Reality Check?

[Tracy_Victoria]

I know we all have some form of desire (even Fantasies) in our dressings, but I read many posts on here that just seem to want to take this (what I call a hobby!) way to far? Myself I'm happy to arrange my hobby around my family who are far more important to me, than my crossdressing, however no matter what I've tried I can't stop doing this, therefore I have learn over the years to balance the two, but it seems some here, just want to go further, and futher! (and before we go any further, my partner is fully aware of my desire to dress, and is well aware of Tracy!)

Myself I know I can never be a woman (and don't wish to be so anyway!) I don't have a womb for a start and never will have, and dispite any other simular factors, ie I do have small hands, I'm well under six foot tall, etc! To me I dress, enjoy it, and then move on. I don't dwell on it. during the day I might (okay I do) think about ways I can enhance my dressing different ways I can make what I have, look more feminine, but I'm really not interested in wearing heels all day, or going to the town/city/work wearing ladies underwear under my male clothes (I nearly put drab there, but I didn't maybe that adds a bit more to what I'm trying to say here!) Ie as Male I'm happy in boxers or underpants, when dressing thats when I want to wear my fem ones!!!

What I'm trying to get at here, is how many other are out there feel like me, ie this is just a hobby, and just arrange there dressing arround there family, not expect there family to arrange thereselves around their dressing. I'm sure my partner is not the only partner that knows there partners dresses and they (and their SO) both visit here, and then read what sometimes, even I think are some really off the wall stories and desires (but each to there own!). I can't be the only one that just arranges his dressing to suit the family (can I?)

Another reason for this post, is as well as some of our partners looking in and reading all the comments here, I'm sure there will be others who have carried there fantasy way to far and it ended up burning them. Sadly I can speak of knowing someone I knew, who actually did this. In there case, they fully believed they wanted SRS, and did everything they could to ensure they had the surgery, they did, and they were not TS, they were TV, you can imaging the outcome.

What I'm getting at here, is to me my dressing is just a bit of fun (and always has been even before I was married) I'm well aware there are girls here that are Bi, Gay, and full time dressers and this is not a pop at you, so please don't think it is as this post is not about sexual desires, but more lifestyle! what this post is really about and for is for those of us that have SO's and for others reading in in the same cercumstances, and to let them know that there are guys out there that just dress, and then move on. we don't have a desire to be 24/7 we are happy to be part time girls (and happy to put our fem self in a box, for the majority of our time.

Ie this post is not about the volume you dress, nor what you do when you are dressed en fem, ie it would not matter if you dressed once every six months, or every single day, it a case of is your dressing over when you change, or do you need more and more, ie you fully change back to male, and job done all over! Or does it have to carry on every minute of the day!

I'm sure I'm not the only one, that when over, it over and done with till next time? are there others, like me out there?

Your comments on this would be interesting

[RikkiOfLA]

You're right, Tracy. There is no reason to overdo crossdresing--and as you mention, lots of good reasons not to overdo it. Family, friends, job, community respect--these are all important.

Crossdressing is not a competitive sport, and it's wise to resist the urge to compare ourselves with others. Each of us is unique, and if the urge to dress comes and goes, that's great. Consider yourself blessed if that's you.

I wouldn't live full time unless I had to. If there was a little green pill that would make it all go away, I would take it, believe me. Even though I've been full time for eight years. When I started dressing, I really believed that one day my desires would end. "Been there, done that"--I thought I'd get to that stage. Some CDers do. But it never happened.

And there is no little green pill. The best we can do is to accept ourselves, wherever that leads us. And be happy when we find that place. And from that point on, focus our energy on what really makes life worthwhile, namely, our love for our family, and what we can do for others.

The words of the old song are so true...

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free.
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be.
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
We'll be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend, we shan't be ashamed.
To turn, turn, will be our delight
Till by turning, turning, we come round right.

Rikki

[Rickie]

"What I'm getting at here, is to me my dressing is just a bit of fun (and always has been even before I was married) I'm well aware there are girls here that are Bi, Gay, and full time dressers and this is not a pop at you, so please don't think it is as this post is not about sexual desires, but more lifestyle! what this post is really about and for is for those of us that have SO's and for others reading in in the same cercumstances, and to let them know that there are guys out there that just dress, and then move on. we don't have a desire to be 24/7 we are happy to be part time girls (and happy to put our fem self in a box, for the majority of our time."

I really think if the SO and others reading this site. Read this site see they CD come in all kinds of package. There's been polls and threads proving this over and over. Classifling all CD the same, is like saying all men are butthole and women want is the money.

We maybe CDers but we're people first

[Kate Simmons]

Just want to say, I'm to the point where I control whether I'm Ericka or Richard when I want. I control it and it does not control me. It used to until I got the balance I needed. Now I seem to be on more of an even keel. Ericka

[Lilith Moon]

I must beg to differ from the people who have posted so far.

