Been a long time...

[britney1]

Hello everyone. I first of all want to thank everyone for your private messages making sure I am allright. Yes I am, still married, happily, although cd'ing is not part of our marriage. I guess you could say that I am purging right now. I didn't though away all my stuff, I just put in a box and havn't got it out in a while. Sure every once and awhile I get out some lipstick, I have even put the wig on for a brief moment, but I havn't dressed en femme in almost 6 months. Maybe it was because of the pain I caused my wife, maybe it's shame, maybe I have just lost intresest. Not really sure.

As many of you know, while my wife was out of town in December, I did venture out to a CD social event. Interesting is a good way to describe it. Although it wasn't anything like I expected. I expected everyone to not only look femme, but to act a little more femme as well. When in reality, it was a bunch of guys hanging out at a bar dressed in womens clothing. It really seemed no more than a Halloween party where everyone wore a different version of the same costume. I took several pictures and some other people emailed me pictures as well. I think the results of those pictures and the feelings I got from viewing them is what killed my urge to feel all femmy.

After reviewing the pictures of me from that event, I realized that no matter how much makeup, beastforms, lipstick, wigs, sexy clothes, fake nails, shapeware, shaved legs, high heels, etc ... that I try to accessorize myself with to appear to be and feel of the opposiste gender, there are certain manly features of myself that I will never be able to dispose of. Basically, I will always be a man in womens clothing.

When I came to realize that, it just sort of took a lot of the thrill and fun out of dressing. So that, coupled with the doubters and flamers in the forum, I have for all intesive purposes, lost most of my interest to dress. I am sure at some point the urge will overcome the self control, and out it will all come again. A pretty dressed man wearing makeup will enjoy his strutting and shaking around the "closet" and then back to reality.

Anyways, enough rambling. I am not dead, divorced, depressed, or disappeared, but just been away for a while.

Thanks for all the support and friendly comments. Feel free to contact me if you would like.

[Wendy me]

good to see you and rember we are here so stop in when you want to...and rember sometimes it is what it is and nouthing more ..........

[Tracy_Victoria]

One thing to remember in this situation is if you can't or feel you don't appear 100% fem it is still not the end of enjoying your dressing. Thankfully Woman come in all shapes and sizes, and as there efeminate males, there are also masculing woman. it not just a Male (bang) female divide with a clear cut division.

Acting, and being confident in the role you appears as is as much a secret as a good wig and make over. ie it's a mindset issue as well as a costume!

good luck with however you decide to go forward.

[chris]

hi britney,
what you wrote today pretty much sums my feelings re cd'ing at this moment in my life...i'm just not into it like i was a year ago. i almost think it was some sort of phase that's come and gone. i've never gone to a cd gathering but it sounds like you experienced exactly what i thought it would be like ie; a bunch of guys dressed as girls...a year ago i was so into it i was dressing like three times a week, taking pix and even posting some (which i've since removed) and i even told my wife ! but somewhere along the line the urges have simply gone away...i still have all my stuff but i'm seriously considering tossing it all out...so that's where i'm at. bye for now...

[Carlacd]

Welcome back to the forums. Glad things are going some what good for you.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Britney

Glad to hear you're all right and such, I did send you some PMs but never heard back from you. Do what you gotta do for yourself, and remember we're always here for you.

Karen

[EricaCD]

Hi Britney - sorry we didn't overlap when you were more active here. Coming off a long break myself I certainly understand where you are coming from. Sensible decision not to actually purge but rather to box away. Maybe your desire to dress will come back, maybe not - but why surrender to the awful symbol of purging.

Enjoy your life! God knows there's more to it than dressing.

Erica

PS: I have only been here a couple months but I think the forum is more-or-less over whatever nastiness was going on late last year. So don't be afraid to drop by

[Kate Simmons]

Nothing wrong with being yourself Britney. It's the person inside who counts after all. As long as you are happy. Nice meeting you, Ericka

[size7satin]

Nice seein you around these parts!

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

As long as you're happy, that's the important thing.

That said -- and I'm not trying to talk you into dressing again, I'm really speaking to others who haven't ventured out -- meeting other CDs for the first time can be a bit of a let down.

