Without love ….

[Marla S]

Reading your replies to the various questions there seems to be one big motive for your acceptance and support for your husband/friend: LOVE.
A love that is strong enough to accept the drawbacks and restrictions for your own life.

What would be left of your attitude towards a CD if you exclude this motive LOVE ?
Would it be attractive, interesting, annoying, a curiosity … ?

PS: Thanks for being here !

[dancinginthedark]

While the dynamics between a friend and lover are different I believe if I met anyone I was interested in enough to make part of my life, no matter how large or small the role, I would have to accept them for who they are in the first place. If it was someone out there in the world just living their life and we crossed paths, even if we never saw one another again, I would still accept you as a fellow traveler in this life and worthy of things like common courtesy and respect. It doesn't matter to me if you are a CD-er.

If I had no clue about your life as a CD I would be very curious and ask you tons of questions. I'm am curious by nature. I would be interested to know more. Depends on the CD if I find you attractive or not in a personal way.

[Sage GG]

A love that is strong enough to accept the drawbacks and restrictions for your own life.


Its all about the love, this wonderful being is my soul mate, my best friend, my lover. Together we have weathered the death of both our fathers and the birth of our grandchildren, we have stood together at one daughters joyous wedding and at the hospital waiting for the ambulance to arrive with our son after a serious head injury. I don't see cding as a restriction or a drawback, its a chance to express my love with acceptance, humor and on occasion a pair of red heels.

[Cheery GG]

This is a very good question...and i think we will all have slightly different slants on it.

For me....its ALL about love....if it werent for that strong emotion i would have walked away along time ago....i can say that with my hand on my heart !

I would have still been of the opinion that the world is full of diverse, imaganitive, wonderful, people out there. This would have taught me not to judge people on face value. It would have taught me to be respectful of the direction peoples lives are taking even if it wasnt mine.

This journey has tuaght me not just about cd/ts/ etc.....but more about myself, and for that i am grateful.....(sounds like a farewell speach...)

But i am in love....so very much in love with a wonderful, caring loving loyal, hoenst and truly amazing person....that person happens to be a ts....so what ? i'll deal with it, cos we have our love....

em
x

[Kerry Owens]

Love ....it's the linchpin...the glue...the bond that lifts us up to where we can glance back at the problems and see only the potential.
Love is what makes it possible for him to reach and hold me when I wake up screaming, and love is the strength to lay there, and trust him that he won't hurt me.
Where would I be without this love? It's a terrible place where for a tired heart there is no rest from the storms. Make no mistake of it, our life without love would be a empty, hopeless life.
I don't think any healthy growing relationship will thrive without love, for love makes the choice to believe. As our lives evolve and change it's love that opens the doors to tomorrow.

[Elsie GG]

Since Dian and I have been married almost 19 years (I have only known about Dian for a year) - Like Cheery, I am in love and part of that love is based upon the balance of the he/she that I find in my husband. As for friends, I enjoy being around (as Cheery put it) wonderful, caring, loving, loyal, honest and truly amazing people. I like to be around positive people who don't grandstand (i.e. drama queens) and who live their lives with integrity. If they are a part of the GLBT community is a non-issue.

[Sandra]

She is my friend, lover and soul mate, she is kind, caring, funny and at times sensitive and I love her with all my heart. Without that love we would not have lasted nearly 19 years together and life would be so not worth bothering with.

[Bev06 GG]

This journey has tuaght me not just about cd/ts/ etc.....but more about myself, and for that i am grateful.....(sounds like a farewell speach...)

em
x

I'd have to agree with that em. Ive learnt more about myself than anything else since Ive been around the CD scene. As for the love issue, yeah its love that keeps you together and helps you to try to understand a person whatever his or her little foibles. However, I do like people in general, so if I knew that a friend or aquaintance was a crossdresser I do feel that I'd have enought about me to support that person and show a healthy interest in what they wanted to do.
BEV

[weemoofrazz]

I would definatelt have to agree with much of what has been said already, I am new to the issue of CDing as I have in relative terms only just discovered Kirsteen and at this early stage I would have to attest that for me it is all about the love, true love shows understanding, compromise and above all else acceptance of another soul for who they are in their entirity and every secret they may have or any "baggage" they may carry.

