Sex and relationships !

[Dragster]

I'm interested to know what prompted you to ask the question Cheery; are you doing some research or something? Does it have some relevance to your relationship, or are you just curious?

Since you asked, sex is very important to me in my relationship. It was quite late in life (20s) that I became sexually active, and both my wife of almost 37 years, and I, have only had one sexual partner each, one another! That's real monogamy, and it feels rather special to me! Unfortunately, our activity has dwindled with time and is currently almost non-existant, and I think her negative attitude to my CDing, since she has known about it, may be the cause. We're working on this (very slowly), and I posted a request for help here only a few days ago. Here's the link.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=28480

As I stated in the above post, I have filled the vacuum with "DIY", where dressing, especially in sexy clothes, significantly increases the excitement and pleasure for me. I would be in seventh heaven if I could get my wife to accept this from time to time, and I'm prepared to do whatever she wants to do in the bedroom, or elsewhere for that matter. We have a terrific relationship otherwise, and even if she never changes her mind about CDing, I'll still love her till the end of time.

Tony

[Caitlintgsd]

Sex? What is that? Just kidding. Actually I have no sexual drive. I think I lost that the first time I picked up a vial with "Estradiol" on the label. But I'm content with it so it isn't an issue for me.

[Sandra]

I think it is important but as a lot have already said not the be all and end all. I wouldn't say it was more important in the beginning with me and Nigella but we were like a couple of mainly because we lived miles apart and only saw each other once a week . Now my sex drive has dwindled but Nigella's is still the same, sex is great between us we just don't do it as often but this doesn't cause any problems, as people have said a cuddle and snuggling up to your partner can be just as good. .

[Rikkicn]

I came across an interesting article that talked about the number of men that are seeking sex with "********" I hate that term but that's waht they use it seems. I'm speaking of trans women that have had everything done but the srs.
The reason that these men are attracted to them is becasue they are beautiful, feminine and have the sex drive and interest of men. I think this may be true and it makes sense to me. Men and women are socialized differently in our culture around issues of sex. Here's an example. Think of how many words there are for male masturbation and then think of how many there are for women's masturbation. Huge difference! In some sense women arn't supposed to be sexual or allowed to be sexual like men are.
Don't know if this is on topic but I thought it was interesting.
Rikki

[Megan_Renee]

our relationship is odd... I think. We like having sex, but if there is a good TV show on, that's good too. Although, my SO is just coming off the pill and last time she was off the pill we were bunnies... Maybe I'm just really sensitive to her hormones or something...

Megan

[A sage GG]

My sex drive is much more varicious than my husbands. While in the begining we were rabbits. Now it can be more routine. We have discussed this topic on occaisons and have come to compromises.
I asked my mother if she had the same problems (as that is who I got my sex drive from. I suspect.) She told me that the sex is like an ocean it ebbs and flows back. There are times when in is very important for comfort, stress, and the need for affection. And there are times when just connecting with words or those special glances are enough. Moms are such a great source of profound wisdom!!!
Sex is important to me. I do use it as a non-verbal communication device. And well it really feels good too!!! But ruts happen, life can get in the way, and desire seems to have left the building. I know sex is better when I feel good about myself. And even better when we both feel good about ourselves.

[Anita Mae GG]

It's interesting that you started this thread now Cheery, as we are currently arguing about this at home. He hasn't initiated in well over a year and never seems interested. Every time I try I get "I'm tired" which of course we all are but you have to make the effort at least.

As someone said earlier about cuddling is good too. He hates that too. He does'nt like to have me near him on the couch. I get a kiss in the morning before he leaves for work and maybe one when he gets home if we both remember to kiss each other. That is all.

Now don't get me wrong, sex is not the MOST important thing but I don't see it as just an act I see it more as a connection. He told me today that The kids are the #1 priority and that our marrage is not. If he has enough time and energy for me after playing with the kids then he will use it on me if not then basically my loss. This is all referring to actual sex but I would like to think we can have our marriage and relationship be just as high of a priority as the kids......

