Exposed Tommorow

[Danielle2]

I have been a closer crossdresser most of my life. I have been married for over 20 years and while my wife knows of my activities she does not approve. Earlier this year, I found out she was going out of town for a couple of weeks. My mind immediately started planning my activities. The day after she left, I ordered new clothes, makeup, wigs, etc. Found a very sexy silver mini dress on the net. This time, I went all out including shaving my entire body. I even went out while dressed and filled my car with gas (oh my gosh, what a thrill). This brings up the trouble to ensue. Tommorow she is coming home. I don't think I can hide my hairless body so when she finds out, I am going to tell her everthing I did in great detail. I can only hope she will understand. Even better, maybe she will want to see my collection of clothes and will not insist that I discard them. Am I right or wrong? Either way, I am tired of being in the closet.

[Cherry Lynn]

Good luck, just hope you do not need it.

[Danielle2]

At this point, I know I am caught. The problem is do I hide my clothes tonight or hang them in the closet in plain view so I can go ahead with my lifes obession

[rosiegurl]

put them away somewhere out of the way, but not hidden, and don't make a big thing about it to her, let her ask the questions and she will lead you where she wants to go.

if she doesn't like it, don't shove it into her face and force her to listen to everything you did in great detail, that may force her further away from it. just, don't hide any of it, or lie about it, but let her lead the conversation

[Sarah Rabbit]

Agreed do not 'Shove it in her Face'. Take it easy with her, as her life is about to be turned on its ear. Be ready for the possible tears and a barrage of questions. Be ready with the right information.. All the best

Sarah R.

[Shelly Preston]

I agree if you are caught go at the pace your wife wants to go at.
It will be difficult but worth it in the end.

[RachelDenise]

Danielle, my advice is to go slow and do a lot of listening. You have to be ready for the worst but accept anything positive. Good luck.

[Joy Carter]

Totally agree she will need to slowly digest this because she will be in shock or just angry. Hate and anger will be her first responses and she will say many hurtful things just listen and let her have her rant. When things calm down just talk do not show her a thing she doesn't need any physical reminders of it. It's going to take some time maybe months to get this settled just go at her pace and be truthful. Be brave my sister and you will be the better for it.

[SherriePall]

Danielle -- Take it slow. Tell her, but don't give her all the details. As the others said, let her ask the questions. Go at her pace. Don't hang your clothes out in the open (that's like throwing it in her face.) And, if you love her, tell her. Reassure her.

[GabrielleS]

Hi Danielle,

I have to agree with the girls -- go slowly and let her ask the questions. Letting her ask the questions will keep you from saying more than you should (at least at first) and prevent you from putting the proverbial foot in the mouth.

Please let us know how things good.....and good luck

[ava_bruna]

Sad yes, but what a nice feeling to let it out, stop hiding and be free, yes it's easy to say and think but till we have all been there how would we feel? wishing you lusk and an understanding wife.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Cant hide your hairless body? But still WHY make a full "confession". Everybody knows That everybody does things in private (Like "pleasuring" oneself for example) that a spouse does not NEED (or likely want to) to know about. Im sure SHE has HER private activities too.

Indeed act like nothing is wrong. IF she notices, there is no need to lie, But remain non chalant. Say something like "Oh I dress as a woman in private every now and then." spoken like it was no big deal. IF she dosent laugh at your "Joke" (leaving you still on the hook), You might next reply with "I thought you knew"---quickly followed by "Sheesh its no big deal, not like I'm Gay or something"---The last phrase undermining any of her fears or arguements of "gayness" on your part, before she jumps to that conclusion.

Beyond this point, so long as you remain calm and unemotional, she might be so too---and it might open the door for some logical dialogue on the subject rather than a screamfest. I dont recommend going into much detail though, Only answer the questions she asks do not volinteer anything. If you make out like its a no big deal thing you sometimes do in private and pretend not to be upset, the onus not to be unduly upset or get emotional falls on the wife---forcing her to stay in control. IF you are LUCKY she wont get upset either, and do some research on her own.

[Wenda]

Lots of good advice already. Remember, God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth. Although you have this pent up inventory of emotions, experiences, desires and dreams, and want to tell her everything, and have hoped for a great response, that could be fantasy.
Really, really, really try to listen twice as much as you talk. And when you listen, really try to HEAR what she means. All the best, really hope it works out.

[BethCD]

Danielle, Not much I can add.....Yuor wife might enjoy your news, but it might also be the shock of her life. Be prepared for the latter, there might be talk of leaving you, etc. Don't tell her too much detail right away. That can come later, at a slow pace, as any gurl here with an accepting or tolerant SO will tell you. Baby steps is the best way to go.
Best of luck to you.
Please keep us posted, we're praying for you, Beth

[older not wiser]

Hi Hon, first off I wouldn't tell her everything that you did. This is much to much info for the first time. Second just telling her that you cross-dress will be more then enough info right now!!!! She may even know!!!! Good Luck sweetie you are going to need it.


Love; BonnieAnne :GE:

[Danielle2]

I want to thank each and everyone of you sweet girls for your kind advice. You have opened my eyes and I will LISTEN very carefully and not volunteer too much information. I just want to be totally open about my desires but that may not be possible quite yet.

I really think that deep down she expects me to dress when she is out of town but she still does not approve. Past discussions about my dressing have progressed to calm, rational conversations but I don't believe I was able to convey just how strong my feelings are. I will try to let everyone know how things went.

[Emeralddragon]

Well Im not sure if this will work but heres hows I see it possibly going down.

