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Thread: I finally told her..

  1. #1
    Melora / Katie Melora's Avatar
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    I finally told her..

    Last night, My wife and I drank some Absinthe. We were NOT drunk. We opened up to each other last night, really great! We were discussing "What would make our sex life more interesting.., AND NOT TO keep the truth from each other..." She actually admitted to me that she "might have some Lesbian desires.., But would never actually fulfill them".. And I told her that I would like to experement with X-Dressing.. That it may be QUITE erotic, AND that I might find some other CDs kinda attractive as well. She thought that this was Cool! = I DID NOT however tell her of my past hobbie. What I ask of my sisters, on this forum, on this thread.. Do you think that I should keep my Fem "Stash"..A Secret, or bring it out to her a little Bit at a time..OR.. Telll her all, and dress in my familiar stuff, OR should I keep silent and let her Suggest/buy me more new Clothes? ALSO.. How should I bring up the case that I would like to have breasts when I dress, what should I use or suggest? I like Water baloons, Is this good? Please give Melora some feedback and advise....
    Love always...
    Melora
    Last edited by Melora; 06-22-2006 at 04:46 AM.

  2. #2
    Is it just me or......... Carroll's Avatar
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    oh, thats a tuff one. On one hand being honest and telling her the truth might be accepted well because she thought it would be cool. On the other hand she may just slap you in the face and think you might be gay. Here is a good place to go and read what I wrote about the subject. Just look for the Jan 10 2004 and Jan 28 2004 articles. http://www.vickyvogue.com/crossdresspage2.html
    Drumming, My other hobby

  3. #3
    The Girl Next Door Sally24's Avatar
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    We all come out to our spouces a different way and time. Just do a search on the forum on "coming out". You'll find many posts on the subject. You seem to have made a good start. See if you both can incorporate your desires together and see how that goes. You'll have to gauge how she is reacting but I would try to go slow, take your time.

    Good Luck!

    Sally

  4. #4
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    Go as slow as you need to go, dear. She's open, but probably not ready for a hit with a sledge hammer. Perhaps the next time you two share any intimacy, you could ask her if she has a teddy you could wear for her....or something like that.

    Any money found in the laundry is MINE!


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  5. #5
    Junior Member karen fox's Avatar
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    It sounds like your wife would be well up for it no matter WHAT you tell her about your favourite hobby (so to be so blunt)! I think you should be COMPLETELY open with her and tell her all about your stash. She may not want to see it, but from what you've said, she will give you the green light!
    She may even want to borrow a few items!
    That's what I think anyway.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Bev06 GG's Avatar
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    Melora,
    I'd ask her again whilst not under any influence of alchohol how she feels about what you discussed. She may not have been drunk, but alcohol does have a habit of loosening inhibitions etc and it could just be pure fantasy. That said I'd always go for the honesty card, living a lie must be hell for some of you girls and can only bring heartache long term. I'd be frightened to death of being caught out so coming clean has to be the best option if you feel you'll get the green light.
    BEVxxxx

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by karen fox
    It sounds like your wife would be well up for it no matter WHAT you tell her about your favourite hobby (so to be so blunt)! I think you should be COMPLETELY open with her and tell her all about your stash. She may not want to see it, but from what you've said, she will give you the green light!
    She may even want to borrow a few items!
    That's what I think anyway.
    That's what i'd say...

    She's opened the door...

    You have to walk thru it...

    I met my SO (7 yrs & counting) when I was dressed.

    Especially if you get drunk & loose and open up, see what she says...

  8. #8
    ~Dee~s GG always&forever ~Kitty GG~'s Avatar
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    I agree with Bev's suggestion to bring the subject up again without the alcohol.

    If she is still open and in favor of honesty then I believe its best to be truthful with her.

    If you tell her little bits and then later are caught out it could be very hurtful since you had the
    Quote Originally Posted by Melora
    AND NOT TO keep the truth from each other..."
    talk.

