visualize it, and do it.

Have fun you’re partner will remember this first forever.

[docrobbysherry]

Skip the dinner this 1st time out, Aliza. That way your SO can dress just the way she wants with no worries for either of u!

[Eliza*queen]

Thanks everyone again for all the great advice! I will definitely let you all know how it went.

[Genifer Teal]

As a point of reference, you may not get the warm welcome you expect in a gay club. It really depends. They may like it. They may not. Just saying. Don't be surprised if they don't because a cross dresser really doesn't fit in. You're not gay and you're not pretending to be. Well are you? More likely, you're just as straight. Man dressing as a woman for as far as they're concerned unknown reasons. Sorry to put it so harshly, just giving you their possible perspective. You might be more likely to poke the interest of the lesbian crowd. If you think about any interest you might have with them. Which is probably none. You'll understand where the gay thing ends up going, pretty much nowhere.


Something else to think about is. How do you carry yourself? It's one thing to look like a man in a dress. It's another thing to act like a man in a dress. It's the incongruity in people's mind. That will attract attention. You don't have to be super. Fem, but if you walk like a Neanderthal lumbering around like a guy. It's going to detract in people's mind from your overall presentation. You can't expect to attack this from all angles on your first try. Something where you can sit down for a while. Might help you ease in to feeling comfortable in your new surroundings. When I stand up, I'm the tallest person in the room. That's when I know for sure I'll be noticed. If that's the kind of attention you'll get, you need to be mentally prepared for it. So now you know, it might be coming. Think like a woman would when she knows she's wearing uncomfortable shoes. Plan for a lot of sitting down. Hopefully your shoes will be comfortable. You may not want to wear something too extreme that you can't walk gracefully in.

I'll stop rambling until next comet.