I am and always have been an individual who lives life very much with a "live and let live" attitude, accepting of anything and I'de like to think anyone, regardless of race, colour or sexuality....I believe in "each to their own" particularly if it makes them happy and although Kirsteen aside I do not know anyone else in my life who enjoys CDing I would find such a side to someone, both interesting and unique and from that view would like to think that I would have acknowledged any friend/family's CDing positivly, I know I certainly would now!

[~Kitty GG~]

What would be left of your attitude towards a CD if you exclude this motive LOVE ?
Would it be attractive, interesting, annoying, a curiosity ... ?

If what you're asking here is how we would perceive a CD IF we didn't first find out about CDing from someone we love.. which is what I think you're asking.. Then I'd have to say that my experience before knowing about ~Dee~ was only what I saw on tv or movies. And then I thought it was curious and interesting. I didn't find it attractive or annoying.

When we would see a TV character who had any CD/TS issues I would always remark how difficult that must be for them. I'd also say that I wonder why they are that way.

Of course characters on TV aren't quite the real thing.

If there was someone that I came across in real life back then, I'm sure I would have been intrigued by it. IF I even noticed that the person wasn't a GG.. I wouldn't have laughed or thought less of them as a person but I wouldn't have thought any more of them either. It would be like when I see someone dressed very uniquely, in full goth mode for instance, or punk.. or even full religious dress.

If it was someone I knew but not my SO, then I would have been supportive and I'd have tried to learn as much as I could. From that point on it wouldn't be "a CD" it would be someone I care about and have a connection with. That's when I'd start to understand and be comfortable with it and show my support of them as a person.

Hope my answer isn't totally in the wrong direction from what you were asking.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[Jean GG]

compassion...I am a strong believer in compassion towards all living things! jean

[BrendaB GG]

Love is the glue that binds this relationship together. I would not stay for the kids sake, or the mortgage, or curiosity, or whatever... It is only the love that can make this work. I'm one of those that found out many years into the marriage that my husband is TS. IF the love wasn't there, neither would I be there. Only a marriage grounded in love could survive that kind of stress, IMO.
Brenda

[raksha GG]

compassion...I am a strong believer in compassion towards all living things! jean

That is very much my tilt on the subject, alongside acceptance of all the different variations in people in general, short, tall, thin, fat, loud, quiet - we are all DIFFERENT and so much harm comes from an inability to accept those differences......

[Marla S]

Thank you very much ladies for your replies.

I am very sorry that I am replying that late, but I had this thread always in mind.
Your answers irritated me and I didn’t know why. I didn’t even know anymore why I asked this question and what I expected as answer. So what should I have replied ?

Now that I know, it’s time to answer, though it might not be very agreeable one, and I probably don’t make friends. But be assured I appreciate your answers and bow my had for everyone of you. So, please don’t understand my answer as bashing.

I agree that love is the glue. But

I want to be loved for what I am, and not allowed to be what I am because I am loved (that's up to my mother).

I need to be accepted and respected, but I need no compassion.
(Though I might add that compassion has a positive and a negative connotation in German. I refer more to the negative one).

Just plain normal thinks everybody needs.

But obviously I am so much sickened and made submissive by the societies standards and biases that I needed one and a half month to realize this basic rights.

Thanks a lot ladies. A big step for me.

[GG Vanya]

I'm late responding to this...didn't see it before now...

I'll have to say...I accepted my husband as "Trudi" LONG before we were in love, in fact, we'd only been on a couple of dates when he told me.

I've said often, I can't apply that old adage: "I wish I'd met you when I was in my twenties, etc." because I KNOW I wouldn't have been ready for "her" at that age.