    If you have a stash and she could either stumble on it. Or you may decide you want to wear something from the stash. If you're pretending that you only have the items she's buying for you that would show your dishonesty.

    Another point to consider: what do you want from her? If you are only being partially honest, would it be ok for her to only be partially honest? Would you want to find out later or be kept in the dark forever if she had more to tell then what she has let out? And do you think she was being totally honest? Is it fair if she's told you her deep dark secret and you've held back?

    Love & Hugs
    ~Kitty~
    [SIZE="2"]Love is trusting
    Love is honest
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  9. #9
    Banned Read only connie rotten's Avatar
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    Exclamation go slowly

    Each to their own as the saying goes. She may be hinting at her own little lesbian secret. It just apears to me you may not be the only one using lies of omission in your home.
    My sister had lesbian affairs going on for years before she let her husband know. A woman's desire for another woman is much differant than a man's mind ( no matter how fem we think we are ) can comprehend.
    I have more Lesbian friends than any other guy I know.I have descussed lesbianism in length with many women over the years. I dare say this conversation you had is not all about you. I posted a comment in a thread about "women listen men do not listen". Girlfriend take time to listen in this matter. Your wife has set a clue out to you of something lacking far above sex.
    So I say again go slowly you need to listen to her.
    PS: I really am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Hi Melora

    I agree with Connie Go slow
    You can just rush in after one conversation. you need to talk more and maybe try something simple to see how she reacts. I would be very careful before revealing all.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  11. #11
    PROUD OWNER OF ADORA nettiereno GG's Avatar
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    Telling spouse all

    Hi,

    I personally like to know what is up, so prefer complete honesty. I am sure you know your wife, and can take it from there regarding your decision.

    My adora is a male lesbian, and it is wonderful. Perhaps you can have that type of relationship with your wife, at times.

    Good luck!

    Annette
    "Not one bit of my self worth is tied up in your acceptance." Phil McGraw

  12. #12
    looking for friends in CO LaceyDee's Avatar
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    I wish you the best Melora (and kisses from Lacey). If you have broken the ice with your spouse regarding crossdressing, ask her to pick up some fem things for both of you to share. I have had sex with my wife dressed in panties and nightie that she bought for me and she was very excited by this. So then it will be easier to then go shopping for some of your own things. Baby steps!! I wish you the best of luck hun.

  13. #13
    Mild-mannered member Marla GG's Avatar
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    Hi Melora,

    I can understand why you'd be tempted to let her think that this crossdressing thing is a new idea that you "would like to experiment with." It seems like it would be a lot easier than telling her your whole history, right? But I don't think it's a good plan, and I'll tell you why.

    Even if she is open to exploring your "new" interest, there is every chance that the two of you will run into issues along the way that need to be dealt with, and it will be very hard for you to talk honestly and openly about your feelings if you have to pretend that you have never crossdressed before. Also, what if she tries it with you once and decides that she just isn't that into it? You will be left with no way to explain to her how important it is to you, without admitting that you lied before, which won't help matters at all.

    If I were you, I'd pick a time when you are both sober and in the right mood to discuss matters of the heart. and I'd say something like "Sweetheart, remember when we discussed the idea of me wanting to wear women's clothes? Well, I am a little shy about this, which is why I never told you before, but actually it is not a new idea for me, it is a desire that's been with me all my life, and I think it's time I opened up to you about it, because I want us to share everything." And then I would tell her at least the basics and answer her questions honestly.

    As for her having lesbian fantasies....don't assume that means she will be attracted to you in femme mode. Being attracted to women is a different thing than being attracted to your husband dressed as a woman, so don't take too much for granted.:winking: It does sound like she is open-minded and willing to expand her horizons though, which bodes well for the two of you.

    Good luck and keep us posted!