Definately DO NOT tell here everything that happened as it may be to mch to handle. Start off by bringing it up by way of say......

Bring in her stuff and put it out of the way put on a pot of tea/coffee.whatever and do all the usual manly OMG my wife has returned to me things you do when your SO comes back from a trip then you sit down with her with a slightly feminine pose. You ask her how things went discuss her trip in every detail and make sure she is relaxed. Then you start by bringing up EVERYTHING. Not about what you did while she was away but everything about your start in CDing and your feelings in the beginning and how they have changed over the years and how you have become the woman you are today. Be as descriptive about your feelings as possible. If you let her know exactly hw it was for you all these years she may be more willing to accept things easier. After all people like feeling as if there is a real connection between themselves and the thing there are being asked to consider.

Maybe Im being too hopeful and simplistic but thats how I see the night going. Nice and simple and relaxed as possible for both of you. Tell ere everyting without going into the nitty grittty of dressing itself unless she asks but make sure you finish the story of your emotional experience first even if you have to ask here to leave her questions until the end.

[Zelda Noe]

Hi Danielle2

I would take the slow route, listening route as the previous girls have suggested.

However, in case she reacts with anger or extreme anger, I'd hide your femme clothes away temporarily for now. Then if she reacts calmly, ask her personally about hanging the "femmies" in the closet as you first wanted to.

I wish you the best. I too am in the closet, my wife does not accept Crossdressing at all, period, no discussion. So...I hope her reaction to you is positive.

Dandy

[carol ann]

Please be very careful. If you know she doesn't approve then you are taking a big risk with your relationship if you just come straight out..

My advice is to take it very cautiously and only tell what is absolutely necessary unless you are given the green light - which seems doubtful.

You need to decide which is most important your marriage or your cross-dressing

[Janelle Young]

I agree with the rest of the girls. Don't leave your clothes out in the open, and if possible have plenty of time set a side to talk with her. Let her ask questions. The 'hey dear, guess what I did while you were gone' approach may not be the best one to try. Small steps are be better than big jumps, IMHO.

Good luck dear and please tell us how it turns out.

[Jean GG]

Danielle...how long have you been married??? Do you know your wife well enough to have some idea as to how she might react???

I think you should consider being humble when telling her anything about your weekend. I simpathyze with you and your needs and I think being genuine about your feelings and HERS gives you more leverage than pretending otherwise.

As a GG I assure you that I absolutely hate it when my husband only tells me the bare minimum, asks me about what I have done so he can ease me into what he has been up to, or pretends that certain things don't matter.

Your wife may be very different than me hence my comments may be totally invalid. I know when my husband is sincere, humble and recognizes both of our needs things are much easier on both of us. Good luck, jean

[Phoebe Reece]

Danielle, if you want out of the closet, be prepared to answer all questions your wife may have as honestly and completely as possible. Let her signal how much she wants to know. She may want to know everything and she may just want it out of sight and out of mind. I wouldn't hide the clothes, but I wouldn't spread them out all over the room to show them off either. Simply put them descretely away alongside your guy things. If she wants to see them, they will be easy enough for her to find.

One thing you may not have thought of regarding your now hairless body - That is to make sure it is still smooth and not covered with stubble when she arrives. My wife likes me to either be hairy or completely smooth and doesn't like that in between state. Very short body hair can be very prickly and uncomfortable against a womans skin. If your wife is looking for any bedroom activities with you after being away for a few weeks, you don't want to kill that with a scratchy surface.

[Nicola46]

Maybe you could open a bottle of wine or 2. Only hope you have better luck than me, Im afraid my wife thinks im a perv! :-(

[Danielle2]

Jean M,
Thank you very much for the comments as a GG. I have been married for nearly 30 years. I totally agree, I should not trick her into a conversation that I want to have. I believe honesty and open communication is the only possible answer. After all, she will be open and honest as most GG's are.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Danielle, you're gonna have some 'xplaining to do. I don't think a sudden loss of body hair is something she'll miss.

For what it's worth, Helen Boyd (author of the excellent, "My Husband Betty" and upcoming "She's Not the Man I Married") has concluded after talking to lots of couples that the key factor in whether the relationship survives is whether the partner feels any control over the situation -- i.e. partners feel that they're input is respected and considered valuable by their partner, and that they've got a say in what happens next, whether that's going out in public or whether what body mods might occur and when, who to tell -- and if surgical transition is felt needed, things like how much money to save if there's a job risk, perhaps allowing time for the partner to build a career if they've been out of the workforce etc.

Too often partners are seen as speed bumps on the way to a trans person's ideal life (whether that's a CD dressing when they feel like it, or a TS transitioning) and overlooking that -- especially if the partner wasn't told ahead of time -- they're someone who's life is also going through major changes.

Which is a long way of saying that she may be fairly upset by your shaving. Likewise, going out without her knowledge could be very scary to her. So you'd be wise to acknowledge that doing so unilaterally wasn't fair to her.

Yes, I know you've felt confined, but the reality is you're changing the dynamics of the relationship and "shoving it in her face" probably will backfire. OTOH, the "death of a 1,000 cuts" by gradually pushing for more and more rightfully causes a lot of problems for partners, since they don't really know where's it going to end.

So I'd suggest being clear about your ideal end-state is -- whether that's going out in public, being out, whatever. But be prepared to discuss whether that's something she can live with -- and if she can, how when and where you reach that end state in a way that both of you can live with. If she can't live with it -- even after giving her time to adjust -- then you'll have to decide whether your crossdressing or your relationship is more important.