Maybe I am just not cut out for this............ (marriage). Marriage is supposed to be about 2 people who love each other, spend time together both with and without kids etc. That is not how mine appears to be headed.

[Eugenie]

Sex has always been very important for me and still is.

In the past few years, my wife lost completely interest in sex. We sleep in separate bedrooms. For a while I felt very frustrated. I came recently to realize that, for her, menopause had completely reduced her sex drive, actually to the point where she can't even be touched. It seems to be physiological.

I'm sure part of it is linked to my x-dressing which she dislikes entirely even though she tollerates it. But it isn't the only reason. Even though she has known about my x-dressing since more than 30 years, we had normal sex untill fairly recently, up until she had menopause, albeit less than I would have liked being so sex driven myself. I know that some GGs have a different reaction, but for her that was the end of it.

I'm not a person to have short relationships. I do have a longterm sexual relation (more than 25 years)with a friend of ours, which my wife knows about (free sixties, open mariage attitude). Unfortunately she lives on your side of the Atlantic and I live in France... So we see eachother very rarely but intensely...

So sex being important for me, I don't feel so happy about this situation...

Love.

Eugenie

[Julie Avery]

Interesting questions.

How important sex is in your relationship?

I think that if our relationship became devoid of sex, we'd each seek it somewhere else, and that would destroy the relationship.

Was it more important in the beginning of the relationship?

It was more frequent at the beginning. Sparks were going off in the presence of TNT.

Has it been exchanged for something deeper?

Sexual intimacy has developed into a broader kind of intimacy which involves baring the soul. It's less tactile at the wellspring of what drives the relationship, but it would be terribly incomplete without sex.

There is a "boredom" factor that attacks monogamy, that's an issue I think folks should be aware of.

Are you simply too tired and can't be bothered?

No, I am a genetic male. If I told my partner that I was too tired and couldn't be bothered, I'd be lying on all but rare occasions. :cheeky:

If sex were not a big part of your relationship, what could take its place?

Being profoundly honest with each other, and physically holding each other.

[carolynhcd]

I am very lucky, because sex has always been very important to me. When I was in college, and very inexperienced, I looked to the gorgeous girls who seemed to be ****s to teach me about sex. They really didn't teach me much about sex, but I learned a lot about having a broken heart. I rejected the timid girls, the mousey girls, because they didn't make a move on me and they weren't gorgeous and glamorous. One in particular I knew loved me, but I wanted the six foot blonde with the perfect body and little girl voice. Since that time, I have been with nearly fifty women, some stunningly beautiful, some average. I learned a bit in that time, but the one iwho loved me in college, the one I rejected and I ran into each other 4 years ago. She had married a close friend of mine shortly after colege and told him that I was the love of her life. He quickly came to hate me for that, and my contact with her over the years was sporadic at best. But when we met face to face 4 years ago, I could see that she still felt the same way. We met a few days later in a park and I told her that I did not want to be with her, or any other woman, for that matter. I had become exclusively homosexual for the last few years, not as a gay man, as that term might be understood in places like San Francisco, where I had lived for a decade, but rather as a crossdresser. I told her this, and that I never wanted to have another girlfriend again. I should say that many years of my life were wasted in yearning heartbreak for 4 women who had hurt me badly. But Christine was not to be put off by these confessions, so I opened the trunk of my car and showed her many of my feminine clothes, wigs, lingerie, shoes, makeup, etc. She said she loved it and wanted to be with me as a girl. She said she hated being with men as they all seemed to exhibit a kind of rough selfishness that she abhorred. She told me she really wanted to have sex with me girl to girl. I crumbled under the imaginable attraction. We have been together for 4 years now and we only have our own kind of "lesbian" sex and it is delightful for both of us.

To address another aspect of your question, for me, sex is a biological and psychological imperative. I am aging now and erections that last are more rare than once they were, but I still try to climax at least four times a day. In my twenties and thirties, the number or orgasms was almost orders of magnitude higher. I see no reason, given my historically high sex drive, to spend twenty minutes in a sexless relationship if there is no prospect of that changing, but, chacun a son gout, n'est-ce-pas?