Maybe years change perspectives on alternate lifestyles, I dunno.

I also don't know why the "revelation" didn't shock me. I do know that my reaction was a surprise even to me. He'd been telling me that he had something he needed to tell me about himself, and my imagination had run rampant...so when he finally did tell me..I simply responded: OK, and??

I was married twice previously, once at the tender age of 18, and the result was disasterous...didn't last long. Second marriage lasted 20 LONG anguishing years, and there was so little passion that we ended up like room mates. Both of those marriages were to men older than me...dunno if that was a factor.

I can say with absolute honesty: My love and my life with Trudi (together 8, married 7) is beyond my wildest hopes and dreams. There is a level of trust and honesty between us that gives me such a feeling of peace. I've said this before, but I'll say it one more time: Trudi "IS", the epitome of the "sensitive man"~he is kind and considerate the the Nth degree. There is a degree of being able to empathize with me about things female. Never have I been loved by a man who puts me on a pedestal and considers my needs, wants, desires and wishes as Trudi does. Is this because he is a CD? Or is this because this is just the sort of man he is? I haven't the answer for that.

Sorry for the ramble...What I'm saying is...Love didn't have anything to do with my acceptance...that came before the love. But love has definitely affected my 'relationship' with "Trudi". It was a profound moment when I realized that I not only "love" her as much as I do him, I NEED her in my life.

As Trudi said to me early on: Don't Love me because you Need me, Need me because you Love me.

[Joy Carter]

Love is all you need every thing else falls into place.

[Marla S]

Love is all you need every thing else falls into place.

Your right. But you first have to love and respect yourself to give love and to be loved, and that's not easy as a CD.

[chantelle]

Without love we are nothing. And according to philosophy nothing is impossible, so I would say that u could never take love out of the equation.
SO that renders this thread a bit moot.
Love
Chantelle.

[Lisa Golightly]

moot.

I love that word

[~Kitty GG~]

I want to be loved for what I am, and not allowed to be what I am because I am loved (that's up to my mother).

I need to be accepted and respected, but I need no compassion.
(Though I might add that compassion has a positive and a negative connotation in German. I refer more to the negative one).

Since a lot of us didn't find out about our SO's TG issues until late in the day.. we see it from this perspective. That we love them and so we could continue to love them.

Its hard to love someone for what they are if you don't know what they are.

In Dee's & my position.. we probably wouldn't have hooked up if she had known and accepted herself as TS before we met. We probably wouldn't have progressed to a love relationship. So I am happy that things worked out this way.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[Marla S]

Its hard to love someone for what they are if you don't know what they are.

You're absolutely right and my answer wasn't meant to blame anything on you.
The contrary. It turnes out that it is really most important that we as CDs and TSs have to come to terms with ourselves first (as early as possible) and I think that means to come to terms with the societies view, to give you GGs a fair chance to deal with it, but also to protect our self-respect.
Luckily, sometimes it seems to work out during a relationship, but I think it would be better and more honest for all of us if we knew our position before starting a relationship.

So maybe one of the most important things on this CD thing is to pave the way to gain self-respect. I am happy you are already helping. THANKS FOR THIS

[~Kitty GG~]

I didn't think you were blaming me.. or any GG.

We can only work with what we have afterall. I'm happy to share my experiences, perceptions, and opinions.


Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[gia GG]

My attitude is the same as it is for anyone else. We are all people, we all have difference and we need to embrace those differences. There are CDs we like and don't like just like there are men, women, whoever we like and don't like.

I guess sure I would say curiosity but I am curious by nature. I like learning about new things and experiences other people have. I guess also a respect for allowing yourself to be who you are and not always acting like someone you are not. In anyone's life you have to ocassionally put on a show for the situation but when you can open up and be real, that is where the real building blocks for any friendship are started.

[Khriss]

an old line on "freindship" was .. You know all their faults.. and trust them anyways ..... "love" is deeper no doubt, but including ...?