    Hugs,
    Marla xx
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    Then the people stare
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  14. #14
    Member Sophia Rearen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marla GG
    Hi Melora,

    I can understand why you'd be tempted to let her think that this crossdressing thing is a new idea that you "would like to experiment with." It seems like it would be a lot easier than telling her your whole history, right? But I don't think it's a good plan, and I'll tell you why.

    Even if she is open to exploring your "new" interest, there is every chance that the two of you will run into issues along the way that need to be dealt with, and it will be very hard for you to talk honestly and openly about your feelings if you have to pretend that you have never crossdressed before. Also, what if she tries it with you once and decides that she just isn't that into it? You will be left with no way to explain to her how important it is to you, without admitting that you lied before, which won't help matters at all.

    If I were you, I'd pick a time when you are both sober and in the right mood to discuss matters of the heart. and I'd say something like "Sweetheart, remember when we discussed the idea of me wanting to wear women's clothes? Well, I am a little shy about this, which is why I never told you before, but actually it is not a new idea for me, it is a desire that's been with me all my life, and I think it's time I opened up to you about it, because I want us to share everything." And then I would tell her at least the basics and answer her questions honestly.

    As for her having lesbian fantasies....don't assume that means she will be attracted to you in femme mode. Being attracted to women is a different thing than being attracted to your husband dressed as a woman, so don't take too much for granted.:winking: It does sound like she is open-minded and willing to expand her horizons though, which bodes well for the two of you.

    Good luck and keep us posted!

    Hugs,
    Marla xx
    Can you copywrite a post? That's good stuff, Marla.
    [SIZE=4]Sophia[/SIZE]

  15. #15
    Gold Member dancinginthedark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melora
    Last night, My wife and I drank some Absinthe. We were NOT drunk. We opened up to each other last night, really great! We were discussing "What would make our sex life more interesting.., AND NOT TO keep the truth from each other..." She actually admitted to me that she "might have some Lesbian desires.., But would never actually fulfill them".. And I told her that I would like to experement with X-Dressing.. That it may be QUITE erotic, AND that I might find some other CDs kinda attractive as well. She thought that this was Cool! = I DID NOT however tell her of my past hobbie. What I ask of my sisters, on this forum, on this thread.. Do you think that I should keep my Fem "Stash"..A Secret, or bring it out to her a little Bit at a time..OR.. Telll her all, and dress in my familiar stuff, OR should I keep silent and let her Suggest/buy me more new Clothes? ALSO.. How should I bring up the case that I would like to have breasts when I dress, what should I use or suggest? I like Water baloons, Is this good? Please give Melora some feedback and advise....
    Love always...
    Melora
    Melora,
    Hmmm this sounds familiar. My hubby and I were feeling close after talking and drinking a bit and like you and yours we were discussing our marriage, our sex life and honesty. I confessed my being bi-sexual and how I still found women attractive. Nothing I would ever act on now as we are married, but just a “there it is, thought you should know” kind of thing. Of course he was all sympathy and all ears. LOL Quite some time later he confessed he liked to wear my stockings on occasion but not a real CD. (I knew nothing about CD-ing then so I never linked that to CD-ing at all. Just a fetish I thought.) I was surprised but okay. Until, that is I had to go through several mini confessions to get to the actual truth that he is in fact a CD-er and stockings are not the only things he likes to wear like he implied. Not what I was expecting to hear several years into a marriage. I think it would have been better had he been able to tell all the first time we had that conversation rather than doling the facts out a little at a time to get to the actual truth. I am not talking walking out of the bath fully dressed and my fainting dead away mind you, just a bit more to the point and not so the long way around to the facts.I wish you and your wife well whichever course you decide to take. Like many others have said honesty works best. You don’t have to remember what you said that way since the truth stays better darn consistent.
    Last edited by dancinginthedark; 06-22-2006 at 01:30 PM.

  16. #16
    Haley Pink~
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    Hmmm?

    Tough call!