I don't crossdress much, due to circumstances, but my drive to dress and the intensity of my desires is much, much more than a hobby or just a bit of fun. When I do get chance I choose to dress femme 24/7 and last time this happened I sobbed when I had to go back to dreary boy mode.

So, my life does not have "balance". It isn't that I "want to take this way too far" and it isn't just a game. If it were then all of my problems would be over, I could simply stop.

For me, Lilith isn't a pretend persona who I get out when convenient and for a bit of fun. Lilith is a name I use in here and in reality here's only one me inside my skull. The person who has the intense need to present as female is me whether I'm dressed or not. It is me who feels the need to dress and it is me who feels at peace only when I'm dressed.

To those who have found peace in their interest and who have managed to find a balance that gives due priority to their loved ones and themselves I say well done. But, for many of us, it is not like that at all.

[cindybarnes]

Hi Tracy
Good post! I am happy calling myself a "part time " girl.
Its hard to explain why I can go months without dressing, or sometimes feel like dressing several nights a week , but as long as there is that balance between my two sides Im content. I have seen others get a little acceptance then go overboard and crash too,,sometimes no matter how many friends warn them they still do it.
We all have different situations , and I hope everyone can find a way to be happy however they have to do it

Cindy

[Calliope]

... there are guys out there that just dress, and then move on. we don't have a desire to be 24/7 we are happy to be part time girls (and happy to put our fem self in a box, for the majority of our time.

Doesn't have to be either / or. I prefer to mix it up. Say, it's picking the kid up from school, I'll put my hair in high pig-tails yet wear my usual guy clothes. I only shave once a week (Don Johnson look) so, with that to offset the super-fem hair running down my shoulders, I go about my daily business just fine.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I do consider my dressing to be a hobby, but it's a very intense hobby.

I don't feel like I put Alyssa away when I am not dressed up, because there is nothing of her to put away. I am me regardless of whether or not I'm presenting myself as male or female. I guess I would consider myself a "part time" girl too because basically what I refer to as "Alyssa" is just myself when I'm feeling particularly girly. I don't think this is a whole other persona though, just like I don't feel like I'm a different persona than my normal self if I'm in a particularly frisky mood or in a bad mood. In truth, Alyssa is hardly more than a screen name. She's not a girl inside my begging to get out, and I don't feel like a female side is my real self. The COGIATI test, which I know is not scientific, said a few years ago that I was a male with a slightly androgynous brain. I think that is a pretty apt description.

As far as finding it wrong to arrange your family around your dressing, that's what family is all about, arranging each other around your various lifestyles and interests. It should be a give and take on both sides of the fence, not all one way or the other.

[Karren H]

Family first.....Karren is low on the food chain around here. But on the other hand it doesn't mean that I want to dress less often. Just that work, family and ice hockey...ohhh and sleep...take up a lot of time right now!!! So I jump at the chance to dress when and where I can.

Like tommorow!!! Yehhhhhhhh Going down a day early for a business meeting on Monday morning. And I'm traveling down enfemme and spending the entire evening and night up until just before the meeting starts as Karren or Kandi or..... (dinner, shopping, a movie maybe, some webcamming, and maybe some sleep...lol) Hopefully the meeting will not last toooo long so I can dress and head back north and maybe do some shopping on the way home!!!

Love Karren

[Joanna0909a]

This is a good thread.

I like others have struggled to find just where "Joanna" is as far as my whole. For such a long time I considered myself messed up and was just green with envy of guys that did not have this issue. How many all man meetings did I sit thru thinking "I'll bet I am the only one around this table wishing they were wearing a bra and panty hose."

No, we really do have to find that balance and determine just how much say the femme side of us has in our own lives. It is true that as family, it is give and take. And like Karren, Joanna is down there pretty low. However, when she gets her time in the sun, I try and make it as educational (seeing life from a female's view) and fun as possible. Do I like dressing? I love it. I love to feel, look and be addressed as a woman. But at the end, Joanna must go and sit down. She can have her input as to how I conduct my life the majoity of the time, but she comes out only when the time is right. Like right now she has been out most of the week and having fun, but the party ends tomorrow. And I am OK with that. I know another time will come and I will enjoy that part of me again. The bottom line is you have to find the balance and it is extremely hard to do since it is so easy to go off the deep end. But if you do that, you run the risk of drowing, and that would be sad.

So much for Joanna's $.02 worth!

Hugs! Joanna

[BlueKat]

I'm sure I'm not the only one, that when over, it over and done with till next time? are there others, like me out there?

Tracy: Excellent point. It's all about self control. We control the CD-ing, the CD-ing doesn't control us. I don't want to sound mean at all, but some CD's are some of the most self centered/self absorbed people I've ever seen. Get things in perspective.

[Kristen Kelly]

Tracy: Excellent point. It's all about self control. We control the CD-ing, the CD-ing doesn't control us. I don't want to sound mean at all, but some CD's are some of the most self centered/self absorbed people I've ever seen. Get things in perspective.