We've all quite good at seeing what we what to see when we look in the mirror. Seeing others can be a bit of cold water in the face about what we look like ourselves. Few us have bodies and features that look like supermodels (and for that matter neither do most women), although as Tracy Victoria points out, women come in all shapes in sizes. I've see GW who are a tall and broad as I am and GW with facial features similar to mine. Are they a minority? Yes, but they do exist.

The other let down can be the realization that just because someone else is a CD that doesn't necessarily mean you'll have much else in common -- which is pretty much true in my experience of meeting people in any other "single-interest" group.

I've approached going out with other CDs (at TG events) just like any other group I belong to, you go out enough and eventually you find people who are on the same wavelength as you, and those are the people you cultivate friendships with.

[jamie_44]

Britney, I'm glad to hear your fine and that your relationship with your wife is good. Enjoyed your posts on this forum.

[KathrynW]

After reviewing the pictures of me from that event, I realized that no matter how much makeup, beastforms, lipstick, wigs, sexy clothes, fake nails, shapeware, shaved legs, high heels, etc ... that I try to accessorize myself with to appear to be and feel of the opposiste gender, there are certain manly features of myself that I will never be able to dispose of. Basically, I will always be a man in womens clothing.

Britney: I hear you...big time...
You can probably hear hundreds of reasons from hundreds of people on this forum as to "why" we cd. Passing is not at all important to quite a few people here. But, passing is *everything* the way I see it.
And yes, let's face the facts...there are some here who can pass 100%, at least in the pics I've seen posted here. Of course, in person...maybe not so much.
But...some of us need to be honest and realize that we're not passable and will likely never be. Personally, what I've seen in the mirror has never matched up with the image I've seen in my mind. And why should it? I'm a guy. Guys aren't supposed to wear girl's clothes.
Oh sure, I've heard all the "Oh, don't worry about it, just be yourself" theories on this, but that school of thought doesn't work for me at all. I can't, and never will be able wrap my head about that concept. Most of these folks are the in-your-face CD's, who could care less what society thinks. And that's fine, if it works for them...but it's just not me.
I'm not trying to sound negative....but some of us are wired quite differently concerning our thoughts on CD-ing. Oh well...that's reality...I deal with it....

[Mary Jane]

I too am very glad to hear you are OK and are still married. We all have to do what we feel is right for us. I hope you come by from time to time to say hello. AND, I did not see a man in a dress when I looked at YOUR pics. You presented youself very well.

[Jean GG]

Gosh...wish you posted more about this when you have the time. As a newcomer, welcome the added perspective. jean

[Jennaie]

I can remember when I was 16, I looked about 22 or even older. I could go out to night clubs and not get carded. I would not go to the clubs with friends who were my age though. Because if I was with someone my age the bartender would take one look and say, I need to see two ID's.

For this same reason, I have no desire to go out with other Cd's, especially large groups of them, many of whom don't care if they pass or not. I don't want my cover blown. My ability to pass is what I would consider borderline already, I go out with a cd who looks like a man in a dress and they see her with me and think, Oh, well now thats a guy too.

Unlike others here who like to go out in skirts, stockings and heels, I dress in jeans, and tennis shoes or very low casual heels. I suppose I would rather be a frump and pass than dress hot and not. I do realize that there are some who can pass in skirts and stockings, I wish I could, but I do think I am rather "cute" in my jeans and tennis shoes, for an old lady anyway.

I tried going out and passing several years ago and failed miserably. It caused me to quit dressing as well, for several years to be exact. When the desire to dress again was so overwhelming that I could no longer resist, I decided that I was going to do it different this time. I decided to "copy" what the regular girls my age were wearing, it worked. It also helped to have a nice hip and butt enhancer and a wig that didn't have that "wig look".

[Holly]

Britney, it has been a long time. Glad you've stopped in and that things are settled down at home. As far as dressing... do what is best for you. However, a word of caution; we are our own worst critics. What you see in your photos will not be what others see. Whatever decision you reach concerning your own dressing activities (or lack thereof) you are welcome here.