    I did the little at a time thing. This piece of clothing or that for a while thing. Like cammi to bed thing for about 6 months. Then panties for a while with a cammi. Then later a Bra with the cammi and panties. Slow and deliberate choices. Very well thought through plans. So then when She said I needed a Doctor or a support group I joined a support group and am now totaly out to Her and a few others.

    Best of luck.
    Haley P. Kemp

  17. #17
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    I am a great believer in conversations not held under the influence of alcohol. They just don't end up mirroring everyday convictions accurately enough to be of much help.

    For some of the wilder parties I've worked we have a no or extremely limited alcohol policy, precisely because we don't want people who have chemically lowered their inhibitions, we want people who did that within themselves, stone cold sober. It makes a huge difference.

    drank some Absinthe. We were NOT drunk. > sure, that's what they all say. Another group of 'responsible absinthe users' heard from? I'm not even sure Absinthe gets you drunk in a conventional way, its a different drug to be sure.

    So go slow and go sober

  18. #18
    Out for a walk EricaCD's Avatar
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    Can't say it any better.....

    I was going to post here but there is absolutely no way I can improve on what Marla said.

    Erica
    For photos on flickr, my user name is cd_erica_f

  19. #19
    Melora / Katie Melora's Avatar
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    Thank YOU ALL SOO MUCH! Kisses to all. Lots of great advice to be sure.
    To add to my story..Our conversation started while we were working on a painting. She told me that a girl had hit on her while she was at a party. I asked her how did it make her feel. She told me that it was kind of like a compliment but kind of spooky as well, because she knows that she was married to me. She told me that she has had a huge crush on Madonna ever since she was a little girl. Three of her best friends are all Bi- and have told her so and/or have hit on her. This she confessed to me the other night as well.
    About all of the advice, I will take it slowly and I WILL reveal it ALL to her a little at a time. Thanks to the Absenth, (a little different alcohol "high" I assure), We were able to open the door. When Melora does bring this up next, she will be sober I promise. We did tak about the other night just this morning, and she still seems quite interested, so I look forward to my weekend. I will post future results about my little adventure to come.
    Love always
    Melora..

  20. #20
    Junior Member simonep's Avatar
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    Good luck, honesty is the best road. A lie trips us all up. We have to remember which lie we used!!

    Love

    Simone 0.02

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Noel Chimes's Avatar
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    Go For It Like A Train Wreck

    Just a thought ,call her while she is away from the house and see what type of mood she is in. If she is in a good mood, tell her you have a surprise when you bet home. however you must come home alone. Tell her you have been thining about what she told you when you opened up to each other.
    When she comes home, come out looking like a train wreck. After she gets a good laugh : let her give you a makeover. What a better way to get the ground rules and priorities out in the open.
    If the clothes make the man then the makeup makes the woman.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melora
    Last night, My wife and I drank some Absinthe. We were NOT drunk. We opened up to each other last night, really great!
    I'd get another bottle of Absinthe ready, and have a few more drinks - she's bound to be responsive

    after all, you know what they say

    "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder"











    I'll get me coat .......

  23. #23
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    WOW. Lucky girl!! As far as speed, I'd take it slow, at her speed. Been way too many girls that thought they had full acceptence and did the fully dressed jump out of the closet (Surprise!!!) Only to have their SO's opinion swing 180 degrees the wrong way. Lol. And you might want to wait on the beasts too! Might become appearent quickley that you've done more than think about crossdressing. Else the fine birdseed in an old nylon is a good starter breat. I still use mine when all the time when I travel light. LOL. Those silicone forms have bumped me over the max suitcase weight a number of times. Probably enough to pay for a new set. Hehe. And the wife asked me what was that additional charge on your last business trip?? Hmmmm. It was a surcharge or a tax on something! Right, a crossdressing surcharge. (Grin)

    Love Karren
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  24. #24
    Melora / Katie Melora's Avatar
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    Thanks girls for Everything..I will keep you all updated..

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