[SIZE="3"]We are all different, no one person is "correct" you can only be correct for yourself, we dress to different degrees and see outselves differently. I changed when I accepted just who I am, I have a very strong feminine side, and after opening up my eyes I went over the top for a few months, reality has set back in by itself, had things to do and my dressing stopped taking priority, "for now". I am a little selfish but its a tough world and if you dont look out for #1 few others will[/SIZE]

[SIZE="4"]Don't condem anyone till you've walked a mile in their "PUMPS"[/SIZE]

[Rachel Morley]

For me, I have a strong feminine side to my personality and so I feel like I'm never really in "male mode" ....just degrees of femme-ness (if thats a word).

I'm always wearing something girly and I don't consider my dressing a "hobby" that I might do with the frequency of say, swimming, or cycliing, or playing golf or whatever. My dressing is a integral part of my personality that is always there . I just sometimes choose not to express it so forcefully (en femme) sometimes it shows up more subtlely (dressed as a slightly feminized male)....but it's always there in some form.

[Lynn]

Who do you think you are? To me your post was bashing people, who have had this desire since they were very young. This IS NOT a HOBBY for me. Where do you get your nerve to tell me to take a reality check ? You need the reality check ! I hope management deletes your post !

[Toyah]

Who do you think you are? To me your post was bashing people, who have had this desire since they were very young. This IS NOT a HOBBY for me. Where do you get your nerve to tell me to take a reality check ? You need the reality check ! I hope management deletes your post !

I am sorry but I had to reply to this particular post, I understand that there are some here that are so serious about this which to be honest takes em to TS.
But really if you cannot take others opinions without slagging them then really you cannot be a very nice person.
For me dressing is just a hobby and a fun one at that if I cannot laugh at myself or life really, it is not worth carrying on

[Marla S]

It is quite simple. These two statements don't fit together

... Myself I'm happy to arrange my hobby around my family who are far more important to me, than my crossdressing, however no matter what I've tried I can't stop doing this,....

A hobby can be stoped at any time, can be changed, can be redirected etc.; CDing can not.
Certain aspects might be a hobby, i.e. shopping, taking pictures, or it might be lived as a hobby (Sonday at 8 pm I dress instead of playing with my model train), or thinking CDing as a hobby might help to feel more normal.

[Julie York]

If I had the time I'd reword every post and put smoking in place of CD.


We all know the 40 a day person and the one who has a cigar at Christmas and can take it or leave it.

Same deal. Same problem. Same chemistry.

[Calliope]

As far as finding it wrong to arrange your family around your dressing, that's what family is all about, arranging each other around your various lifestyles and interests.

I am of the opinion that the 'sacrifice' to family is an essential part of fem. When the kids come before your desires, then you have arrived. More important than the appearance stuff, in my opinion.

A hobby can be stoped at any time, can be changed, can be redirected etc.; CDing can not.

I would add a few other things in the 'beyond hobby' identification - such as artistic pursuit. When I realized I could never earn $ from my writing, I really wanted to stop. No go.

[Marla S]

If I had the time I'd reword every post and put smoking in place of CD.

Difference is that the one is harmful if done the other if not done.

So, I'd say it isn't an addiction either.

[Sarah Rabbit]

Sarah is not a hobby, but part of me. It is who I should have been had the 'XX's fully kicked In. I have no problem with people who can dress as a hobby, a bit like a 'Thespian', do your part then go home for the night, Sarah however will always be there to some degree or another, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sarah R.

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]While I love to dress, it doesn't consume me 24/7. I love my masculine side and my feminine side. My family comes first. Down time is so important to me because I like to access where I am and where I want to go. I have absolutely no desire to SRS.

Gennee[/SIZE]

[Teresa Amina]

Always interesting, that hobby idea. I really don't get it. Sure, you can call it a gender vacation or whatever, but it's a strange notion compared to the serious issues of gender identity that underlies CD for many of us. As some one has said this is just Me in here, no matter what I might be wearing, not a game of "let's pretend".

[tekla west]

As it turns out, people are different. Some take things too far, some not far enough. CD is the same deal, it can range from mild to wild. Look at all the posts, we have people in here who are to the right of Dick Cheney and others who find Berkeley too conservative. Wherever you fall in the spectrum, that's where you are.

[BlueKat]

Who do you think you are? To me your post was bashing people, who have had this desire since they were very young. This IS NOT a HOBBY for me. Where do you get your nerve to tell me to take a reality check ? You need the reality check ! I hope management deletes your post !

Lynn:
Maybe Tracy hit a bit too close to home for you? There was nothing at all that was "bashing" about her post.
Sounds like you're the one who may be in need of a big time reality check, not Tracy. Lighten up.

[jennifer easton]

I'M JUST IN IT FOR THE MONEY! eraa, wait wrong post! yes it's a hobby, but a special one, my GF knows about jennifer,and loves her, but loves JR to so for me things are good, Ive lost my train of thought, starting to ramble xoxoxoxojennifer