[Katiegirl]

Interesting question, I may have had 4 children,but to me sex has always been a disaster area so I gave it up many years ago, which was no great deal as I now have no partner.

I have plenty of GG friends but I have never try to go further than that, to me their friendship is enough.

[Joy Carter]

My wife has had some problems in last few years, I have found that our relationship has nothing to do with sex now it has grown to much more. I have found that I can survive with out sex but I could not survive with out her because we are one now.
It is beautiful just to fall a sleep in the arms of the one you love.

Anna

Right On Anna! I'm in my fifties I work full time my SO works and is involved in many other things outside the home. It is just nice to be together without the pressure to perform not only that the homones start to drop off at our age. Not to say we don't but it's not the end of the world if we can't. Besides the charlyhorse I get some times are just murder better get a car with a bigger back seat. LOL

[ashlee chiffon]

so...after looking at my own relationships and listening to these comments...

am i understanding that after a long period of time, things may not be as interesting sexually between a couple as when they first were "madly in love", additionally, maybe two people aren't meant to go on forever with each other in a relationship when the interest in intimacy wanes, even though both parties think they love each other and are comfortible in other ways?
i know that i have been accused of a lack of intimacy and i tried to figure it out myself...i found myself, thru life, attracted to attractive cd's, but not to men in general, as i just love women to death, but my ex thought i was gay because of it. I tried to explain that i was always that way, that our sex life was great for half the years , then we each started losing interest! For many years, she was turned on by my dressing, then *just about when menopause and hot flashes initiated...along with many arguments and discontent with each other* she decided she wanted out and we broke up..i wanted to go to consuling as i thought 14 years was worth saving, but she said it was too late *another guy popped in*. i've been single ever since *for six years, now* as i don't want to go thru That heartache again. I'm always going to be who i am, acceptible or not, but in retrospect, i'll show my next partner Much more attention and love and if i can't, won't get involved.
But then, that is just My perspective...

[Christina Nicole]

Oh I just love sax. There is nothing else in life that is as good and satisfying as great sax. It just reaches down to your soul and toys with your emotions. It can bring you up to great heights and send your crashing down. It can charge you up for hours on end. Coletrane, Bird, and Bostic were masters, for example. Of course, sax is more than just old men, Mindi Abair, on the other hand, knows how to blow as well as anyone. And she's a heck of a lot prettier when she does it! Yes, sax for me is very...

Oh wait a second. You said sex. Darn. That's very different. Never mind. Sex isn't very important to me. I have a boat, Jet Skis and a pilots license and lots of other toys. Oh, and some great jazz CDs. Who needs sex?

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

:cheeky: :cheeky: :cheeky:

[Amanduhrob]

Well, sex is much more important for me than Holly, unfortunately she has an extremely low sex drive. She seems to get what she needs by being a Dominant, so our sex is more of me begging for release after a few hours of teasing.

[michellecd9999]

It is important to me and to my wife. I am 49, been married 26 yrs. She does not know about my Cding, so that is not a factor. We have a good relationship in general. We usually make love 2 times a week, not bad for someone in our age group! But I have a high sex drive and take care of my needs on a daily basis (usually associated with dressing in something). I would love to do it every day with the wife!
Michelle

[kittypw GG]

Cherry,
I loved this thread and have found all of the comments very interesting.

For me sex is very important to my feelings of clossness to my husband. He is very introverted and quiet and this is one way that we connect. I have a greater sex drive than he though. I seem to be able to have sex anytime and he needs to have certain conditions. When I was single I did not have a lot of sexual partners but never went more than a day or two without at least self gratification. I can't see my sex drive diminishing anytime real soon if ever. It has been fairly constant in my life. My openess about sex and my quest for it may be the driving force behind accepting the crossdressing in the bedroom. When long periods of time lapse between sexually intimacy with my husband I start to feel a disconnect with him. Sex is the most intimate you can be with someone and sort of cements that special bond of clossness I feel with my partner. So.............that would make it essential to the maintenance of the relationship for me. Kitty